Chapter 4 Title: I just want to be your millionaire

[The starving ghost in gold and silver] Some of the jokes are used as jokes, such as "there is a bad art director who said, "I gave away the five hundred and sixty yuan perfume"", or "there is a popular writer who is a bad fart." If the clothes are more than 10,000 yuan, I will feel that they are expensive." Every time I hear this kind of words, my small universe burns with anger, and the justice of "I will destroy you for the moon hares of the third world" is awe-inspiring. Then after finishing the chats full of "CK", "G-STAR" or "KENZO" and "CLINIQUE" and other unnutritious topics, I often rush home at eleven o'clock or half past eleven at night.Because I missed the last train of the subway, I had to gnash my teeth and change to a taxi. Seeing how the price started from "11.00" and then jumped up faster than the blink of an eye made my scalp tingle, and the corner of my eye looked at it. The anger of a class enemy swept towards the innocent uncle driver.

A short taxi ride is enough for my living expenses for ten days. That's it, if you don't mention IZZUE or CLINIQUE, the minimum spending on weekdays can be controlled at four yuan a day--on the days when you don't study, the bus fee is deducted, and it only costs two yuan.It was in such extreme frugality that he became a poor man wearing famous brands and carrying perfume but on the verge of starving to death. If it were a few months earlier, when we were not so close, we probably wouldn't have talked to you about so many things involving money.After all, this is a sensitive and embarrassing word no matter what. It often makes people hide some of their nature and become awkward involuntarily. The contradiction is in the embarrassing situation of wanting to be magnanimous but afraid of being criticized. class, but there are two donations to the Hope Project every year" on the lips.

At first I also thought that you can talk about anything, and it is always inappropriate to talk about money, that’s right, why do you always look like you are covered in copper stink, and talk to the young and beautiful readers about the sadness of those romantic nights and the confusion of past and present lives Isn't it more appropriate?But every time, every time when Luoluo got off the taxi pretending to be calm, she recalled that ten days of living expenses were spent all the way along the road, not to mention the snowy night, even the bean curd sushi would make her feel tired. Very, very sad for not being able to afford it.

[one dollar twenty five cents] When I didn’t earn living expenses by myself, or earlier, when I didn’t have any concept of living expenses, as a little thing that was just behind my parents’ ass, I couldn’t understand the meaning of a certain letter combination for clothing prices, nor did I understand "If you love her, take her to eat Haagen-Dazs" is shredded squid or shredded radish.At that time, I was just stuffed into a pullover without knowing it, and I was eating snacks sold for 50 cents at the small shop outside the door.It seems that I also cried and made a lot of noise because my mother didn't allow me to contact the owner of the small shop frequently, but at that time the feelings for money were not fully established, and they were simply reduced to dissatisfaction with my parents.

In fact, life always seems so simple and peaceful when we haven't realized that this society is divided by many kinds of things with different prices. At that time I was in kindergarten, maybe I didn’t even enter kindergarten, and my whole family stayed in other places. As educated youths, their parents were working and thinking about how to return to Shanghai. In my memory, their salaries were not in three figures. Expenses can never be reduced.I am an ignorant kid, I can't hear my father and mother's summation about life, I can only remember what they gave me and what they didn't give me.And because I don't know anything about Huahua World, I always remember more about what they gave me than what they didn't give me.

When I divide my life evenly between eating, sleeping, watching TV, and playing in the backyard, no one will tell me what good things are more interesting than watching cartoons and picking sunflower seeds. How much is it? .The values ​​that my parents know are all blocked by them from the world I come into contact with, and everything is so simple that there are no ups and downs. After many years, an Astro Boy toy reappeared in my mind in a form I had completely forgotten.It was one day when I was in high school, I found a yellow leather record book in a drawer of my parents.A very small booklet, only about the size of a palm.Because of writing with a ballpoint pen, the words "Daughter's Diary" on the cover have been blurred over the years.My father's handwriting more than ten years ago surprised and amazed me, and because I was misled by those four words, I thought at first that it was a diary I wrote every day.

Actually not.It is the diary that my father writes about me every day.Not too long.It's all a short paragraph.Give me what to eat.what did I do.what did i play.What kind of person did you bring me to meet today.Judging from the date, I should be five years old at that time.All in all very small.So he didn't remember any of the things he mentioned. It contains a section of the process when he went to buy Astro Boy toys.The little book is not with me at the moment, so it is impossible for me to extract that passage accurately. But I remember it very clearly. That's what Dad wrote. "I saw an Astro Boy toy in the city today, it cost one yuan and twenty-five cents. After thinking about it for a long time, I bought it for Mao Mao (my nickname). After buying it, Xiao Huang's car drove to work, so I had no choice but to walk back by myself. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t eat lunch. After walking for an hour, I felt very hungry, but I didn’t have much money because I bought toys. In the end, I only had enough money to buy a white steamed bun. Five cents. Back home Tired at times. But Momo likes that toy very much."

To be honest, I don't, I don't remember ever having such an Astro Boy's toy.What it looks like, how much I like it, whether I use it to run a house, or sleep with it in my hands, I don’t remember at all.This should be very important thing that my father wrote down specially, if it weren't for the manual I found, it might disappear forever. How could I forget it.The price is one yuan twenty-five cents.Dad saw it at the window, hesitated for a long time, and divided it with the family's small income for a month. The ratio should still be high, but he finally gritted his teeth and bought it.As a result, he was very hungry on the way home and had no more money to buy food, so he had to buy steamed buns to satisfy his hunger.

I used to think that because of my youth and ignorance, I have nothing to do with those peaceful days, but I always put my parents in a lot of struggle in places I can't remember, see, hear, or understand. Even the bitter and helpless background, how do they earn money, how do they raise the next generation, and how do they find ways to live a better life.A better life may mean that you don't have to worry about buying toys, and you won't be hungry after you have no money.Thinking about it now, "hungry stomach" is such a distant and unreal word, but behind a certain Astro Boy toy, there is indeed such a shy helplessness.

Just when this was about to become more indifferent, the Astro Boy who suddenly stretched out his arms from a distant dream and slowly put his arms around my neck - it also has a classic black hairstyle and red dress, used to contact me That part of the exterior that suddenly wraps everything up.Falling back to the past when I knew nothing about money, I saw a father holding a new toy in the sun and walking down the narrow path. [sixteen yuan] During the period of elementary school and junior high school, because my father often traveled on business, almost all my mother and I lived together like this.There are many inconveniences. For example, technical work such as a water pipe burst can only be done by asking the neighbors for help.Sometimes I miss my dad very much. The simple reason is that if my dad is there, my mom's request of "putting the bowl and chopsticks in order" will not be said to me.I don't have to leave reluctantly in front of the TV.

Later, the book cover for the textbook bag could only be found by my mother when my father could not write "mathematics" and "Chinese".Although I am very dissatisfied that my mother's handwriting is not as good-looking as my father's, but it is better than me at that time. Waiting to be taken by my mother to the nearby supermarket to buy things every weekend.You can buy snacks for a week.At that time, Lay's potato chips hadn't been seen yet.Green plums seem to be the most eaten ones?Shredded figs?If my mother agrees to buy me four cans of honey milk at one go, it means that she is in a good mood that day. Compared to dads, all moms in the world are obviously stingy creatures.So being with her always has the most conflicts.But I was still in a very weak position at that time, so I could only keep silent in my heart angrily every time.Thinking over and over again, "Buying me a pair of shoes will kill me?" I don't know if I will die, because I still bid farewell to the little red shoes. Mom gives pocket money once a week.Used by me to buy some half-authentic stamps, or tapes of divas, or the little raccoon just went to the face.No great moves.I once vowed that when I grew up, I would buy all the snacks in the supermarket. At night, I was tossing and turning in pain. Seeing my mother sleeping next to me, sometimes the eyeballs rolled under my eyelids. It must be a dream. What should mom dream about?Did she in the dream buy all the clothes in the mall? When I was in the fourth grade of elementary school, two articles when I was writing essays were recommended by the teacher to a certain publication, which gave me the opportunity to print the articles for the first time. The manuscript fee was so low that I dug out this memory abruptly. The manuscript fee was given to me by my mother.She was still the dean of teaching at my school at the time.Two articles, and the manuscript fee is 16 yuan, um, RMB.Sixteen yuan. I, who hadn't recovered from the joy for a while, only had an expression of disbelief for this number, as if it would be a disastrous thing for such a low manuscript fee to appear in this great 5,000-year-old cultural power.So I became suspicious of my mother, because she was often the bad character who confiscated the pennies I dropped in the bathroom.What's more, she is always very strict with me, maybe deducting half of the money, in order to cultivate my good quality of thrift. In short, I questioned my mother.The tone is contempt and anger.Deliberately put the chopsticks aside, as if going on a hunger strike. My mother was stunned for a while when she heard my question, and then she smiled. "Don't be too greedy." I want to chase after him fiercely, but I can't say anything else.At that time, my mind could only manipulate the first round of a dispute, and there was nothing I could do afterwards.But I still decided that my mother withheld my manuscript fee and made me lose at least eight bags of raccoon noodles. Then jump in time. After a few years, enter junior high school.When I mentioned the shabby manuscript fee in the chat one day, my father suddenly said, "Your mother gave you more." what. "Actually, the two articles only cost 8 yuan. Your mother was afraid that you would be too disappointed, so she added 8 yuan herself." It turned out that eight bags of crispy noodles were not missing, but eight bags more.It is not always necessary to remember the things that are not allowed by the mother.More often, it is she who thinks of ways to change the dishes every day. She often volunteers to buy shredded figs for me. It is she who thinks that it is only eight yuan. What should I do? Ah thought, why not take out eight yuan.Sixteen always sounds a little bit more. You know like that, you can imagine her heart. [one hundred yuan] Maybe high school was a really toxic time, because since then, with a lot of wasted energy outside of school, we've been exposed to a new explosion of information. ESPRIT is still a somewhat difficult goal for me, and playing it right out of the door can be regarded as a feat.But even a penniless kid will gradually discover that many wonderful things in this society have their own unique price tags.Girls may often stand by the window and gnash their teeth for a new autumn dress, while boys know to go to the "cash drawer", just like its name, a money-swallowing machine. When I was in high school, I frequently asked my family for money.At that time, I didn't know how to fight for myself.All hopes are pinned on the parents being in a good mood today or that the exam can be barely in the middle of the grade.It's not like I didn't think, "Why did Mom and Dad give me those pocket money?" But the thought was fleeting.They don't rely on it, just because they are my parents and I am their child.Agreeing to conditions that are not too far-fetched seems to be what they are willing to do. After getting rid of the compulsory education system, you have to pay tuition fees every year, the necessary accommodation fees for boarding high schools, meals, and supplementary tuition fees for textbooks, etc. The pressure on the family is no longer as it was in the past few years. An understatement.Then I receive pocket money from my parents every month, almost never enough to spend.I don't know what's wrong, I ate hot pot once and watched two movies. In short, at the end of the month, I was so poor that I was rolling on the bed.Until the meal money was embezzled for personal use at the end, and the last emergency fund of two or three hundred yuan was used up, the starchy nerves that have been trained by instant noodles and will not complain will once again play a role in stimulating the entire body's functional system. These are things that parents should not know.Otherwise, it will be another training session.They may feel that their children will spend money like water.Is the monthly allowance not enough?How much more does she want?Is it because you don't have a job yet and don't know the hard work? So at that time there will always be quarrels.Sometimes, after being taught a hard lesson by my mother, I would suddenly quarrel with her like a madman.The situation is very embarrassing.Mom is not a soft person, and I can't lower my head even if I want to.In the end, only the father was in the middle to defend the mother's posture to draw the game. He said a word to me, and then to my mother.It seems to be the connection button in the middle.Put everything back together. At that time, it was more than ten years after I bought Astro Boy toys, and I suddenly became the champion of consumption in my family, as if most of my parents’ income would be spent on such a child.But because of the door to material things that was opened in my mind, the money in my hand was never enough, so that I once wondered why my parents were not millionaires.Otherwise, you don't have to look forward and backward in spending. They are not millionaires.They are just two ordinary people who are working, busy, and getting old a little bit, and continue a difficult education with disobedient children. It was about the early summer of the second year of high school, and I had an unhappy fight with my mother again because of schoolwork and other reasons.Dad gave it to me when I was leaving for school dormitory. Both of them must have been a little bit down because of the remnant conversations about "did you have a good time in class", "disappointed us" or "fucked up", "how did you know I couldn't do it" because of the previous struggle.The road at dusk was full of sour and oppressive air, and I could only hear the snapping of my father's slippers in the traffic.He was carrying my bag full of clothes, books and fruits. I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn't find a topic. Many people from the same school were waiting at the station, and there were also gifts from their parents.Talking and laughing in twos and threes.Dad stood in front of a lo-mei window by the station, and suddenly asked me, "Do you want to bring some sliced ​​beef? Or char siu?" I was taken aback, lost my appetite, and said, "Forget it." After a while, I saw a car coming from a distance.Thinking of another week of boring days to come, filled my heart with boredom and burnout.And the weekend should be happier, but it still ended with a quarrel with my mother.In short, nothing is right. When the car was about to pull into the station, my father handed the bag back to me.Then I reached into his trousers pocket, fumbled for a while, took out a one hundred yuan ticket, and handed it to my eyes. "Here, take it. But save it." Standing in the carriage, the crowd was crowded, and my father showed a small face behind the figure, and waved to me as a farewell.Not long after the car started, I couldn't see him.I hold the bag in my right hand and hold the upper rail with my left.In the palm of my hand is a flat hundred yuan bill.The moment the bus entered the tunnel, he finally gritted his teeth and tried not to let others find out, and cried in the compartment. I know, this is an unexpected action of Dad.He didn't know what to say to me.I don't know what else to give me if I don't buy beef and char siew.This daughter, who easily made him frown and worry, often yelled "the money is running out", and he wanted to pretend he didn't hear it, so he couldn't develop her bad habits in this regard.But when he finally heard it, the tram had already arrived at the stop, emitting a foul smell, and the little bit of fatherly dignity in his heart suddenly became helpless again.Dad, who was thinking like this, searched and searched, and came out in pajama pants and slippers, with only one hundred yuan in his pocket.So he took it out.With a little embarrassment, he opened his mouth and said: "You take this. Save it." [two thousand yuan] When I left home without saying goodbye and went to work in Beijing, all the money on my body was completely spent shortly after arriving in Beijing.There are some things that you don’t need to buy, such as clothes or snacks, but in a strange city, you need quilts, toothbrushes, and washbasins, and you need money to take a car and eat.Many consumptions cannot be avoided by themselves. When I tried my best to borrow from all the friends around me once and couldn't speak again, I reached the point where I was completely out of ammunition and food.At that time, the salary was very low. I looked through my pockets and found that I only had more than two yuan, and it was really only more than two yuan. There was still more than half a month before the next salary.The feeling of bewilderment that I had never imagined turned into a solid ground, repeatedly reminding me who was confused and restless on it that I still don't know where the exit of this world is.All along, no matter how hungry you are, there will be food to eat, and what you get rid of is nothing more than snacks such as beef jerky. They cheated another fifty or one hundred. But at that time, they were thousands of kilometers away, in a place completely invisible, and their hearts were full of endless sorrow and longing for me.How am I supposed to just say "I don't have any money" to such anxious parents.Perhaps it was on that day, when I was sleeping on the bed, touching the two dollars in my pocket, and wanting to shed some tears in despair, that I really realized that earning money to support a family is so difficult.It has been more than ten years since I never thought of the pressure on my parents when I asked for money, and then, it was time for me to reach out to me. "Nothing", "Not good", "Hey she can't do it"... Yes I know. After four or five days of struggling, after thinking through all possible methods, I found that I still could only speak to my parents.Because they never let their children suffer, I seem to be just taking advantage of such a bit of a vicious villain. I dare not tell my mother, so I can only call my father.It was not the first time I had contacted him after leaving home. The noise on the phone harassed me wantonly, and his voice sounded distant and familiar.I thought, ah, this is my father who is far away from me, but the theme of what I want to say is "no money". After hearing this, Dad asked "When did you not have it?", and I said "It's been a few weeks".He paused there, then asked, "Why didn't you say it sooner?" Why didn't you say it sooner? Later, my father chose the fastest method of postal wire transfer, because I didn't have enough money around me to apply for a bank card at that time, so this was the only way I could do it.About half an hour after hanging up the phone, he called and said that he had remitted 2,000 yuan and asked me if it was enough.I said enough is enough, enough is enough. Really enough. I heard that wire transfers can be picked up within two hours.I waited for a while and went out to the post office.It was very, very cold in Beijing at that time.It's still winter.The ground was packed with ice.Walk very carefully so you don't slip.Because I haven't prepared any thick winter clothes, I only wear thin jeans, and my knees hurt so much that I want to cry.In fact, it might be crying, but it's not sure whether it's the wind or the tears that hurt my face. When you arrive at the post office, you line up, and there are people who remit money or send registered letters in front of you.The line was fairly long, and it took about twenty minutes before it was finally my turn.I quoted the money order number and waited for a response from the counter.But suddenly I heard that the money hadn’t arrived. I couldn’t believe it. I checked the two thousand yuan and didn’t know where it went. Then the staff at the post office said that it seemed that there was no record in the system, so I don’t know what went wrong. I slowly withdrew from the team, went to the public phone outside and called my dad, telling him that I hadn't arrived yet, I didn't know what was wrong, and asked him to check in Shanghai.Dad obviously didn't think about it, and said, "How can this happen?" "You can ask me again." "Did you remember the number correctly?"I responded with "I don't know", "I asked" and "No".He said anxiously, you wait by the phone, I will call later.I said, "Okay." After hanging up the phone, I was too cold to stand up, squatted on the snow, and finally burst into tears. Why should anything go wrong with this money.Don't you know about the post office system that my father gave it to me?Don't you know that is the urgent two thousand yuan that my father gave me?Don't you know that he asked for leave from the company and rushed to the post office half an hour away to remit it to me?I did not copy the wrong number.What the hell are you doing!If you make my father suffer like this, you will die badly!I can't die at all! ... why. I'm standing so far from home.Fight with all kinds of strangers, including low temperature that you have never seen before. The idea of ​​"the money is not enough to spend" comes up. It was never enough to spend.Lai by Dad's side, rubbing his shoulders and saying "But I'm so poor...", or trying to help Mom work hard with ulterior motives, in order to wait for the sentence "You can take this fifty". Why does money keep them connected even in Beijing so far away.Reach out for it, or cry out hints. When will this move end. Why can I always see a lot of unexplainable heavy emotions on "money", stretching each of their branches, and directly piercing into every place of the body.Let life gradually become stronger or weaker, never forget that it is such a sum of money, two thousand yuan, it may be one hundred yuan, three hundred yuan, five thousand yuan... How did I because of them And grew up. Mom and Dad, tell me how I grew up. [one million] Some people want to say "I will love you forever", and some people say "nurture you, respect you, and be filial to you" more specifically, and some people say "Mom and Dad, I will let you live happily", and then nothing else Almost "I will give birth to an excellent grandson for you", "Being a hero will make you look good", "I will come to eat with you every week". Parents are so easy to please. Even if there is a little bit of giving, they will say "ah, good, good" or even "no need, we will be happy if you are good".But the more he wants nothing, the more people want to give something, and give something more.What can make up for the priceless emotions that I paid for myself in the past.Don't fill the void with empty words and your own attempts at success.I just want to give my parents very, very, very high price tags.Things they would never buy themselves in their entire lives.Then let me do it. I don't know how to make myself less worldly.How can I make myself more open about money. can't do it. Because it's been decided all along.From the time when he had no ability and could only act like a clown who hoped that magic would come true one day, he had already made a decision without knowing the heights of the sky and the earth.I just want to buy Hermens handbags for my mother, DIOR earrings for her, PRADA suits for her, SISLEY skin care products for her, earl watches for my father, LV briefcases for my father, and Dad bought AUDI cars, and bought GUCCI belts for dad...the only famous brands I can think of are these, and I don't know the more advanced ones... Among the things I only know, I hope my mother can gradually look young and noble, Dad looks like a very successful person with extraordinary bearing. Don't tell me that money can't replace love.There are already so many feelings in my heart that if I don't release some of them, they will become stagnant.Unfortunately, aloofness and indifference did not become one of my strengths.Every time I pass by the window of a big shopping mall, I think, soon, soon, mom, I must give that to you next time.Mom, wait for me a little longer. Just like those art directors who love to buy perfume or popular writers who think clothes are expensive for 10,000 yuan, they will spend a lot of money to make their mothers more beautiful, which is cheaper than buying perfume or clothes. much money.Everyone thinks that being a filial person is a name that sounds more satisfying and proud to oneself than a rich man who ranks high and low.No matter how far they will go in the future, how much money they will make, and how well they know the society, they will always think of their parents who regarded themselves as treasures when they were young, crying in their arms, or sitting for their children in the cold winter. Long bus ride. Parents will not erase their difficult, barren and hard work in the past because of their children's current success. How to fill in the gap. We were so vulgar to the extreme, so we looked for it like a stupid fool-earned a lot of money and bought a lot of good things for mom and dad, all of which were famous brands.Famous brand symbolizes love.This is the simplest formula in the world. IZZUE doesn't qualify, CK doesn't deserve it, CLINIQUE is just rudimentary stuff...but much, much more expensive good stuff, even though I can't even tell what it should be.It doesn't matter, I don't hesitate to eat steamed buns when I'm so hungry one day, as long as those who love me and are loved by me live a good life. Maybe the above are all empty talk, dream talk and stupid talk, but Mom and Dad, we have to wait until this day.In front of so many readers, there is no way to end cheekily: I want to be your millionaire.Use a lot of money to support you until you are ninety years old, one hundred years old, one hundred and one years old. Maybe one more day.Maybe a little more.