Chapter 1 Pinellia (1) My name is Zhuang Xiaoqin, twenty-two this year. In this giant Rubik's Cube in Beijing, I have been alone for two years. I have no registered permanent residence, no fixed job, and only a pen.I'm in a fashionable profession: gunslinger. Haha, shooter. But don't get me wrong, I am the most "gentle" shooter in the world. To put it more clearly, have you ever seen a book published by a variety of celebrities in the world?I dare not say that all the authors are not themselves, but I am sure that more than 60% of them are written by gunmen.No one came forward to fight for the copyright, basically, as long as the money fell into the pocket, no one cared about the issue of authorship.When I started working in this profession, I often comforted myself: it is better to sell the words to other people than write them and rot quietly in the corner. It is a good deal to find a celebrity to endorse and save the endorsement fee.So in the end, even the comforting process was omitted.

More importantly, I need money.I need to buy rice and clothes, travel by car, and pay sky-high electricity bills for the air conditioner in summer.As for the house, with the crazy housing prices in Beijing, I can only imagine that one day I will marry myself to a wealthy man with a house and a car. delusion. As a Gunner, my agent is Chen Hao.Of course, the agent only jokingly said that his official job is to be an editor in a second-rate publishing house, and because of his work, he can often help me get good jobs.Of course, there is more than just a working relationship between us.I am also surprised that the money I receive from him is always more than expected, probably because I do a good job, or there is some small emotional capital in it.Or the two coexist, what do you think so much, self-deception is always allowed.

And the real feelings, I think less.There is no time to think about it.Or to be more cruel, Chen Hao doesn't have the desire to make me think too much.Of course I have a Prince Charming in my heart, and all the beautiful dreams about love, but the reality beats all of them to pieces, so I write novels.Sometimes I shed tears while writing novels, but most of the time I am hard-hearted. Time has forced me to become someone I don’t want to be, and it is inevitable that I will feel lonely sometimes. I don't read those novels. When I finish writing them, I hand them over to Chen Hao and collect the money the next day. Everything is simple.

I am used to working at night, and the day is my rest time.Generally speaking, Chen Hao is very considerate of me.But this day, the sharp ringing of the phone woke me up, I checked my phone, it was not yet ten o'clock. I answered the phone while yawning, Chen Hao's tone was filled with unconcealable excitement: "Xiaoqin, your luck is about to turn!" He announced. "I haven't bought a lottery ticket recently. Did you find out somewhere that I am actually the illegitimate daughter of an Indian prince? Or did a gold brick fall from the sky and just hit your forehead?"

two The biggest advantage of Chen Hao is that he never pays attention to my nonsense. "Come out, let's talk face to face. I'll wait for you at the nearest typhoon shelter." He hung up the phone. With such great fanfare, the result of the meeting disappointed me. "Isn't it just a little celebrity publishing an autobiography?" I sipped my milk tea, "It took half a month to get it done, so why make such a fuss?" "Little star?" Chen Hao took a breath. "Tell me, student Zhuang Xiaoqin, how much time have you had no contact with all media such as TV, newspapers, radio, and the Internet?"

He conveniently took out a newspaper from the bookshelf and began flipping through it.Ten seconds later, pop!He patted a layout in front of my eyes. "Little star? Look here!" In my opinion, the special report took up an entire page, and among the headlines in bold, there was a particularly appalling one: Lin Jiahui Guangdong Fan Club police cars cleared the way, FANS enthusiasm caused riots. I stared intently. In the black-and-white photo, a young girl was surrounded by bodyguards and entourages of the brigade. Big sunglasses covered only a little of her face, with a sharp chin, haughty and indifferent.

Lin Jiahui?Who is it? I went to his residence with Chen Hao, opened Google, and entered "Lin Jiahui". The search results were shockingly numerous, and I couldn't even count the zeros behind. Just click on one of them, and you will see the photo of this girl. She really looks like a star. After taking off her sunglasses, she looks as pretty as a real-life Barbie, and her facial features are unbelievably exquisite.I studied her resume, Canadian nationality, 1/4 British descent, family background and academic qualifications are impeccable, and the age is even more maddening: like me, 22 years old.

Chen Hao fanned the flames: "I haven't seen such a popular star for many years. I don't know where it came from, and it became a mess all of a sudden. So, I want to publish an autobiography and reveal the truth about my life. How many people are grabbing this opportunity? How much effort did it take to get…” I interrupted him bluntly: "How much?" Chen Hao stretched out his palm: "Fifty thousand." God, I almost fainted.A total of 50,000 words of manuscripts, do these people have enough money to spread it on the top of the China Millennium Altar? Chen Hao took the opportunity to stuff a stack of printed paper into my hand: "You have to contribute to the money, and all the materials are here, so you should think about it carefully."

I looked in a daze at the stack of papers, but my mind was running fast: 50,000 yuan, one yuan per word.According to my typing speed, it is equivalent to earning 4,500 yuan an hour. According to this earning speed, it is equivalent to an annual salary... Chen Hao's cell phone rang, and the vulgar ringtone interrupted my dream in time. He ran to the window to answer the phone, with an extremely humble attitude, and after hanging up the phone, he said to me beamingly: "Go, Ms. Lin's manager want to see you." "No," I said, "I'm just writing." "He said he must see the writer."

"Let him rest assured that I have my work ethic and I will never gossip around." "That's not what he meant." Chen Hao said, "He had some requirements in the book, and he was afraid that I might not understand them." three I looked at Chen Hao, and he slapped me.five fingers. Fifty thousand yuan.Oh also oh also. I nodded without choice. (2) The moment I saw Lin Zhian, I almost suffocated. If he hadn't actually appeared in front of me, I wouldn't believe that there is such a good-looking man in this world. He is so nice to see, how should I put it, there was a man named Wei Jie in the Jin Dynasty who was very handsome, and every time he went out, admirers vying to see his appearance would cause a small traffic jam.That handsome man named Wei Jie only lived to be 27 years old, and the world said that he was underestimated - the man in front of him seemed to be underestimated to that extent.

"My name is Lin Zhian." He held out his hand. "Alas." I sighed in panic and sat down. Chen Hao smiled, with a weird and ambiguous smile. We met in Sandia, a very good western restaurant.If there is no one to treat, I usually come here to spend when I am very rich.Lin Zhian started: "Ms. Lao Zhuang is responsible for this matter. Ms. Lin asked me to convey my thanks and greetings. As for the remuneration, I can pay at any time." "You're welcome," I said, "money can make a mill." "Have you ever heard Jiahui's song?" He asked me, "Which one do you like?" "Never heard of it." I shrugged, "I'm sorry." He was a little unexpected.Chen Hao hurried out to smooth things over, "Xiaoqin is busy on weekdays, how can I have time to listen to music." "Are you busy writing manuscripts all day?" Lin Zhian asked. "Busy sleeping." I answered jokingly.At this moment, the waiter brought the menu, I was hungry, I ordered a lot of food, Lin Zhian smiled kindly.I couldn't help but move my eyes from the menu to his face for three seconds, my god, he looks so good-looking. But so what about good looks? Good looks, rich money, what does it matter to me? I also know that my little temper is inexplicable, but I can't control myself. Chen Hao began to praise me: "Xiaoqin's writing is top-notch, and she's smart. I'll write about what I like, and she's the most suitable for this job." "Really?" Lin Zhian said, "What kind of books has Ms. Zhuang published?" Look, look, kill me where it hurts. I simply said bluntly: "Look at Mr. Lin, I'm really sorry to disappoint you again. The little girl is not talented, and she has never published any books." This time, the expression on his face didn't look surprised, he was considered a man with enough self-restraint.It was Chen Hao, who secretly stared at me, but I didn't care, and stared back and pulled me down. Lin Zhian laughed. Sandia's steak is really good.Chen Hao and Lin Zhian began to talk about the manuscript, when it will be completed and when it will be printed, even the format and paper, and the publicity methods in the early and late stages, all of which have been carefully considered.I concentrated on the steak until Chen Hao asked me: "Xiaoqin, let me talk about your thoughts." Four "The steak is good," I said. His face was all blue. I was already full, drank the last sip of red wine in the glass, leaned over and said to Lin Zhian: "Thank you for the wine, I still have something to do, so I will take my leave first." Chen Hao got up and wanted to hold me, but he didn't dare in the end.I walked out the door of the restaurant lightly, not without frustration.what am iIn the eyes of many people, if you give me 50,000, maybe it is possible for me to do anything. What am I? Taking advantage of a little alcohol, I staggered down the street. A car stopped in front of me. It's him. I took the initiative to open the door and sat in. He starts the engine. "Miss Zhuang seems to have something on her mind?" "Look at killing Wei Jie." I said. "What do you mean?" He smiled blankly.Of course he wouldn't understand, and I fully understand and forgive, that such a handsome man doesn't need brains. "If something offends me today, please forgive me." He said, "Actually, I have never been good at dealing with women. Especially strange women, it seems inappropriate to say anything." "Where is it?" I said, "I'm just an ordinary woman. I should be sensible." "Jiahui's book is very important to her." Lin Zhian said, "Please trouble me. I believe Mr. Chen strongly recommends the right person." "She could have written it herself," I said. "Her fans might like something she wrote herself." "If she can write, I don't need to look for you." Lin Zhian said, "Whether this matter is successful or not, please don't spread the word to the second person." It turned out that he drove to catch up, but he was worried about this. "Don't worry about it," I said, "take me home." Why don’t you have a driver? In fact, I have long since become a person who knows how to take advantage of everything.He still smiles.Probably being an assistant requires such a good cultivation.But his driving skills were really bad, he turned sharply, braked suddenly, and soon I couldn’t do it anymore. I looked pale in the rearview mirror, "Stop!" I shouted, "I want to get out of the car!" But I can't get out of the car.We are on the Siyuan Bridge. During the most congested time, the cars are packed in front and back. This kind of congestion is already disturbing.Before he could figure out what was going on, I threw up - before I could even open the window. I vomited into Lin Zhian's tidy car.He unexpectedly smiled: "Are you motion sick too?" "Xiaohui also suffers from motion sickness." He suddenly said to himself, with a sense of melancholy. "I was the one who took care of her when she got motion sickness. I told her that she wouldn't get dizzy if she sang. She sang really well. We sat at the end, and the whole car looked back at her..." that's it.As soon as my curiosity arose, he stopped just in time. He did it on purpose. Our car took a detour to wash, I got out of the car, walked a little farther, and lit a cigarette for myself, he looked at me from a distance, and didn't come close.But I can see his eyes very clearly, except for Chen Hao, it seems that no man has looked at me for a long time.Of course, apart from Chen Hao, it seems that I haven't been in contact with a man for a long time. Besides, this is a handsome man.I forgive my little nympho from the bottom of my heart. I didn't ask him to walk me to my door that day.Thank goodness I didn't throw up again.When parking, he came down first and opened the car door for me. I got out of the car like a princess and walked away without looking back. Just let him think that Zhuang Xiaoqin is a vulgar woman, and there will be no intersection in this life anyway. Fives (3) The next day I called Chen Hao: "I can't do this job, you can take the materials back." "Can't do it?" He wanted to eat me on the other end of the phone. "I can't do it! Just wait, I'll be right over." It took him 20 minutes to get to my residence by taxi. It was really annoying that Beijing's third, fourth, and fifth rings didn't block him. "Why?" he asked me? I threw the manuscript paper in front of him. "Look, the scholarly family, the great-grandfather was once knighted, read poetry at the age of three and learned the piano at the age of four, and got a degree from a prestigious school—why didn't you just write that she was the princess of Monaco? Is this human? It can't be too outrageous to fake it!" Chen Hao opened his mouth wide and looked at me. "Fake?" He asked incredulously, "Isn't all of this said to be fake? What's the difference if you make more or less?" "There is a difference." I insisted. "The story must be reasonable. Even if you write a novel, the story must be reasonable and the plot true. I can't write such false and unconvincing characters." Chen Hao was impatient. "Stop talking nonsense, I'll give you three seconds to think about it, do you want to do it or not?" Don't even think about it for a second. "No." I replied. He was so angry that he scolded me: "Be determined, Zhuang Xiaoqin, you are so hateful!" I ignored him, stuffed the manuscript paper into his arms, pushed and beat him out the door. he's gone. At first, I was very happy.Later, gradually a little melancholy.I lay in bed trying to get some sleep, but the shower head was dripping, dripping, and it had been dripping for two weeks.I've been wanting to buy a new shower head.Of course, I also want to install a bathtub. It doesn’t need any Italian or French brands. The most common ceramics are fine. It’s white and clean, and it will allow me to plunge into it after staying up late. It’s also good to drown in the gentle countryside. It was hot in the afternoon, so I turned on the air conditioner.My old air conditioner is reluctant, it doesn't have much freon, runs for a while, shuts itself off, then starts rumbling again when you're almost used to it, maybe, I should get another air conditioner. I was sweating from sleep, and I heard the phone ringing in a daze. It's Chen Hao!He came to ask if I had changed my mind! I turned over and rushed to the phone, grabbed the receiver and said hello, but there was no response.After a soft "da", a sweet female voice rang out, unhurriedly: "You have not paid the Internet access fee for April and May, please go to the business hall to handle it quickly, so as not to cause inconvenience to you due to shutdown... ..." I hung up the microphone and was stunned.Summer came with such urgency, surrounded me, I had nowhere to escape, and suddenly I was extremely depressed. Zhuang Xiaoqin is in Beijing.Zhuang Xiaoqin was alone.Zhuang Xiaoqin is a determined fool, she has the last two hundred yuan left in her passbook. What should Zhuang Xiaoqin do? The phone rang again, probably to remind me of the gas bill, I couldn't bear it. I still pick it up.This time it was a male voice. "Is it Miss Zhuang Xiaoqin?" He asked cautiously. "It's me." I was annoyed. "How much?" He was startled over there. "Miss Zhuang... I think you made a mistake." You are mistaken!You all got it wrong!I cursed in my heart.He still maintained basic etiquette: "What's the matter?" "I'm Lin Zhian." He said. "Hmm." I replied.Then I desperately recalled, Lin Zhian... The male voice over there was still talking, and the tone seemed very sincere: "Miss Zhuang, that's it. I appreciate your attitude towards work, and I think your opinions are reasonable. So, if you have time, it's not convenient to meet again ? I still want this to be done by you.” He put on the posture of a lobbyist, as if he had prepared a 30,000-word draft to persuade me.In fact, it is not necessary. Zhuang Xiaoqin's impulse to despise money has always been very short-lived. six "I have time." I added without self-respect, "Anytime." After saying this, I was startled, looked at my phone, and dropped it to the corner of the bed. Then I started to dress up, freshen up, and change a lot of dresses.In the end, I changed back to the one from last night, and sat on the edge of the bed with the urge to cry.I am no longer the eighteen-year-old Zhuang Xiaoqin. At that time, I could make boys lose their souls with a slight smile. Of course I still went to see him, at the place where we parted ways last night.His car was waiting there, as if it had never left last night.I had the illusion of panic for a moment, reminding myself to calm down. I opened the car door myself, and after I sat in it, I asked him, "Where are we going?" "You will know when you go." He pretended to be mysterious.I have always been very disgusted with this kind of posture. For the sake of his handsomeness, I snorted and didn't jump out of the car. "Miss Zhuang," he pondered for a moment, "Mr. Chen conveyed your opinion to me. He said you think..." "I don't think it's necessary for you to fabricate such a miraculous life experience. Besides, I don't understand why you want to write an autobiography? Heroes don't ask about their backgrounds. Red is red. It doesn't matter if you grew up picking up trash." I seemed to see Lin Zhian smiled, which was meaningful.I don't care. "Also, even if you want to compile—Mr. Lin, forgive me for telling the truth, try to make it as reliable as possible. The information is full of nonsense, and even the dates are contradictory. Which of your staff made it? It really should be printed .” He smiled: "Mr. Chen really did not recommend wrongly, you are a very good author." "Now can you let me know exactly where we're going?" I asked him. "Xiaohui has a performance at Shouti tonight at 8 o'clock," he said. "I want you to take a look." As a result, that night, the road magically blocked and blocked.We are late.At first I thought it was nothing, an assistant, not a personal bodyguard, and it’s not like the lights on the stage wouldn’t work without him.Lin Zhian took me to the VIP seat and I ran away. I watched Lin Jiahui's performance on the stage intently, and finally came to the conclusion: this girl was indeed born to be a star. It cannot be said that her singing voice is the most beautiful, her figure is the most graceful, and her appearance is the most beautiful.But there was something different about this girl.She raced tirelessly from one end of the stage to the other, flailing her arms vigorously, each stomp setting off a tsunami of riots from the fans below. Finally, she quietly sang a slow song with a slightly hoarse voice, which broke my heart: when the last rose of summer A lonely wine glass in an empty room I know it's gonna wither like our love never comes back Look at your long hair being gently blown by the wind Watching the beautiful past fall into the fire of memory See who is playing the piano and singing who's seventeen look at young vows like flowing water going east seven Some things are the most beautiful after sweet words once said Every sentence is the comfort of growth some people love so purely A wounded heart never backs down Plant loneliness into a stamen of spring Although you and I no longer relative And the last rose of summer with the most beautiful posture broken heart An indescribable fascination enveloped her.I thought, maybe this is the so-called "model", Lin Jiahui was born with a star model, so even if she is said to be the princess of Monaco, maybe it is understandable - I suddenly thought so. Yes, sweet dreams always need confused people to come true, why should I insist on principles so much. At the end of the performance, the whole audience went crazy for an encore, but Lin Jiahui didn't come out for a long time.The roof was about to be knocked down, Lin Zhian suddenly appeared and dragged me backstage. "The show is over," he said. "I'll take you to the dressing room to meet her." "Isn't there still an Encore?" I reminded him. The answer is cool. "True stars are never bad." Lin Zhian is really a strange person. The crowded place gave me a bloody way. Twenty minutes later, I came to the door of Miss Lin Jiahui's dressing room. "Where's Lin Zhian?" A female voice rang out.I knew it was Lin Jiahui, but I couldn't believe it, this voice and the singing voice were completely different. Lin Zhian gave me a wry smile and went into the dressing room.I don't know what makeup they both put on, I just heard a woman shouting: "Just do what I say! You tell her to stop talking nonsense, she won't be a lot of people waiting to do it." I didn't hear Lin Zhian speak, probably bowed his head to defend, and kept his voice inaudible. Then there was another crackling sound, I guess Lin Zhian continued to explain something. Suddenly there was a loud noise, and something fell to the ground and shattered.I shuddered, such a tyrannical temperament. Finally Lin Zhian came out and smiled awkwardly at me.I noticed that there was an extra bruise on his forehead. He noticed my gaze, and he pretended not to care: "Throw a vase at me." He said. "Why is she mad at you?" I asked. Lin Zhian smiled wryly. "I'm sorry, she is in a bad mood today and doesn't want to see guests." Eight I turned and walked outside without saying a word. Lin Zhian chased me at the exit. "Miss Zhuang, let me take you home." "And puke up your car," I reminded him. He didn't care about my provocation at all, and drove over in his car. As soon as he beckoned, I obediently got in. The charm of a handsome guy is irresistible. "Miss Zhuang, the reason why I brought you to see Xiaohui is to let you see the real her. She is the real her on the stage. I hope you don't take anything else seriously." "Hmph." I replied. Lin Zhian suddenly sighed heavily. "Actually, I don't know why she became like this." That moment and the certainty that there is a story between him and her.Stars and assistants, there should be such a version in many romance novels, but in the autobiographical materials provided to me, there is no part of Lin Zhian. He is just an invisible wing in her life. It is a pity to think so. "Miss Zhuang." Lin Zhian said, "I need your answer." "Oh, good." I looked at him, distracted. "Thank you," he said. "The car wash fee will be deducted from the author's remuneration." I said. he laughs.Invincible smile. "What's the name of that song she sings?" I asked. "Which song?" "The last rose of summer, the lonely wine glass blooming in an empty room..." "Yes, it's called the last rose of summer." Lin Zhian said, "No matter how beautiful the flower blooms, I should thank her. It is also a good thing to write a book to record some of her past." After speaking, he sighed. His sigh is also so touching. I'm glad I'm immune to love.Otherwise, it must be an ugly death. 4 I finally took the job.I think I still want to thank Chen Hao.He invited him to have dinner in the typhoon shelter, and ordered him his favorite sea crab porridge. Chen Hao deserves to be a conscientious manager. Before the porridge was served, he took the time to ask me: "How is it?" I answered honestly: "The remuneration has been increased, and a part of it has been paid in advance. I can propose amendments to the materials, but I must discuss with Lin Zhian in advance." "You don't have to go through me now?" he said. "Actually, you see, I didn't take any kickbacks from you." I blushed a little, and I finally suppressed it. Chen Hao nodded. "Writing an autobiography for a famous person is still stressful. You can't say what you should say, let alone what you shouldn't say. Look—" He gave me a newspaper.On the entertainment page, the headline was clearly in sight: Singer Lin Jiahui was revealed to have made a living in a nightclub, and the agency said it would not respond. Nine Chen Hao said: "I happened to know the reporter who wrote this report. He said that shortly after the report came out, he received a considerable amount of money and told him not to mention it again. And the witnesses interviewed at the time Immediately changed his mind, money is good." I said: "This at least shows that Lin Jiahui is indeed a mysterious girl." After a pause, I said again: "Isn't it a handsome man who handed the money to him?" Chen Hao frowned. "Xiaoqin, I suddenly feel a little regretful. Can you turn down this job? I have a hunch that this will be a trouble..." "Haha." I laughed, "I know you're thinking wildly." He is silent. "But I can't go back." "Why?" He was taken aback by my tone. I said quickly, "Because I've installed two new air conditioners, bought a bottle of JO.MALONE's rose water, and two workers are sweating in my bathroom—for my new bathtub." I originally thought that Chen Hao would be so angry that he would throw a spoon at me, but he just sighed: "Think about it yourself." "Thank you." I said after a while, "I know you have been looking for opportunities for me. Otherwise, maybe I will starve to death in Beijing." "Don't say that, let alone I owe you." He immediately continued. I suddenly became impatient again. "Chen Hao, how many times have I told you that you don't owe me. I don't blame anyone for that matter. Please don't mention it again." He foolishly said, "But I..." "What are you? You are annoying, do you know? How many times do you want me to say it? I don't want to mention the past. " He was silent.After a while, suddenly, the voice trembled: "Xiaoqin, I heard yesterday that... Zhang Li... has returned to his country." tension. Which comrade is tension? I put my hands on my forehead and thought.What is the relationship between Zhang Li and me, Zhuang Xiaoqin? "Headache." I said to Chen Hao. "Are you still afraid of hearing this name?" Chen Hao asked. "What do you say?" I asked him back. "Didn't it mean that it's all over?" It turned out that Chen Hao also had times to be unreasonable. I bid him farewell and went home alone.I lit myself a Double Happiness, some expired cigarettes, I managed to find them out, took two puffs, the past was like smoke. Tension, yes, I am afraid to hear this name. Tension was my first love. Four years ago, I came to Beijing because Zhang Li wrote me a letter.Zhang Li said in the letter: "Xiaoqin, why don't you come over? Don't you believe me? Am I going to let you starve and freeze to sleep on the road? Am I treating you badly?" At that time, Zhuang Xiaoqin was a silly girl. When she saw this letter, she ran to Beijing happily. She was 18 years old and just graduated from high school. I had no skills but a beautiful appearance. I thought that every girl in love was a princess. In the beginning, yes.The sweet days lasted for several months.Zhang Li was working in an advertising company at that time, and he would often take his colleagues home to eat my poorly cooked boiled fish, bragging and saying, "This is my wife!" Chen Hao was one of those colleagues who envied him.I just didn't see it clearly. In fact, most people have disapproval in their eyes. They are all highly educated and high-income, and I just graduated from high school, and I have been without a job for a year... But happiness can blind one's eyes. At that time, I didn't know that I was just a Cinderella. ten How did things happen afterwards?Zhang Li said he was going to Europe to study media.Because media majors seldom provide scholarships to international students, I asked him, "What about the money?" Suddenly the tension flared up.I never thought that he would be so angry with himself.He yelled, "Where is the money? How dare you ask me to ask for money? You have been in Beijing for a year and never thought of going out to work. Do you know how much the rent is? How much is the water and electricity bill? How much is it for you to buy clothes?" I was stupid then.For a long time, I just defended in a low voice: "I didn't want to come..." But at that time, I didn't know that it was useless to say that. When love disappeared, it just disappeared.It is useless for you to cry and complain. Then Zhang Li really left, half a month later.Before leaving, he left a note: Xiaoqin, there are still two months' rent left.The bank card is in your bag, you should know the password, and there are still 8,000 yuan, which can be used for you to find a job. Two months is really long.I went to Guomao with that card in my pocket. A Versace printed chiffon dress cost 4,000 yuan, and a pair of 3,000 yuan Ferragamo sheepskin high-heeled shoes.There was one thousand yuan left, so I took it out, went to Sandia restaurant to eat steak, and took a taxi home. I was very beautiful that day.The white chiffon dress is on the upper body, the silver high heels are shining, as long as there is a diamond crown, I am a real princess. The moment the knife cuts my wrist, please believe that I am very nostalgic for life. When I woke up, I was in the hospital with a thick bandage on my left wrist and a needle in my right hand.I tried my best to remember for a long time, and I was very confused. I don't know which link went wrong. Could it be that I will be like Marilyn?Monroe, take sleeping pills and call for help? I turned sideways, and heard an ecstatic voice: "Zhuang Xiaoqin, you're awake!" It's Chen Hao.He said he was sorry for me and went to confess to me that night. I didn't open the door. He thought it was wrong, so he slammed into the door and found me dying. "Why are you sorry for me?" I asked weakly. He said: "A month ago the company had a party, and I introduced a girlfriend of mine to Zhang Li." and then? "Then, that girl fell in love with Zhang Li. Her family is very rich, and the whole family has immigrated to Switzerland. She paid for Zhang Li to study media in Stuttgart, Germany. Their wedding... will be held in Vienna." At that moment, I felt very relaxed, really relaxed, from the bottom of my heart. It turned out that it was not my fault that he left me, but that he found a better life. Chen Hao waited on me in the hospital for half a month in a daze.I said, I was going to be discharged from the hospital, and I had no money to pay the medical bills.He said I'll pad it for you.I said thank you, he said no, I owe you. Chen Hao left the advertising company and went to a second-rate publishing house. Everyone said that he was out of his mind.His reason was high-sounding, saying that a place like an advertising company can only lead an impetuous life.Moreover, he is also old, no longer willing to accept endless overtime, and the real reason, I know, maybe, only me. He read the blog I wrote when I was bored and decided that I had a future. "Zhuang Xiaoqin, do you want to pay back the medical expenses you owe me?" "Think." I said. "Write a book for a director, and sign his name, of course—do you want to do it?" "Why are you looking for me?" I asked him. "I've never written anything." "Because you are cheap enough." Chen Hao said. "And, I owe you." That was my first job as a shooter. I remember it very clearly. I buried my head and wrote more than 100,000 words, earning 5,000 yuan.When Chen Hao handed over the money to me, I cried.Strangely, I didn't cry when Zhang Li left, and I didn't cry at the moment when I decided to commit suicide, but when those red bills touched my skin, I cried like a volcano erupted, and my throat was dry. eleven "It turns out that among all the things in this world, money is what I love the most." While crying, I chattered with Chen Hao. "Cry if you want," he said in a deep voice, "everything will pass." Everything will pass.This is really a wise saying.Sadness, love, laughter and tears will all be defeated by time and eventually become memories. But now, he's back, he's back on this day. I have accumulated all the strength in my body, wanting revenge.Now the opportunity has come, but I don't know how to do it.Or I should take the initiative to appear in front of him, slap him, and tell him that I am no longer the old Zhuang Xiaoqin. Naive, even if we are in the same city, maybe we will never have the chance to meet again. That's right, no one needs to see anyone's pride, and no one needs to feel anyone's sadness. What am I afraid of? 5 I dived to work. Lin Jiahui's autobiography is progressing slowly.The information she provided was insufficient in evidence and full of mistakes and omissions.In fact, no one is a fool. I have already guessed part of the truth from the details that Lin Zhian accidentally revealed that day. I am just curious, what is the relationship between them?brother and sister?Siblings?Or, lovers?As for Lin Jiahui's efforts to fabricate a noble life experience, I am 100% incomprehensible. Qi Qin has also entered the juvenile detention center. Many superstars have been bad boys. The difficult past will only double the fanaticism in the hearts of the audience. ——What is she doing? Fortunately, Lin Zhian is indeed the handsome guy among the handsome guys.Although he still doesn't understand what "watching and killing Wei Jie" is, at least he is kind.I said, it can’t be written like this here, I checked online, and the church girls’ high school was closed in 1979, he said yes; I said, there must be changes, because Zhang Xiaohui also bought children’s clothes at Lane Crawford before she was six years old. , Looks like plagiarism, he said, no problem. He is really a good-natured man. When he was free, he would come to see me. When he came, he always brought a large bouquet of poppies, gorgeous big red flowers, very similar to poppies. He said they were Xiaohui's favorite.I sighed, the man spoke only Xiaohui.Probably because I can talk more about "Xiaohui" without any scruples, that's why I often come here.I made boiled fish for him to eat. At this time, my skills have improved greatly. This Zhuang Xiaoqin is no longer the silly girl who committed suicide for someone four years ago. She is doing the most dishonest job. As long as the price is right, she In this world, all deceit and betrayal can be tolerated. I got along very well with Lin Zhian.Sometimes I would take him to the small restaurant downstairs on the pretext that I was too tired to cook.Lin Zhian didn't know my little selfishness. In his heart, I was a very innocent girl, as innocent as "Xiaohui" before. "How long ago?" I asked him deliberately. He thought about it carefully for ten seconds. "Before seventeen," he said. "After that, a lot of things changed, you know." "What do I know? All I know is that she was sent to New York at 17 to study art history—what is art history?" I asked, playing dumb. Lin Zhian patted my head, with a guilty conscience that he wanted to cover up.I laughed out loud. I haven't been this happy for a long time. It's also a pleasure to see the handsome guy embarrassed. He actually stared at me in a daze. I look away. It's not that there are waves in my heart, but I don't allow myself to be moved anymore. twelve I have already died in love once, and I don't want to try the taste of the second time. I would rather suffer all kinds of grievances or enjoy the ecstasy in ambiguity. Just never thought I'd see Tension again.我本以为，在我的世界里，他已经转身，彻底死亡。 看见他，是在林嘉惠新电影的新闻发布会，他作为某家传媒集团的副总，年富力强的海归，媒体界炙手可热的名流，出现在贵宾席。他像四年前一样帅，西装革履，风度翩翩。 我想假装没看见他，但是他看见了我。他的表情很惊讶，大概他以为没学历没能力的庄小勤正在某家工厂的流水线上腐烂，他万万没想到我会出现在这样的“高尚场合”。 我只好对他微笑，身上穿着那条4000块的Versace长裙。这条裙子的裙摆上还是有一点洗不掉的血渍，但是我也只有这一条可以穿来正式场合的裙子。 发布会本身，是四海升平，一团和气，所以乏善可陈。我比较感兴趣的是接下来的自助餐，林志安带我来也就是为了这个。他说大热天的我辛苦工作也该有些额外奖励，特意给我指点了哪几样菜式最昂贵，在餐厅的哪个角落，然后他就消失了——林小姐的跟班，不是好做的。 我也就老实不客气地端着盘子在餐厅里扫荡，在场的名媛淑女们都吃得很少很少，便宜了我，我吃了两只澳洲龙虾，裙子已经绷得非常非常紧。 张力就在这时候跟我打招呼。“小勤！”他风度翩翩地喊，“别来无恙？” 我真想抽他一记耳光，无恙？你差点害死了一个人，现在好意思让她无恙？ 但我还是笑眯眯地，一边吃东西，一边含糊不清地回答：“托您的洪福，过得不赖。” 他呵呵呵，假装没听出我话里的讽刺。一个穿白色低胸装的平胸老女人出现在他身边，他微笑着介绍：“Vivian，我太太。Vivian，这是庄小勤，我在国内时候的好朋友。” 他这样介绍的时候居然没有一丝的踌躇，流畅得仿佛在背诵事实。我在心里已经咒过他一千遍，但是为了维持礼貌，我转向他名字年轻的太太，寻找话题说：“陈昊也是我的朋友。” 她惊讶地看我一眼，那种茫然的神情绝对不是假装的。“陈昊？”她问。 张力和她解释：“陈昊是我出国之前的一个朋友。”又转向我，“我很少和Vivian提到国内的朋友，她不认识陈昊。” do not know?我愣了一下，真不认识假不认识？ “你最近在忙些什么？”张力转开话题，看来他对我的现状较感兴趣。 “小勤！”正说着，林志安过来拖我，“我到处找你，原来你在这里。” 我挽住林志安，满足地笑。 张力的脸上有灰败的表情。 他不要的女人，自有人要。而是是帅男，多金。这场戏他至少输了一半。 只是我没想到的是，半路杀出程咬金，有人走过来，轻轻拉走了林志安，对他说：“你过来一下。”我用了足足三秒钟才反应过来，那个人是林嘉惠。真奇怪，尽管我一直在撰写着她的自传，虚拟着她的生平，尽管我在网上看过她无数的照片，也看过她的演唱会，我还是无法把面前这个女孩和上述的一切形象联系起来。唯一没有疑问的是，林嘉惠真的非常漂亮。她穿着一条镶满水钻的黑色长裙，一双大眼睛波光流转，昂着下巴，把林志安藏在身后，骄傲地问我：“你就是庄小勤？” "Well." I said. “听说你和他，这段时间走得很近？” “嘉惠……”林志安试图打断她。 “我没问你，我要她答。”她口气咄咄逼人，看着我。 Thirteen “呵呵。”我笑，“你是何人，凭什么吩咐我答这答那？” 我听见她冷哼一声。然后，在我没有反应过来的时候，发生了我最不能想象的一件事！ 林嘉惠抬起胳膊，狠狠地给了我一耳光。 我条件反射地捧住脸的一刹，居然感到自己在微笑，迷迷糊糊地想：这么重，她一定用了全身力气。 然后我一个趔趄跌倒了，那双Ferragamo的鞋子底非常非常薄，本来就只适合走红地毯。我在倒地的一刹，惊恐地听见“嗤啦”一声，我4000块的长裙，它的腰线开裂了，什么狗屁世界名牌，我在心里大骂。 林嘉惠站在我的面前，我只看得见她穿高跟凉鞋的脚，形状美丽，涂着宝蓝色的指甲油。她冷冷地甩下一句话：“婊子！”拨开人群扬长而去。 闪光灯亮成一片。 接下来，是我努力从地上爬起，把两只鞋子提在手里，慢慢向出口走。我本来想走得快一点的，但是我的双脚发软，每迈一步都需要挣扎，而且每一步，我都要推开记者。他们一个个手里举着明晃晃的镜头，我看也不看，我不在乎腰间露出白花花的赘肉，丢脸到一定程度时，羞耻心就可以免了。 我走到门口的时候有人打开记者，一把拖住我，往外猛跑。 是林志安。 他拉着我上了他的白色福特，一言不发，我们开始在三环路上飞奔。我开始微微地发抖，越抖越厉害，四年前张力离开我的时候，我曾经觉得世界上最悲惨的事情莫过于此，但是今天，更可怕的事情终于发生了。我的脑子里一片空白，不用自杀，我已经死了，我终于明白，原来失去爱情都不可怕，可怕的是失去尊严——在大庭广众面前。 林志安递给我纸巾，我扔还给他。我根本就不想哭，哭是小女孩释放情绪的方式，对于饱经沧桑的油条庄小勤，她若还能哭，未免太过幸运。 “对不起。”林志安说，“小勤，真的对不起。” 我不语。 “今天小惠问我最近为什么跟你走得很近，我告诉她，我喜欢上了你。” 我从后望镜里看见自己铁青着脸，嘴唇紧抿。我听见自己的牙齿在格格打着冷战。这么一个半死不活的人，你喜欢我？我觉得非常滑稽，居然笑了，笑过之后，忽然感到一阵恶心。 “停车！”我叫。 幸好这次，我们是在一个不甚繁华的路段，林志安停车，我扑向路边，开始呕吐。他很熟练地扶住我，轻轻拍我的背。18岁以后，我再也没有这样撕心裂肺地吐过，那顿昂贵的午餐……我居然还有这样可恨的幽默感。 到最后呕出胆汁来的时候我才慌起来。林志安也急了：“走去医院！” “现在去要变成头版头条。”我抗议，“这症状太像怀孕了。” 林志安顿时哭笑不得：“庄小勤，我怀疑你是不是装的？这时候你还开得出玩笑？” “不开玩笑还能怎么样？趴在地上等待世界末日？”我横他一眼。也奇怪，拌嘴之后，我也不想吐了，接过林志安递来的娃哈哈，漱了漱口。 他心悦诚服：“你是个不一般的女子。” I laughed out loud. 很久很久以后，林志安才重新开始和我说话。那天他开着车，我们在宽阔得如同一个巨大坟场的北京城，漫无目的地瞎逛了四个钟头。四个钟头里他一直在不停地说话，用他自己的话来讲，就是，真话已经被压抑得太久，终于选择今日，来了一次彻底的喷发。 fourteen “我和小惠，17岁的时候就出来闯荡了。她的真名当然不叫林嘉惠，至于叫什么，现在已经一点也不重要。那时候很幼稚，出来的时候身上只有500块钱，以为大城市就是人间天堂。我们坐了两天两夜的汽车来北京，小惠一直不停地晕车，吐，我为了她和周围的人打架，从一开始是这样，到后来也是。” “为什么？为什么要打架？”话一问出来，我马上后悔自己的白痴。 林志安笑了笑。“她太漂亮了。在夜总会唱歌的时候，总是有人打她的主意。那时候，我们很相爱。她是一个单纯的好姑娘，真的。说到底，是我连累了她。” “你怎么连累她了？” “我那时候打架不要命，把道上一个老大的儿子打残了。我们只能逃跑，没有一分钱，能跑到哪里去？最后饿得绝望了，小惠说，这样不是办法。她走了，两天以后回来，趴在我怀里大哭，大哭……她的哭声，我永远忘不了。” 林志安面无表情。I shuddered.不用再说，我知道发生了可怕的事。 “然后，我们就有点破罐子破摔。现在，你如果去通县的派出所查，一定还能查到我们的案底。要真是杀人放火，倒也好了。但那是耻辱，是让人一辈子都抹不去的耻辱，你明白吗？” “那现在，你们总算熬出头了。祝贺你们。”沉默了半晌之后，我真心诚意地说。 林志安摇摇头。“小勤，你不会那么天真吧？世界上所有的事情都有代价。能有今天，小惠付出了她的代价。现在的她并不自由。你看她很风光，一套首饰就能让很多人吃一辈子，其实，那些并不归她所有。她还是一无所有。” “其实在这个世界上，唯一真心对她好，不求回报的人，也只有我。可是我觉得很累。我曾经希望能一辈子对她好下去，但是不行。”林志安忽然猛踩一脚刹车。“她想要忘记以前的生活，变成另外一个人。有时候，有时候我觉得她疯了。” 他想了想，又肯定地说了一句。“她是疯了。” 林志安深深呼吸，他以为自己很平静。实际上，他的眼泪已经不停流下来。我从来没有看见一个男人流过那么多眼泪，我心酸地想，他一定是真的很累了。 所以，当林志安最后把头靠在我的肩膀上，我就没有拒绝。谁说我们没有真的喜欢对方呢？我们是通过谎言认识的，可是，在那一刻，当我衣冠不整，狼狈不堪，而他把头靠着我肩膀，我们向彼此展示的，是最真实的自己。那一晚我们恋恋不舍地分别，林志安的吻轻轻落到我鼻尖的时候，有一刹，我几乎相信，我重新得到了幸福。 6 第二天，我收到两个包裹。一份来自林志安，一份匿名。 我想了想，先打开了林志安的包裹。一抖开，哗，我惊叹，是一条华伦天奴的白色长裙，是所有女孩梦想的那一款，还有一张小卡片，林志安的字写得不算漂亮：小勤，你的裙子坏了，这是新裙子。 他真的把我当公主。 我穿上这华丽过份的裙子才打开第二份包裹。 包裹包得很严，我拆的时候犹豫了一下，不会是定时炸弹？I muttered in my heart. 不是，包裹完全打开来，是一大堆扎得严严实实的报纸，你能想象到的所有报纸，在娱乐版，头版，醒目的位置，刊登着昨天自助餐厅里的一幕，林嘉惠耳光甩向我，嘴角里不屑地逼出一句：“婊子！” 我告诉自己，不能看，看只是徒增烦恼，不能改变任何。但是我一张一张机械地翻开，还好还好，记者们的闪光灯大多对准高傲美丽的林嘉惠，甚少照顾到我这被打翻在地的失败者。我不停翻，直到翻到一张，头版，几乎半个版面，我倒地一瞬的照片，裙子撕裂，露出一大截文字工作者特有的赘肉横生的腰…… 我尖叫一声。 那一天我没有开门，没有下楼。关掉电话，关掉电脑，冰箱里还有一点点西米露，是我一天的口粮。 其实我心里清楚事情会是这样，林志安昨天也再三给我打气，但是当这些报纸真真实实摊在我眼前，当加大的黑体字一张张印上：“婊子！”我才发现，我远没有自己想象的坚强。 fifteen 忽然间我理解了林嘉惠，她为什么要给自己包装那么一份完美无瑕的身世。就算是英雄不问出处，她那黑暗的过去，如果被连篇累牍地这样报道，最微小的瑕疵也会被放大，最无辜的遭遇也要被质疑。 她真的会疯掉。 可是你知道吗，其实，报道本身，并不是让我崩溃的真正原因。 我认真地看过，那唯一一张把我狼狈跌倒的照片作为头条的报纸，总编的名字上写着：张力。 我就坐在房间里，从早到晚。中途有两次有人敲门，我都没开。我感觉那个人在门外站了很久，我的感觉是对的，因为我过了很久站起身来，看到他的背影正在过马路，那个帅气到极致的人，他为我落寞的背影，我的眼泪掉下来，不可收拾。 我配不上他，我们没有将来。 直到天完全黑下来，我才觉得恢复了一点勇气。我接上电话线，打算叫一份川菜馆的外卖。我还没来得及拨号电话就响起来。 “是小勤吗？”一个男人问。 他没说他是谁，但是我当然认得他。这把声音，化成了灰，我都认得。 半个小时以后，我和张力约在一间咖啡厅见面。 我穿着那身华伦天奴的长裙，他惊讶地打量我。对，要的就是这效果。在你爱的人面前大可放浪形骸，在你恨的人面前，一定要时时保持光彩照人。 “张总找我什么事？”我在他对面坐下。 他端详我，确定已经开始让我不自在的时候才说：“庄小勤，你越来越漂亮。” 他叫我庄小勤，客气得不像样。 我终于鼓足勇气看回他。第一次爱过的人，面目还没有全非，却还是如同隔了一片江洋大海。 “你好吗？”他忽然换了口吻，柔声问我。 "It's okay." I said. “还像个孩子。”他叹息。 我笑：“当初你丢下一个孩子时，可有犯罪感？” “小勤。”他说，“我有我的无奈……” “无非是金钱地位。”我打断他。 他尴尬地笑。好半天才举起咖啡对我说：“能否冰释前嫌……我们集团正需要一个策划部主任，年薪很有竞争力，你如果感兴趣……？” “我？”我指着我自己的鼻孔哈哈大笑，“张总您真逗。哦，对了，我差点忘了谢谢您，让我一夜成名。这种大恩大德，对我已足矣。” “一天那么多新闻，谁会在乎谁？”张力俯身对我说，“你若愿配合我炒作，我保证你得到意想不到的好处。” “哈哈。”我笑。他终于慢慢接近真话题。 “你的意思是？”我故意逗他。 “你给我一些我想要的东西，我给你一些你想要的东西。” sixteen “你知道我想要什么吗？”我问他。 “当然。”他胸有成竹地说，“至少我们曾经了如指掌。” 我伸出左手，竖起一根指头。再伸出右手，比划出一个“八”来。 “十八万？”他说，“呵呵，看来你现在胃口不小啊。” 我摇摇头说：“我想要回我十八岁那年的纯真。” 这回轮到他哈哈大笑。我知道，他一定觉得我可笑之极，所以我耐心地等着他笑完，然后继续说道：“我不知道你到底想炒些什么，不过张总的前女友。一个弃妇的血泪控诉，你们有没有兴趣策划这样一个选题？我觉得是不错的哦。” 张力涵养再好也被我气得说不出话。我笑哈哈站起身：“不耽误您宝贵的时间，我先走了。”又恶作剧加上一句，“当然现在网络资讯很发达，所以，我是不拒绝封口费的，想要打的话，随时，如果你还记得我的银行卡号……” “庄小勤，你你！”他忽然一副痛心疾首的表情，“你你怎么变成这个样子？” “拜您所赐！”我轻松地回答，顺手端起咖啡泼向他。他闪避，我耸耸肩：“空的。”把杯子往地上一扔。服务生赶过来，我手一摊：“那位先生负责买单。”扬长而去。 我能听见张力在后面喊我：“小勤，你别走！”时光忽然回到十八岁的那一年，我在北京，第一次和他吵架，我拿起包要走，他只这么轻轻一句，我已转身哭倒在他怀里。但是，我知道，现在的我不能回头，我必须全神贯注地走路，不然随时都会摊掉，为了演这一出，我耗费了全身力气。 我走出咖啡屋，风吹得凄凉。张力的车从后面追过来，他摇开车窗唤我：“小勤。” 我没有转头继续走。 “小勤。”他说，“我今天实际上是想向你道歉的，对不起，你一定要原谅我。” 我还是没有转头继续走。 他把车停到路边，下车来抓住我的胳膊。我惊讶地抬头看他，我曾经最爱最恨的人，他的面目还没有全非。 “跟我走。”他说，“我带你去一个地方。” “不。”我挣脱他。 “从我那天见到你，我就知道，我从来都没有忘记过你。”张力哑着嗓子说，“给我机会，我只要站稳脚根，我们就永远在一起。” 我的泪终于不可控制地流下来。 他把我拖到车上。 “我知道你也没忘记过我。”他说，“小勤，我向天发誓，我愿意为我过去的所有过失买单，只要可以再和你一起。” 我短暂失语。 他也不再说话，把车开到了我们共同熟悉的一个地方。四年了，我以为我永远都不会再来的地方。我们共同住过的那个家。 seventeen 张力说：“房东把房子租给了别的人，签了合约，我高价才重新租回来。不是要你住这里，只是想让你明白我的心。我会给你买很好的房子，小勤，相信我，只要你愿意住。” 我推开门，屋内一切依旧。包括那张旧沙发，那张旧的书桌，甚至厨房里我做过水煮鱼的那口锅。 他是费了心思的。 张力从后面环住我，我颤抖，欲推开他。他俯身吻我的耳垂，不容我拒绝。我痛恨自己，竟有片刻的贪恋。 “小勤。”他在我耳边低语，“我想重头来过。” 我如掉入梦中，分不清东南西北。他说完，把我抱到了沙发上，那是我们曾经一起躺过的旧沙发，我来北京的第一天，我躺在他的身上，数他的头发，他跟我说，要爱我一辈子。一辈子是那么短，短到让人绝望。张力的眼睛看着我，我在他的眼睛里看到一个陌生的自己，仿佛一个世纪过去了，我终于奋力推开他，往门外跑去。 漆黑的楼道，我差点跑丢了我的高跟鞋，我是那样奋不顾身地跑下楼，外面在下雨，倾盆大雨，如注。我跑进雨里，像逃离。 跑到家门口的时候，有人一把抱住我，他说：“天，小勤，我就知道你有事。” 是林志安。 当晚我发高烧。四十度，林志安要送我去医院，我不肯。我想，如果我告诉医生我是吓烧的，我怕他们会把我送到精神病院。 他妥协，买了退烧药来给我吃。雨太大了，伞挡不住，回来的时候，他身上是潮的。他扶我起来，给我喂药，我听到他叹息：“小勤，我们该如何是好？” 我已没有力气回应，很快进入梦乡。我梦到会梦见林嘉惠