Chapter 50 (51)

When I ran downstairs to make a phone call, I had a premonition that all suffering would be over, all misunderstandings would be clarified, and all hurts would be forgiven. I finally made it through, and when I picked up the phone, I almost Already weeping with joy. "Hey, Yang Hong, I'm Xiaolou! Are you looking for me?" "Cheng Xiaolou, let me ask you, what did you say to my mother?" "To your mother. Didn't say anything, what's the matter?" "I didn't expect you to be so despicable!" "I... I really didn't say anything, what's going on? Your mother scolded you?"

"You understand what's going on! Cheng Xiaolou, I really didn't realize that you would be such a despicable person!" It was the first time I hung up Xiaohong's phone, and I really couldn't bear such a cruel and fatal blow. When I was walking back, there happened to be someone I knew screaming and chasing after me desperately. I turned my head back suddenly in anger, and the frenzied tears on my face made her speechless in fright. The sun was always gray in those few days. I shaved my head, and I put on a hat and lowered the brim of the hat to cover my two scars and my face.

I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to say a word, I just want to keep a certain distance from everyone. I flipped through the poetry collections of those dead poets day and night, and I doubted whether I was despicable. I suffered from insomnia all night long, so I had to buy a box of sleeping pills to help me fall asleep. I was going to call Yang Hong’s mother several times to clarify myself or find some comfort, but I felt that it would only make things worse. It's getting worse. The poetry collections of the dead did not help me with anything except their obscurity, which gave me a headache. I found some living ones, and found that they were even more inscrutable and incomprehensible.

On the contrary, Ru Meng's two books about explorer Yu Chunshun are touching. The deeds of this Shanghai man brought me some comfort and the courage to live.