[one] Once a year, there will be an abnormal trough, changing the previous lifestyle, unable to do anything, sitting on the balcony and being sunburned by the sun, unable to open eyes, even feeling thirsty and unable to get up to pour water, frustrated. --so I don't know how to speak. Don't look at me like this (...what does "this look" mean?), but I am a very easily frustrated crying type.Hiding in the bathroom and burying your face in cheap toilet paper, turn your back outward at night, let the tears in the left eye flow into the right eye, and the tears in the right eye flow into the sheets, or walk on the road, in public, use the back of your hand again and again Blocked eyes... None of this is uncommon for me, it happens quite often.

--so I don't know how to speak. Since I was a child, I have envied my sister, the girl next door, the idol on TV, and the entertainment committee member who can sing and dance in the class. She forgot to wear a white dress when she was going to perform at the school celebration, so she came up to me and said, "You Lend me a moment." I changed my skirt to her in the bathroom, and stood in the crowd looking up at the stage in her red one. "That's my skirt--" mood.Excited and sad. --So forgive me for not knowing how to speak. [two] thanks.thank you very much.Thank you.Thank you for your support.Thank you for your continued support.Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Birthday.May there always be warm and beautiful things in life.I wish you rich!I wish you all the best.thank you for coming.

[three] The first time I attended a book signing, it was in a bookstore in Kunming. I remember wearing black clothes at the time, but I had to wear a baggy long-sleeved cotton skirt with trousers.The hair had just been permed before, but it was not a success.Another anecdote is that before going to the scene, I hurriedly hid in the bathroom to put on the underwear I forgot to wear before (the corners of the mouth twitched...). It was the first time I wrote "thank you" on the title page of my book. For the first time, I received gifts including a watermelon and a key ring in the shape of Sasuke Uchiha.And letters.

The watermelon was eaten that night, but the key ring was still kept in the drawer, along with the letter. Across a wide table, I saw people who bought my own books for the first time, people who tried to get to know me, and people who liked me.People who can understand each other. [Four] Because of my parents, I have to live. Because of lovers, I can live. Because of friends, to prove that I am alive. Because of you, I can live. I don't know why I said that, the words are exaggerated and even feel disgusting when I turn my head.Obviously there is a considerable distance between the two worlds.But there is such encouragement.Occasionally, sometimes, often, always or always, is encouraged.

[Fives] When I was in elementary school, I participated in the "Study Committee Support Club". The other party was a very powerful girl with a sophistication that didn't match her age. In the words of my parents, I always chased after others. , but the other party always greeted him lightly and without enthusiasm.After entering middle school, it was changed to "Squad Leader Support Club", and after high school, it was changed to "Roommate Support Club".I've always been like this.It lasted for more than ten years, and followed others and said "please eat my candy", "take me home with you, okay".

It's a bit of Cinderella, from the beginning of Cinderella to the unfolding like the back of the story. Pumpkin carriages, glass slippers, balls, and ribbon-woven dresses. tears. [six] One night, I was walking on the road with the boy I was dating at the time. In the already hot weather, I could smell the smell of various fruits in the fruit stand.So we went and bought two Elizabeth melons—golden melons?When the other party lowered his head to choose, I watched from the sidelines.Later, he chose two that add up to a total of less than four catties. He said that they should be packed in two plastic bags, and each person should take one.

Walking with dangling hands.The feeling of love. "It's about the same size and shape," I thought to myself.The liking for him is the weight in my hand now.If you say it, you will definitely be dissatisfied and question "isn't that small". But bigger than a heart. Already big. [seven] The likes of the world assume that's the case. There is no more magnificent and only depth and breadth, but such size, size, quality, and even color and smell, just like the fruit with off-white peel in the bag at that time. There is almost no difficulty in choosing, no matter how you buy it, it is sweet melon meat.

How wonderful. [Eight] So, thank you very, very much. [Nine] And then almost eight years without any idols.Although I also think "she is good", "she is very cute", "I will download every song of his", "I don't watch a single episode of his TV", but it is not fanatical obsession, the actions that ordinary fans should do No, pasting posters, changing desktops, autograph files related to her every day, etc., never done.Looking at the sweet faces of friends surrounded by idol messages for a long time, I also feel a little envious. Then eight years ago, the last time I fell in love with a star who is good at dancing.It can be regarded as obsessed.Indulge in his voice, movements, manners, all kinds of handsome or what I think are handsome behaviors, and then define them as temperament. "His temperament attracts me" - must be a common saying among all kinds of fans.

It seems that creatures with shiny things are accepted by many people as a matter of course, and it is only natural to be liked, accepting applause and flowers.Beautiful, noble, broad, capable, handsome. And so far these words have nothing to do with me. But I also received words like "I will always support you, please do my best".The me standing under the stage watching other little girls wearing my skirts, I have always been a member of the "backup group", and I was scolded by the conductor on the tram, "Go further inside" and never said a word me. [ten] Always ordinary, the only characteristic since childhood is negativity and sensitivity.In the previous ten years of life, I felt embarrassment and hardship.I secretly bought my favorite clothes and didn't know when to wear them.

"always support you." "come on." "Laozi!" [eleven] Tell me about the dream I had last night.Standing on the rose-colored plain, there are tiny brick crumbs in the air, which come from nowhere, but they are golden, floating and floating.nice scene.It was as if I were one of many candidates, standing in a queue waiting to be selected.Later, there was a girl who had met a few times and was not considered a familiar or intimate relationship. She chose me. Get excited in the dream.After walking towards her, he hugged her very hard.In rose and gold. "...but I know, you'll pick me..." I said as I hugged her hard.

After waking up, I couldn't remember who she was. It seemed to be a combination of many people's faces, but it was still a person who was "not familiar" and "only met a few times". Wearing a red top, she chose me. Even if I don't remember the content before and after, I can still remember the excitement at that time. [twelve] Imagine that decades later, when I become an old man in a hospital, my organs fail, and every breath needs to be assisted by a device-maybe after decades of medical development, that kind of thing will no longer be used? --I am aging, finally have to meet the inevitable end.It seems that the bird leaving the nest will finally fly to the end, across thousands of rivers and mountains. The brain occupied by the memories of a lifetime lost most of it due to dullness.Do people still dream when they are old?Will he be moved by the dream and wake up with wet eyes like when he was young?Seems unlikely. That's why I had to record it at this time, in order to recall that part of the memory for me before I left in the future.Let the grandson or granddaughter read the sentence, maybe they can't understand it, maybe they will laugh halfway through it-- Thank you for choosing me, for the hugs, applause, letters with different fonts, and every word of encouragement, and I have lived to this day for them.The only thing that makes me sad is that I'm not strong enough, not strong enough for you to have no fear in supporting me. [Thirteen] If you can't live with a good posture. Can't live a healthy life. Can't live with flexibility. Incapable of clumsy innocence, like fabric that has lost its elasticity, or the bottom of a bowl lubricated, At least to survive.In order to wait for the day when that hug appears. Subject: Sumi a Grandma turned her face darkly, turned her head halfway and cursed, "dress up like a monster", my aunt heard it, and closed the door with a "bang", and then the uncle who rushed out from the side glared at grandma and asked, "What did you say? What did you say?" What are you talking about?" They quarreled for a long time, grandma insisted on calling her daughter-in-law a monster, she blushed, the old man's seventy-year-old decline disappeared completely at this time, raised her arm and poked it vigorously, her voice was loud Scolding "that vixen!". Grandma wiped a towel on her sweaty forehead again and again, and finally took out a 100 yuan note from her pocket and asked for this cake.It was my birthday that day.Grandma, whose monthly pension was only 400 yuan, rang my doorbell across the intersection and insisted that I accept it.And this is not the first time.Cake or bread, even fresh eggs and boiled vegetable soup, she brought them to me in a pot, and kept saying, "Hurry up and bring a bowl, hurry up". b The word that follows the middle of these two paragraphs is "at the same time". c When I went to see a doctor in the outpatient department of the hospital alone, the waiting line sat in a long row in the corridor. I sat at the end with my head down heavily, barely opening my eyes in a state of stagnation that had not moved for a long time. The household was led to skip the queuing link and directly sent to the consultation room.The usual conversation came from within. "Doctor Zhang, this is my husband's colleague, please excuse me." "Why are you being polite, of course I will take care of the people you bring in." When I walked to the gate of the hospital, I saw someone was already waiting there. She greeted me enthusiastically, "Your father called me," she said while walking while pulling my arm.There were more than a dozen patients in the Department of Stomatology, but this time they were not queued but were led directly to the department.I followed the conversation of "Here, Dr. Sun, I need your help" and "No problem", and said with a smile, "Thank you, thank you." d The words that follow between these two paragraphs are "not long before". e It's like a god with a careful plan in the dark. So it guards the delicate balance of this huge planet without deviating from its orbit. A terminal illness with the same power as a newborn. Destruction with the same power as recovery. Forgetting is as powerful as habit. Darkness and meanness with the same power as warmth and beauty. Compromises of equal power and insistence. A diary written with venting vicious curses that is as powerful as a happy birthday song decorated with balloons. "At the same time" and "not long after".They exist side by side, or alternately. f Grandma is a kind and selfless good person, but not everything a good person does is kind and selfless. It's like I'm mad at someone for jumping in line, but I still accept it when I can get the same little privilege.There is no guilt in my heart, but it is closer to simple happiness.He kept saying "thank you, thank you". Acquiesce to this planet where they can exist. g When I was young, I believed that any story I walked into was a positive character.When I donated to the Hope Project, I took out the whole month's pocket money.There is a typhoon coming, and it is raining torrentially, so I have to go out to prepare birthday gifts for my friends.Care for every small animal and feed the wild cats in the alley.Even if I heard that I was on the tram going home from school, I was looking forward to a pregnant woman who could give up my seat every day. However, such a wish will always have unexpected side branches.After donating money, I was nervous and stole my mother's wallet. After being exposed, I heard serious criticisms related to personality rather than being beaten.Or having an argument with a friend on her birthday, and on the way home in the rain just wanting to tell anyone "She borrowed her new camera! She says her dad works in the government but she doesn't!" Head An aunt suddenly opened the window and shouted to me, "Don't feed me?! The wild cats are gathering more and more!" Because of the exhausted back after school because of the exam, she said to a pregnant woman who got on the next bus Extremely dissatisfied, he reluctantly got up from his seat, and even wanted to glare at her. But still firmly believe that he is a positive person.Even in the past ten or twenty years, I have had trouble with more and more people, lied and boasted, pinched my nails angrily, and prepared all kinds of curses in my heart, but I still firmly believe this without wavering. I believe that in my body, the seed of integrity and justice grows, and it takes root and sprouts smoothly in my slightly damp heart, and then maybe overnight, the strange new wind blows from bottom to top, pulling and extending it, and sending it to the top of the dome. At this place, it becomes a towering green shade, covering most of the wilderness, and the highest place can see the arcing horizon. Until one day, I bought snacks and laughed and walked into the school dormitory with my friends, and the ensuing chat became explosive because of some incompatibility.She looked at me and said, "Didn't anyone ever tell you that you're really bad?", then turned her back to me and flipped the pages of the book. h After writing the above paragraph, I stopped for a long time.In the past two days, the typhoon has entered the country, and the rain has brought the temperature down smoothly.The damp and cold water vapor was pressed to a range of more than ten centimeters above the ground and crackled.The night brings more indistinct sounds, which smear the lights near and far like isolated islands, the distant dark yellow. Many things are destined not to understand.As for which is more painful, between "can't figure it out" and "figured it out", the answer is obvious. i One day my grandma and uncle came to my house arguing.The uncle was so angry that he was about to explode, and he sternly said to grandma, "You take out the key of my house and give it back to me, you take it out!" Grandma didn't show any weakness either, she raised her voice by poking her chopsticks and shouted back, "Why! She lives comfortably with you?! Dirty woman! Dirty woman from out of town!" I was eating with my dad, and my dad had long lost the will to persuade me. I looked up from the bowl, and my grandma also twisted her face because of emotion, and she said all the dirty words that were unbearable to her daughter-in-law.The "kind old man" often described in novels has nothing to do with her at that time. But she can still be a kind old man on weekdays. Although she is a little stubborn, she insists on making chicken soup for her father and goes to the vegetable market five stations away to buy ingredients. j You can understand that what I want to say is not "tolerance" or "sympathy", let alone "respect for the old and the young". The balance can be maintained for hundreds of millions of years, perhaps because everything on this planet can happen at the same time or alternately. When I sometimes look at grandma uncontrollably with disgust, her irrationality and viciousness are unavoidable, and one day, I will know that I also have negative footnotes in the eyes of some people: " Irresponsible", "Conceited", "Lazy", "Queer tempered", and even "Deceitful" and "Stupid". Indeed, since I have lied and boasted before, and I have escaped, there must be giving up, resentment, quarrels and mutual hatred-ten or twenty years have provided too much time and events for them to happen frequently.Then of course in a corner of the world, there will be a dark me, a humble me, a childish me, a mean and arrogant me, she really exists and appears from time to time, acting as a villain, hated by a group of people, and used to ridicule In the joke, the tone of mention is all contempt. Even at the same time, the seeds that still exist in the heart, the seeds that I think have existed since a long time ago, are now building their own world, and it is green and shiny before autumn. It was a simple plan when I was a child, "I want to be a kind person who is liked by others". k Finally figured it out and got the answer. Whether "can't figure it out" or "figured it out" is more painful, the conclusion is really obvious. l Dad threw down the phone call from grandma to complain, saying: "This old lady is out of her mind. She scolds others like that, buys vegetables from the supermarket, and only drags them from where. " I said: "Huh?" My mother replied, "She must think she's doing it all for your uncle's benefit." m "You don't know how bad she is" and "please don't tell me about her" from friends nearby, gossip from afar. It's not as shocking now as it was years ago. no I climbed to the top of the tree, and sure enough it stood up to the sky, and the ground was connected by a whole arc.The moon is huge and clear, and the uneven spots on it can be seen. Between joy and excitement, I want to shout loudly.Although at the same time, on the other side of this wonderfully balanced world, the ignorant, weak, blind and stupid me standing there is a negative name that can only be mentioned in a disdainful tone.Amid the contemptuous accusations all around, she heard sentences from a long time ago. o "Be a kind person who is loved by others."