Chapter 4 (3) Lost on the ancient post road

It's cold today.After dinner, I went upstairs again to put on the slap gloves Ah Yuan knitted for me.Going downstairs, I suddenly saw Ah Yuan standing by the counter.She called "Mother", more gentle and affectionate than usual.She had just been here two days ago, and for some reason she came again.She said: "Mom, I'm on a long vacation, and the doctor said that my old illness has relapsed." She moved her right index finger—she suffered from knuckle tuberculosis when she was a child, and recuperated for nearly a year. "This time it's in the lumbar spine, I have to be hospitalized." She moved closer to me, leaned on me and said, "I want to see my father, but my back hurts so much that I can't bend, I can't walk, I can only stand. Now Lao Wei ( My son-in-law) took me to the hospital. The hospital is at the foot of the West Mountain, where the air is very good. The doctor said that after half a year to a year of recuperation, I will be fully recovered. I came here to tell my father to rest assured. Lao Wei is waiting at the back door Me, he wants to see Mom too." She reminded me again, "Mom, don't go out the back door. Our car is waiting outside." The store opened the back door for us.I helped her walk slowly.My son-in-law said a few words to me outside the door, and he reassured me.I stood at the back door and watched him protect Yuanyuan's waist and get into a car waiting on the side of the road.Yuanyuan rolled down the glass on the car window, took off her gloves, stretched out a small white hand, and just waved.I watched her car go far away and returned to the inn, and the back door was closed immediately.In a daze, I walked up the post road from the front door alone.

The post road is covered with fallen leaves, you can't see the road clearly, so you have to walk carefully.I wondered whether I should tell Zhongshu or keep it from him.You can't hide it, I have to tell, Yuanyuan specially asked me to tell Dad. Zhongshu was already waiting for me, maybe a little angry, he closed his eyes on purpose and ignored me.I sat cross-legged in front of his bed as usual, and said slowly, "Ah Yuan came to ask me to pass a few words to Dad just now." He immediately opened his eyes wide.I conveyed Yuan's words to him in a tactful way, emphasizing that the doctor said that he would be able to fully heal after recuperating for six months to a year.I said: In the past, there was no medicine to cure it, but now there is medicine. If you rest for half a year to a year, you will be completely cured.Ah Yuan told her father to rest assured.

Zhongshu didn't speak for a long time after listening.Then, he said to my surprise: "The bad things turned into good things, she can have a good rest. When she is done, she can also take off the burden." This also gave me great comfort.Because Ah Yuan is chubby and has a flushed face, no one will let her rest; now that she is sick, she can no longer push herself.It should be a good thing to rest early. We quietly recalled the old things: Ah Yuan’s one or two illnesses when he was a child, past fatigue, past worries, past hopes... I held Zhongshu’s hand, and he shook mine, as if telling me not to worry.

On the way back to the inn, I was very preoccupied.Ah Yuan is in the hospital, where can I find her?I have to find her.I have to have a very tiring dream.I went to bed without taking a few mouthfuls of food.I became a very heavy dream. My dream ran outside the back door of the inn, and the little white hand seemed to be beckoning me.In a trance, I can always see her little white hand in front of my eyes.Xishan can be seen even in the dark.I searched all the way.Tsinghua Garden, Yuanmingyuan, I am familiar with those areas. I am chanting Ayuan and Ayuan, and that little white hand is waving in front of me.I finally found her hospital, among the pines and cypresses.

Entering the courtyard gate, I saw a memorial archway under the light. It turned out that I walked into a cemetery.No, I'm having a nightmare.But when I turned a corner, I saw a small bungalow, and Ah Yuan's little white hand beckoned me.I entered Ah Yuan's ward through the door and window.I saw her lying flat on a bed covered with a white sheet, covered with a thick quilt, and without a pillow.The bed appeared to be very hard.There are two beds in the room.The other empty bed was slightly smaller, unlike a hospital bed, it was probably for the accompanying person to sleep on.There are doctors and nurses busy beside her, and my son-in-law is gone.There were two vases of flowers in the room, and a bouquet of flowers that had not been untied. The doctor and the nurse talked softly, then walked out of the ward together and walked into an office.I wanted to follow up and listen to what they had to say, but I couldn't.When I went back to Ah Yuan's ward, Ah Yuan was sleeping obediently with her eyes closed.I snuggle her, I pat her, but she doesn't know it.

I was not too tired, so I rushed to Xishicao again, and heard my son-in-law talking with his mother, saying that he was lucky to bring the thick quilt, and he said that he wanted to install a telephone for Ah Yuan's bedside, and also ordered a refrigerator.Nursing care is entrusted to the cleaners tonight, and an aunt surnamed Liu has already been appointed.I went back to Ah Yuan, she was already fast asleep, I was too tired to move, stopped by her bedside and disappeared. I opened my eyes and was on the bed in the inn.Can I really become a dream, following Yuan beckoning my hand, to find Yuan in the hospital?Is there such a thing?I think Yuan is just someone in my dream.She took small steps towards her mother in pain and leaned on her body. I could feel the pain in her waist; I could also feel that she was reluctant to leave her mother to go to the hospital, and she was reluctant to leave me alone on the ancient post road.But I only hugged her waist, walked slowly to the back door, and handed her over to my son-in-law.She got into the car and bent over to sit down. It must have been very painful, but she still rolled down the glass on the car window, took off her gloves, and waved her hand to her mother. She was very attached.My Yuan, my only daughter, is always on my mind, and I can't get rid of it in my sleep and dreams, so I created a dream and saw Yuan.Should I be dreaming?I'm really not sure if my dream is real or not.I don't believe I can find her hospital.

I arrived on Zhongshu's boat as usual, and he was waiting for me.I held his hand, and it was hot.Touch his forehead, it is also hot.Zhong Shu had a fever, and Ah Yuan also had a fever, that's all I knew for sure. I used to tell him how Yuan was at home every day.This time, I described to him the hospital room of Ayuan I saw in my dream. I also said that my son-in-law was planning to install a phone next to her bed, asked for a refrigerator for her, and so on.Zhongshu never asked me how I knew these things.He was only in a boat on the ancient post road. Outside the post road, of course I know about the family affairs over there.I seem to be at home, but he has left home.What I told him was all about the family over there.He listened with concern.

He didn't say anything, but he was thinking about Yuan just like me.I talked to him about Yuan I saw in my dream every day.Despite his fever and weakness, he always listened with concern. I dream every night, and I am in Yuan's ward every night.The phone was already installed, next to the bed.There are more and more flowers in her room.Aunt Liu slept on the small bed, and she called A Yuan Professor Qian, but A Yuan forbade her to call her Professor, so she called her Teacher Qian.Aunt Liu and Teacher Qian get along very well.Doctors and nurses are very kind to Qian Yuan.They called her Qian Yuan.

The standard of the hospital is not high, and it cannot be compared with the hospital where Zhong Shu performed the operation.But in a small hospital, the management is not strict, it is relatively chaotic, and it can be said that it is very free.Because every time I go to Ah Yuan’s hospital, it’s always at night, and my son-in-law is no longer there. I become a dream, not afraid of getting tired, and always running back and forth, looking at Yuanyuan here, and going there to listen to my son-in-law. conversation.I know Yuan's situation well.Although I am not sure whether I can really become a dream, whether I can see the real Yuan, maybe I am only in a dream, and all I see is Yuan in my dream.But I heeded the warning of the station.I dare not ask Zhongshu any questions, I can only tell him what he cares about, and I will tell Zhongshu what I saw in my dream one by one.

I told him that there was a big refrigerator in Ah Yuan's room because there were no smaller ones.Neighbors wanted to borrow refrigerators, and Ah Yuan let people borrow them, and made a few friends through it.Next door to her is a "big money" who is the manager of a certain hotel. Before being admitted to the hospital, the room was refurbished and equipped with a microwave oven and an electric stove; his wife is called Xiao Ma, who brings fresh vegetables every day and cooks dinner for her husband.Xiao Ma is probably from Shanxi. Yuanyuan often talks to her about the "Four Cleansing" period in Shanxi, and the two agree very well.Xiao Ma often borrows Ah Yuan's large refrigerator, and often sends the dumplings made by herself to Ah Yuan to eat.The chef in charge of the hospital's meals treated Ah Yuan very well, and once cooked a fresh fish for her, and personally carried it to the ward.Ah Yuan ate half of the loaf, and asked Aunt Liu to help her finish the remaining half.Yuan's mother-in-law asked her son to bring her special "Mummy Chicken", and Yuan invited Xiao Ma to eat, but the couple only appreciated the dumplings.The dumplings made by Xiao Ma are so big that Ah Yuan can only eat two.The hospital can cook chicken soup just for her, and cook American ginseng soup for Ah Yuan every day.My son-in-law bought her a very small electric stove that heats a glass of milk...

I talked about all kinds of food, paying attention to whether Zhongshu wanted to eat.He is not interested. I also told him what teaching plan Ah Yuan had approved for the school after he was hospitalized.Ah Yuan reads half a detective novel every day, and all the detective novels at home were collected and sent to the hospital, even her friend's detective novels were sent to the hospital.But Ah Yuan didn't know if his energy was weakened, so he changed to read the menu again.I was afraid she was losing energy, but I didn't say so.Maybe it's just me worrying.I thought she was growing pale. I also told Zhongshu that Ah Yuan has quite a few friends, and the ward is filled with fresh flowers every day.Colleagues and students from the school kept visiting.Relatives and friends all went, and many old middle school classmates went to see her.I think she is too busy and should see few guests.But I heard from Xishicao that Yuanyuan felt that it was not easy for people to visit from afar, and she refused to let them go in vain. When I talked about relatives and friends, pay attention to whether Zhongshu is concerned.But Zhongshu was expressionless.In the past, whenever Ah Yuan came to visit him on the boat, he always tried to cheer up.Since Ah Yuan was hospitalized, he simply relaxed.He was very tired and lazy to talk, just listened to me, opened and closed his eyes.Although I see him every day, I just feel that he is far away from me. Where's Yuan?Did my dream find her, or is she only in my dream?I have no idea.She took off her gloves and waved to me so I could see her hands instead of the gloves.But now I only have a blind date with the gloves she knitted for me. Almost half a year later, I heard her talking on the phone with my son-in-law. She said happily: The hospital specially made a waist support for her, which was made according to her body; she tried it and it was very compliant; the doctor said, wait After the CT scan tomorrow, let her change to a soft bed, and she can roll on the bed with a waist support. But Yuan is very thin, and the big refrigerator in the house is full of leftovers that she couldn't eat.She's losing tons of hair.On the west side of the stone trough, I only heard that she wanted a hat.I didn't even dare to tell Zhongshu.He just had a high fever, which is gradually going down, and he is very tired.I quietly accompanied him, and if I could not say anything, I didn't say anything.I bear all my worries by myself and don't ask him to share them. The next night I went to the hospital again.Ah Yuan was wearing a hat and was still sleeping on a hard bed with her eyes open, wondering what she was thinking.Aunt Liu answered the phone and said it was a call from the school and asked her to listen.Ah Yuan answered the phone and said, "Yes, um... I'm fine. Today the nurse and the doctor carried me out for a CT scan. It's over, and they said it's still okay. Lao Wei has been here. The hard bed has been dismantled. I changed to a soft bed. But after the CT scan, they changed the soft bed to a hard bed." She forced a smile and said, "It's not comfortable to wear a waist brace. I'd rather not wear a waist brace, Sven Wendy lay flat on the hard bed; I didn't want to roll." The doctor came to ask her if she would have another course of treatment.Ah Yuan said very firmly: "I'll see if I do it, I'll do it again. I can bear it. Hair will grow back when it falls out." I heard the conversation between the "big money" next door and the pony. The man asked, "Does she know what's wrong with her?" The woman said: "She herself said that what she had was a very special kind of tuberculosis. It had been dormant for decades and then relapsed. It was very serious and had to be treated with heavy drugs. She was very strong. Really strong. It's just that she was always thinking about it. Looking at her parents, she shed tears when talking about her mother." I felt a prick in my heart, and a blood bubble burst out like an eye full of hot tears. After Zhongshu had a high fever, he shaved his head bald, and Ah Yuan was also bald under his hat.The hair shape and facial features of the two are very similar, except that Ah Yuan's eyelids are different. Zhongshu's high fever subsided and he gradually regained his energy.I told him about Ah Yuan's condition: According to the doctor, the tuberculosis that had recurred after decades of dormancy was worse than before, and she had to take it slowly; anyway, she lay down obediently and recuperated, which is always good.I said, "I see that the two of you look more and more alike. You have the same head, the same face shape. The only difference is that you don't have the same double eyelids as your father, but your eyes are exactly like your father's. But when Ah Yuan got sick, she became double eyelids." " Zhong Shu proudly said: "'Fang Ben's mother' said when she first saw Ah Yuan that her eyes resembled her father's. 'Fang Ben' has sharp eyes." My dreams are exhausting.It's weird how tired dreams affect my body too.I dragged my tired feet to and fro on the ancient post road every day.When A Yuan was hospitalized, the willows were all bare, but now the shaded willow leaves have begun to fall.I take my own shadow every day, stepping on the fallen leaves, walking carefully step by step, endlessly. I was in Madoka's ward every night.Once, she was on the phone with Lao Wei.A Yuanqiang said with a smile: "I'll tell you a joke. I had a dream last night. I dreamed that my mother was leaning against my face. I was afraid that the dream was fake. I said to myself, if it is a fairy, it is fragrant, yes Mom doesn’t smell good. I smelled bad, and I said, this is my mother. But I couldn’t open my eyes, I couldn’t see her. I tried to open my eyes, and then they opened—I was dreaming.” She Putting down the phone, the corners of his mouth twitched, he closed his eyes, and tears dripped from the corners of his eyes.She handed the receiver to Aunt Liu.Aunt Liu went on to say: "Ms. Qian will have her lungs pumped today, so I won't let you talk about it." Then she reported the illness on behalf of Ah Yuan. A few more blood bubbles burst out of my heart, and a few eyes full of hot tears were added.I thought of her waking up in her dream and seeing herself lying alone in the hospital ward without even the mother in her dream.And my dream is utterly impotent, like a shadow.I snuggle her and touch her and she doesn't feel it. I know dreams are imaginative.I miss it so much that I have nightmares.I have nightmares all night.Ah Yuan gradually stopped eating and drinking.Hanging above her head was a bag of purplish red blood and a bag of white protein. The doctor opened some kind of tube on her body and delivered it to her.Aunt Liu kept scooping up the water in the cup with a small spoon, moistening her mouth spoon by spoon.Eyes filled with tears burst out again and again in my heart.One night, when my son-in-law didn't come home, he also used a small spoon to scoop up the clear water in the cup to moisten her mouth.She slept with her eyes closed. I dare not dream.But I dare not not dream.I was too tired to walk.I sat in front of Zhongshu's bed, held his hand, and pillowed my face on the edge of his bed.I kept saying to myself: "Dreams are reversed, dreams are reversed." Ah Yuan has been hospitalized for more than a year, and I was too worried. I looked up and suddenly saw Ah Yuan walking up the slope, very brisk.She walked steadily across the gangway and into the cabin.She called "Mom" softly and affectionately, then sat down next to me and called "Daddy". Zhongshu opened his eyes wide, looked at her, looked at her, and said to me, "Tell Ah Yuan to go back." Ah Yuan said with a smile: "I'm already cured, my illness is completely cured, Dad..." Zhongshu still said to me, "Tell Ah Yuan to go back home." I put my arm around Ah Yuan, and said with a smile, "I told her to go back to Sanlihe to visit the house." I thought that the dream was reversed, and Ah Yuan came back, so she could come and go with me to visit my father. Zhongshu said, "Go back to her own home." "Well, go back to Xishicao and have fun with them." "The west stone trough is not her home after all. Tell her to go back to her own home." A flower-like smile appeared in Ah Yuan's clear eyes.She said, "Yes, Dad, I'll go back." The sun had already shone into the bow of the boat, I stood up, and Yuan also stood up.I said, "It's time to go, see you tomorrow!" Ah Yuan said, "Dad, take a good rest." She crossed the plank first, and I followed up the ramp.I seemed to wake up from a nightmare.Ah Yuan is cured!Yuan is back! She pulled me onto the post road and walked a few steps back with me.She supported me and said, "Mother, you once had a daughter, and now she is going back. Dad told me to go back to my own home. Mother... Mother..." Her flower-like smile is still in front of my eyes, and her soft and affectionate "Mother" is still in my ears, but, in broad daylight, she disappeared in a blink of an eye.At that very moment, I was completely enlightened. I held the willow tree next to me with one hand to prevent falling, looked around, and said in a low voice, "Yuanyuan, Yuanyuan, go well and go back with the blessings of my parents." Tears flowed from the tearful eyes at this moment. My hands were propped on the tree, my head rested on them, and the hot tears welled up in my chest, until they reached my throat.I swallow hard, but I try so hard that my chest bursts with tears.There was only a thud, and a pile of bloody things fell down on the underground stone slab.The head-on cold wind poured straight into the hole in my chest.I couldn't bear the pain, so I squatted down and crumpled the bloody thing into my chest; fortunately, there was a lot of blood, and all the dirt was washed away.I grasped the gap tightly with one hand, and pressed the other hand to protect it. I felt sick and dizzy, afraid of falling on the post road, staggered, ran back to the inn, stepped into the door, and the shopkeeper was about to close the bar. I stood under the light and found that there was no blood on my hands, and there was no tear on my body.Nobody saw anything out of the ordinary about me.My supper, as usual, was waiting for me on the little table under the stairs. I went upstairs and collapsed on the bed, and the pain in my stomach turned into a painful dream, and I rushed to the hospital at the foot of Xishan. The lights were on in the Round Room, the two beds were gone, and the cleaner was sweeping the floor, sweeping a pile of rubbish out the door.I recognized a shoe as Yuan's, she wore it to the hospital. I heard the words of the Xiaoma couple in the next room: "Go away, you fell asleep, this kind of disease usually falls asleep." My dream rushed to Xishicao.Aunt Liu was sitting on the long cabinet at the end of the dining room at my son-in-law’s house, weeping.My son-in-law was sitting blankly in his room.His mother was talking about Ah Yuan's illness and how she got there with a relative.She said: She herself didn't know about Qian Yuan's illness, and of course neither did her parents on the post road.Now, they have no way of notifying us. My dream didn't want to stay there, although I was exhausted, I insisted on stopping in my old den to rest quietly.My dream went back to the Sanlihe apartment, stopped on my own bedside and disappeared. I opened my eyes and was in the inn.My heart has formed a lumpy lump, yet it still beats regularly and evenly.Every time I jump, I feel pain in my stomach and intestines.Ah Yuan is gone, and I can't find her even if I changed my dream; I was also too tired to change my dream. There are long strips of light green blowing on the post road, and last year's fallen leaves have been swept away by the north wind.I rushed to Zhongshu's boat, and he was waiting for me.After his high fever subsides, he often recovers a little bit. He asked me, "Where is Ah Yuan?" I sat cross-legged in front of his bed, supported the bed and said, "She's back!" "What is she??" "You told her to go to her own house, and she went to her own house." Zhongshu looked at me in surprise, and said, "You saw her too?" I said, "You saw it too. Tell me to tell her to go back." Zhongshu said emphatically: "What I saw was not Yuan, not the real Yuan, but I know she is Yuan. I ask you to tell Yuan to go back." "You asked Ah Yuan to go back to her own home, and she was relieved with a smile. There was a smile in her eyes, and a smile like a flower on her face. I had never seen her smile so beautifully. Dad told her to go back, she can go back, She can rest easy." Zhongshu looked at me sadly and said: "I know she is worried. She misses her father and cannot let go of her mother. I think she is just worried, and she is always apologetic." The old man's eyes are dry, and only tears flow from his heart.Zhongshu's eyes were full of burning pain and suffering, and he looked at me sadly, and I knew he was also crying in his heart.I thought my heart had already formed a hard lump, so I opened a few more eyes and wept, which softened and smoothed the lumpy lump in my chest. My hands are cold.I touched his hand, the palm was very hot, and his pulse was beating very fast.Zhong Shu had a fever again. I hurriedly told him that Ah Yuan had gone there in a deep sleep.I told her about her condition in detail.She was hospitalized with low back pain, and it was already in the terminal stage of the disease. Fortunately, the disease turned to the lumbar spine, and only one small bone had a headache. Later, the upper and lower nerves were disconnected, and she felt no pain anymore.She just hoped to get well quickly, accompanied her mother to visit her father, and endured several treatments.Now she is not afraid of any illness, she doesn't have to worry about anything, and she doesn't have to get up early and stay busy forever.I said, since I gave birth to Ah Yuan, I have always cared about her, so I don't need to worry about her anymore. I said so, but my heart hurts.Zhong Shu nodded, but closed his eyes.I knew that he not only felt sorry for Yuanyuan, but also pitied me. My first stay at a hotel can easily turn into a dream.By this time, my dream was like a willow flower stained with mud, unable to fly.At the beginning, I still wanted the three of us to go back to Sanlihe together.Ever since I lost Ah Yuan, my internal organs have been injured and my limbs have also been weak. Every day I walk on the post road with one foot and one foot, and I can always walk to the boat to meet Zhongshu.He's skinny, and I'm old too.He didn't have the strength to speak, and forced his eyes to entertain me.It suddenly occurred to me that when we met on the boat for the first time, he asked me if I was still dreaming.I understood now.I once had a little dream, blaming him for suddenly leaving without a word.Now he deliberately walks slowly, letting me see you off one by one, get together as much as possible, and turn a small dream into a long dream. I do.Send a ride, say goodbye, and see you again.Does a prolonged parting increase or decrease pain?I can't figure it out.But the farther I walked with him, the more afraid I would never see him again. The willows turned into long green strips and gradually turned yellow again, the post roads were full of fallen leaves, and the willows turned into bare willows again. That day when I walked out of the inn, I suddenly saw a stone pier behind the door, exactly the same as the one on Zhongshu's boat.I was shocked.Who got on board and stole what was on board?I felt for the pin on my sleeve, but didn't dare to ask. As I was walking, I saw a man and a woman coming towards me.I have never met any passers-by on the post road.The woman was holding a gangplank, and the man was holding a long penny, which clearly belonged to Zhong Shu's boat. I stopped them and said, "Who are you? This is from the boat!" Both men and women ignored it and walked towards the inn with great strides.They are probably the boatmen and boatmen I have never seen before. I thought badly and violated the warning.After a moment of hesitation, the two had already walked away.I can't catch up, and I can't catch up with them and I can't grab their things. I walked forward, but couldn't find the usual slope.Looking all the way, there is no slope or boat.There is no way ahead.I walked up a hillside, and what stood in front of me was a chaotic mountain.The sun went down behind the mountains. I climbed up in a hurry, trying to find the boat in the river.In the dark, I could see mountains on the other side of the river, and a small boat floating in the river was blocked by rocks for a while, and then disappeared. It was dark before my eyes, and I seemed to be able to hear the sound of splashing water in my ears.There was no road in the mountains, so I climbed desperately among the rocks, trying to climb to a higher place, but I didn't dare to stay away from the sound of the water.When I touched a stone, I held it with both hands and took two steps up; when I touched a tree trunk, I hugged it and took a rest to catch my breath.The wind is very cold, but I wear thick clothes and keep working hard.It takes a long time to climb alone in the dark and chaotic mountains.I have no idea whether I have sat on a rocky depression or rested against the back of a big tree.I just remember that Zhong Shuqiang entertained me with his eyes open when he got off the boat the night before; I said, "You are tired, close your eyes and go to sleep." He said: "Jiang, take a good life (that is, 'have a good life')." Did I say "see you tomorrow"? The morning light was faint, and the sun came out again in the distance behind.I stood on the top of the chaotic mountain, in front of me was a sea of ​​smoky clouds.The mountain on the other side is higher than mine.A river locked by the two mountains poured out from between the two mountains, like a waterfall, making a splashing sound. I saw a small boat rushing out with the waterfall, rushing into the vast sea of ​​clouds like a ray of light, and turned into a small dot; watching, the small dot disappeared. I wish I could become a stone, standing on the top of the mountain, watching over that little dot.I asked myself: Are the rocks on the mountain the "Watching husband stones" that women have turned into?I really don't want to move anymore, I wish I could turn into a stone and watch over the boat that I can no longer see. But I just turned into a yellow leaf, and when the wind blows, it falls from the rocks.I climbed up the mountain so tiredly, but the wind swept me down on the ancient post road, slapping the post road and sweeping back along the way.I caressed the post road that I walked step by step, and I was full of love along the way. Before I reached the inn, a whirlwind swept me into the air.I was spinning in the air, dizzy and closed my eyes.I opened my eyes, and I was on the bedside of the Sanlihe bedroom where I used to sleep and sleep.But Sanlihe's home is no longer a home, it's just my inn.