Chapter 1 Xiaoran 1-3 1 Man man, why haven't you fallen asleep yet? I sat at the window and looked at the watch, the clock struck every hour, and I saw the pendulum reaching out like a shining stethoscope, stealing into my heart.That little silver mirror reflected my downcast face.My lips are so white. On the windowsill are my daffodils.I take care of them every day.The shower head is a transparent print.Long neck and long arms, like a woman with a dark face.I filled her stomach with water and I could hear the woman moaning.Many, many bright noon, I took this woman's arm to take care of my flowers.

There are six daffodils on the balcony.I often use a pair of scissors to insert into the roots of daffodils.chisel, chisel.The white juice was exposed, revealing their fresh flesh and blood. I pressed down the scissors slowly, and the juice slowly seeped out and splashed onto my hands.These scissors must be very good iron, it is so cold.I kept holding it, but it was still cold after it sucked all my vitality.I ended up gathering together the little scaly roots that I had cut.Delicate as a potato skin, light as a grasshopper's wings.I blew them down gently, and stretched out my hands side by side, the dry winter sun drying the sap, and I had vegetal-scented hands.

2 In winter, Xiaoran buys six pots of daffodils every day.Put them side by side on the windowsill.She killed them with a pair of shiny flower scissors.She stood on the balcony drying her plant-scented fingers. Then she stood in the whirling wind holding the flower scissors, dazed.She saw the man in the room.He wears a camel cardigan and baggy corduroy trousers.This winter he likes to drink a mocha coffee with too much cocoa powder.The whole mouth is sweet and greasy.He has a recliner on which he spends most of the time.Reading newspapers, smoking, and drawing.He has been sitting like this.The beard had grown, and he sat on the recliner to shave.He broke his jaw, and he sat on a recliner to stop the bleeding.

Sometimes when a girl passes by with a narcissus in her arms, the man tells her, sit down.His words can always wrap the girl tightly like the first snow in this cold winter.Xiaoran tucked her hands tightly into the sleeves of her sweater, moved a stool, and sat down.She felt hard, but she sat down, didn't move, and the man started to paint.Xiaoran felt that she was such an embarrassing obstacle, in the middle of this room, she was an abrupt sharp weapon growing in this soft winter. 3 Men are painters.A man is a father.Men are assholes. The woman was beaten by him.The woman stood by the door for the last time, with some nasty wounds on her, she fixed her eyes on Xiaoran, and closed the door without looking back.Xiaoran saw that the door closed all the wind and snow of the past season like a magic box.Xiaoran saw the woman go away quickly like a ray of wind.A strand of a woman's hair was stuck to the door.Xiaoran walked over and took off the ordinary long black hair.In winter, it is very cold.She then tucked her hands and the hair on her hands back deeply into the sleeves of her sweater.

Xiaoran can't remember how many times there have been turbulent wars.She just remembered that she had moved many times, each time to a rickety wooden attic.She was in the deepest room every time there was a war, but the walls of the stairs and the ceiling were always trembling.The woman's lamb-like cries wrapped around Xiaoran's neck and tied it in a knot.Xiaoran clung to the head of the bed in fear, scraping off the wood paint bit by bit with nail scissors.Every time the battle is over, the woman sits in the middle of the room without any strength.When Xiaoran passed by her, she looked at Xiaoran with disgust and hatred.Then she started snarling at the man.Howling like a she-wolf whose den has been taken.Xiaoran went to the balcony, and she saw that the petals fell to the ground, and it started to rain again.

It was another very heated argument that day.Xiaoran saw the woman's face covered with blood through the gap in the wooden door.She wants to go in, she hates the sound of women crying, but she has to be her.She knocked on the door.The man opened the door for her, then pushed her out of the door very quickly, and then quickly closed the door.locked.The man pulls Xiaoran to the door.There was a man's black leather bag and a long-handled umbrella by the door.The man went on a long journey not long ago.The man held Xiaoran with one hand, and quickly opened the purse with the other.In the gray twilight, Xiaoran saw him take out a rag doll.That doll, she is so pretty.She wears a rose-colored dress that Xiaoran has always wanted, with a bumpy black print on it.Xiaoran saw the lace softly attached to the doll's legs, and the doll smiled itchyly.The man said, go out and play by yourself.After speaking, the man stuffed the doll into Xiaoran's arms, and threw her out of the house with Xiaoran's collar.locked.Xiaoran and the doll are outside.The snowman was frozen stiff, Xiaoran slipped and fell on the snow at the door and stood up several times.

That day is a birthday.It should be used especially on birthdays when you make a wish seriously.Xiaoran thought, should she love her father more, he is better than her mother, remembering her birthday.Xiaoran heard more turbulent crying in the house.She felt like she was freezing, stuck like the snowman in the middle of the yard.Doll, why don't we spend our birthday here well, what do you think?Xiaoran gathered the snow together, and she and the doll sat in the center.Xiaoran looked at the doll and saw that her two flaxen braids were well braided, but her own hair was rooted in the collar of the sweater like grass.Xiaoran sighed and said, how beautiful you are, doll.

Xiaoran remembered that it was already night when the door opened, and she stood up very slowly.The snow on her body rolled down hard, only the baby in her arms was hot.When Xiaoran was walking, she saw that her feet were swollen and her shoes were torn.She waddled into the house.Her mother was at the door, blood clotted all over her face.The woman looked at Xiaoran carefully.She suddenly stretched out a bloody hand and slapped Xiaoran across the face. She said: Did a doll buy you off? With her swollen legs, Xiaoran swayed several times like a tumbler before slowly falling down.She knocked her nose against the threshold.She was worried that her nose would roll to the ground brittle like that snowman's nose.It's okay, it's just blood.

Xiaoran raised her face, and put one hand on her chin to catch the blood flowing down from it.She saw the woman go back to the room, take a small bag, and rush out the door.She saw the woman pass by her and gave her a contemptuous look.For the last time, her eyes met those of her dear mother.Then the woman went away as quickly as the wind.Xiaoran went to the door and plucked her mother's hair. She didn't have a good box to put it in. Finally she put the hair in the pocket of the doll's skirt. For many years to come, it was Xiaoran, the doll and the man who lived together. The man has never had any disputes with Xiao Ran.Because Xiaoran has always been very good.Xiaoran has been very quiet for more than ten years, moving, cooking and raising plants with him.The man is a painter, he likes to put Xiaoran in one place to paint her.Xiao Ran sat down quietly and let him paint.

The man would light a cigarette between paintings and say slowly, I love you more than I love your mother.How quiet you are.Then he suddenly hugged Xiaoran and said fiercely: You must always be by my side. Xiaoran thought, should I be grateful to the only person in the world who cares about me. For so many years, only on that year's birthday, Xiaoran has received presents: the doll and a piece of hair from her mother. End of Chapter 1 4-12 4 When I moved to this small town, the man told me that he wanted to paint the cold winter in the small town.But in fact, when winter came, this man went to sleep like an animal.He lay on his couch and did not go out.

I'm on the second floor of a loft.I have six daffodils.The man said to me, you can grow flowers, but not too many, the smell is too fragrant and it will give me a headache. To the east of the city is the flower market.I can get there after a turning intersection. It was a foggy morning when I went to buy narcissus today.I bought two blooming plants.I hold one plant in each hand and four potato-like tubers in the pouch on my wrist.I tightened my scarf and walked back waddlingly.The water from the roots of the narcissus splashed on my hands, which was cool and refreshing.Make this boring winter a little bit more lively. A group of boys approached me.They seemed to come together from four directions, and they used different perfumes, each with a distinctive personality to dominate the air.I feel a little suffocated.Some of them are holding skateboards, some are smoking, and some are spitting out a piece of blueberry chewing gum in the shape of a mushroom.Purple hair and yellow hair fluttered over each of them like flags.Big colorful ski jackets with zippers and baggy, unlaced shoes. I see him in the crevices of the daffodils, the first boy.His volcanic burning hair, his wine-red coat, and a few coins in the tattered leather pocket collided with the lighter.I saw him walk by looking away, I saw him brush shoulders with me, literally shoulders, and my flowers.The flower shook, jumped out of the pot, and jumped to the ground.The flower died in the broken snow, splashing like yesterday's tea leaves beside a threshold. A group of people laughed.This group of evil boys with different perfumes.I gave my gaze again to my beloved flower.I knelt down and picked it up.But I have nothing to complain about, because this flower will surely die under my scissors this evening.It was just a little early, but the death was still complete.I pick it up.The boy also knelt down and helped me pick up the flowerpot.I stand up with him.I find his perfume to be very pleasant floral.He smiled at me.I looked at the boy again from the bouquet of narcissus. He was good-looking, as good-looking as an imported toy sailor.Stand in the snow, stand in front of me. I think I'll have to go this way, I've stood upright for a little while, but no apology from them, I think I'll just go this way.But I saw that boy, he was looking at me.He looked at me with a very serious detailed look, like the doctor and the animal he was studying.I think about the gaze or the evil or the frivolity But now do you believe it You know I feel the sun shining.Sunshine twisted his eyes and shone on me together, which made me suddenly want to perform like on a big stage.I showed a distressed and pitiful expression. Boy, look at me, still.I want to ask him if he is also a painter, because I have only seen such eyes from my father. The boy is on my left, the boy is on my right, the boy is my tireless stage. He finally spoke to me.The only time he spoke to me.He said, you, your lips are too white, otherwise you would be a beauty. It's a light tone, but I feel a kind of warm love when I revisit this sentence countless times. All the boys around laughed and cheered like the end of a comedy.I stood in the center of the stage, embarrassed. Hi hi, know that bar at the end of the street?It's the one with the circular dance floor on the second floor. We have a party there tonight, so come too.Uh uh, remember, put on some lip balm, beauty.The boy held his head up, raised his eyes, and said this to me.The boy next to me laughed again.They used to go along with him, he was the dazzling spotlight in the center of the stage. Me and my flowers are still standing in place.Watch them go by.I saw the leading boy put away his gaze, and all the lights on the stage went out.I'm still standing there.The narcissus on my hand was still dripping, and I subconsciously bit my lip to wet it. Then I quickly ran in the direction of home. On the way, I suddenly stopped at the door of a bright shop.A row of colorful little clothes floated at the door of the shop.I stood there for a while and bought a dress. It's a rose purple dress.I see it floating in the gray apricot morning light of the city.There is a layer of sunlight evenly sprinkled on the skirt, which is woven on the brocade like a layer of fine and small scales.It swished into my sky like a big kite. I never needed a dress.I'm not a fan of these fancy things.I don't like these objects with strong femininity. But at this moment, my hand holding the narcissus couldn't help but want to touch it. I think of it like the dress on my doll.It's very similar.That dress that has made me jealous for over a decade.It was like a victory flag that the doll raised, a reminder of my failure.Yes, I have never had such a beautiful gift. buy it.I bought my first dress, clutching it proudly as if in avenging shame. Then I ran home very quickly. 5 Xiaoran quickly opened the door of the house and rushed into the studio.Her narcissus and brand new dress were thrown by the door, and she began to dig into the depths of the paint to find it.On the floor were piles of paint tubes and jars.Some are dried, some are blended and are dirty colors.She picked them up one by one, dropped them, and picked up another one.The man heard her voice and asked on his recliner, what are you looking for? Xiaoran didn't answer, but just continued to search, she began to give up the paint tubes, and turned to those big paint jars that hadn't been used for a long time.Her movements were as quick as a squirrel, her expression as serious as that of a general deploying a battle. The man said, what are you looking for?The man still didn't get an answer. He heard the girl knocking the pot over, making a loud bang.And the sound of paint gurgling out. The man got up from his couch.Rushed into the studio and asked, what are you looking for? Red paint, is there any red paint left?Xiaoran asked anxiously. there is none left.I haven’t used that bright color for a long time, have you forgotten, I told you to throw it away when I moved, and now it’s gone.I can't use red at all to paint the terrible winter here.The man answered slowly. Xiaoran didn't speak any more, she just stopped her futile search, stood still, and stuck to the ground like a wind-up doll who had had enough dancing.She panted heavily, and the spilled paint splashed on her legs, and slowly slid down, giving her body a grayish blue color. The man asked, what do you want red paint for? nothing.Xiaoran replied, walked past the man, and went to the kitchen to make the man his favorite coffee. 6 I handed the coffee to the man, and I went up to the attic with my new daffodils.The fog had cleared, and the sun was posted again, like a bulletin to cheer people up and work.I put the narcissus on the balcony, I don't know when they will bloom.The scissors were next to my hand, and the shining silver was a great temptation to me. I suddenly inserted the scissors into the narcissus, and the juice from the root gurgled out like those paints.They died as usual.I can't wait until evening. Then I gradually quieted down.I moved my stool to the balcony and sat down.I recalled the look just now.I think of that boy's gaze as long as a snowstorm.I thought of his burning hair spreading wildly, his thin lips closing and closing like a seductive butterfly when he spoke. I heard a group of boys laughing, and they laughed cooperatively, appreciatively, and approvingly.Like the goshawks attacking a dead man during the Heavenly Festival, they flew over from the sky elsewhere, covered me, and drowned me. I suddenly trembled slightly, hoping that my struggle had a graceful posture. I suddenly remembered my new dress.It's still lying in that cold, cold bag. I pulled it out of the bag inch by inch, like pulling a source of happiness and slowly releasing it to the world.I put the doll by my bed and let her watch me change. Roses suddenly bloomed all over my body.I felt so many rose thorns embedded in my skin, this dress grew in my body, never to be parted from me again. Doll, doll, look at me, am I beautiful? 7 Xiaoran walked up and down in the attic before dusk.The time is 6 o'clock.The man ate a grilled fish and a dish of boiled corn.He usually falls asleep gradually after eating, and doesn't wake up slowly until after 8 o'clock to watch a film about the gun battle.He would be very excited at that time, and sometimes he would knock the paintbrush beside him on the drawing board with a bang.But now he should be asleep. Xiaoran heard the yelling of noisy children outside.She felt they were all going in one direction.She feels that there is a piece of ice and tranquility that is worthy of conversion for each of their penguins.She crushed chopped daffodil petals and rubbed them on her body and neck.The sap of the narcissus seeps in slowly, swimming in her blood.She heard their separate voices, she heard their merging, yes, merging, merging like a gaze. The clock rang again, but the man still didn't sleep.He was flipping through a picture album he bought before, and his glasses slipped from his collapsed nose from time to time. He helped him and continued to flip through it, without falling asleep. Xiaoran wanted to go out into the air completely, she wanted to follow in the footsteps of those savage boys, she wanted to stand in front of that boy again and listen to him belittle her.But the man must sleep, so she can jump out of the wooden box, forget about the man's snoring and the dead narcissus, and go to a date. Xiaoran bit her lips with her teeth, and the tiny tooth marks bloomed on her lips like a bunch of colorless lily-of-the-valley flowers.Then Xiaoran went downstairs.She remembered that there seemed to be a few daffodil roots on the balcony below, so she took the scissors and went downstairs. Xiaoran held the scissors in her hands, tucked her hands in her sleeves, put on a pair of cotton slippers that had been depilated, and ran downstairs quickly.She went straight to the daffodil roots. When the man saw her, he suddenly said, "Sit down." What?Xiaoran was startled. The man has already picked up the paintbrush beside him, motioning for Xiaoran to sit down.He said slowly again, you are wearing a skirt today.very different. Xiaoran was stunned for a moment, and finally realized that the man was going to paint.She stopped, put the scissors on the wooden table where the paintbrushes were, then moved a stool and sat down. At that moment, she suddenly felt that time had stopped. She was fixed on a rusty gear, and her whole rose skirt was unraveling on this tall gear.She pressed her hands tightly to the skirt, as if holding the last petal.The world was about to lose all its moisture, she looked up and saw the corner of the man's dry eyes, a cloud of filth was gathering like a cloud. Xiaoran seemed to hear someone calling her downstairs.She felt that there was a road paved with a bright red carpet slowly spreading outside her house.She felt she should go up, go over.She felt the grand gaze waiting for his rose at the source.Xiaoran wanted to jump up.fly out.Fly out of this spooky cave in the last rays of the twilight. 8 I seem to see my doll dancing upstairs on the plank floor.Her lips are very red. 9 The man slowly stopped while drawing.He wrapped his eyes around the petite girl.It was the first time he treasured her like this.He likes the girl's new dress very much.The new dress made the girl look like a full and plump woman.Like her mother had first appeared in his life. Smile, you smile.The man said to the girl, you never smile, you smile now. The man is very tolerant and warm at this moment, he is as presumptuous as a child. Xiaoran saw the boys flying past like a flock of white pigeons outside the window.She smiled. The man is very happy.The man has no sleep at all.He had stopped and just looked at the girl like that. He stood up suddenly and pulled Xiaoran over very hard.He hugged the girl tightly.The girl is placed on the man like a vertical raft.She hangs her hands in the air.Xiaoran still had that performative smile just now, and she felt aggrieved bit by bit. The boy was still saying, you, your lips are too white, otherwise, you would be a beauty. The doll is still dancing.She turned 7 more circles, and the rose skirt bloomed new flowers. Everything will pass by her. 10 The man hugged me tightly.My hands hang in the air.My heart and eyes are hidden in a dress of fresh roses to my appointment. I am very thirsty.My lips shed scales like fish out of water. Everything will pass me by. The clock strikes again.The pendulum is a cruel stethoscope, beating on my fragile heart as a patient. I strongly felt that my heart suddenly became lively following a sound from a place not far away. Man, man, why aren't you sleeping? My eyes are bright. My eyes are bright. The knife was easily picked up by me from the small table behind the man.My hand immediately gripped it tightly.My hand and knife found each other like two scattered magnets.They bonded together immediately.They love each other, and they work together.I think I know what they're planning, I think I know what's going to happen.But it was too late for me to come back, my heart was busy elsewhere.I'm dancing, spinning in circles like my doll, drowning in a stare. The knife groped and entered from the middle of the man's body.The man didn't move for a moment.There was a wind sound that could tear the net from his mouth.I pressed the handle of the knife and stabbed the man's fat back deeply.Then quickly draw the knife out. These are very familiar to me.I was as proficient as ever with every piece of daffodil root. The man made no sound of resentment.I wondered if I should help my father stop the bleeding.I dropped the knife, and I ran my hands over the man's wound.I feel a hot spring flowing into my palm.I feel their fragrance more fragrant than the sap of daffodils. The man still had that tolerant smile just now.He just fell down.He hid the hot spring behind him and slammed it down like a rock. 11 Xiaoran looked at the man.A palette of warm colors for men.Xiaoran thought it might be her rose dress.Unknowable.Xiaoran suddenly turned around and ran up to the attic with her red hot spring hands. The stairs are so long that there are eyes streaming from the banister and the floor. Xiaoran had never run so fast before.Panting, she paused beside her dresser. She breathed heavily into the dusty mirror.She looked at herself, never seen herself so clearly. The lips were covered with pale purple scabs. Xiaoran looked at herself, at herself.Then she slowly raised her hand. Facing the mirror, she smeared the blood from her hands on her lips bit by bit.The warm blood adhered to the lips, and a bright red rhododendron bloomed.Xiaoran thought about the boy's words, looked at the bright red lips in the mirror, and smiled with satisfaction. 12 I smiled at the red flowers in the mirror.