Chapter 3 third chapter

When she broke up with him for the last time, she also turned around and left, and he stood there like a fool, looking at her from a distance.She walked more and more anxiously, faster and faster, afraid that she would not be able to help crying, only afraid that she would not be able to help turning around.In the end, he finally caught up and grabbed her arm so tightly that he couldn't even breathe: "Jiaqi, you can't do this." This was the first time she saw a man with red eyes, just holding her tightly, as if she was afraid that if he let go, she would disappear out of thin air.

She almost exhausted all her strength in this life to hold back her tears, and sneered, using the most ruthless words, like an extremely sharp blade, to cut the last thread between him and her: "Meng Heping, you Why are you so naive? I've already told you clearly, why don't you understand? I beg you, I'm going to graduate school, don't delay my future. " "I don't believe it!" He was almost yelling, "I don't believe it, I don't believe what you say, you are going to leave me for some shit, I don't believe it!" She smiled cruelly: "Meng Heping, Baoyan may not be worth a little to you, but to me, it is very important, very important. I didn't follow Xu Shifeng for the sake of Baoyan. I love him in the first place." , do you understand?"

His hand was so heavy that it hurt her uncontrollably, all the tears turned into light, only his face, his eyebrows, his eyes, and the corners of his mouth were in the light circle... little by little, in sight Fade into a blurred shadow. His voice was distant and soft: "I don't understand, I only know that the most important thing to me in this world is you." Her nose was sore, her knees were weak, her chest was throbbing with pain, everything began to spin, she was trembling, and even her voice changed the tone, every word was clear and sharp: "But to me, the world in this world There are many things that are more important than you."

He looked at her, and she had a numb pleasure, like a suicidal person cutting a vein, the blood dripped drop by drop, gradually pattering, and then fell into a kind of empty peace, surrounded by soft clouds, No amount of pain has become a distant thing, just a numb pleasure. "You yearn for that kind of life because you have never experienced it, so it is fresh, but I am tired of it. I have lived this kind of life for 21 years. It is so ordinary and difficult. I just rush around to buy a house all my life. I feel happy for a long time with a new dress. I’m tired, do you understand? You like this kind of life because it’s trivial and ordinary. You say you like this kind of worldly fireworks because you’ve been high above you for the past 20 years. Opportunity to experience. But me, I have stayed in this world of fireworks for too long, and I feel so smoky that I am beyond recognition. I hope to have a better future. You will not understand what is future, because your future starts from you. Birth is a broad and bright road. And I, and many others, have to struggle and work hard to live a better life. Your mother is right, we are originally two worlds People, get together by mistake, will not be happy, will not last long, and will be separated sooner or later. But now if I leave you, I can get many, many substantial things, why should I give up such an opportunity , why can't I make a correct decision for my future? Xu Shifeng can marry me, can you?"

He looked at her, and after a long time, he spoke, his voice was low and hoarse, revealing an uncontrollable sadness: "I love you——Jiaqi, no matter what you say, I love you. There will never be a way to get you back." She wanted to pull her hand out from between his fingers, but he refused to let go, so she opened them one by one, breaking apart his fingers.Resolutely exerting force and bending into such an arc may hurt, but the long-term pain is not as good as the short-term pain.She would rather bear all the pain by herself, as long as he suffered the least damage, she would rather bear everything by herself.

He was stronger than her, and she couldn't move his fingers. Finally, she broke her heart, raised her hand, and slapped him hard.It was so clear and loud, like a heavy fan on her heart, the pain was so painful that she could hardly hold herself back, but she pointed at him and scolded: "Meng Heping, are you a man? I told you I don't love you anymore, why are you so shameless? You are shameless and I still want to be shameless, let me go, don't disgust me anymore, I never want to see you again!" He spoke so viciously, so ruthlessly, so bloodshot in his eyes, his pupils contracted rapidly, staring at her, like staring at an executioner, but she stood still, he finally despaired, loosened his fingers bit by bit , finally let go, she turned around resolutely, walked forward in a hurry, walked a long, long way, walked for two whole streets, staggered before regaining her senses, and squatted on the side of the road just like that , arms folded and crying loudly, she has been crying for a whole hour, the passing vehicles, the bright lampposts are like eyes, like countless pairs of shining eyes, she cried so dizzy for a while, digging the brick edge of the sidewalk , I cut off the entire nail of my right index finger, I didn’t know the pain, the blood kept flowing, I wiped my tears messily, stood up and walked forward, all the way, tears kept falling down all the way.

She never knew that loving someone would be so sad, like digging out a piece of her heart, twisting the wound with a knife, twisting, but she couldn't stop, as if she would never stop for a lifetime, the book always described The liver and intestines were broken, not every inch, but with a very fast knife. Every time the knife was cut, the flesh and blood were bloody and the pain was unbearable, but there was no way to do it. Meng Heping, I love you, so all of this is my willingness.I can't live without you, but I am willing to leave you. I know that I will never find you again in this life, but I am willing.As long as you live better than me, as long as you are happier than me, I am willing to do anything.As long as it is for you, even if I lose you, even if I can never have you in this life, as long as it is for you, I am willing.

Later, she kept thinking, the ending was so clear, and the memory was so clear, but the beginning, those things at the beginning, all became distant and vague dreams. No one in this world will ever know how many tears she shed to truly hide this wound deeply and never show it to others. Someone as close as Xu Shifeng didn't even know. Last month, I ate Japanese food with Xu Shifeng, and he joked: "Jiaqi, you are really crossing the river and tearing down the bridge. I think I was infamous for you back then, and now you don't even glance at me." The tuna sashimi was extremely delicious, and Jiaqi buried her head in the meal, and answered him inarticulately: "Mr. Xu, there are too many people who have glanced at you, and there is no shortage of me."

Xu Shifeng seemed infinitely melancholy: "People all over the world gave you green eyes, but that one person gave you white eyes." Jiaqi was almost choked by wasabi. It was spicy and pungent. There seemed to be countless burrs in her throat, each of which was swishing to accumulate the pungentness. With teary eyes: "Brother, can't it be okay if I'm wrong? Don't hurt me like this." Xu Shifeng began to speak earnestly again: "Jiaqi, you are not young..." Jiaqi's ears were calloused, she heard this line almost a hundred times, and she only heard him say: "It's not that big brother is talkative, girls are serious looking for someone to marry It’s better than anything else. Big brother has several young talents in his hands, it doesn’t matter when he asks one out, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like it, and there will be a lot of new juniors graduating this year, you just have to open your eyes and choose carefully.”

Jiaqi sighed, and muttered to himself: "He is a well-known barrister, and he returned the city's top ten outstanding youths. His hobby is matchmaking." Xu Shifeng laughed loudly, with two sword eyebrows flying into his temples, looking more and more heroic, Jiaqi vaguely thought in his heart, this looks like a person, but he can't remember who it looks like.Her heart was in a mess, and she finally uttered a sentence after holding back for a long time: "Brother, I saw Meng Heping in a magazine two days ago." Xu Shifeng was stunned for a moment, then smiled: "This kid, he punched me so hard back then that he almost detached my retina. I heard that things are going well now, and things are going well. I listened to my junior two years ago. Said, what kind of online game he represented, became very popular and made a lot of money."

The words seemed to be spoken easily, but she knew that he was cautious, and she was still afraid of hurting herself. Can't help but feel sad, he has done online games?The large void in my life without him is almost disconcertingly empty.All I know is that in the early days, he worked in an IT company and worked endless overtime. Sometimes when he came home he was so tired that he fell asleep without taking off his socks.It was so hard—it used to be so hard, it was all because of her—Jia Qi stuffed the sea urchin into her mouth, the smell of soy sauce and wasabi, and the slippery and greasy smell of the sea, they all swarmed her, and she almost didn't choke.Xu Shifeng saw that she was so hot that his eyes were full of tears, so he reached out and poured her a cup of tea. It was bitter, but it was still bitter.She took a breath and explained in a miserable way: "The mustard is too spicy." "Don't play bitter cauliflower with me," he patted his shoulder, "Cry loudly if you want to cry, come on, big brother will lend you his shoulder, the charge is 20 yuan per minute, you can cry as long as you like. " She said angrily: "It's too ruthless, it costs one thousand and two an hour, you should grab it." "How much does it cost to talk to me for an hour? How much does it cost to ask me a question—and you still cry." "stink of money!" "Little Slingshot, didn't you persuade me? There is nothing worth pursuing in this world except money." The wedding was so embarrassing, she was playful back then, and she was a famous "little slingshot" in the School of Foreign Languages—there were few people in their department, and even fewer girls, so they lived in the dormitory of the English department, and they got up early in the morning to recite vocabulary, full of chatter. In the aristocratic London accent, she is the only one who plays tongues with a big tongue, so Chang Yuanyuan from the lower bunk nicknamed her "Little Slingshot". Later, this name spread like wildfire, and even Xu Shifeng called her little slingshot. "Youth is really good." She snorted, "When you call me little slingshot, I feel much younger." Xu Shifeng despised her: "Stop pretending in front of me, try saying that word if you dare." She smiled hippie: "Didn't I say that?" Xu Shifeng sighed: "You are the most stubborn. After all these years, you still think about Meng Heping. I don't understand what's so good about him. That bastard is so stupid, he's a rotten tree." Jia Qi poured himself a glass of wine, and Xu Shifeng seemed to be laughing at himself: "Look at me, this is fifty steps laughing at a hundred steps." Jiaqi paused for a while before asking, "An Qi still has no news?" Xu Shifeng smiled wryly: "In my life, I'm afraid I won't be able to find her again." For the rest of my life, I am afraid that I will never find you again. A long, long time ago, someone also said this to her. Jia Qi felt sad, but he didn't know that she would never get him back.Holding the wine glass, Jiaqi slowly swallowed the bitterness one after another.Either way, she'd rather not see her. Xu Shifeng asked her, "Did you go fishing in the reservoir last Saturday?" Jiaqi was stunned for a moment, and then remembered that he went with Ruan Zhengdong last week, and it was very funny to think of that situation, and he pulled a large group of people to the suburban reservoir.The mountains and rivers are beautiful and picturesque. The girls who went with them thought they were on vacation at the beach. Everyone wore shiny sunglasses and sat under an umbrella to apply sunscreen, as if they were by the rippling swimming pool.The men were serious about it, lined up with fishing rods, and they were really murderous, and there was no turning back.As soon as the fish took the bait, there was a chaotic sound, and there was an uproar immediately. There was only laughter, noise and screaming under the umbrella, which could be heard across the entire mountain.At that time, Jiaqi thought, how can I catch fish when it is so lively? As a result, the Reservoir Management Bureau sent people to throw two or three aerators into the water, and kept using boats to sprinkle bait, not to mention fish, even mermaids would be coaxed into the bait by them. High, really eye-opening.At that time, Jiaqi was squatting in the shade of a tree and playing in the water alone, thinking of the part of fishing on the river in "The Chronicle of Qingxi", she unconsciously sneered: Even today, maybe someone will actually arrange divers. Someone behind the cold suddenly asked: "What are you thinking?" She was so frightened that she turned her head and couldn't help but glared at Ruan Zhengdong, then patted her chest to suppress her shock. He is really a natural clothes hanger, even clothes like fishing clothes can be worn like a tree, and he doesn't care about the white clothes win the snow, squatting down to look at the fishing rod for her, the bait on the hook has long been eaten by the fish, he is holding the fishing line Smiled at her: "Why are you like Jiang Taigong, there is nothing on this hook, can you catch fish?" She plausibly said: "I'm not here to fish, I'm here to fish for golden turtles." He raised his face, only to see Yingying, Yanyan all around in the distance, men and women burst into laughter from time to time, wondering if they had caught a big fish.So he smiled at her: "Isn't it true, they are all over there, can you catch golden turtles by squatting here alone?" She smiled and said, "There are indeed no golden tortoises, but there is one earth tortoise." He made a gesture to swing her with a fishing rod, she jumped up deftly, like a deer, light and beautiful, smiled and jumped onto the stone pier, squatted down and continued to water and play, the sun leaked through the gaps in the leaves, like broken gold , sprinkled all over the face and body, the water splashes flickered, shining like quicksilver in her hands.He squinted his eyes and looked at her, as if he couldn't open them because of the sunlight.After a while, he asked: "Hey, seriously, why are you always so absent-minded? What were you thinking just now?" She said, "Think about the things in the book." "What book makes you giggle thinking about it." ""The Chronicles of Qingxi", you haven't read it, it's good for someone like you to read it." He answered honestly: "It's true that I haven't read it, I only watch "Three Kingdoms"." "It's a pity if I don't watch it," she regretted infinitely, "There are picturesque mountains and rivers inside, and beauties like clouds." "Beautiful women like clouds? Then what did you see?" "I think the eunuch inside is not good." He seemed to be neither laughing nor wanting to speak, and she didn't expect him to understand at all, so she said to herself: "Actually, I just want to see, the bright pearl is hidden, the beautiful jade is covered with dust, and those who fall in love with should not be loved. There will be a result, even if it is a bit miserable, it will always be the end." Before he could speak, someone in the distance shouted: "Zhengdong! Zhengdong! Fish! Fish!" The bell on his fishing rod was ringing. , he left her and immediately went to collect the fishing line.The stone pier was uneven, making people panic, and Jiaqi couldn't sit still, so she stood up again, thinking of going fishing with Meng Heping. At that time, there was no such scene as it is now, and there were only her and him, and the two of them were sunburned like loaches by the lake, and they didn't catch a few fish, but they were extremely happy.After returning home, her face peeled off and remained red for a long time, like an apple.When I was young at that time, after drinking the milk, I patted the little milk left in the bottle on my face and used it as a facial mask.After brushing his teeth, he forgot to wash them off, so Meng Heping kissed her and grinned: "We are still wet!" She beat him with a pillow, and he caught her under the raindrop-like pillow and kissed her: "Oh, it smells so good!" Sugar, to your heart's content. The sun was too strong, Jiaqi was a little dizzy and tinnitus, maybe it was too long in the sun, the eyes looked out and there was a vast blue water all around, the shadows of the mountains on the other side of the water overlapped, like a trace of Qingdai, the lake and mountains were like embroidery, far away Laughing and shouting everywhere, but that's all other people's business. Has nothing to do with her. Jiaqi didn't expect Xu Shifeng to know about this, and couldn't help but say, "Yes, I went fishing, how did you know?" Xu Shifeng looked her up and down, and then said: "I didn't believe what I was told. Why don't you mix with that group of people, and there won't be a good person." Jiaqi felt guilty: "I was wrong, I won't dare to do it next time." Xu Shifeng sighed and said, "I won't bother you anymore. You always know the good and the bad, but sometimes you know the good and the bad too. Let me tell you, women, it's okay to be stupid when you should be stupid." Jiaqi smiled: "Brother, am I not stupid enough?" Xu Shifeng seemed very surprised, he paused for a while, then nodded: "You are indeed stupid enough."