Chapter 19 Chapter Nineteen Thank You For Tolerating

"I want to plant a plum tree in that corner of the yard, and plant honeysuckle here. The honeysuckle in the yard of our hometown is blooming very fragrantly." "It's all up to you. It's better to plant some more roses, so that you don't have to go out to buy them on Valentine's Day in the future. Maybe you can sell flowers to make a little money." "You lost money, Xiang Xinyang." "What's so good about money eyes? I just want to fall into your heart and stay in it for the rest of my life." Xie Nan mechanically watched the workers put away the tools, mechanically signed the order for confirmation, and mechanically listened to Master Zhao explaining the daily maintenance methods.After they all got into the car, she remembered to chase after them to ask the price. Master Zhao said, "The money has already been paid."

"I just want to know the exact price." Master Zhao flipped through the receipt in his hand and told her a number. She nodded and said, "Thank you, goodbye." She stood leaning on the courtyard door, looked at the completely unfamiliar courtyard, took out her mobile phone and called Gao Rubing to ask for Xiang Xinyang's number. Yang, Ding Xinyang answered immediately. "Hi Xiang Xinyang, I'm Xie Nan." "Nannan, hello." Ding Xinyang's voice was clearly agitated. "Let's meet, see if it's convenient for you? Well, yes, yes, at five o'clock, it's still the Green Door Cafe."

She put away the phone, ran upstairs to get her bag, and then came down to start her car. Yu Mucheng's car was driving in. She turned on the light for her, and she rolled down the window and said in a hurry, "Mu Cheng, I have something urgent , go out for a while, don't wait for me to eat, chicken soup is stewed in the purple casserole." "Drive carefully," Yu Mucheng told her, she nodded in agreement, started the car and left. Yu Mucheng parked his car and was about to go home, when he turned his head and saw Xie Nan's yard by accident, he was a little surprised.Walking over to take a closer look, he thought, this is definitely not a job that Xie Nan can complete in a day, but it is done by a professional company, with a sense of planning. I don't know how this awkward child figured it out and decided not to be mean to himself.

Xie Nan drove out, first found an ATM machine to withdraw money, and then went straight to the Green Door Cafe, Xiang Xinyang waited there first this time, she took off her coat and sat down, took out the money from her bag and pushed it in front of him . "Xinyang, this is the money for the greening of the yard, please give me the invoice." Xiang Xinyang's face darkened: "Nannan, is that why you asked me to come out?" "You're making it hard for me, Xinyang." Xie Nan called him by his first name and last name from the very beginning, even when he was very intimate.This kind of address has the atmosphere of the student days, and he is used to it.Now she suddenly called him "Xinyang", which seemed polite and distant.

"I'm sorry, Nan Nan, I don't mean anything else, I just can't bear to see that it's spring and you still face a yard overgrown with weeds all day long." Xie Nan raised her head to look at him, and found that he had lost a lot of weight, and her expression was filled with pain. Her heart was also tight, and she could only bite the bullet: "Xinyang, I appreciate your kindness. But I can't say no more. Once, you have to accept the money. I thought I should have made it clear last time that our lives really can no longer have such intersections. You have a wife and I have a boyfriend, and I cherish the life I have now. "

"I can't forget you, Nannan. I struggled hard and wanted to tell myself that I could only make that choice. After making a choice, I should be rational and responsible to others and myself. I did exactly that. But once I come back here, all my hard work will be in vain, I can't bear to see you living so alone in that empty house, all this is my fault, I hope I can make it up to you." "Do we have to make ourselves the protagonist of the tragedy, Xinyang? It's the past, who can make up for who, and who needs whose make up." "Yes, I know that I can't make up for you. Your youth was just delayed by me. I just left a sentence to make you forget that I lived a good life, and then ran to get married. You are so stubborn, you don't want to Accept my help, and change the loan repayment account by myself, only one person is holding on. I know you must have had a hard time these years."

For the first time, Xie Nan felt desolate. The man in front of her, who was stuck in the past, was her lover who had been in love for three years. At that time, he was youthful and charming. Time turned him into a man with a gloomy temperament. Taking a closer look, she was terrified. Under the light, there were sporadic white hairs on Xiang Xinyang's temples. She reached out and held his hand, looking at him sincerely. "Xinyang, please don't make my life so miserable. Yes, I didn't get married until today, but it's none of your business. I had a boyfriend, but I just didn't think it was suitable, so I broke up. Now I have a new boyfriend, and we get along really well. I'm no more miserable or tired than anyone else in this city."

"You are always so kind." Xiang Xinyang smiled bitterly, "I know you never want to embarrass me." Xie Nan was tired and helpless, she couldn't do anything about this non-communicative conversation, she pushed the money over a bit: "Do me a favor, please accept this money, we will never meet or contact each other again, That's good for you and me." "Nan Nan, do you know? For the past seven years, I have been thinking about you all the time." Xiang Xinyang's eyes seemed to look past her in front of him and see the distance, "I went to work in a strange city and tried to convince myself to accept the reality. , hoping to start life again, but I can't. Tang Linglin is very good to me, but every day I see her, I think, the life I want is not like this. I once had an agreement with a girl, had Very specific plan, we want to buy a big house with a yard, plant plum trees and honeysuckle, raise a border collie, walk by the lake hand in hand when we have time, drink Maojian from her hometown, listen to her play the piano for me listen."

Xie Nan looked at him in despair, she only knew that the past and love would come up to disturb her mind at certain lonely moments, but she never thought that Xiang Xinyang was so addicted to the past. "You are acting like this, it's not fair to yourself or your wife." She thought, it's absurd that she would actually pretend to be a psychiatrist to enlighten others, God knows how fragile her balance is, but she had no choice but to grit her teeth Going on, "We can only accept unchangeable facts..." She finished her speech and tried to organize the words in her heart, Xiang Xinyang smiled wryly.

"Yes, that's how I comforted myself. I had no choice. My home, my father's company, and my eldest brother were hanging in my mind at the time. I couldn't afford the price, so I had to sacrifice you. But do Making a choice does not convince oneself to accept all the consequences.” "It's really unnecessary, Xinyang, you have wasted seven years regretting a decision you made, but I have admitted it a long time ago. In fact, this decision must be made by anyone else. You can turn around and say nothing to me now. It doesn't make sense, we are responsible for our own lives."

"Yes, we can only do this." Xiang Xinyang sighed silently, looked down at the coffee in front of him, and was silent for a while, then he suddenly asked, "Nannan, your boyfriend...does he love you?" ?” Xie Nan was stopped by this straightforward question, a little panic flashed across his face.Of course, Yu Mucheng's love words were sweet and his caresses were gentle, but he never spoke of love to her directly, and she was never sure about him. "Are you not sure about your current relationship?" "No, Xinyang, don't guess. He is very good to me, I have a good time with him, and I cherish the time in front of me. Please don't ask me this question again, and I will not ask about your life, everyone cherishes it Just fine." Xiang Xinyang was silent for a while, and put away the money on the table: "I understand, Nannan. Please live a good life and don't wrong yourself. I won't bother you again." After leaving the cafe, it was completely dark. Xie Nan got into the car first. From the rearview mirror, he could see that Xiang Xinyang was standing on the sidewalk watching her, with a focused and calm expression.She didn't dare to look any further, and hurriedly started the car and left. She was restless and didn't want to go home to face Mu Cheng, so she drove around a few intersections indiscriminately, and went to the small noodle shop last time, ordered a bowl of wontons, and ate slowly. After she came out, she drove around the city aimlessly, not knowing what she was going to do. She thought she had let go of the past, and she also confidently asked Xiang Xinyang to let go, which made her seriously doubt how much she knew about others and herself. The city outside the car window has no daytime hustle and bustle. In the rolling traffic, no one will notice where others are going.Xie Nan turned on the radio, and a gentle female voice was babbling over the emotional problems that the audience had written about. "...Does he (she) really love me? I'm confused, I'm not sure about this relationship, and I don't know whether I should continue." The host paused, "The above-mentioned listener, your confusion, I can understand that everyone hesitates when faced with choices. In fact, the beginning and end of a relationship are never arranged by others. Each of our experiences is unique to us. From my point of view, I suggest Everyone acts rationally, but sometimes, we can only listen to our hearts. Next, I will present you an old song by You Hongming: "Subway"." Xie Nan had heard this song a long time ago, but today the host played a jazz version, which was not so sad.Next, the host will read the letters from the audience, all of which are the emotional entanglements of men and women in the world. After reading a letter, he will say a comment full of compassion and admonishment, and then play a lingering and sad love song. Xie Nan listened to this program for the first time, and it was really amazing. There are so many idiots in this city, and different stories are staged every day. How can there be so many new things under the sun.Or maybe it's nothing new than men and women, nothing new, but you are just touching yourself. It seems that other people's drinks can also pour out the lumps in their chests.Xie Nan rolled down the window, let the cold wind blow on his face, and gradually calmed down a lot.She thought that she was indeed struggling with herself again.Pulling herself together, she turned to the way home. After returning home, Xie Nan stood on the stairs and said hello to Yu Mucheng who was in the study on the second floor, and then went back to his room to take a shower.Standing in the bathroom, she raised her face for a long time, letting the warm water from the shower wash over her, but the water couldn't follow her chaotic thoughts.She changed into her pajamas and came out, it was almost the time she usually went to bed, but sitting with her knees hugged against the head of the bed, she suddenly had no hope of sleeping tonight.She thought for a while and walked to the second floor. Yu Mucheng is looking at the quotation document of the marketing department on the second floor. He has complicated views on Manager Wu of the marketing department. His shortcomings can only be regarded as a matter of ability. On the one hand, this person has good communication skills and public relations skills, and has excellent communication skills with customers Strong; on the other hand, there is indeed a lack of technology, and the connection and cooperation with the technology and production departments has never been smooth, but it is really too difficult to find someone who fully suits your requirements. He rubbed his temples with a headache, looked up, and saw Xie Nan standing at the door of the study, this was the first time she walked into his study while he was working, standing at the door with a very hesitant look.Yu Mucheng put down the document and smiled happily: "Come here, baby." Xie Nan walked over, and he pulled her to sit on his lap, buried his head on her neck and smelled the fragrance of her body after bathing. "Tired? Why doesn't your face look good? I'll see if I can come back early tomorrow and go out to watch a movie with you." "I'm fine, let's talk after you finish your work," Xie Nan looked at Yu Mucheng, he looked a little tired, she stood up, walked behind him, and massaged his shoulders and neck.She used to practice the piano for a long time, and her fingers were quite nimble and strong. She kneaded his stiff muscles one after another, which greatly benefited him. Yu Mucheng tilted his head back, half closed his eyes and sighed comfortably: "Okay, it's so comfortable." He pulled her back to sit on his lap and kissed her hand. "Uh, that... have you seen my yard?" "I see." Yu Mucheng casually played with her hair, "But, didn't I say that I'll get it for you when I'm free? Baby, you're too capable." Xie Nan turned to face him on his lap: "I don't have that superpower, it's not me, Mu Cheng." She was determined to face the mess frankly, but calmed down, "That's my ex-boyfriend called The gardening company came to do it, and I didn't know it beforehand." Yu Mucheng was a little surprised. He digested this sentence and frowned slightly: "Did he do this without your consent? It's a bit too self-confident." "The people from the gardening company came in the morning. I... thought it was you who asked them to come, so I didn't ask carefully." "I have to admit, it's no wonder you think so, it's very similar to my style." Yu Mucheng rubbed his chin and smiled wryly, "You're so unlucky, Nannan, all the boyfriends at the booth seem to be like this." His attitude made Xie Nan feel a little more relaxed: "I went to return the money to him just now, please don't do this again." "Well, just pay it back." Yu Mucheng said lightly, "But you must tell him clearly that you already have a boyfriend, and it will definitely not be convenient for him to do these things in the future." The domineering in his plain tone made Xie Nan not know what to say, he paused for a while before stammering: "I...I told him, yes, it was...very clear. " But Yu Mucheng continued to laugh and said: "Actually, I'm very jealous. He can know what flowers you like with such confidence. I asked you, but you just sent me away." He stared at her, there was something in his eyes that made Xie Nan feel that he couldn't look at each other, but his tone was a little teasing as always, which made her relieved, she looked down at her twisted hands, and said with a wry smile: " I have nothing to do with him, and we have broken up for many years. Forget it, I know you don’t need any explanation from me, and you won’t mind. You can work, I’ll go to bed first, and you will also go to bed early later. " Yu Mucheng watched her walk out of the study, but he was not in the mood to read the documents anymore.Does he not mind?Actually, he doesn't mind.But Xie Nan naturally thought that he didn't take all this to heart, and at the same time he was relieved that he didn't care.He thought, there must be something wrong with one of them. He walked up to the terrace connected to the study, and looked down at Xie Nan's yard. It was dark and nothing fancy could be seen below.He remembered that she was also in this position last autumn, when she saw Xie Nan send away a man who drove a Volvo, standing there for a long time in the deserted yard with his hands on the gate, and then slowly walked back to the living room with his shoulders slumped. He couldn't bear it. On the second day of Valentine's Day, there was a bouquet of bright red tulips on the coffee table at her house. Seeing him notice the flowers, she felt uncomfortable.Is it that man? The wind in early March was still chilly, he was wearing only a thin long-sleeved T-shirt, standing with arms crossed, thinking about the woman in the bedroom downstairs, what was she thinking at this moment?Did she really walk out of that past? When he went downstairs, Xie Nan had already gone to bed and fell asleep.When she sleeps, she is always wrapped tightly in the quilt, and her body is slightly curled up sideways, which is said to be an insecure position.On the wide bed, her figure looked petite and thin.He stood by the door in a complicated mood, and after a while, he went upstairs to sleep. Xie Nan tossed and turned, finally fell asleep.I don't know how long it took, but she still woke up suddenly, her heart was beating wildly, she turned on the desk lamp and looked at her watch, it was only a few minutes before four o'clock, she turned off the light, lay down again, and looked at it without any sleepiness. ceiling. She still wakes up early during this time, but most of them are around five o'clock when Yu Cheng comes down soon.She thought bitterly, it was so easy to become dependent.The balance that I persisted in for a long time and worked so hard to maintain collapsed so quickly.She buried her head in the pillow, and there seemed to be Yu Mucheng's breath on the pillow.Before, she woke up and just lay quietly waiting for the dawn, but today she just felt that the silence of the early morning was unbearably long. She lifted the quilt and got out of bed, found her slippers in the dark and walked out of the bedroom, hesitated for a moment, this room was still unfamiliar to her, she let her eyes get used to the darkness, walked up the stairs with the handrail, and came to Yu Mucheng's room . Yu Mucheng's bedroom door was not closed. Standing at the door, he could be seen lying stretched in the middle of the bed, with the quilt only covering his chest and one arm hanging outside.She walked over, gently climbed onto the bed, tried not to disturb him, and got into his quilt. Yu Mucheng slept soundly, but he didn't respond at all. Xie Nan put her face on his shoulder little by little, touched the material of his pajamas, and breathed a sigh of relief, only then realized that she had been gritting her teeth, and her cheeks felt a little sore. Well, I am attached to him, Xie Nan admits to himself, and it doesn't seem difficult to admit this, let him think whatever he wants, whatever happens in the future, what I want is the warmth in front of me. She pressed her face closer to his body, feeling his body temperature, his body was tight under the pajamas, and the muscles in her arms were elastic. She closed her eyes and let herself sink into the darkness. Yu Mucheng's cell phone started to ring at 5 o'clock dutifully, he reached out to press it sleepily, and was about to get up and go downstairs, when he found Xie Nan beside him.He hugged her and kissed her forehead lightly. "Don't wake yourself up so early in the future." Xie Nan said in a low voice, "I'm going to wake up anyway, I'll come up." "This ringtone is really disturbing. If it weren't for it, when I woke up and touched you, I would have thought I had a dream similar to Liaozhai." "I'm sorry." She buried her head on his chest and said vaguely. He hugged her a little tighter, and whispered in her ear, "Why do you have to apologize again?" "Thank you for always tolerating my awkwardness and selfishness." "It's awkward, maybe a little bit," Yu Mucheng smiled softly, "But selfish, where do you start? If you were a little more selfish, you might not be awkward." Xie Nan didn't say a word, just leaned on his chest and listened to his heart beating regularly and steadily. Yu Mucheng continued calmly: "I don't like both, dear, I mean apology and thanks. I want you to act rashly in front of me." But I seem to have passed the time of acting rashly forever, Xie Nan thought.She didn't say anything, she just reached into his pajamas and stroked his body.In the slight morning light, her face was hanging in front of his eyes, her hair fluttered down and fluttered on his face, her soft body was lying on his body, so light that it seemed weightless, yet it moved him so truly.He hugged her tightly, gave up consciousness, and kissed her heavily.