Chapter 20 Section VIII

I often feel that my loneliness is inherent.It is like a quiet flower, blooming alone in my heart, only I can understand its beauty, this beauty makes me proud, free and independent.So, when the boys and girls in the class began to get used to high school life and talked about all kinds of love affairs, I was the only one who didn't have any interest in these. Xiao Zhe continued to pass notes to me every day. Often behind that lengthy physics question, he wrote a short sentence; Sometimes he asked: Ma Zhuo, do you think Satan is a real great man? Or: Ma Zhuo, do you know how many times a person blinks on average in a day?

Even: Ma Zhuo, is there any eternal pure friendship between men and women that transcends vulgar love? These questions are too complicated, and I am too lazy to think about them, and I am too lazy to answer them.Of course, even if I really have the answer in my heart, I don't want to tell Xiao Zhe easily.I just want to tell the flower in my heart to listen, and only it will understand. Yan Shushu asked me: "Ma Zhuo, what kind of boy do you like?" I don't know, really don't know. I have never delved into the quality, type, and style of boys, and I don't want to delve into them.

However, there is such a person, when I feel that I have completely forgotten him, he suddenly appeared in my life.I can't escape, just like I never escaped that damn "fate". That day was an ordinary weekend, because the final exam was approaching, the atmosphere in the sky seemed tense and dignified.I went to the cafeteria to eat, and the queue was not very long. Just as I finished eating, someone behind me suddenly said to me: "Student, can I borrow your meal card?" I turned around and it was him. Every time he appeared in front of me, he seemed to fall from the sky, and what's even more strange is that he was wearing our school uniform, and the suit fit him very well, as if it was his, but he didn't wear a hat, and I almost didn't recognize him.

"I'm hungry." He winked at me. I don't know why, but somehow, I handed him the meal card in my hand. "Thank you." He took the meal card and kissed it, then handed it to the chef in the cafeteria and said, "Please bring me one that is exactly the same as hers." I carried the rice bowl and walked to the dining table, and found that there were several security guards at the entrance of the cafeteria. They kept walking inside, as if they were looking for someone.My heart couldn't help beating wildly. "Poison" has been following me with a rice bowl in his hand.After I sat down, he sat across from me, and I saw fine beads of sweat on his forehead.

"Thank you." He handed me the meal card, frowned and said to me, "Do you like potatoes? Don't eat them blindly. Girls will get fat when they eat this." "What are you doing here?" I asked him, and my intuition told me that those security guards were related to him. "I miss you, come to see you, okay?" He leaned forward, looked me in the eyes and said, "You know, I'm not a good liar, I'm sincere." I don't like to roll my eyes or kick him or hit him.I know that if a boy wants to disgust you on purpose, just pretending to be indifferent is the most beneficial weapon against him.So I lowered my head, picked the largest piece of potato and bit it down—but, I soon discovered that this action just revealed that I really cared about his feelings, so I was panicked and anxious, and the top of my head was sweating .

But he suddenly picked up the chopsticks, took a piece of chicken from his plate and gave it to me. I stared at him dumbfounded, and he said in a gentle tone: "Eat more, your complexion is not very good." After speaking, he lowered his head and picked up his rice with big mouthfuls.Looking at him, he seems really hungry! The security guards passed us a few times and finally got out. Then, I saw "Poison" stand up from his seat, he walked all the way to me, put the meal card into the pocket of my school uniform jacket, and whispered something in my ear: "Ma Xiaozhuo, I Will remember you."

He was about to leave, but I heard a "ding dong" sound in my ears, and a shiny golden object slipped from his trouser pocket and fell to the ground. "Hello!" I involuntarily called out to him, and picked up the things on the ground and handed them to him. Only then did I see clearly that it was a golden Buddha pendant, small in shape but a bit heavy. He looked back and immediately held the little golden Buddha tightly in his hands. Without saying anything to me, he quickly disappeared from the cafeteria. Just leave me there alone. I ended up not eating the piece of chicken he gave me.

It's disgusting.I said to myself harshly. In the afternoon of that day, there was news that the boys building had been stolen from the school. "It's amazing." U Dan said, "All the unlocked doors were opened. It is said that there were still people taking a shower in the bathroom at that time. When I opened the door, the dormitory was in such a mess that I almost cried!" "The camera didn't capture anything?" Someone asked curiously. "Fuck, the plug has been pulled out." Wu Dan curled his lips. "The boy taking a shower is Xiao Zhe from your class!" The girl in the second bed is from the class next door. While chewing on an apple, she said disapprovingly, "It is said that his underwear was stolen."

"Hahaha..." They laughed wantonly together again. Sitting on the bed and reading English magazines, I held the magazines high to cover my face, which turned red and white. I thought, I know who it is. Is there such a coincidence in the world? And I actually borrowed the meal card to give him a meal, what am I? Back in the classroom that day, the faces of the boys were a little dignified.The boy with good deeds said: "Let me know who it is, and then go and kill him!" "My Zippo was given by my first girlfriend!" "Fuck... it's an American blockbuster, the security guards are too good!"

The life committee will register everyone's lost items seat by seat.When she came to Xiao Zhe, just as she put the registration book on the table, Xiao Zhe yelled at her: "Go away!" The life committee member was a small, soft-spoken girl who gave him a hard look and cursed, "I'm sick!" "His amulet was stolen. When he was taking a bath, he took it off and put it next to his pillow. It was a golden Buddha, and his mother gave it to him before she died." Yan Shushu chewed gum and whispered to me. Dying? I looked at Yan Shushu with puzzled eyes. "His mother died in the second year of junior high school. Breast cancer." Yan Shushu explained clearly.

My heart shrank as if I was suddenly touched by something.Golden Buddha? !Immediately I remembered, wasn't that the one I handed him?My mind went blank for a moment, and I subconsciously looked up to Xiao Zhe in front of me. He was writing vigorously, and the English book in front of him was flipping.It seems that you have to copy all the words on the vocabulary list a hundred times in one breath before giving up. Ma Zhuo, you accomplice, what a big mistake you made. Because the end of the term is coming, homework will be stopped, so this evening, the teacher assigned a lot of homework.The rule in the sky is that no matter how many homeworks there are, they must be completed in the evening self-study time. If it is delayed until after class, I would rather not hand it in. About halfway through the evening self-study, the entire classroom was unusually quiet, and almost everyone was doing their homework seriously.My desk moved, I looked up and saw Xiao Zhe had stood up from his seat.He was taking off his coat and sweater, wearing only a white shirt, and ran out of the classroom alone. Through the window, I saw his white figure disappearing soundlessly into the darkness. I looked up at the others again, no one seemed to notice Xiao Zhe's departure, even his deskmate was resting his head on his hands, scratching something numbly on the homework. I lay on the table, looking at the endless darkness outside the window, not knowing what to do with myself. This time, when I realized that I had been used again, I really felt nothing but anger and shame.I swear, I hate him.Hating him makes me feel stupid, hating him makes me hurt Xiao Zhe, hating him makes me an accomplice who is as heinous as him. Xiao Zhe didn't show up for the whole night of self-study.When the evening self-study class was over, my inner self-blame had reached its peak, and I used the excuse that I had a question to ask the teacher, so I didn't go back to the dormitory with Yan Shushu. I decided to go to him. It wasn't until half an hour later that I found him behind a rockery behind the school. His glasses were thrown aside. He turned his back to me and squatted on the ground. He buried his head in his collar, and the shirt covered his head, and half of his thin back was exposed. A gust of cold wind blew, and I couldn't help shivering.He was also shivering with only a shirt on. I couldn't bear to call him, so I could only stand aside motionless. I have never seen a person suppress his own pain like this - the pain of his father's death fifteen years ago, the pain of his grandmother's death; the pain of Anan's mother's death seven years ago; It's all turned into a wisp of light smoke that's not worth mentioning, it's nothing.Maybe, I thought, because at least our tears were allowed to flow freely in broad daylight and he couldn't, or maybe he didn't allow himself to.He could only wrap himself in a thin garment and cry. Xiao Zhe, I'm sorry. Sorry. I didn't call him, but left quietly. At that moment, I had already made up my mind, I was going to find the poison and get back Xiao Zhe's things. Whether it's compensation or an apology, I just want to give him back the gift his mother left him.I don't know why, maybe it's because neither of us have a mother, do we?It's just that his mother left him a talisman, and my mother, apart from me, left nothing else to this world. The bulletin board on the campus said that today is the first time that cold air has crossed the border since the beginning of winter. Wearing the old padded jacket I bought in the second year of junior high, I hurriedly walked in the direction of the technical school I had never been to. Fear of the cold weather, or, at this moment, there is nothing worth fearing. All I know is that I must ask for Xiao Zhe's things back, yes. Otherwise, even if I go to jail with him, I will not be afraid.