Chapter 33 second quarter

From the moment he heard the news of the collapse of the front line, Ma Kuo's accumulated anger of the past few days suddenly exploded.He completely lost his usual self-control and calm consideration.With a superhuman willpower, he inspired himself, supported himself, and went to the front to die.He didn't have a clear purpose in doing this. He didn't think of any practical benefits his actions would bring to others, and he didn't consider whether it was beneficial to the overall situation.At this time, there was only one idea in his mind, in this vast world, only the front line was where he could live and work—a body that was about to be destroyed and a life without a future.That is his only fulcrum now, go there to die, die in the hands of the enemy, die on a land that has not been trampled by the enemy cavalry, let the Khitan see the soldiers of the Song Dynasty and know when and where What a way to fight to the death.Other than that, he has no other requirements.

The war against Liao has been the center of his life for several years, and all his activities, military, political and other aspects revolve around this center.His life, his hopes and ideals, his thoughts and feelings are all placed in this splendid pavilion.Once he realizes that this is just a castle in the air, a mirage, about to collapse or disappear, his most intuitive reaction is to make every effort to save it and keep it out of danger. this purpose.But when all efforts have failed, when the castle has collapsed and his shoulders can no longer hold it up, then let it crush itself and crush it into dust.It's like the captain who has been operating on a sea ship for a long time. Once encountering a typhoon and raging waves, when he tried all kinds of methods and failed to rescue it, he asked other crew members to escape, and he himself stood upright with his hands crossed. Under the impact of the torrent, he was willing to sink with the ship in the evil waves of the mountains and walls.Not that he was less able to escape than his crew, but the fulcrum of his life was broken, the center of his life was destroyed, his heart was broken.He didn't intend to seek death, but living meant nothing to him anymore.

A person who props up his life with a certain ideal, once the ideal is shattered, will have such thoughts and feelings.They are not the weak, but the strongest of the strong. Because he was the real party involved in the war against Liao, he was the captain of the ship.In this regard, the officials, the governors, and the envoys are not as authoritative as he has. This kind of mood is rather natural than tragic, and joyous rather than painful.He chose such a good place as the place where the bones were exposed, and the incessant torrential rain was composed as a funeral music, and the countless characters that quickly appeared in his mind formed a procession for him, to wash everything away with death. Resentment and shame, using death to erase the pain of seeing this castle completely collapsed, isn't this a very natural and very happy thing?Isn't this his best destination as a soldier?

The closer he got to his destination, the closer he got to the enemy's pursuers, the more he saw that our retreat and crowding improved.At this time, Yuxiu has brought him to the forefront where it is easier to gallop. He gallops forward like a cloud and fog, without spending much time thinking about how to deal with what is about to happen in front of him-anyway, he is going to die, as long as he gets the price to die in It is fine in the enemy's hands, and any method of death is fine.Instead, he recalled many distant past events and people who had little or nothing to do with reality.

He recalled the three years of frequent diplomatic activity leading up to the war, and many strange and unusual characters flashed vividly before his eyes for a moment. The first thing he thought of was of course the one who liked to fight in public (it was quite difficult to captivate his narrow horseshoe sleeves for riding and shooting), showing off his scars to show off his bravery. Wan Yan Aguda.Aguda has every right to show off, because he created a dynasty.But this kind of floating personality has never been attractive, and it is not easy to gain people's respect.There were also such people in the Western Army, and he despised them very much.But the strange thing is that he himself doesn't know why he feels cautious or even awe-inspiring when he gets close to Wanyan Aguda.This is not because of his emperor's power and status, there must be a special temperament in him that attracts him, but he can't tell what this temperament is.

There was also the fat and rude eldest prince Nianhan who threatened the negotiating envoys with soldiers and sticks at every turn. He was Aguda's nephew.Ma Kuo really had reason to look down on him.Because of his repeated threats, Ma Kuo never had any actual effect on him.In political negotiations, unfulfilled threats are as much a loser as unfulfilled promises, losing some of their prestige each time.Although Ma Kuo knew that he was really good at using soldiers. He thinks that the most terrifying thing is the second prince who is tall and tall, born like a steeple pagoda, but very gentle and friendly when talking and socializing.There is no more stark contrast than these two first cousins: one fat, one lanky; one rough, one calm; one revealing, one restrained;They are good partners on the battlefield, but they are inseparable in diplomacy.Ma Kuo made Jin the most contact with him, and found that he had a desire to get close to him and even establish a friendship, but he didn't know whether it was out of sincerity or due to diplomatic needs.Looking back now, there was also that thrilling scene where the two of them connected their bridles and rode up the mountain to hunt a tiger, and Wu Libu intentionally let him off the horse, allowing him to win the first prize.

At this time, there was a deer cry in his ears.This is what Wuli did not teach him.When the Jurchens were hunting deer, they would blow on a blade of grass to imitate the yo-yo sound of the deer, attracting the deer to come. There is also the fourth prince, Wu Shu, who is young but has a full beard.He had attended his wedding, and in his impression, Wu Shu was a firm, composed, yet cunning person, once he had dealings with him, he would never be forgotten. These people appeared so abruptly, should they be allowed to form his funeral procession?No, he doesn't need them to hold the whisk, he would rather have some close personalities to accompany him.

He recalled that on the night of the Lantern Festival this year, he and Liu Kai had a long talk about the affairs of the world, all night long, and the speculation was so deep that they didn't realize that the east was white.How heroic they were at that time! Then he thought of what had happened recently, and thought of the brotherly Zhao Jie, who carried him in and out behind the enemy's rear without paying attention to the enemy's interrogation at all.Unexpectedly, they met Niu Lanjun, the officer's mouse eyes were so sharp that they seemed to be able to see through their hearts. There was almost trouble that day, but it was thanks to Brother Zhao who dealt with Yu Ru and saved the day.He has indeed gained a lot of experience and knowledge when he was with brother Zhao, and he is another friend besides brother Liu Qi.Now he and the young Shazhen brothers who are a little bit childish and are very attached to him don't know where they are?

Then, not on his own initiative, he suddenly thought of the graceful Empress Xiao, and she congratulated graciously: "Xuan Zan's exploration of Li Dezhu, you're done, it's a worthwhile trip." As a symbol of his victory, the "Lilong Skewer" was stuffed into the palm of his hand, but some kind of force that he couldn't control made the victory that had already been obtained slip through his fingers. So many regrets! At this moment, his understanding is obviously very weak.He is trying to remember what is the power that he cannot control?He thought for a long time, but still couldn't get a clear answer.His thoughts were so chaotic, for a while he thought of Liu Fan, and for a while he thought of Zhong Shidao who was mixed in the retreating army.In the memory, the distance of time and space disappears, and the old events in the early years are very clear, but what happened just yesterday has become very far away.He tried his best to think about it, and then remembered the situation where Liu Ziyu argued with him yesterday, and remembered his angry expression during the argument.A new question popped up: "Yanxiu is also an old friend for many years. Why was the argument so fierce yesterday? Could it be that I have something to feel sorry for him?" He took it lightly, and took a more conciliatory attitude towards his old friend. He couldn't understand the reason for the angry look on Liu Yanxiu's face.But the answer to the first question, which was much more important than this, suddenly popped up simply and clearly, as if he had tried unsuccessfully to open the rusty keyhole many times, and suddenly touched the mechanism to open it.He suddenly saw that bright-eyed (his eyes had a deep azure blue like the blue sea that he had never seen before), heroic and frank, the victor Yelu who had talked with him for more than an hour in the Xincheng Hotel Dashi.Yes, I found the answer, it was this Yelu Dashi who snatched the string of "Lilong Skewers" from his palm, it was him, this Yelu Dashi who wiped out the mirage built with the ideals of thousands of people .Thinking of Yelu Dashi gave him a sense of humiliation as a loser.His trip was to seek revenge on him.But it may not be sure to find him.

All these memories flashed on the screen in his head in succession but incoherence.He felt that his thoughts had never been so clear and quick (in fact, this was his illusion).One by one, those memories jumped into his screen with such vivid and obvious images, and then jumped out again quickly, giving way to new memories.Friends, partners, negotiating opponents and enemies, kindness and hatred, friendship and hatred occupy his ideological position.They come and go without calling, and they come and go freely. Suddenly, a piece of hail the size of a fist hit his breastplate, then slid onto the horse's back and fell to the ground, making a pleasant clanging sound all the way.His memory is like a wobbling magnetic needle, which is pulled by a little external factor and immediately points in a new direction.From this voice, he thought of the plain armor, and from the plain armor, he thought of its giver.Taishan's serious expression appeared, and he thought of every word Taishan told him so solemnly when he left Tokyo: "When you are in danger, my son-in-law, you must follow the example of your elder brother and second brother. Don't insult them." Now he was going to do what Tai Shan asked him to do, but he didn't know if what he was doing now had something to do with Tai Shan's instructions, because he didn't think of Tai Shan's instructions before he decided to die.

But now in connection with this sentence, a strong sense of family suddenly came to my heart.He thought of his father, mother, brother and his own childhood that had not appeared in his wild thoughts until now.It was a very distant thing, but when I think about it, it seems to be close in front of my eyes.As long as you step hard on the left stirrup, the horse will naturally turn to the right. This trick was taught by the second elder brother. With such a friendly expression, the second elder brother told him that when it comes to battle, how can there be room for him? Take the reins?But this simple trick is not so easy to do.At that time, he tried several times without success, and suddenly found the key trick from the second brother's demonstration movements. He succeeded in one attempt, and both of them were overjoyed. What care is in this teaching!Thinking of this, his heart suddenly softened. Then he thought of seeing off his mother and Erniang in Tokyo, and the sad smile on Erniang's face.This last memory seemed to be a scar carved on his heart by a knife. When he thought of it, he unconsciously touched the painful place.Then he remembered his words to comfort her: "Little Ju'er, don't cry, I will come back to see you properly." Only when he now clearly realized that this promise could not be fulfilled did he think painfully that he had never treated her like his mother expected him to.He knew what Qiniang expected of him.He is not a person who gives affection, but out of a wrong estimate, he only stores a large amount of this affection in his luggage, blindly believing that one day he will find an opportunity to dump his mother Everything needed is completely delivered to her.Now that the situation has changed drastically, not only is it impossible for him to hand over the things in his pocket to her, but it is even impossible for him to let her know that he has such a rich pocket. He is also afraid that he will give her the illusion that he is A husband who is stingy with his affection has endless resentment.This really made him feel deep-rooted remorse—Jiangniang always thought that her husband was a "person without remorse", which is understood from another perspective. In fact, he did not know how many times he had committed crimes in his life. He regretted making a mistake, but he restrained himself from showing this feeling. If objective force destroys his moral obligation, there is no regret at all, but if he does make a subjective mistake and cause pain to himself and others, he should admit his mistake and distinguish draw the difference between the two. He really felt guilty about Qiniang.Especially when he can't make up for this loss, he feels that a permanent negative mark will be drawn on his dying life.

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