Chapter 5 "Light of the Earth" The day she was sent away

The day I sent her away (1) 5 She can always remember the day her mother sent her away. The mother took her by the hand and said to her, Rinso, come with me.The mother took her to the stranger, who put her in the carriage, and she cried and struggled.Mother just frowned slightly, the tears in her eyes never rolled down. She jumped out of the car desperately, but the stranger came after her and dragged her back into the car.Seeing this, the mother turned and ran away covering her face.She was stunned by her mother's escape.So much so that I completely forgot that I was sitting in a carriage, and I was getting farther and farther away from my homeland.The tents and cattle at home gradually turned into a black spot at the end of the field of vision.In the end, even the black spots disappeared, leaving only the boundless mountains and rivers rolling down, suddenly falling from the sight.

The night before she was born, her mother dreamed that a golden Buddha statue appeared in the stove at home. However, when her mother reached out to take out the Buddha statue, the Buddha statue suddenly fell into pieces. This ominous dream made the mother prejudice against the birth of the child.The mother once thought that she could be a son-because there were already two daughters in the family.However, seeing the birth of the third daughter, the father became disappointed and became very impatient. During the long growth period, she and her sisters could only live in humiliation.Do many things every day.Busy from dawn when the stars are shining until night falls.Then the next day came again without compromise.But because of the lack of reference, they don't think it's bitter.Because the women of the ancestors have survived in this way.Except for the occasional beating and scolding by their alcoholic father, they still don't feel that life is hopeless.

One day when she was twelve years old, she felt severe pain in her lower abdomen.Can't tell why.The pain gradually became milder after a few days, and she didn't care about it.However, in the second month she started to have seizures again, and the severe pain caused her to faint suddenly while working.After that, the pain never disappeared, and the frequency of attacks became more and more intensive.Her lips had turned black and purple, and her body was getting weaker and weaker.Didn't even have the strength to get up.She only felt the inexplicable swelling of her lower body, until the unbearable pain of falling hit her.

The mother became flustered and anxious.The omen seemed to suggest some ominous disease. Finally one day, a famous traveling doctor came to their grassland. He saw the smoking wet cow dung in front of Ren Suo's tent, so he went in to check on the patients.The mother was suffering from Ren Suo's strange disease. When she saw the doctor, she immediately begged the doctor for a diagnosis as if she had grasped a life-saving straw. Ren Suo knew nothing about the arrival of the traveling doctor.When the traveling doctor treated her, she was even unconscious.He heard about the illness, saw the girl's purple lips, and he knew what was going on as long as he felt the pulse.It's just that his expression is a little weird.He called the girl's mother aside, and told her a little shyly that she was a stone girl.The lower body has been blocked by blood stasis, the whole body is poor in Qi and blood, and the meridians are bloated.

Mother was speechless in shock.In their view, this is a very ominous symbol.Only those who committed serious sins in the previous life will end up like this in this life.The mother immediately said to the wandering doctor, "My lord, please keep quiet..." She sobbed softly because she felt ashamed. The traveling doctor said that I might be able to save her.But I need Panax notoginseng, and I need to search for it. A few nights later, when she finally woke up dying, the traveling doctor put her in the carriage and took her to a somewhat spacious tent.It was the only place he had wandered around.The wandering doctor carried her into the tent, and suddenly her lower abdomen was in sharp pain again due to the squeeze caused by her curled up body.She felt like she was going to die.

Facing this fear and anxiety, she was helpless because of her weakness.Can't even make a sound.The wandering doctor put her down.In the center of the tent was a blazing fire.The firewood crackled violently.He was wearing a black mask, the cloth of which hung completely over his neck.He took out the herbal medicine from the leopard skin medicine pouch, put it into the stomach pouch of a male tiger that had been burned black, and then took out a small golden bottle from the leopard skin medicine pouch, and dripped it into the stomach pouch. A few drops of black viscous liquid medicine.He poured the water from the holy spring of the snow-capped mountain into the stomach pouch, propped up the black thing, and boiled the medicine with the stomach pouch of the male tiger, as if using a copper bowl to boil water.Ren Suo was stunned. She thought that the black stomach would burst immediately, and then the fire would be doused with water.But everything was beyond her expectation. The man prepared the medicine for her with this unheard-of heating method on the plateau.The potion boiled in the stomach sac, like a strange sound coming from the mouth of an old wizard.

Ren Suo looked at his tall back with his dying eyes.She exerted all her strength and asked, who are you. The man never said a word.When the soup was finally ready, he brought it down and handed it to her mouth.drink it down.You doctor said in a blunt tone.She took the bowl, but her hands trembled violently because of the pain and weakness, and the hot potion kept spilling out.When the man saw it, he immediately reached out to bring the bowl over, supported her back with one hand, and fed her with the other.She vaguely felt that these hands were extremely firm and powerful.That kind of powerful courage made her completely unable to resist and think.Only obedience.The bowl of medicine was almost poured down.The taste is surprisingly bitter.

Afterwards, the doctor put her to lie down.Turn around and cook another herbal medicine. Ren Suo lay there, feeling the pain gradually disappearing.However, his body was scorching hot as if in the depths of a burning flame.She was hot all over.Sweat kept oozing out.The weight of the body was as light as if it had been burned. At this time, the man sat next to him and began to play the root card.She rarely heard music.Except for the majestic voices of Suna, Jialing, or Tongqin when she went to the temple to worship, she had hardly heard any music.And the Genka played by this man, the sound of the piano is exciting and joyful, and the sound quality has the heroic soul of a steed.It made her feel infinitely novel.

When she was fascinated by it, the man stood up and danced while playing the piano, surrounded by the flames.The black mask began to shake amidst the unrestrained and unrestrained body movements, revealing a corner of his mysterious face.His dance seems to be some kind of mysterious religious ceremony, with a fascinating sense of mission hidden.Even when he was dancing around the flames, he would suddenly bury his head close to Ren Suo, the sash of the mask swept across her face, and then passed by like a phantom.Leaving a strong masculine breath mixed with the smell of mysterious medicine in the nostrils.

Then the man started singing loudly.The sound seemed to be the golden sun shining on the top of the snow peak.In the unbearable heat, she kept hallucinating. She seemed to hear the man calling her.Come dance, Renso.Ren Sok. In the consciousness controlled by hallucinations, Ren Suo followed the man and began to dance.Bright Tibetan skirts swing around the fire.She felt so light, yet so hot as fire and longing to stretch. The day I sent her away (2) After the man led her to dance, he continued to play more intense music without a break.She followed him and danced more and more excitedly, and kept trying to lift the man's mask to peek at the mysterious face.Her movements are exaggerated and stretched, like a string, resonating with the greatest amplitude in the powerful sound field.

In the hallucination, Ren Suo was sure that he had become a wildfire in the wilderness in the middle of the night.In the infinitely vast darkness, life is torn apart like losing faith. Sweat drenched her almost from the outside to the inside like a thunderstorm.At the moment when she was close to the limit of her physical strength, she felt the blood gushing out from the inside of her body, flowing hot and bubbling, it was so long, like a dark night without dawn.She never thought that there was such an irresistible energy hidden in her body. She felt very light. So she collapsed and the hallucinations continued which were controlled by the drug and could not be stopped. In fact, the man had already stopped the music and movement.Ren Suo's last dance was completely in his own hallucination.He picked up the second bowl of soup and fed her to drink. He saw this pale and haggard girl lying there unconscious due to exhaustion, like a blooming snow lotus.And the black gore bubbling from under the Tibetan skirt slowly stretched along the ground in a strange posture. He added wood to the flames to keep the tent warm. I walked outside the tent alone, sat down facing the east, and watched the indifferent morning sun on the plateau, which gradually soaked the sky.The fresh air like a song. When Ren Suo woke up, he saw a large area of ​​black blood flowing from his body, and panicked in his heart. At this time, the man lifted the felt and walked into the tent.They looked at each other. Why don't you take off your mask.Ren Suo asked him.The man didn't say a word, he hugged Ren Suo to his pad, and then just fed her a bowl of soup and medicine.When she was drinking the medicine, she slyly reached out to remove the mask.The man quickly and neatly blocked her hand. Remember, you can't know who healed you, he said.Now, it's time for you to go back. In this way, the traveling doctor helped Ren Suo to the carriage and sent her home.The man handed a bag of herbs to his mother and left quietly.Ren Suo stared at the man's tall back, and had irresistible doubts about the hallucination in that tent the day before yesterday.Mother was in the corner, looking at her with complicated expressions. For a long time, her body continued to bleed intermittently.His face was as pale as paper.She asked her mother, what disease do I have?Mother never answered. In the next period of time, Ren Suo took the herbs left by the traveling doctor every day. The herbs were mixed with ginseng, astragalus, Atractylodes macrocephala, roasted licorice, Hushen, Polygala, woody fragrance, Sanqi, etc. The prescription was invented.The traveling doctor added pepper and saffron powder to it.After finally drinking all the herbs, the bleeding gradually stopped and Ren Suo began to recover.A certain heaviness accumulated in the body for a long time suddenly disappeared. One night after she recovered, her mother said to her, we are sending you away. She was surprised and helpless and asked her mother, why? The mother sighed and said, Rinso, you have to pay for the sins you were born with.This is your life. In this way, in the early morning of the next day, the clear fog has not yet dissipated.Another stranger came to their tent. Mother took her by the hand and dressed her.Comb your hair.The mother said to her, come, Rinso, come with me.She sent her daughter to the carriage.The daughter began to cry desperately, feeling despair and hatred for such abandonment. She never knew what the so-called sin she was born with was.Could it be the painful blood gurgling deep in the body?If yes, then who is it that chooses oneself to stuff those black mysteries into the body? And the questioning about all this, after experiencing all the pains derived from it, has never obtained a definite answer. It was the first night after Zhamotso's fall, when both Kasang and Zhamotso were asleep, Jibu suddenly said to her, Ren Suo, come with me. She was unreasonably excited because of this sudden ambiguous invitation.Follow Jibb into his tent.Inside the tent, she saw the genkaqin again, and the flames burning in the middle of the tent.The man without the mask had sharp, angular faces. The corners of her mouth twitched slightly in surprise.She said, you said, I don't know who cured my disease. The man frowned slightly.He sighed and said, you still don't understand anything. gently close your eyes 6 Kassan turned his back to her and asked suddenly.Why do you like Gibb? Ren Suo didn't know how to answer for a moment.In the end she said, because that day, I saw a kaqin in his hand...that was something I had seen before. Kassan was puzzled by this inexplicable answer.Just because of a violin?she asked again. Ren Suo said no more.She closed her eyes gently.Say, Kassan, stop asking.Because even I don't know what's going on. Kassan didn't ask any more questions.Because she saw the corner of Ren Suo's eyes, there seemed to be tears falling down. The three people took care of him patiently, and Zhamocuo's injury improved quickly.He was able to try to get out of bed and walk.Kassan took care of him tacitly, as if it were a natural obligation.From time to time, like that night, he would reach out and touch Kassan's face.Kassan was always quick to dodge.The boy repeatedly looked at her with an unclear smile and asked, why are you hiding? A few days later, the four were ready to continue on the road.It has been delayed for a long time, and other people in the stockade should have pitched tents in the summer pasture long ago.They were on their way to a distant hill, Zhamocuo and the two of them were sitting in a carriage, and Jib rode ahead on horseback. Looking at the endless field, Kassan recalled with a little wistfulness, the scene of blindly following his grandfather on the night when the heavy snow had just stopped.Her legs were stuck in the snow, and every step she took was extremely difficult.The sound of feet crunching on the snow was extremely clear in the silence. Zha Mecuo sang an ancient song loudly by his ears, his voice was rebellious and immature, like a young eagle. If the sun does not rise in the east, Western glaciers won't melt, There will be no Lake Manasarovar, There will be no dense sandalwood trees, There will be no green parrot birds. If there is no beautiful bird song, There will be no beautiful singing in the snowy land... After a spectacular sunset, night follows and the sky is filled with stars.day to day.In the middle of a certain night, Kassan vaguely felt a hand caressing her face again in her deep sleep.She woke up suddenly, but still closed her eyes in bewilderment.Embarrassed and nervous, she bit her lip.She heard Zhamocuo ask her, are you asleep?But she was silent.Then Zhamocuo said, Kasang, you are so beautiful.I want to marry you. Kassan couldn't sleep well the following night.Although she knew nothing about the relationship between her children, she was instinctively on guard against what to do, for fear that something might happen. After another few days of marching, they finally arrived.Even the air is filled with the fragrance of the fertile water and grass in the summer pastures.Standing in the distance and watching, tents of various sizes are sparsely scattered on the grass, and flocks of cattle and sheep are grazing leisurely, walking slowly, erratic like clouds.This vast and peaceful land, like an innocent baby, sleeps peacefully in the embrace of the blue sky.She recalled many years later that the reason why life here is calm is that people cannot see time.Therefore the posture is static. 7 Life on a summer ranch is even busier.Kassan picked up cow dung with a big back basket that was higher than her head.Jigme has gone out to graze.The shepherd dog of Rilang's family barked loudly, and Kasang rushed over immediately, not knowing what was going on. A pair of young travelers approached the tent.Kassan stopped the big dog and saw a woman walking in front of her, raised her camera to her, and wanted to take a picture of her.Kassan looked up and saw the pair of young travelers, looking in amazement at their clothes, hair, travel bags, and cameras in their hands.She pressed the shutter, and Kassan couldn't help being surprised.After the woman took the photo, she said to her with a bright smile, little girl, you are so beautiful! Kassan couldn't understand a word the woman said.But she saw the woman gesturing to her, beckoning her to come.Kassan walked over timidly, and the woman smiled gently, reaching out to stroke her head.This is very impolite behavior for Tibetans.Seeing this, Zha Mocuo shouted at her from a distance, Hey, what are you doing!The voice was so fierce that the woman was so frightened that she immediately withdrew her hand even before she understood. Zhamocuo rode his horse and ran up to them quickly, got off his horse nimbly, and said to Kasang, did you take a picture?Stupid, if you have images left in the world, your soul will not be able to ascend to the sky! The two travelers didn't know what was going on, and they were about to raise their cameras to take another picture of the young man, but the young man blocked it recklessly.He yelled at her not to take pictures!After speaking, he grabbed Kassan's hand and turned his head away.The two travelers were puzzled, but secretly amused by the boy's demeanor.It was the first time that Kasang was grabbed by Zhamocuo, and she struggled slightly, but it was of no avail.Along the way, she was dragged away by Zha Mecuo, but she turned her head frequently to look at the woman who took pictures of her. Seeing that the woman stayed where she was, her smile was still very bright. When it was time for dinner, Kassan walked into the tent and saw two travelers already sitting on the table, and Ri Lang greeted them as guests with a smile on his face.Zha Mocuo bowed his head and remained silent.Seeing Kasang approaching, the woman beamed with joy and greeted her generously. During that meal, Ri Lang and the two travelers were extremely excited, they chatted in their own languages, and only drank because they couldn't communicate well.The big bowl of highland barley wine, sweet and spicy liquid, is exciting and pleasant. Ri Lang began to sing and dance while drinking, the woman looked up and smiled brightly, which came from the innocent joy in her heart.She clapped her hands in rhythm.The young man beside her looked at her with an indifferent smile on his face. Kassan stared intently at her fair skin and delicate features, as well as her lover's speechless silent face. It was getting dark outside the tent. After moving to the summer ranch, she still lives with Renso.That night, the two travelers pitched their tents and placed them next to them, intending to rest there for the night. When Kassan was working, she saw their blue tarpaulin tent, and she was naturally very surprised.I couldn't help but put down the work I was doing, and wanted to see what happened. The woman saw the figure outside the tent, and opened the small transom.Their eyes met.The woman smiled and asked, little girl, what are you doing here? Kassan heard an unfamiliar language.Soft, exotic, and feminine.She didn't answer, just shook her head.The woman got out of the tent, opened the curtain of the tent, and let Kassan see what happened.Red down sleeping bags, gasoline lamps, large hiking bags, water bottles, small books and notebooks, knives, mobile phones, compasses, maps, special light aluminum drawing boards, and large bundles of paints, knives, pens, and paper. Kassan felt extremely novel.But because of shyness, he blushed and ran back to his tent and never came out again. don't leave me alone Chapter two When I can't comfort you, or you no longer care about me, please remember that in our meager years, there were twelve egrets flying over the autumn lake ——Jian Zhen's "April Cracking Silk" 1 Come with me, Jane.Don't leave me alone.The beauty there is beyond your imagination. I take pictures and you can draw pictures. The year they came back from Russia, they were invited by the Art Exhibition Association to do art sketches on the Tibetan plateau.Jian Sheng was not very willing, but Xin He wanted to persuade him to go with him.Using the habitual posture for many years, hug Jian Sheng's head and cling to his abdomen.Her hand kept stroking his short hair.Xin He suppressed his voice and said, Jian Sheng.When I was young, one year during the Spring Festival, our family went to Lama Temple.The adults are all worshiping Buddha, holding incense in their hands, kneeling three times and knocking nine times.The adults say that the Lama Temple is very spiritual, and any wish can be fulfilled.But I feel vulgar, standing outside the temple, never bow down.I said to myself, every time, I am only a little away from happiness.Later I thought, maybe the Bodhisattva took those words as my wish and it really came true for me.Until now, I am still only a little away from happiness. so.Jian Sheng, you must come with me.It's like we've been walking together for so many years.Jian Sheng, you are my happiness.she said earnestly. Xin He paused for a long time.She watched Jian Sheng's reaction eagerly.He was as usual, with a slack expression under his handsome face, which sometimes made people see no hope.The clean and thin face has remained unchanged for many years.She is very familiar. He also used his habitual tone for many years, facing her pleadings, and finally agreed.OK, let's go together.Jian Sheng said. So she happily showed a contented and sweet smile.Just like an innocent girl.But not hypocritical.Jian Sheng knew in his heart that she was indeed a naive and kind woman.Has been in ignorance.As long as Jian Sheng gives her a little cooperation, she will show her infinite joy.Because this is her love. And he looked at the joy and sweetness she gained from the small things, and for some reason, he often felt sad and tired. a summer evening 2 One summer evening on the tail of his childhood, he had just returned from catching fish in Shui Pao Zi, and the yellow tiger barked loudly and wagged its tail violently to welcome him in the distance.The boy rushed in and yelled loudly, "Mother-in-law, I'm going home!"Pushing open the door creakingly, the boy suddenly saw his mother-in-law and another strange woman sitting on both sides of the square table in the main room.He wondered, but did not yell impolitely and abruptly.He just stood there without speaking, waiting for his mother-in-law to tell her who this woman was. The mother-in-law stood up and said, child, come, come and see your mother... He froze.Say, mother-in-law, what did you say? The mother-in-law suddenly had tears in her eyes.Son, come and see your mother... your own mother... The woman stood up, clenched her hands and placed them in front of her lower abdomen, with an awkward and complex smile, but tears in her eyes.My child, mother is here to see you.The woman walked towards him, and stretched out her hand from a distance, as if she couldn't wait to caress his disheveled head.The boy froze and remained motionless. The woman approached cautiously, as if approaching a festering scar that hadn't healed for many years.The boy saw that her tears were already dripping down, and he stroked his head eagerly and hesitantly with both hands.She seemed to want to say a lot, but when the words came to her lips, she choked up and couldn't make a sound.child.she called him. The woman's hand rubbed against his forehead for a long time, and a relieved smile gradually appeared on his face.Her hands are maternal and soft.But it made him feel strange. The child asked, are you...my mother...?Then tell me, what's my name? The woman said, your name is Jian Sheng. He said, Jian Sheng! ? ...No, my name is not Jian Sheng.My mother-in-law and school teachers don't care if I'm called Jian Sheng...you are not me Mom, you made a mistake. The woman smiled wryly.Jian Sheng, you are my son, I did not admit my mistake, Jian Sheng, your father gave you the name. The boy asked, what about my dad? The woman said, your father is gone... Huang Hu's cry was faintly resounding outside.The moon is high.The field in front of the earthen house gradually released a layer of thick mist, and the smell of burnt reeds mixed with the smell of the soil soaked by the sunny day spread to the main room.The bowl of rough tea on the square table was already cold. He can still remember that night many years later. That was the first time Jian Sheng saw his mother since he could remember. Two days later, he was taken away by his mother.The woman who claimed to be his mother kept holding his hand as they walked out of the yard.He just felt that all this was too abrupt, and his palms were sweating with fear and nervousness.The boy saw his mother-in-law leaning on the doorpost and looking at him wistfully, with her thin rough hands curled up and raised high, but they couldn't move them, they just stopped in mid-air.The thick fog in the early morning gradually obliterated the mother-in-law's face.The yellow tiger barked desperately, and the sound spread for hundreds of miles. In the entire empty field, only the fog and the yellow tiger's calls intertwined.And the mother-in-law is getting further and further away. The boy burst into tears, and dragged his mother's hand for life and death. When the mother stopped helplessly, he cleverly took the opportunity to break free from her hand and ran back to the house.Mother-in-law!Mother-in-law! ... He dragged his voice and cried out heart-piercingly. The mother watched the child run back.Standing there numbly, weeping. So things had to be delayed again.In two days, under the persuasion of her mother-in-law and the strange mother, the child finally nodded and agreed to leave.He begged his mother-in-law to go together in panic, but the old man shook his head silently, with dry tears in his cloudy eyes.The old man sighed and said, "Let's go, let's go, everyone should go..." His voice was hoarse and distressed, like the mournful cry of wild geese lost in the twilight. Before leaving, the boy put a thick rope on Huang Hu himself and tied it to the door of his house.Huang Hu screamed and jumped forward desperately, the wooden stake was shaken violently.The boy patted its head vigorously and said, "Huang Hu, listen to your mother-in-law from now on, and I'll come back to see you. If you don't obey me and go to work on crops again, I won't eat roe deer shoulders with you!"Huang Hu...don't forget me...Huang Hu... The dog gradually changed from barking and struggling to whimpering in a low, aggrieved voice.There was a gleam in the round black eyes. So it was another morning, the woman took the child, took a car for a day, took a train again, and then went to a strange world. On the train, the child has been sitting by the window, with a feeling of panic and curiosity, watching the scenery flashing by outside the window with fascination. And the woman looked north to the north, and suddenly realized that everything had never disappeared.After so many years away, she finally found enough courage to return to the old place.This old land is the moist and distant meadow in the north, the curling mist that hasn’t dissipated for a long time in the morning, the birdsong echoing in the field, and the large golden forest in the mountains in autumn.It is her youth. She once thought that meadow no longer existed.With the blurred and bleak shadow of youth, they disappear together in a quiet corner of time, waiting for someone who is not expecting a certain time, with the recklessness and curiosity like tomb robbers, knocking open the thick rotten wood of each coffin .Then, a youth whose brilliance has long since disappeared, will see the light of day again amidst the guilt of history.The most common one among them is himself.