Chapter 12 Chapter Twelve

Jiaqi didn't sleep well. She dreamed of the hospital. There were people crying softly outside the corridor of the ward in the middle of the night. She went out to see a very young girl, maybe only twenty years old, lying there crying softly, crying very sadly. .She wanted to walk over and ask if there was anything she could do to help, but for some reason she couldn't move her legs, so she could only stand there and watch.Later, the girl finally raised her head, her face was covered with tears, and it turned out to be herself. She woke up just then, covered in cold sweat, heard her heart beating in the dark, she sat quietly for a while, then groped to the kitchen to pour water to drink, drank a glass of hot water, her heart was still pounding Plopping.She lay down again, but couldn't sleep, and closed her eyes as if she was in a hospital.

It was at that time that I realized what it means to be desperate. The money was spent like running water, and my father's meager savings were like a drop in the bucket. The hospital would issue a reminder letter every afternoon. It was very thin paper, crunchy and crunchy in the hand, densely packed with medication details and various expenses, she was so anxious that her mouth was full of blood blisters, but she didn't feel any pain.Almost unconscious, for two days and two nights, I did not close my eyes, and my stomach was empty, like a big stone was stuffed.The lips were all dry and peeled, with tiny bloodstains cracked.

The bank card left by Meng Heping's mother contained 50,000 yuan. Several times, she finally inserted the bank card into the ATM and took it out again. She slammed on the ATM machine hard, and the sharp corners of the cash machine smashed her head, and the blood flowed down, covering her eyes, and she couldn't see anything. There was only a piece of red, which slowly solidified.Climbing on the cold countertop of the ATM with one arm, he finally slid down slowly, as if his whole body had been stretched out.The cold marble wall was pressed against his chest, and the heart-piercing cold was pressed against his face, as if only in this way could he have a chance to cry.

In front of the cash machine where there was no one in the middle of the night, she sat there alone, crying silently. Finally, I took out the money. I went to the bank counter to get it the next day. There were a few thick stacks of pink banknotes, which were half-old. After passing through the fingers of countless people, with a suspicious and dirty smell, they were handed over to the hospital. At the cash register, the cashier used the money counter to light it, and with the sound of stinging, each note was quickly turned over, forming a tiny pink arc fan. And in the blurred tears, this life, just like this, passed by in front of my eyes.

But his father couldn't wait until he was discharged from the hospital. He had a second stroke soon, which was more serious than the first time. He had a cerebral hemorrhage, and he passed away almost instantly, and he left forever. After the first operation, he once woke up briefly. The corners of his mouth twitched, and he couldn't speak at all. Jiaqi put his ears close to hear the faint sound of exhalation. What he said was: "No..." With just one word, she understood what he meant. There was a big, big tear falling down on the white quilt, and the light gray wet watermark slowly smeared away, she heard His own voice, weak but clear, said, "Dad, don't worry, I know."

Her father has always been very thin, with colorful tubes inserted into his hands, so thin that his veins burst out, she didn't even know he had high blood pressure. When she was in elementary school, she was bullied by a few girls in her class because she had good grades. Those girls persuaded the girls in the class not to play with her, and called her mother a broken shoe.She fought with them and was beaten so badly that she dared not go home alone.Carrying schoolbags and wandering east and west, sitting on the bridge railing and watching the boats in the river, the narrow awning boats are full of rice, and the bags are piled high, passing under the bridge.The water in the river is a deep green, with white foam, slowly and silently.She sat until it was dark, and the lights of every house were turned on. In the gentle night wind, she heard the sound of the TV broadcasting news from a nearby TV, which was familiar but far away.

At last the father came. He didn't scold her, and his father just kept silent along the way. After entering the door, he poured hot water to wash her face and hands, and didn't ask her why she fought or why she didn't go home. He just wiped her with iodine with a cotton swab. It hurt very much, seeping into the wound, she kept biting the corner of her mouth tightly, not making a sound. My father didn't say a word. Finally, he took the water bottle and went downstairs. When he got to the door, he turned around and said to her, "Eat." The table was covered with a green gauze kitchen cover, and she had a large wound on the back of her hand, which hurt like a heartache. She slowly lifted the gauze cover with her bruised hands, and inside was a plate of her favorite fried shrimp. The snow-white shrimp was already cold. It still exudes a tempting aroma.

She sat alone at the table with a bowl in her hand, silently picking up the meal. Father finally came up and stood behind her to watch her eat. After a while, he stroked her hair and took out an orange from his pocket for her. That orange is big, very red and bright in color. When her father gently placed the oranges on the table in front of her, her hand holding the chopsticks finally began to tremble slightly, and then she cried. Many times she dreamed of her father, dreamed that she was still very young, got up to go to school in the morning, put on a thick cotton sweater and trousers on a cold winter morning, her hands were so stiff that she couldn't control it, it was cold, and she wore an old-fashioned wardrobe There was an oval mirror embedded in the door, which saw her struggling to tie the red scarf. Her father was lighting the stove downstairs, and she could be seen from the window.She went downstairs with her schoolbag on her back, and there was green smoke floating in the small courtyard. Her father held the charcoal in the tongs and ignited the briquettes, coughing while fanning, a familiar coughing sound.She went down the stairs, through the choking smoke, but her father was gone.

Very flustered, always wake up from the dream immediately, and then find myself in tears. She never knew what Meng Heping's mother had said to her father. In the summer of that year, Meng Heping was sent by the company to Guizhou to work on a project. In the deserted border town, there was no mobile phone signal, and it took a long way to go to the post office to make a phone call.It's hard work, but the subsidy is high. Meng Heping has always wanted to buy a house and get married.Because they were working on a project, they had no vacation. Before the vacation, Meng Heping only called her once. He always had a nosebleed, and when he called, he had cotton stuffed in his nose. From the distance, through the thin phone calls, Jiaqi was so distressed that she kept crying, and advised him not to do it again, but to come back and look for another job, but he refused.He said: "It will be over in more than a month, and I will be back. You can go back to see Dad when you are on vacation. He is too lonely by himself."

Because Meng Heping couldn't get the certificate of household registration, they have never been able to get a marriage certificate, and Jiaqi didn't agree to marry without authorization. She didn't want to hurt the hearts of Meng's parents. After all, they were Meng Heping's parents, and he was the only child. , they objected only because they loved him. But Jiaqi did not expect that Meng Heping's mother would come to Zhejiang. It was the third day of the long vacation, and his father got up early in the morning and went to Hangzhou, saying that it was a gathering of some old comrades in arms.It was late at night when he still hadn't come back, and Jiaqi didn't sleep, watching TV absently, and ran to the window to look around after a while, and finally saw his father coming back, Jiaqi couldn't help calling "Dad", but You Mingyuan didn't look up , hunched over, staggered slowly across the patio, it was raining, the sound of the brushing rain was soft, and the dim light of the neighbor's downstairs passed through the window, and saw the fine silver rain like needles, weaving The lonely figure of his father, he did not open an umbrella, his gray hair flashed in the dim light, Jiaqi suddenly felt flustered, because he had already walked into the dark corridor, and the aunt of the Zhang family who lived downstairs was already screaming Get up: "Jiaqi! Come down soon, Jiaqi! Your father fell down!"

She almost rushed downstairs, tears pouring out, and Uncle Sun downstairs helped her father up, she could only cry, but couldn't even utter a word, her father's hands were cold, and his clothes were wet He was halfway through, still clutching an envelope tightly in his hand. There was only one bank card in the envelope, which was 50,000 yuan. Jiaqi will never know what kind of mood her father took this card back. She will never know what kind of humiliation her father has suffered. She will never know what kind of harm her father has suffered. When her father finally left her, she cried loudly, hugging her father's cold body, and could never forgive herself for causing such deep harm to her only relative.Throughout his life, he was proud of himself, but he brought him the final humiliation and embarrassment. When he finally said the word "no", her tears fell down, she understood, she understood what her father meant. Don't let people look down on their father and daughter, don't let people humiliate his favorite daughter, don't let people hurt his favorite daughter anymore. No amount of love can make up for this loss. The price she paid was the self-esteem of their father and daughter, her only relative, and her most beloved father. She had to let go, no matter how much she felt reluctant to let go, she still had to let go. Everything she believed in made her lose everything in the end, and she could no longer hold on to such a love. She didn't tell Meng Heping the news of his father's death. It took him more than a month to come back from Guizhou. When he came back, she went to pick him up. His T-shirt seemed to be one size bigger, empty, and he reached out to hug her from a distance.She just wanted to cry, he was so thin that his bones hurt her.She slowly stretched her arms around his waist, remembering when they first met, Meng Heping, who was so energetic, was lighting a cigarette by the dance floor and watching the singing and dancing.Life was so high and wide for him, he shouldn't have fallen in love with her. He can live happily without her. Without her, he wouldn't have worked so hard. Back home, she cooked for him for the last time, and he was still devouring it. She filled a bowl of chicken soup and slowly blew it cold for him, leaving it to dry.He picked up the spoon and drank it in one gulp, grinning: "There is beef and mutton all day long, and you can't eat any other dishes. Jiaqi, I think about your dishes, and I'm going crazy." He was dark and thin, and when he smiled, he showed his snow-white teeth, making him look thinner and pitifully thinner. Jiaqi held back her tears and smiled: "You just think about eating?" He still smiled: "I still miss you." He really missed her, missed her, missed her. When he finally fell asleep at midnight, Jiaqi sat up slowly and sat there silently with her knees hugged, watching his sleeping face. His eyelashes are very long, he fell asleep like a child, kicked the quilt indiscriminately, his arms and legs were all exposed, and there were dense scars on his neck, arms, and legs, which were bitten by mosquitoes. He had inadvertently I told her that the mosquitoes there are big and poisonous, and the bite will itch for several days. But now his whole body is covered with scars, just because of her. He has done so many things and suffered so much for her, but she has no way to continue. If she could start all over again, she would rather never meet him, and let him continue his life in that world purely and happily. Her tears were streaming down her face, and he was already asleep. From now on, she will leave him, and he will never know how much she loves him. She began to not go home slowly, telling him that she had to work overtime, or that she was busy. Fortunately, Meng Heping was also busy. After so long, he couldn't see her, so he couldn't help calling her and asked, "When are you Go home?" She said, "I have to work overtime at night, so I won't go." He said in a pitiful tone, "Then I'll pick you up at night, okay, I promise not to disturb your work, I miss you, I have ten days I haven't seen you." She held back her tears: "My colleague called me, I'll call you back later." Hanging up the phone, hiding in the bathroom alone, crying into the running faucet until her eyes were all red and swollen, Then turn off the phone. She asked Xu Shifeng for help, Xu Shifeng was very surprised: "Jiaqi, Meng Heping loves you very much, I think he is sincere to you, if there is any misunderstanding, you might as well talk to him." She was very tired, and her voice was hoarse: "There is no misunderstanding, it's just too hard—I think it's too hard—he's too hard, I can't help it, I don't want to be like this, I don't want to continue." Xu Shifeng's gaze was complicated, maybe it was understanding, maybe it was pity, but in the end he just let out a long sigh: "When we were young, we gave up, thinking that it was just a relationship, but in the end we realized that it was actually a lifetime." She knew, she knew exactly what she was going to let go of, but she couldn't help it.In the blurred tears, I saw the plane trees outside the window, and a large number of leaves fell. Autumn is here, and the leaves can no longer stay on the branches. Even if they are nostalgic, they can only fall down decisively. . In this life, no matter how reluctant she is, she can only let it go, because she can't afford it. She can't afford anything too beautiful. Just let her bear all the pain, and she only wants him to be happy. She has already lost her father, and she has made him lose his happiness. In the end, her father left in such a hurry that she had no way to make up for half of it, but Meng Heping, she can still let go, stop dragging him down, and let him return to the place that should belong to him that world. She didn't know how she ended up telling those lies. About Baoyan and Xu Shifeng, Meng Heping looked at her as if she was looking at a stranger. In the end, he just said, "I don't believe it." He doesn't believe that she doesn't love him anymore, he doesn't believe that she is leaving him. And she has a heart of stone, word by word, and slowly speaks out all the most hurtful words, each word is like a sharp knife, but she doesn't care, and stabs at his most vital place Go, she knew that the blood was bloody and the pain was unbearable, his eyes were like heartbreak, but she had no heart. He kept asking her: "Did my parents say something to you again? Did something happen while I was away?" He wasn't stupid, but she had no way out, she could only make up her mind and cut everything off. In the end, she appeared in front of him side by side with Xu Shifeng, and she even held Xu Shifeng's arm in front of him. He finally broke down, couldn't control himself anymore, and punched Xu Shifeng hard. Just hitting Xu Shifeng's eye socket, Xu Shifeng bent down in pain. She was anxious, angry and in pain, and only looked at Xu Shifeng's injury. Xu Shifeng covered his eyes and was speechless for a long time.She turned around and cursed: "Meng Heping, get out of here, I will never see you again!" He stood there, wearing a half-worn windbreaker, he looked taller and thinner, as thin as a shadow, his mouth was tightly pursed, and there was an anger in his eyes that she couldn't face up to, but she couldn't help but face up , He couldn't back down even a step, his eyes gradually looked sad, and finally he turned around and walked away. She cried for a long time, and finally Xu Shifeng sent her back. He didn't persuade her, but just let her cry. It was so difficult, like stripping the most important part of oneself from the body. She sat in the corridor for a long time, and finally stood up. When she stood up, she saw Meng Heping standing in the darkness of the tree shadows in the distance, looking at her, just looking at her, with sad eyes, as if desperate. At that moment, she almost relented. He walked towards her, pleading in his voice: "Jiaqi, I was wrong, please forgive me, I can't live without you." He didn't do anything wrong, but his hands were trembling slightly, and it was herself she could never forgive. Harden your heart and cut him off from yourself. In the end, she finally made him despair, and after driving him away, she squatted on the sidewalk alone, crying bitterly, almost crying out all her sorrows at that moment. It was like tearing out her heart and lungs, crying until she barely had the strength to stand up again. She gave up by herself, gave up this life, gave up all the happiness in the future. Eliminate everything from your own life, and then slowly forget with red eyes. And year after year, I really thought that I had forgotten.