Chapter 27 Spoiler: The Tribulations of the Young Master

After seven o'clock in the evening, it was raining outside, and the lights in the barbecue restaurant were warm.The ox-eye meat and mushrooms on the grate were grilled, and a small drop of oil fell on the coals, sparking small sparks.The food is fragrant and sweet.This is a small restaurant next to Jofi's house. Fee went to a reunion with her elementary school friends, and her mother was at home sewing us quilts, and I had dinner with Joe's father.We will go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to register in three days, and Joe's father is beaming.When I came back from Africa, I was specially approved to take a vacation. I didn’t have to work, and I was relaxed. I paired it with big meat. I drank with this father-in-law. It seemed a little too much.

A peanut fell on the ground, and I bent down to pick it up. Joe's father said in sign language: Don't eat what falls on the ground, it's unhygienic. I replied in sign language: I have to pick it up, or else it will go to waste. Joe's father: I don't want it anymore. Besides, look at you, your hands are shaking from drinking, and you can't pick it up. Me: Why do you look down on me when you are old? Is it a joke that I drank too much? Can you drink better than me? Let me tell you, not only can I pick it up, but I can also pick up that peanut with chopsticks without using my hands.

After I finished speaking, I took the chopsticks and bent over to pick up the peanut at the foot of the stool, once, twice, three times... a few times, it was either off or off. I was really angry, and I went under the table to pick up the peanut. , Joe’s father was laughing on the top, I was sweating under the table, and finally pushed the peanut to the wall with chopsticks, picked it up by the wall, and sent it tremblingly in front of my eyes for a closer look , triumphantly. "Peanut, peanut, what kind of glass ball are you putting in front of me?! I, Cheng Jiayang, can even clean up Qiao Fei, but I still can't handle you?"

After finishing speaking, he put the peanuts rolling on the ground into his mouth, and ate it sweetly. I was about to straighten up, but my head hit the corner of the table, and it hurt so badly.After finally sitting back, he found that Joe's father was no longer sitting there, and a strange man was sitting in his seat, holding some side dishes into his mouth.This person is about thirty years old, with a bald head, thick eyebrows, round eyes like a bull's stare, a fleshy face, obviously a little angry, broad shoulders, and a good stature. I wondered if I had drunk too much, and I didn't know I had put the peanuts under someone else's table, so I said sorry, and was about to get up and find my father-in-law to go back to my table, when the man said in a low voice, "Sit down." Don't move there."

The neighbors in the Northeast are as strong as a cow, and they are really rude when they speak. "Why?" I couldn't help but wonder. "Where are you going? This is your table." I was puzzled, and looked at the dishes on the table. There was half a glass of beer in the glass, and a red date was soaked in it, which was just put in by my father-in-law--this is indeed my table. go far.That's strange, who is this in front of you?Why are you just sitting here carelessly?Where did Papa Joe go, who just offered me a drink? I hate impolite guys the most, and I got a little impatient in an instant: "Who are you? Please put down the wine for me, it's my dad's. Don't move the chicken gizzard, it's a dish on my table. I Are you familiar with me?" When I said this, I felt that I still had a bit of a tongue.

Hearing this, the bald head actually put down his wine glass and smiled at me: "Hmph, you don't know who I am, but I know who you are." Then he pointed at me with the tip of his chopsticks, "Aren't you from Beijing? ? Aren’t you a very rich family official? Don’t you speak foreign languages? Aren’t you... going to marry that little girl from Old Qiao’s family, Feifei?” "Which of the above things offended you?" "It didn't mess with me, but it's not good for you!" Instantly amused me: "Oh, look at what you said, I'm really a little scared, but what kind of god is your lord?"

The bald head said: "For you have some eyesight, I am really a fairy." After he finished speaking, he slowly put an empty plate on his shiny head, and those two round eyes were still looking at me brightly. "Are you going to perform acrobatics?" I wondered. "There is a lack of cold dishes on this table." "Can you conjure it?" "You count to twenty for me." The bald head said to me slowly. "No time--" "Count me!" The bald head was as strong as a cow, and he suddenly had a seizure, and pressed my shoulders, making me immobile. It was bloodshot, like a picture in an island horror comic, as if it was casting a curse with its eyes - something big is going to happen!I was stared at by such a pair of eyes, and gradually realized that even my breathing was a little uncomfortable, so I subconsciously followed what he said, and started counting one by one—"1, 2, 3... 13, 14, 15..."

I kept counting to "15", and the surroundings were peaceful. The people in the barbecue shop should eat and drink, and the bald head didn't ask the waiter to serve us cold dishes.At this moment, a woman with disheveled hair and a yellow face suddenly pushed the door in from the outside. Obviously, she had already seen the person she was looking for outside, so she had a clear goal and was emotional. She pointed at me with thin fingers. A man and a woman who were eating at the adjacent table screamed at the same time: "Fuck man and woman! You little mistress! Let me catch you?!"

It was too late and then too fast, the woman rushed forward to tear the two people apart, the two people were already stupid, when they realized it, the man had already been slapped on the face, and he was still standing in front of the lover , the little three was about to withdraw in a panic, and shouted at the same time: "Oh, sister Wang, you read it wrong... My brother-in-law and I are fine... Misunderstood, misunderstood!" Xiaosan wanted to run out of the way, but accidentally bumped into the fish tank placed by the owner of the barbecue shop. The proprietress's eyes were quick, and she jumped over with one step, and hugged the fish tank. Ah, I almost broke my fish tank! You, you guys, want to catch rape and fight outside!"

But under such a situation, who would listen to her?The main wife's eyes were red, and the man who bit her so hard let go, and jumped up to hit the mistress. The mistress, who had already fallen on the ground, hid back and bumped into the proprietress behind. Still holding the fish tank, he lost his center of gravity when he was hit by Xiaosan. The fish tank flew out in a parabola, smashed to the ground with a "slap", and fell apart! The moment the fish tank was shattered, the chaotic scene seemed to be frozen in a movie, and everyone was silent for a few seconds, standing still in their positions.

It’s rare to see such excitement, and I was also stunned. The bald man with four white eyes on the other side reminded me in a low voice: “How many have you counted?” I just remembered, and continued mechanically: "16, 17, 18, 19..." A man who looked like a boss came out of the back kitchen, holding a kitchen knife in one hand and a cucumber in the other: "What's going on? What's going on? Who's here to make trouble again?" He was righteous and majestic, and when he appeared on the stage, he was obviously a person in charge of the overall situation, but he stepped on the water and fell. When I counted to "20", the cucumber in the boss's hand fell on the plate above the bald head. I froze. The bald man smiled and took a bite of the cucumber: "Isn't this a cold dish? Do you want to eat it?" "Coincidence," I said. The bald head picked up my beer glass, and a goldfish fell into the glass from above. The bald head said: "This fish flew out of the fish tank and landed on the light stand. Now it landed in the beer glass. I saw it. I caught it with your wine glass. This is a coincidence. And this..." He shook his head. Shaking the cucumber in his hand, "This is called magical calculation, understand?" The woman next to her was still fighting with her husband and mistress, the boss was being helped up by the proprietress, and the couple wanted to drive the three of them out. Other diners were watching the fun while having barbecue and drinking. I just looked at the bald head in front of me. Evil. "What do you want?" I said softly. "Nothing. Save you." "Did you... see what's wrong with me?" I asked. "&E*%((§E!!!." The old boy suddenly lowered his voice, and I became angry when I saw the shape of his mouth: "You have STDs!" "Aren't you an interpreter? Why are your ears crippled at such a young age? I say you have a heart disease!" "...What's wrong with me? I don't have a heart disease!" "...You, you shouldn't have married Qiao Fei! She will kill you!" "Nonsense." "Let's go on like this. Let me tell you something. You can find something as I told you. If you can find that thing, you can listen to me in the future. Then you can still be saved! If you don't want to, forget it. " I feel that this person in front of me looks like a mysterious stick, I don't want to be played by him, but he did perform a flawless trick in front of me just now, what other tricks does this person have?Since I was a child, I couldn’t control my curiosity. In addition, I didn’t have to go to work or be an interpreter. I was idle when I was idle. I wanted to give it a try: “Tell me and listen…” The bald-headed voice was even lower: "Are you and Qiao Fei living in the north room of their house now... You see, I know even this... Is there a drawer under her bed, two compartments, one side Clothes, put the quilt on the other side?" I didn't make a sound, he really hit the mark. "The side next to the wall, you open it when she is not around, it should contain her winter clothes. You look inside, and there is a red down jacket, and there is an iron box inside the down jacket, you open that iron box Look...see what's inside...you remember what I said?" I looked up at him: "I just have a good memory. I will definitely remember what you said, and I will also remember your face. If you let me catch you with any evil intentions, I...I can't forgive you." ..." After I spoke, my mouth and tongue became more and more difficult to use, and my head became more and more confused. Before I could say the word "you", I saw the bald head stretching out a finger towards me. What is he going to do? He just gently pushed on my forehead, and I fell to the ground without knowing anything. I didn't feel like I drank too much, was so useless, and got pushed down by a bald head with one finger.I don't know how long I slept like this. When I woke up, I found myself lying alone, dizzy for a long time, and then realized that I had returned to Qiao Fei's house.This is the bedroom on the north side where the two of us lived, and I slept on the bed with two drawers that the bald man mentioned. There was the sound of frying vegetables in a pan outside, and then the aroma of celery came in.I coughed twice, Qiao Fei heard the sound, opened the door after a while, a small head appeared from the outside, and said softly: "Jiayang, are you awake?" I don't know what it is, there is light outside the curtain Through it, according to her small face and big eyes, she looks like a cat, which makes people really like it. I wanted to cheat, so I said, "Come here." Fei came over, sat on the edge of the bed, hugged my head in her arms, and kissed my forehead. "Is your class reunion over?" I asked. "You don't know the time when you're drunk, right? It's already the second night! You slept all night and all day, and you can't wake up even if you pinch your face." I heard the words and sat up: "Really?" "What did you lie to you for?" I have a terrible headache: "Who brought me back from the BBQ?" "My dad." While talking, the prospective father-in-law came in from outside with a cup of warm water, and I took it and drank it down.The old man smiled and signed in sign language: "If you can't drink, you still try to be brave. Let me pour it under the table?" Me: What were you doing when I was talking to the bald head? Prospective father-in-law: What a bald head...it's just the two of us... Me: Didn't you see a bald head in the barbecue restaurant? Also, there was a woman... came in to fight with her husband, and also caught the mistress, the fish tank was broken... That bald head was right across from me, and she ate a cucumber... I was anxious, my fingers flew around, and I was incoherent in sign language. After all, I was just a beginner, but I couldn't keep up with it later, so I said it and asked Qiao Fei to ask her father. Prospective father-in-law: Are you dreaming? !It's just the two of us drinking. I'm confused, could it be that I'm really dreaming? Qiao Fei put me down: "The dream is quite detailed... Let's rest for a while, I'll call you when the meal is ready." After she finished speaking, she left the room with her father, and the prospective father-in-law turned around and covered his mouth with a smile. I was lying on the bed like a monk Zhang Er, and I felt something was wrong. Could it be that I was really dreaming?It shouldn't be... Enduring the headache, I jumped up and opened the drawer under the bed to find the box that the bald head said. If I can find it, it means that I really saw him, and it means that I am not drunk. Importantly, the way the prospective father-in-law smiled just now was mocking me for my poor drinking capacity!What's the difference between calling a man a poor drinker and making fun of his short penis?I'm not drunk, I was framed by a godlike bald head, I can't bear this humiliation! I pulled out the drawer under the bed and looked for the red down jacket in Qiao Fei's winter coat as the bald head said, and I found it. The down jacket was rolled into a small ball. I touched it, and there seemed to be a Box.The moment she took the box out of the down jacket, Qiao Fei came in from the outside. "My mother asked you whether the noodles are salty or sweet and sour..." Before she finished speaking, Qiao Fei was shocked when she saw her down jacket and box in my arms, and cried out, "Ah... " At that moment, I understood: Sure enough, everyone has a secret, and even Fei, who is so close to me, hides a small box. What will be in here? At that moment, countless possibilities flashed through my head: ex-boyfriend photos; ex-boyfriend nude photos; Make a souvenir inside... Or, by the way, I heard that there is a scary witch in the Northeast named Sister Maolian, who eats young men. Qiao Fei's small face looks like a kitten, could it be that she is ah?Here are her various instruments? I was startled by the sudden thought that came to me. But after thinking about it, what about the ex-boyfriend?What about nudes?So what if Qiao Fei is really a perverted killer or a cat-faced sister?I am her real boyfriend now, three days, oh no, I will be her legal husband in two days!We have been through so much, I am not afraid of anyone, I love her! And I can't just think about it, I have to tell her. If she is really the cat-faced sister, she really wants to eat me. Hearing me say that I love her, maybe you can hesitate for a while, so I can take the opportunity to escape! My heart is overwhelmed, but I have made up my mind.I told Qiao Fei with the tone and tone of the simultaneous interpreter, I said: "Fei, no matter what is in this box, I love you..." But Qiao Fei acted as if she didn't hear my words, and said casually: "Okay, I got it, thank you." She took the box over at once, held it in her arms, and said, "Oh, I haven't found this box for so many years, but you actually dug it out..." She's actually quite happy? What's in that box? Maybe everyone has a box for babies when they are young, right? When I was six or seven years old, my uncle came back from working in Guangzhou and brought me a small box of imported butter biscuits.I ate those biscuits carefully and with a sense of ritual for half a year, and in the end I was reluctant to throw away the box.It is a purple iron box, the size of two palms, and three fingers are thin. There is a little blond girl wearing a chef's hat printed on the box. I thought this little girl looked like me when I was young.Later, I kept it as my treasure box, and I put all good things in it. Later, when people grow up, there will be fewer treasures, and this box will disappear at some point.I thought it was lost, but Jiayang turned it out today. Mom and Dad brought in the noodles.Jiayang and I sat cross-legged on the bed, eating noodles with a bowl in our hands, and took out the contents of the box one by one to look at them. "Look, this is my elementary school student ID card. I remember it was useful. Once I wanted to eat syrup, but I didn't have pocket money in my pocket, so I bet it on the old lady who set up a street stall." "You are so greedy." Jiayang said. "Well, it's okay. Later, it was redeemed. Some people in our class didn't redeem it, and they didn't talk about credit at all. Later, the old lady didn't let the bond..." "Without your credit, you don't even want to eat syrup." "Hey, look at this little black bow tie, doesn't it look good? The chorus team wears a uniform, black bow tie, white jacket, and blue pants. Hey, here is a picture of our chorus team. Look, can you find me?" Jiayang took it over and looked at it carefully for a long time: "Which one is you here? Besides, the girls are all red tie and blue skirt, why do you dress differently from others?" "It's a sad thing to say. I fell asleep in the barber shop. When I opened my eyes, I was cut into a tomboy's head by the master... Originally, I was the lead singer, but then the teacher asked someone else to replace me. I went inside and dressed in the same clothes as the boys..." "Hahahahaha..." He was very happy to hear that. "I found you! Profile?" "I don't want to lose face, I don't want to have a frontal photo." I remember my thoughts at the time. "The side face is also pretty..." "Hee hee... Kiss..." I hugged him and kissed him. The box is not big, but it is full, including Nicholas Tse's stickers, Eason Chan's autographed photo (photocopy), and a half-used Maybelline lipstick. "It's a good thing." I said, "A girl's sister in our class bought it from Shenyang, and she gave it to me on my birthday. It's so good! But I dare not let my parents see it. Just put it away secretly." I just unscrewed it and wanted to put it on my mouth, but Jiayang snatched it away: "You are too careless, you dare to put lipstick on your mouth after more than ten years." "give me back!" "No!" I rushed forward, and the two fell on the bed and writhed together.Jiayang just woke up from a hangover and has a headache, who is my opponent?In a few moments, I was crushed under my body, I squeaked this kid up and down, Jiayang couldn't breathe from laughing, so he had to beg for mercy: "My lord, my queen, come down quickly... hey, you can squeak, don't take this opportunity to moles Ha... hey! It's not over, is it? I'll let you come again!" Jiayang pressed me down hard, came up and bit my neck, I seized the opportunity to fight back, and the two had a fight for a long time.Later, he fell to the side, resting his head on his arms, and said thoughtfully: "It's strange..." "what……" "How do you think I know about this box..." Jiayang said. "Yes, I didn't find it, why did you dig it out?" He then told the story of the mysterious bald man he met in the barbecue restaurant.The more I listened, the more surprised I became. Judging from the physical features he described, I don't know this person at all. How could he know where my treasure box is?Could it be that he is really a half-immortal? "What's even more strange," Jiayang said, "we have searched through this box, and there is nothing serious about it, and you have no secrets from me, why did he have to lead me to find this box...you Is there anything else in here?" As Jiayang said, he picked up the box and the lid and shook it, and suddenly a few pieces of paper fell from the lid.We didn't notice it before because there is a compartment of the same color on the lid, and these papers are hidden in it. I picked up those pieces of paper, and there were crooked blue characters on them, which were rubbed out of carbon paper, and it looked like a primary school student's font. On the first piece of paper it was written: Wang Yuansheng cleaned the toilet for Qiao Fei ten times. Two orthographic. (really ten times) Signed: Wang Yuansheng, Qiao Fei On the second sheet it read: Wang Yuansheng ran thirty laps of the playground for Qiao Fei. Signed: Wang Yuansheng, Qiao Fei On the third sheet it read: Wang Yuansheng punched Liu Jinlong five times for Qiao Fei. Signed: Wang Yuansheng, Qiao Fei Jiayang was quite surprised: "Who is this Wang Yuansheng?" Me: "...forgot... I don't know such a person." "Think about it." I thought about it for a long time, and finally realized, yes, there is such a person! Wang Yuansheng was my classmate in elementary school. The boy sitting in the row in front of me was short, small and weak, but his thinking was very precocious.In the fourth grade, by the way, in the fourth grade, he invited me under the jujube tree and said, Qiao Fei, I love you.I was eating syrup at the time, and I felt offended when I heard this, I swallowed the remaining syrup in my mouth, then took a step forward and pulled up his collar: "Wang Yuansheng, you dare to say it again! " "You can say it ten times! Qiao Fei, I love you, Qiao Fei, I love you, Qiao Fei, I love you, Qiao Fei, I love you, Qiao Fei, I love you..." I threw Wang Yuansheng on the ground by virtue of being tall and big: "Fuck you!" Then I covered my ears and imitated the girl in the movie, "I won't listen, I won't listen, I won't listen!" For some unknown reason, Wang Yuansheng fell face down on the ground, his nose was broken, bleeding came out, and he sucked it into his mouth. He stood up and hated me: "I will prove it to you!" He is really a ruthless person, and he proved it to me later. A few days later, it was my turn to clean the toilet on duty.I was most afraid of this job, but Wang Yuansheng actually did it for me. For ten days in a row, I kept watch for him outside the women's toilet while he worked inside.Fill in a sum every day, make up two orthographic characters, like an IOU, and both of us signed on it. A few days later, I was fined by the head teacher to run 30 laps of the playground because I was talkative in class.I am not afraid of running away, but the last episode of "Legend of the New White Snake" was on TV, and I was anxious to go home to watch TV. Wang Yuansheng said: "I will replace you! Anyway, the teacher is upstairs, and I am downstairs. It is so far away. Even if you put on your coat, the teacher won't be able to tell!" As soon as I heard it was ok, I signed the note again.And so owed him another sum in the matter. Later, I offended the school bully Liu Jinlong. It is said that Liu Jinlong’s father ran a butcher’s shop. He was tall and big since he was a child, and he especially liked to steal other people’s things. A girl in our class bought a new bicycle, and he snatched it for himself. ride.I was practicing pole vaulting on the playground at the time, and I used the pole in my hand to fly Liu Jinlong down from a long distance. Liu Jinlong got up and was about to hit me. Wang Yuansheng, who didn't know where he was last second, suddenly came from a corner Out of nowhere, standing in front of me, actually played a little hero to save the beauty.He raised his head and said to Liu Jinlong, "Don't hit the girl!" Liu Jinlong pointed at me, "Qiao Fei did it first! I must return it!" Wang Yuansheng patted his chest, and just like that, Liu Jinlong punched me five times.I was really moved at the time, so I signed the third article again. I originally thought this way: whatever you want to prove that you like me, anyway, if I don't like you, I will pull you down.What can you do to me? But what I didn't expect was that not long after, the school organized a movie, in which a girl said to the boy: "You saved me three times, and I will be your wife." Just such a line from the movie has become the standard respected by elementary school boys and girls when they date - if a boy saves a girl three times, then they must get married.Wang Yuansheng believed it, and so did I. This led to the signing of the fourth note, which read: Because Wang Yuansheng saved Qiao Fei three times, Qiao Fei agreed to marry Wang Yuansheng when she grows up. Signed: Wang Yuansheng, Qiao Fei Having said that, after reading the fourth note, Jiayang and I were rocked with laughter at these childhood funs and obsessions.Having said that, we still feel a little warm in our hearts. Opened the fifth note and we couldn't stop laughing after reading it. I saw it said: If Qiao Fei did not abide by the agreement and married someone other than Wang Yuansheng, then her future husband would die! ! ! Signed: Wang Yuansheng, Qiao Fei At dawn, there was only one day left before we went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to register for marriage. At the breakfast table, my mother served Jiayang a bowl of porridge, fried dough sticks, and peeled tea eggs for him. I opened my hand and asked her for my share.Mom was annoyed: You didn't!You do not deserve! Me: What's wrong with me?It was Jiayang who was itching to find that box!He also dug out those notes. Mom: I said, when you were a child, what did you sign that torn note for others? Dad was drinking porridge on the sidelines and never participated in the discussion. Me: Hey...it's a big deal, it's all in my childhood, who can take it seriously?What's wrong with me just getting married? Mom's eyes were red: what's the big deal? !What do you take seriously?Marriage is such a big thing, there can't be any mistakes!This is bad luck!Let me tell you, if anything happens to Jiayang, I can't spare you! Me: ...Understood, since Jiayang came, he is your son, I am not your daughter anymore! Mom: Yes!Don't eat my breakfast! I stood up in a rage, was grabbed by my father, and sat down again. Dad put down the bowl and chopsticks: Let me say a few words. Jiayang, who had not been involved in the discussion, looked up at my father. Dad: ...what the child said when he was a child is nothing to worry about.But since the two of them turned out these notes, it should be taken seriously.Marriage is important, and there should be no place to add to the obstruction. He looked at Jiayang at this moment, and Jiayang nodded, expressing his complete agreement. Dad: After all, Feifei owed some favors to that Wang Yuansheng, and it was enough to pay them back one by one.When the time comes, find him, say hello, and let him absorb the curse he cast himself and it will be over. Jiayang: This... Dad, why are you returning them one by one? Dad: Wang Yuansheng ran 30 laps of the playground for Feifei, and you also went to the elementary school to run 30 laps of the playground.Wang Yuansheng took Liu Jinlong's fist for Feifei, and you also went to Liu Jinlong to take five fists from him.Wang Yuansheng cleaned the toilet for Feifei, you should go too! Without further ado, do it today! I saw Jiayang swallowed in his throat, and made a vague voice: "...ah?" Dad: What's the matter?Can't do it or don't want to go? Jiayang: ...Go! Me: "...Jiayang, can you do it?" Jiayang: "I can do it. In order to marry you safely, I will do anything!" Dad: You have to rely on your conscience in this kind of thing, you can't be lazy and play tricks... My mother was so distressed that tears were about to fall. Sandy day.On the playground of Qiao Fei’s alma mater, I was running laps, wearing the sneakers of my father-in-law-to-be.Time is tight and tasks are heavy.My parents are coming from Beijing tonight, Qiao Fei and I will register tomorrow, and we have to finish those three things during the day, so we don’t have time to buy a pair of sneakers.After running three laps, the forefoot of the would-be father-in-law's sneakers opened.The sharp pebbles jumped in, and I had to throw them out while running, which was ridiculous. I used to have good physical strength, running ten miles is not a big problem, but the leg injury I suffered in Africa has not yet healed, and I had a headache from drinking the day before yesterday, and my current state is Lin Daiyu. If Lin Daiyu ran thirty laps on the playground—— Nine kilometers, will you vomit blood? Sure enough, at the end of the run, I fell to the ground all of a sudden, with a fishy taste in my mouth. Qiao Fei hurried forward to help me up: "Is it okay? Little brother." "It's okay, trauma, trauma..." I wiped the corner of my mouth, "What's next?" "Clean the toilet." "...you're welcome... let's go." I helped her stand up. When the children were in class, Qiao Fei and I sneaked into the teaching building, I cleaned the men's toilets, and Fei cleaned the women's toilets.I've never done this kind of thing before, it's really a test.It's really not as easy as when I entered the simultaneous interpretation box for the first time.But thinking about Qiao Fei, thinking that I'm going to marry her, and thinking about the curse on the note, I think it's bearable.Fortunately, the tools are complete, the water flow is sufficient, the nose is blocked, the psychological barrier has been overcome, and the cleaning of the toilet is not so unbearable.I cleaned the latrine on one side, and when I was washing the mop, I saw in the mirror that my hair and body were covered with dust, so I took off my T-shirt and planned to wash my face well. I just took off my clothes, and the little fat guys whose heads reached my waist and who were in the second and third grades must have eaten their stomachs badly. He was stunned for a while when I was naked. "You, who are you?" The little fat man looked at me. "I, oh, I came here temporarily to clean the toilet." "Why haven't I seen you?" "...This kid..." I said, "Didn't I tell you it was temporary?" I smiled at him flatteringly. The little fat man was obviously scared: "Why don't you look like you clean the toilet?!" "Don't worry about my appearance, uncle cleans it very well! Come on, come here, this pit, I just washed it, look at the window next to this side, and the sun, you must be very smooth! You can also lose weight... ...Is your family living well? Look at how fat you are." I stretched out my hand to pull the little fat man. The little fat man was dragged over by me stiffly, and then pushed into a private room by me. Fatty: "...Uncle, can you close the door?" I said: "Of course, Uncle will close it for you. Oh, why can't it be closed?" I didn't realize that the mop head was stuck on the door hinge, "Hey, can't you hold it anymore? Then hurry up, Uncle doesn't look at..." The little fat man suddenly snatched away from me with his stomach in his arms, and yelled, "Come on! There's a strange sorghum in the men's room!" The little fat man rushed out from the men's toilet, and the cries shook the teaching building. Several teachers in the neighboring classrooms, as well as the teaching staff who heard the sound, all rushed out, and they wanted to get me.One of the grey-haired but tall and mighty men said, "Okay, you dare to do such immoral things right under my nose!" "I didn't! I didn't..." I struggled. "How dare you say no! You even took off your shirt! You stinky rascal!" The man was about to grab me and pin me to the ground. Qiao Fei desperately hugged him from behind: "Misunderstanding! It's all a misunderstanding!" The man looked back, but Qiao Fei recognized him: "Mr. Zhao, I am Qiao Fei! So you taught me physical education!" Teacher Zhao: "...Oh, no! Why are you back, Qiao Fei?! Who is this?" "This is my fiance!" Qiao Fei almost yelled out. "Isn't your fiancé Gao Fan?" "It's him!" "It can't be him, he's a hooligan!" "Mr. Zhao, you are completely wrong..." Later, the teacher surnamed Zhao took us to the Academic Affairs Office for a good chat, and the misunderstanding was resolved.Knowing that Qiao Fei was dishonest on duty when she was a child, this time she brought me to make up for it, and they were quite moved.Before leaving, he shook hands with Qiao Fei and said that you are so promising, you should visit your alma mater often.He came over to shake hands with me again and said, look, you really can't measure people by their appearances, who can tell that you are Gao Fan! Does this mean that I don't look good? Before I asked what he meant, the teacher Zhao who was pushing me to the ground just now said that my child is also in Beijing and is about to graduate. He is a chef. Can you help arrange a job for me? I laughed and said that I would help find opportunities. When Qiao Fei and I left the elementary school, I saw the little fat man who had just shouted that I was a strange man standing at the door. The friends were far away from him, holding their noses and making fun of it: "It stinks..." His mother was furious Sidi came in from outside the school gate, holding a change of trousers in his hand, first came up and patted him on the head—this kid was actually pulled in his trousers.When I passed by him, I slowly waved my mouth at him and said, "...it should be..." The butcher shop of Liu Jinlong’s family used to be in the market outside the community. My parents told me that he also didn’t study well, so he went to help his father clean up the pork.Later, I heard that Liu Jinlong felt that the butcher shop made little money, so he learned the craft, changed the shop, and opened a hair salon in the original location.I haven't seen Liu Jinlong since I entered high school, and I don't know what he looks like now.I found the hair salon purely from memory. There was only one female guest in the room, and the male barber with pigtails had just finished cutting her hair. He used a small mirror to look at the curve of her hairstyle and asked her, "Sister Li, are you satisfied?" The female guest was quite satisfied. Get up to pay, the hairdresser is a bit sissy, talking to this female customer and hooking her shoulders. Then he came over to greet us, quite enthusiastically: "Who cut your hair, you two?" The moment I was about to say "I'm looking for someone, I'm looking for Liu Jinlong", I suddenly found the traces of Liu Jinlong's eyebrows and eyes on the barber's face. It was clearly his outline, but it was obviously not. The original Liu Jinlong was XXL size XY Chromosome, but this one is clearly M XX chromosome.As if struck by lightning, I pointed at his face: "You, you, you... are you Liu Jinlong?" He was taken aback for a moment, and looked at my face for a long time: "Oh, Qiao Fei! Long time no see!" "Yeah, long time no see!" I couldn't control my voice at all, "Liu Jinlong, why are you so unrecognizable?!" "Don't talk nonsense, my name is Liu Yifan now!" "...What the hell is going on?" I said in a shrill voice. Liu Jinlong, oh no, Liu Yifan.He was originally born in a family of meat eaters, and he was served by his parents with all kinds of good meat and cooked food since he was a child. He was the fattest and most powerful when he snatched a girl's bicycle and was thrown down by me with a pole.Excess fat affected his hormone secretion, that's when he began to realize that he didn't really want to be a boy, he liked girls' clothes, girls' bicycles, and girls' long hair, anyway, he just wanted to be a boy Be a girl.He was concentrating on these things, and his poor academic performance was even worse.初中毕业之后干脆回家跟他爸爸学习割猪肉做熟食了，想用这颇为粗糙的工作麻醉自己。 刘亦凡很快发现自己根本不能忍受去做一个浑身生熟肉味儿的糙汉，他想做一个精致的人，就趁每天下班的时候回到家里化妆打扮，照镜子。纸包不住火，这事情有一天被他爸妈发现了。他爸爸当时就要揍死他，他说反正我也不想活了，干脆我就跳楼吧，于是一步就跳上了窗台。他爸妈见他意志坚决就服软了，抱着他腿跪在地上说，孩子呀，家里反正是一楼半，你摔不死残疾了，我们还得伺候你，那我们宁可让你当女孩子……就这样，刘亦凡就可以做自己了！他减肥整容，形象大变。因为原来有给猪蹄子剃毛的经验，就有了不错的理发基础，在蓝翔技校待过之后，回乡把肉铺换成了发廊。 我听了之后特别感动，抱着他跳起来：“刘亦凡呀，我太佩服你了！而且你现在特别漂亮！” “你也还行……真的，但是我跟你说，你这眼角得注意，每天晚上洁面之前哈，用冰块压一压，我告诉你，特别紧致……”他跟我热热闹闹地说了半天，这才看见我身后的家阳，当场就眼波流转，“……哎呀这人是谁呀？长得这么好看呀……” “我未婚夫。”我说。 “可惜他了……” 我当时气结，家阳对他点头笑笑，刘亦凡手指头绕着头发，脸都红了。 我说：“少来这套。我找你有事儿！” 刘亦凡的眼睛还在家阳身上：“……你找我什么事儿呀？” 我说：“我想让你打他五拳……” 刘亦凡：“啊？！” 我把事情的原委从头到尾跟他讲了，刘亦凡听得直点头道：“有印象有印象……哎，王元生英雄救美的事儿我还真有印象呢……那好吧，别管我原来怎么样，我现在可是个斯文人，不过既然你们这么执著，那我就勉为其难……” 刘亦凡说着晃晃悠悠地绕着家阳走了一圈，样子轻薄，嘴角坏笑，趁家阳不注意的当口，抡圆了就往他面门上袭来…… 家阳忽然道：“你长得这么好看，我就看看你手能有多狠……” 真是千穿万穿马屁不穿，刘亦凡霎时开心了，当下肩膀一夹，端起两个小拳头，棒槌一样敲在家阳的肩膀上，敲了好几下，嘴巴里面说着：“讨厌，你好讨厌……” 家阳嘻嘻地笑起来。 这三件事情终于办完了，借着机会见到了从前的老师和朋友让我心里颇为高兴。不过此时我跟家阳已经是筋疲力尽。在一个小卖铺门口席地坐下，每人喝了两瓶汽水。家阳问我：“接下来咱们该去找那个下毒咒的王元生了吧？” “嗯。”我把手机掏出来，上面是刘亦凡帮我托人找到的王元生的地址。 我跟家阳找到了那栋三层旧楼，找到了那个单元那层楼，那个住着王元生的房子，摁了门铃，过了好久，一个老太太从里面出来，脸皮像枣核一样，抬眼看我们。 “请问王元生是在这里住吗？”我问。 “对呀。” “我是他小学同学，我找他。”我特别高兴。马上要见到王元生了，心里还挺激动的，我想看看这个从小喜欢我的男孩变成什么样了，我也要把家阳好好地介绍给他，请他收回毒咒并祝福我们。我要我的婚姻毫无瑕疵。 “……他死了呀……”老太太说。 哥哥家明的奔驰房车停在路口，我一瘸一拐地过去，车窗滑下来，里面是家明和我爸爸妈妈，三个人看见我就跟见了怪物一样。我知道自己折腾一圈下来有多憔悴，活动活动下巴：“爸爸，妈妈，哥哥，辛苦了，我带你们去旅馆吧……” 乔菲家附近有一个冶金工人招待所，我把一路奔波的爸妈带去那里，他们发现这里每一层的卫生间和浴室都是公用的。我小心翼翼地留意着他们的反应，家明总是嘻嘻哈哈的，爸爸从来喜怒不形于色，妈妈却一直都没有好脸色。三个人简单梳洗了一下，我又把他们带去了准岳父订的一个饭店。终于在我跟乔菲即将要注册的前一天，双方家长见面了。 席间气氛起初颇有点尴尬。 乔爸爸是不会说话的，我爸爸又没有开口说话，结果一桌子七口人就盯着桌上的菜。 终于家明说：“哎呀，这个豆腐皮看上去不错。” 我连忙说：“对对对，哥你快夹给爸爸尝尝……还有这个，这个也好！” 乔菲：“哦对，这个炖大鹅是这里的招牌菜。” 我哥家明从来就是最给乔菲面子的，当下做兴高采烈状：“是吗？！我就想尝尝这个呢，爸妈，来……” 家明热热闹闹地就要布菜给爸爸，我爸忽然低声来了一句：“坐下吧，我有话说。”家明当场哑了火，我爸看着乔菲，“那，你把我说的，都用手语翻译给你爸妈听，一个字儿都不许漏。” 乔菲看看我，没底的样子：“哦……” 我爸：“咱们实话实说，我其实特别不同意家阳和乔菲的事情。” 他一句话出口，之前对各种简陋环境颇感不适的我妈霎时就自在了，脖子扬起来，四处看看，而家明的尴尬症发作，立马就要钻到桌子底下去了。 我爸继续说：“为什么？门不当户不对。不是我有门第观念，这在国内，其实在任何一个国家都是事实。他们现在两个人好，什么都能克服，生活久了，全是矛盾。这是客观存在的。” 乔菲手指飞快地比画，但是脸色越来越僵硬，我看到乔妈妈的脸上有种隐忍与委屈，而乔爸爸的一张脸却平静无浪。 我脱口而出：“爸！” 我妈说：“谁教你这么没有礼貌的？你怎么不让你爸爸把话说完？” I bow my head. 我爸继续：“我今天明天本来有会，可我还是来了，来看他们两个注册结婚。就是说，我还是接受了这两个孩子的结合。不是因为别的，是因为家阳心里特别特别……重视乔菲。我们呢，又十分重视家阳。他执意要的，我们就同意了。希望你们两个从此以后能够好好相处，提高水平，各方面的——业务上的，生活上的……” 他说得差不多了，同时手里拿起酒杯：“来，干杯吧。” 我爸这几句话，听得我这心情真是波峰波谷呀……我等着他反悔说不让我们结婚了呢，结果他最后还是同意了，我心底一松，当下拿起酒杯：“爸爸说得是，我们一定好好提高各方面水平……” 可是乔爸爸却并没有拿起酒杯，他开始说话了，乔菲开始慢吞吞地、字斟句酌地帮他翻译。 乔爸爸：亲家呀，别嫌我这么叫你叫得早。反正两个孩子明天就登记了。听说你比省长的官还大吧？我能跟你攀上亲戚，真的特别荣耀。 乔菲中断了：爸，你在说什么呀？ 乔爸爸：你别管，给我继续翻译。 不过你刚才说什么？你说提高水平？ 你的意思主要是想让乔菲提高，去配你们家阳吧？ 我告诉你，还是那个老道理，结婚过日子是两个人的事情，谁高谁低可就不好说了。 我们两口子看你们两口子是高，可是你们家阳看我们乔菲可也高。 话说到这里已经锋芒毕现了，我爸爸妈妈同时看我，家明兴趣盎然。 乔爸爸：不信？ 不信你们就问问家阳，远的不说，就这么两天，他为了能跟我们菲菲结婚，遭了多少罪？ 跑操场，扫茅房，还被人打了。 你说他们两个谁高谁低？ 家明脱口而出：“呀？还有这事儿？” 乔爸爸：这还没完呢。 他做这些是为了破一个毒咒，结果你们猜怎么着，他好不容易把这些债给还完了，下咒的…… 乔爸爸说到这里，我跟乔菲同时站起来，骇然看着他。 在知道王元生已死，小纸条上的毒咒破解不了之后，我与乔菲跟她爸妈已经达成了协议，这事儿就当没发生过，谁也不许再提，特别是谁也不许跟我爸妈说起。谁知道这个老头子又出尔反尔了！ 乔菲：不是说好了不让说的吗？ ! 乔爸爸：都是实话，凭什么不让我说？ ! 乔菲：我跟家阳都不把那事儿当作事儿，你干什么告诉他爸妈？ 乔爸爸：不告诉他们，就不知道他们儿子多在乎稀罕你！ 乔菲：你能不能闭嘴？ 乔爸爸：不能！ 我：“乔菲你费什么话？你爸爸用手说什么，你不告诉我爸妈不就行了吗？” 我妈妈似乎预感到了什么：“什么咒？把话说清楚！” 乔菲背朝着她，不说话，紧紧闭上嘴，再也不肯把她爸爸说的话翻译给我爸妈听。 乔爸爸：你这样我就不会告诉他们了？瞒不住的。 然后他从衬衫衣兜里拿出一张提前准备好的纸条让我爸爸妈妈看，上面的字体居然颇为清秀：你们的儿子家阳被下了毒咒，娶了乔菲就会不得好死，下咒的人死了，破解不了了，可是他还是赖着跟乔菲结婚。你们说谁高谁低？ 我跟乔菲当时都要崩溃了。 乔妈妈红了眼睛，要抓他老公领子。 我爸妈更是脸色铁青。 我爸爸“腾”地起身：“你们胡闹！” 他转身就走了，我妈妈也起身走了。 乔妈妈到底哭着跑了出去，乔菲恨她爸坏事儿，又发作不了，跟着她妈妈跑了出去。 我真急眼了，看着准岳父：你这是干什么呀？你是要毁了我跟乔菲呀？你毁了我们对你有什么好处？ 乔爸爸还是气定神闲：这事儿瞒着你爸妈也不好，至于你跟乔菲毁不毁，你仔细想想吧！你要是后悔也还来得及…… 家明：“那什么，我今天开了七个小时的车，我能吃点吗？” 乔爸爸立即给他倒了酒，用手比画：吃，多吃点…… 我一扭头也走了。 那天晚上我没有回乔菲家去，我去了招待所，自己另开了一个房间。躺在床上想了好久，发觉自己可真是累呀。我跟乔菲这么多年，历尽艰辛，为了让我爸同意，我这条小命差点没搭在非洲，如今好不容易就要结婚登记了，她爸爸又开始发作了。我这是得罪谁了？ 不一会儿有人敲门，打开门，竟是我妈妈。 她和颜悦色地问我究竟是怎么回事儿，准备洗耳恭听的样子。 我便打算原原本本地跟她说，刚说到第八句，我妈说：“现在还来得及，咱回北京吧，你别跟她结婚了。” 我一下子愣住了。 “本来两个家庭就格格不入，每个人的性格又都那么要强。乔菲我了解，今天见到她爸爸就知道这姑娘怎么这么顽固。听我说，家阳，这人你不能娶！更何况，那不是还有个毒咒吗？你不怕吗？” "I do not know either……" 我妈妈摇头：“你看，你不知道，就说明你也不那么坚定了。我可不想让我的孩子被诅咒！跟爸爸妈妈回家吧，啊？” 我想了半天：“……妈妈，我至少知道一件事，我要是跟乔菲结婚不得好死，那我不跟她结婚的话，肯定就不得好活了……”说完我就哭了起来，一哭起来还止不住了，“我……我这人就这样，妈妈，我都遭了这么多罪，我不想半途而废……” 妈妈抱着我，悠悠地叹了一口气。 第二天下了小雨，我们两家人终于在民政局门口又见面了。 乔爸爸对我说：你可想好了？ 我：我想好了。我才不管什么下咒不下咒呢，我之前吃的苦也不算什么。我非要娶乔菲不可。 乔爸爸笑笑：那进去吧。 乔菲轻轻挽着我的手，而双方家长是全程无交流。 结婚登记的办公室在二楼，我们前面还有几个人在排队。乔菲帮我整理领子，她微微低着头，睫毛长长的，上面飞过一只小蜜虫。我的视线被那只小蜜虫吸引，被它带到别人那里去，看见它落在一个人的头上——光头，我再仔细一看，竟然就是在烧烤店那个神神道道的、指引我去找盒子的光头！ 我当时失声叫起来：“哎呀，你怎么到这儿来了？” 光头几步上前：“你们不许结婚！” 乔菲：“这是谁呀？” 我：“这就是我跟你说的那个光头！” 光头：“乔菲你不要嫁给他！我不许！” 乔菲：“你不许？你是哪根葱呀？” 光头：“我是王元生呀！” 乔菲仔细辨认：“……哎呀，真是你，你原来挺清秀的，怎么变成这样了？” 光头：“我奶奶嫌我不长个，给我吃了牛初乳。” 乔菲：“你没死？” 光头：“这都是你爸安排的！” 乔爸爸终于从后面上来，笑呵呵地，跟王元生一起告诉了我们真相。原来从烧烤店吃黄瓜，到找到珍宝盒子，到考验我的三关，到最后不能解开的毒咒，全都是乔爸爸安排好的对我的测试，为此请了不少人帮忙——烧烤店里面打架的夫妻和小三居然还是评剧团的专业演员，这些乱七八糟的周折就是要看看我是不是真的爱他女儿。真相终于大白，我证明了我对乔菲的爱情，这让准岳父非常满意，而我爸爸妈妈似乎也松了一口气。 办事员让我去办手续了。谁知道这个时候王元生忽然从怀里拿出一个啤酒瓶子，“啪”的一下在旁边台子上摔碎了底，慢慢地逼向我们。 “乔菲，我告诉你，我帮你爸不假，我对你的心也是真的！我告诉你，你非得跟我结婚不可！要不然我就毁了你们！” 王元生说着就要上来用破瓶子捅我，一个人飞身而出把他压在了地上，竟是我哥家明。王元生还要反抗，我哥已经准确熟练地把一管蓝色的针剂推进他脖子里了。静脉注射效率就是高，上一秒种还亢奋要伤人的王元生忽然就笑嘻嘻、舒服服地躺在地上了。 乔菲吓蒙了：“哥，你看今天是我跟家阳的喜事儿，这人也没犯什么大错，还是我爸指使的，你怎么把他注射死了？” 家明看看我们：“别担心，镇静剂，我去不认识的地方总带点这个防身。” 保安上来，没弄清楚情况就要带走家明，我爸妈连忙上前解释，说躺着的那个才是坏人。保安要把他们全带走，我爸说你知不知道我是谁，找你们领导来！保安说哎呀老头儿，我们领导正科级呢，还有时间见你？ !管你是谁，一律跟我们走！后面乱套起来。 乔菲说我去看看。 她正要转身，被我一把拽住。 我筋疲力尽：“算了。让他们折腾去吧，咱俩先把婚结了吧，再别出什么幺蛾子了……”