Chapter 2 Chapter 2 The Trivia of Love

Stepping into December, the small street of the bookstore has been arranged by nearby merchants.There are shining light bulbs hanging on the street lamps, and there are pots of Christmas flowers on the side of the road. Some coffee shops start to play Christmas songs, and there seem to be more and more pedestrians on the road. Everyone is immersed in the excitement of the festival.In a year, it seems that only these days are holidays, and the others don't count. One morning, two workers came to the bookstore carrying a six-foot Christmas tree. "I didn't buy a Christmas tree, could you be mistaken?" I said.

"Someone has already paid for it, saying that it was delivered here. Is this the 'Breadtree' bookstore?" the worker said. "Xiao Zhe, did you buy it?" I asked. "No!" Xiao Zhe said happily when he saw the Christmas tree, "It's so beautiful! I've always dreamed of having a real Christmas tree." Workers put down the Christmas tree and left.Xiao Zhe and I worked together to move the Christmas tree to the balcony. "Tomorrow I will decorate this tree beautifully." Xiao Zhe said excitedly. Who sent the Christmas tree? Xiao Zhe asked Da Chong, and Da Chong said it wasn't him.

Is it Gomel?Gomel took the stage in Genting Highlands, Malaysia, it couldn't be her.Besides, she can't hide anything, if she sent it, she can't help but tell me. "This is the first Christmas tree in the history of the bookstore!" Xiao Zhe said looking at the tree. After lunch, I paced to "Dodo Kitchen".When I opened the door to the restaurant, I saw a Christmas tree inside the restaurant, just like mine, with no decorations on it.Du Weiping and his colleagues stood beside the Christmas tree, discussing how to decorate it. I suddenly understood. Du Weiping turned around and saw me.

"Hi, are you here?" he said softly. "Thank you for the Christmas tree," I said. He smiled and asked, "How did you guess that?" "I was guessing at first, but now I see this tree, I understand." "This year's Christmas tree is very beautiful, so when I went to buy it, I bought one for you. You don't even decorate for Christmas." His face was shining, as if I should have a beautiful Christmas tree for granted. "How's business going on Christmas and New Year's Eve?" I asked. "It's full." "Wouldn't that be nice?"

"Di Shu also booked a table for New Year's Eve, saying that she was celebrating the New Year with her colleagues in the massage parlor." "Looks like you'll be able to save up for the trip to Provence soon." "But no vacation yet." He shrugged. "How would you decorate your Christmas tree?" "I'll hang some colored balls and music bulbs." "Will there be a star on the top of the tree?" "Should be." "Can I hang up then?" "Yes," he replied, "but why?" "I just like hanging the last star," I said.

On that day, the Christmas tree in "Dodo Kitchen" had been beautifully arranged.Presents are piled on the ground, colorful balls are hung on the tree, and the colorful light bulbs wrapped around the tree several times are singing Christmas songs.Du Weiping handed the stars to me and said: "You hang up." I climb the ladder.I've been yearning for this action, even longing to put a star on every Christmas tree in the world.I always believe that if I can hang the last shining silver star on the top of the tree, I will meet happy things. When I hung up the star and turned around, I saw Du Weiping standing below, with his hands behind his back, looking at me with a smile. For a moment, his familiar and close eyes were shining brightly. , like the stars in the sky.In the short moment I looked down, I realized that there was a face below, a friendly face, which did not leave, but kept watching me complete this happy action.I wanted to say thank you, but my eyes were already filled with tears.

"What are you doing up there? Get down quickly." He called me. I walked down the ladder without him seeing my tears. He took out a small red box from behind, with a beautiful bow tied on it. "Merry Christmas!" "What came from?" "Take it apart and take a look." He said mysteriously. I untied the bow and opened the box. Inside the box was a rattle made of clay. The rattle was brick red and painted with delicate patterns, including roosters, birds and fish.I held it in my hand and shook it twice by my ear, and the rattle made a crisp clang. "This is the bell used by foreigners to call people to eat," Du Weiping said.

"It's a bit like the bell that the janitor used to remind everyone when we were in elementary school, but it's much more beautiful." I said. "Oh, I remember!" He remembered, and said with a smile: "The female school worker is very fat." At that time, whenever the school's alarm clock went off, the fat middle-aged female school worker would ring a brass rattle in the corridor.A small ringing bell, but the sound can spread to every corner of the campus.A rooster that Kao kept in the dormitory also crowed to the bell, forgetting that it was his duty to crow in the morning.The teacher used to say it was a deranged rooster, but I thought it was a sensual rooster who tried to answer the bell every time, even when it was dark.

"Why send me a rattle?" I asked Du Weiping. "In the future, if you want to eat, you can ring the bell." He giggled. "Then I'll shake it often." "When I first saw this rattle, I thought it was very beautiful; after I bought it, I found out that it was made in Spain," he said. "Yangshan is in Spain, and you are in Hong Kong, and you accidentally bought Spanish rattles. You really connect with each other!" He smiled shyly. "A few kilometers away, can you hear the bell?" I asked. "Impossible?" He shook his head.

I imagine that after hanging the star on the top of the Christmas tree, something happy will happen.As a result, I received a beautiful rattle, which really came true.I put the rattle in my coat pocket and said to Du Weiping: "I'm going back to the bookstore. The star on the Christmas tree is waiting for me to hang." "I'm going to be very busy this New Year's Eve, how about you?" "I'm busy too." I said. On the way back to the bookstore after leaving "Dodo Kitchen", the rattle in my pocket would ring softly every time I took a step.I think of the "butterfly effect" that people say: Chaos theory says that a butterfly flapping its wings in Asia will cause a hurricane in the Atlantic Ocean in a few months.When my rattles jingle, will there be a sensual rooster in the South Pacific crowing to the bells, though it is night?

On New Year's Eve, the weather suddenly turned cold and it was raining lightly.I wore a black turtleneck sweater and stood on the balcony looking at the scenery. "I'm leaving!" Xiao Zhe said. Xiao Zhe was dressed particularly sharply today, a khaki hooded jacket paired with a pair of well-worn vintage jeans.He went to the party with the eighth grade piano. "Would you like to come to our party?" he asked thoughtfully. I shook my head. "Among our friends, there are also women who like women." He said. I smiled: "Tonight, I'm not going to try my luck." "Alright then! Happy New Year." Xiao Zhe told me. "Happy New Year." I said. I turned off the lights in the bookstore, leaving only the light bulbs on the Christmas tree, twinkling in the night, not so lonely. Walking through the hustle and bustle of the street, I saw my short shadow slantingly cast on the ground, so I quickened my pace so that I would not end up on the street.It usually takes twenty minutes to walk home from the bookstore.Walking with Du Weiping and chatting with each other, the time seems to pass quickly, but actually it is slow.Today, I seem to be walking very fast, I have to go back to see my fish.If fish have time and understand the passage of time, will they miss me tonight as much as I miss them? I turned on the light, kicked off the sneakers on my feet, shook off the rain powder on my body, walked to the front of the fish tank with the feed, and fed my blue devil ray.They swam to where the feed was spilled and opened their mouths contentedly.In an instant, I clearly understood that fish only have an internal biological clock, but do not know the external time.The migration of the sun and the moon has no effect on them.Fish has no love and memories, nor reunion and farewell. But I am not a fish, how do I know? I would rather believe that they are sentient. It is said that among human sensory nerves, the last thing to disappear is hearing.The eyes can't be opened, the sense of smell is out of order, and the tongue can no longer taste the five flavors, only the sense of hearing remains.Her breathing and heartbeat stopped, and she cried when she heard her relatives calling in her ears. If so, how happy is it for a person who writes songs and lyrics?The last thing he heard was the sound of the waves, and maybe the singing in his memory. In that distant country, will he sing for me tonight?Play a New Year's Eve song. I turned off the light, sat in the armchair by the window, hugged my knees, and watched the street.The other side, covered with neon lights, is a bit vast. That year, when the last firework fell in the Brittany night sky, I thought my life was over. The life I live today is something I never dreamed of.It turns out that people can spend the most hopeless days, shake off the gray rain on their bodies, and put on starlight again. It's just that when some special days come, calling for the sweet and painful parts of memory, people still feel confused and lonely. In a moment, it will be the New Year, I unconsciously rang the rattle in my hand, suddenly, the door opened, and Du Weiping rushed in almost at the same time as the car horns outside celebrating the coming of the New Year. With a bag in his hand, he gasped and said: "Fortunately, I made it in time!" I looked at him in surprise.Why did he seem to hear the rattle calling? "Happy New Year!" he said with a smile. "Why did you run back?" There were tears in my eyes. "I'm afraid you will be sad by hiding alone." He said understandingly. I smiled and said to him, "Happy New Year." He thoughtfully pretended not to see my tears, put the bag on the table and opened it. "I brought turkey back for you to eat, and champagne!" He took out a bottle of chilled champagne from the bag. I frowned and muttered, "Turkey is not good." He said angrily: "Don't be too picky, turkey is already very good. The restaurant's food is almost eaten up by the guests, and I reserved this turkey in advance." "Is the restaurant closed already?" "There are still a lot of guests. I just brought the turkey back for you to eat, and I will go back later. Look!" He raised the turkey leg in his hand. That turkey leg was bigger than my thigh, and anyone who hit it would be seriously injured. We ate turkey and drank champagne, and I got a little drunk.Du Weiping stood up suddenly, patted his buttocks, rubbed his hands, and said with a smile: "Do you want to watch the New Year Yuqing performance?" "you?" He nodded. "What are you going to perform?" He brought canes and saucers. I stifled my laugh: "You want to perform a disc spin? Forget it! You've already broken a lot of discs." He held up two canes and told me: "Put the plate up." I had to follow him. After the plates were placed, he took a deep breath, and then performed the acrobatic trick of spinning the plates in mid-air with the cane, and the two plates did not fall off. I applaud him loudly. "How is it?" He asked me with his eyes raised. "I thought you had given up, so you practiced secretly." "I won't give up so easily. Is there a professional level now?" "So good you could be locked in a circus with a lion." He threw away the cane in his hand, caught the falling plate, and said lazily, "I am already! But that lion is very stupid, and often he can't find his own slippers." "The king of beasts doesn't have time for these small details of life," I said. He put away the cane, looked at his watch, and said, "I'm going back to the restaurant now." "Turkey is delicious." I pointed to the remains of the turkey on the table. "Didn't you just say that turkey is not tasty?" "But this one is different. Maybe this turkey came from Mauritius and grew up on the dodo tree." I clinked glasses with him. He giggled and drank the wine in his glass. "Thank you for coming back to celebrate the New Year with me." I said gratefully. "We've known each other since we were eight years old, so don't be so alien." "If I knew you were so touching, I shouldn't have bullied you often." "No, I miss those days," he said with a smile. "Me too." I smiled at him. "Go to bed early, you like to eat turkey, I'll bring it to you tomorrow." After saying this, the roots of his ears turned red. For a moment, the atmosphere seemed a little weird.I avoided his gaze and he avoided mine.The phone rang at this time, which relieved us of our embarrassment. "Yangshan must have called to say Happy New Year to you!" I said with a smile. Du Weiping picked up the microphone, said a few words, pointed to the microphone and said to me: "It's Yangshan." "Help me say happy new year to her!" I said. Drunk and stupefied, I slipped onto the bed. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I found that the light in the living room was still on.Du Weiping sat upright next to the telephone, with his cane beside him and his shoes in their original positions, as if he hadn't been out. I walked up to him and found him pale. "Did you not go out?" I asked. He got up tiredly, went back to his bedroom, and closed the door. When I saw him the next morning, his eyes were full of red veins, as if he hadn't slept all night. "Are you okay?" I asked with concern. He shook his head and went out. For the next week, Du Weiping and I just said "good morning" and "good night" to each other every day.For the rest of the time, he also kept his mouth shut and his face was gray.When he got home, he always closed the door and hid in his room. We who live in the same room have always had a tacit understanding: when either party is in a bad mood and does not want to speak, he has the right to remain silent. Although I miss his laughter, I can only respect his silence. I put a piece of paper on the door of my bedroom that read: However, he never knocked on my door once. And so on for another week.One day, when I came home, Du Weiping handed me a postcard. "Your!" His voice trembled a little, and his face was extremely ugly. The postcard was sent to me by Judy from Germany. The scenery on the postcard is a hot spring. Dizhi is true!These things were also written on the postcard, and the postman saw it and thought I was a womanizer. "You women." Du Weiping paused and said angrily, "Do you really like black people so much?" "At least I'm not," I said. Black person?In an instant, I understood. "Yangshan told me that on Christmas day, she slept with the black man next door." Du Weiping said bitterly. Judy's postcard came at an inopportune time. "What did she say?" I asked timidly. "She said she was too lonely and she loved me." Du Weiping looked extremely haggard. After a long pause, he said: "She has moved out of that apartment." "Then she decided not to see that person in the future? I know it's hard, but at least she confessed to you. If it was me, I don't think I have the courage to say it." He smiled miserably: "I would rather she not tell me." "Because the man was a black man?" He said angrily: "I can't accept any color, neither red, yellow, blue, white, or black!" "Are you going to break up?" "I don't know," he said blankly. "Loving someone means accepting him, accepting his weakness." I said. He said sadly: "I don't understand. If I don't understand, how can I accept it?" Dejectedly, he went back to his bedroom and closed the door. For being betrayed, I have more experience than him, and I know how painful it is.However, later you will understand that this is life. When Gomel's Filipino maid came to answer the door, the golden retriever jumped excitedly on top of me.It stepped on my shoulder with its two front paws, licking me like a popsicle.The exposed places on my body are covered with its saliva. This mixed-breed golden retriever was brought by Gomel's Filipino maid when she went to work. This is a condition of her willingness to come to work, and the owner must accept her dog.The only condition for Gomel is to call it "Beethoven" to commemorate her beloved goose "Mozart" who died young. The golden retriever, whose original name was "Baobiao", had to adapt for a long time before he could accept the fact that he had become "Beethoven". "Hi! Here you come!" Gomel pulled Beethoven away from me. Gomel's face and neck were flushed as if soaked in a pool of red dye. "Why is your face so red?" I asked. "I filmed a carrot juice commercial yesterday, and drank a total of several liters of carrot juice. Originally, the director said that I don't need to drink it every time, but I think I have to drink it to make an expression that I really like carrot juice." As a result, after the filming, the whole person became like this. The doctor said, I absorbed too much carotene at once, and it will be fine after a few days of discoloration." She pouted and said. I giggled: "You don't need to work so hard!" I sat down on the sofa, and Beethoven immediately jumped on my lap, looked at me, and then bowed his head obediently.I know what it wants, and it wants me to give it acupressure.I massaged its ears and it seemed to be enjoying itself. "What's the matter with Du Weiping?" Gemel asked me. "He has a problem with his girlfriend." "The one in Spain?" "Ok." "If there are ten levels of unhappiness, what level is he at now?" I thought about it: "It's nine point nine!" Gemel jumped up: "That's serious! How can you leave him alone at home?" "I don't know how to comfort him. I just have to go away and let him hide and lick his wound." I said. In my dictionary, the words that can be used to comfort others are really limited. "I'll go comfort him!" Gomel said as she got dressed, and Beethoven followed her around. "Are you going now?" "By the way, we need to bring props!" "Beethoven?" "It's not it! It just drools." Gemel grabbed a large bouquet of tulips in the vase and said, "This is it, a greeting gift!" She ran out so quickly that I couldn't help but scream. Beethoven was sleeping next to my bed with his stomach upturned, talking in his sleep.Gemel has been gone for a long time, isn't she planning to come back?What would a sad man do with a woman who ran to comfort him?I carried Beethoven to the bed and slept with it in my arms. Early the next morning, I went home. The door opened, and I saw Gomel curled up on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around her body, soundly asleep.The bouquet of tulips is in a vase. Du Weiping was drinking coffee in the kitchen. "Why is she sleeping here?" I asked. "She came over last night and kept singing inspirational songs for me. You know, I don't read any inspirational books, and I don't like listening to inspirational songs." "Yes, you don't even like watching Chicken Soup for the Soul." I said. "Then, she started singing some sad love songs. I was so sleepy, so I slipped in to sleep. I woke up this morning and saw her sleeping here." Du Weiping said. I looked at Du Weiping and said, "Who said those inspirational songs are useless? At least, you seem to be in a better mood." "Oh, yes, thank you." He smiled haggardly, and then asked, "Why does she seem to be dyed?" I smiled: "She drank too much carrot juice, the color will fade after a few days." "I'm at work, do you want to go together?" He asked. "OK." "I've fed the fish for you," he said. Gomel's singing fills in the gaps in the dictionary.Perhaps the most comforting thing is not words, but a song.Compared with music, words seem too humble.Only those who are willing to read will be comforted. We can close our eyes, but we cannot close our ears. The sense of hearing must disappear at the end, perhaps to listen to the swan song in the world. "Why don't you like to watch "Chicken Soup for the Soul"?" On the way, I asked Du Weiping. He smiled and said, "I can't bear the warmth like canned soup. Do you like it?" I smiled: "I don't like it either, real life is much more complicated." After a short pause, I asked him: "Have you figured it out yet?" "You're right, if the other person wasn't black, maybe I wouldn't be so angry. My masculinity has been trampled on." "Put dignity above love, you are a man worthy of admiration. But, put masculinity above love, you are a big man." I said. He opened his mouth and looked at me in surprise. "I'm not a big man," he said. "I know. But, no matter how little a man is, a man will still become a man at certain points." He grinned. "Forgive her. Descartes said that human weakness should be merciful and understood by God, and no living person should despise the worldly joy of love." "You are better at comforting others than Gomel." He smiled wearily. "I just don't want you to regret it," I said. "I seem to have been forgiving a person my whole life. When I decided not to forgive him, he disappeared forever, and it was too late to regret." "I have forgiven her." "real?" "Well, spoke to her on the phone this morning." "Wouldn't that be nice?" "As you said, love means acceptance." "Yes, even if you can't understand, you can learn to accept and accept the difference between the other party and yourself." I said. "What do you want to eat tonight?" He asked suddenly. "Will you cook? That's great! I haven't had a good meal since that turkey. I want happy mushrooms, foie gras, and caviar!" "What a luxury! Isn't there something written on the door of your room that says 'free of charge, absolute confidentiality'?" "It's 'free of charge', not free of food and drink." He giggled, and that familiar smiling face returned. The next day, when Gomel and I had lunch in "Dodo Kitchen", the color had already faded, and it was no longer a walking carrot. Du Weiping specially made us a plate of spaghetti with crab sauce. After Du Weiping entered the kitchen, Gemel took out a pink chef's hat from his backpack. "Cute?" she said with a wide grin. The tall pink chef's hat has a gray duck printed on it, but the duck's plastic yellow mouth is three-dimensional.Gomel put the hat on his head. "It's so cute!" I said. "I bought it for him!" She blinked and then asked me: "Will he like it?" "hat?" "I mean me," she said in a low voice. I was really taken aback. "He just made up with his girlfriend," I said. "They will break up sooner or later. How can a penguin in Antarctica fall in love with a giant panda in Asia?" She took off her hat. "What's the meaning?" "I mean, at such a distance, how is it possible?" "Do you want to be someone's way station?" "I just want to register." "registered?" "Do you have to register to see a doctor? I registered. When he breaks up with his girlfriend, it will be my turn." "What if they don't break up?" "Then, there is no loss in registration!" "When did you start liking him?" "It was that night! When I comforted him, he lowered his head and didn't say a word, looking very melancholy. It turns out that he is so charming when he is melancholy! I like melancholy men." "Didn't you just talk about happy love?" "I like happy romances with blue men," she corrected. "I've lived with him for so long, but I haven't noticed that he's depressed." "His charming part also includes the dishes he cooks." Gomel said while eating crab legs: "I hope that after returning home from work every day, there is a man who has prepared a plate of delicious food waiting for me." "Then you can find a Filipino maid." "It's different. The dishes made by the man I like have the taste of love, and I can forget the tiredness." When Du Weiping came out of the kitchen and walked up to us, Gemel quickly stood up and handed him the chef's hat. "For you." She blushed with shame, and said, "You wear it to see." It turned out that she would blush too. "Do you like it?" Gemel asked Du Weiping. Du Weiping put on the chef's hat with an awkward expression.He has rarely used such bright colors. "It's beautiful. Thank you," he said politely. "This hat is perfect for frying foie gras." I said with a smile. Du Weiping smiled brightly: "Yes!" He took off his hat and asked, "Do you still want to meet?" "That's enough for today, I'll eat it tomorrow." Gemel said. "Then I'll go in and see what desserts are available." After Du Weiping walked away, Gemeler quickly asked me: "Does he seem to like that hat?" "It seems too delicate for him." "Really? I think it suits him well." "Are you coming tomorrow? You don't have to register every day, do you?" "I can't come every day. I will start to practice for the concert next week. I have to run to practice Qi and sing. After the concert, I have to shoot a movie. I don't have time to fall in love. I'm so lonely!" She said pitifully . "He's not for you," I said. Gemel suddenly looked at me firmly and said: "Don't you like him too? You don't seem to like me like him." "If I liked him, I already liked him," I said. "Maybe I told you I liked him, and you realized you liked him too." "If you like him, you think all women like him," I said. "If you like him, I won't argue with you." She raised her eyebrows. "How can I argue with you? You are a famous singer." I said angrily. "But you live with him," she said sourly. "Are you moving here too?" "That's not necessary." She smacked her lips. "I don't like to argue with people. I haven't argued before, and I won't in the future." "Then he's mine." "You are just registering now." "But you didn't register." "I never register, I will never fall in love with a melancholy man again." "That's a deal." She said happily. I put my head down and ate the crab legs, feeling as if I was offended by Gomel.I don't blame her, she just wanted to make sure we liked the same guy.We used to like the same man, maybe that's why I'm jealous.However, I still insisted that Du Weiping didn't like that hat. When he put on the hat, his expression was very unnatural.I know him. "When you left my house that day, did Beethoven hold you back?" Gemel asked me suddenly. I laughed: "It's not human, how could it hold me back?" "That's weird. Every time I go out recently, it bites my clothes reluctantly, with a soft-hearted expression. Today, my trousers are all full of its saliva. It took a lot of hard work to put it on." Pull it away!" "Will it suffer from separation anxiety? I read a book on keeping pets. It turns out that dogs also have separation anxiety." I said. "You mean it is reluctant to part with me?" "Well. Whenever the owner goes out, the dogs will feel fear and anxiety, and even feel that they have fallen into a bottomless abyss. They cannot bear the blow of separation." "But it wasn't like this before." "Maybe it grows up and falls in love with you." I said with a smile. "I thought separation anxiety was only human!" "I thought so too." "Then what can I do?" "Try giving it some delicious food before leaving. Food can make it temporarily forget the pain of longing." "What if this method doesn't work?" "Don't feel as if you are saying goodbye to it every time you go out." "I do not have it!" "Or you can play some Beethoven music for it to distract it. But don't play your own records, it will miss you even more." "What if this method doesn't work?" "Then you can call home and talk to it and make it less lonely." "That's a way too." She nodded. "Also, according to experts, the owner can try to open the door and go out, then come back immediately, repeat this twenty times, and it will get used to it, so it won't bother to talk to you." "What? Twenty times?" "Maybe thirty times!" "Parting is not practiced," said Gomel. Yes, the sudden parting of life often catches us by surprise.Who can practice for parting?If you can practice, there will not be so many tears and longing. The sofa at home was moved by Du Weiping from his old residence, and it was already a bit dilapidated. He wanted to replace it with a new one.We selected a fabric sofa from this year's IKEA catalog.The design of the cloth sofa is very simple, and it looks soft, which makes people want to fall down. On Sunday morning, we went to IKEA in Causeway Bay to buy a sofa.Catalog specials and discounted items usually sell out quickly, and we were worried that the sofa would be gone. When we came to IKEA, we ran to the corner of the sofa in a tacit understanding. There were actually two cloth sofas left, one was bright yellow and the other was dark blue. Du Weiping and I ran there at the same time. Sit down on a dark blue sofa. "Very comfortable!" I said excitedly. "Can it fit at home?" Du Weiping asked me. "Haven't you already measured it?" "The actual may be a little different, and it is safer to measure again." He said. We pulled up the measuring tape to measure the fabric sofa. "How?" I asked. "It's just right, it won't work if it's bigger." "Then you go to the salesperson. I'll sit here so that no one can buy the sofa." I said. "Yeah!" He tossed the tape measure to me and ran to the salesman. I was alone on the sofa, watching people walking past me, and suddenly felt a strange feeling.I have been in three relationships, but I have never had a boyfriend accompany me to IKEA.I bought a house that year, and I went to IKEA alone to buy furniture. It may not be a big deal to visit IKEA with the man you love. Some women may never visit IKEA with their man in their life; however, being able to visit IKEA together means something. Trivial life is also part of love.About this part of the memory, I was so pale.I thought I was in love with three men, maybe, I just kept in love with myself.We refuse to be trivial and ordinary, and only later do we understand our own shortcomings. Measuring the size of a closet with a tape measure, picking out a lamp, or even just picking out a beautiful curtain cloth with the man I love is the happiness I am most yearning for at the moment. Du Weiping came back with the salesperson. "There's a new one for this sofa," he told me excitedly. "Great!" I said. Every time I see something I like, the most frustrating thing is that the other party says that now there are only exhibits left.So, do you want it or not?At that moment, a little happiness and a little regret were fighting in my heart at the same time. "What are you still doing sitting?" Du Weiping asked me. "Oh—" I stood up, "It's so comfortable, I can't bear to get up." "I'll pay for it," he said with a smile. He turned a corner, and his back disappeared before my eyes.When Du Weiping and I met, we were still young, but when we met, we already had some experiences.I always thought that he was still my childhood playmate. At this moment, I suddenly discovered that he has grown up and has heavy shoulders.He will not refuse trivialities. We sat down at the ice cream parlor next to IKEA and ordered a big tub of family size ice cream. "Are you sure you want to eat a big bucket? This is enough for five to six people!" Du Weiping said. "Every time I passed by here, I always had big and small bags in my hand. I wanted to eat but couldn't stop. Now I want to eat all the old ones," I said. When we were sharing the big bucket of ice cream, I asked Du Weiping: "Do you like the chef's hat that Gomel gave you?" "No chef would wear a hat like that?" he said with a smile. "It was specially given to you." "Take it if you like." "I do not want it." "Why did she send me that hat?" "Maybe she likes you." "No way?" He was taken aback. "You have three eyes and two mouths. What's so strange about liking you? Do you like her?" "Me? I haven't thought about it." "Think about it now!" "She's so weird." "Why?" "It's weird from head to toe, in color, shape, and taste." I chuckled: "You seem to be discussing a food." "Occupational disease!" He grinned. "She sings so beautifully that she can sing love songs for you every day." I said. He nodded: "That's right." Who can refuse Gomel?She is so cute, so active, and sings so well.I thought I wouldn't be jealous of her anymore, but women are animals who can get so close together in a fitting room trying on lingerie and still be jealous of each other. At this moment, Yuyu, Dishu and I were waiting in the karaoke room. "Is he coming or not? He's been late for an hour and fifteen minutes." Di Shu asked Yu Yu. "He has never been on time, so I asked him to come here, at least I could wait while singing. When I was with him before, I had to wait for him for an hour or two every appointment, and I was used to it." "But now he wants to get back together with you! Can he be late?" I said. "He is like this. Every time he is late, he has a reason. I don't know how I endured it before. Maybe I liked him too much at that time. I would sit alone in the restaurant and wait for him for two hours, and I wouldn't complain." Yu Yu said. Dishu and I came to accompany Yuyu to meet her old lover, the man who said he opened a dessert shop with her.Yuyu didn't want to go to the appointment alone, and she didn't want to go back to him, but she couldn't entangle him. 那个男人终于来了。他穿一件白色毛衣，把毛衣套在牛仔裤里。我最看不过眼男人把厚毛衣塞进牛仔裤里的穿法，太没品味，太碍眼了，我真想伸手去把他的毛衣拉出来。他个子并不高，有一双单眼皮。 他坐下来，跟郁郁说：“我正想出门的时候，忽然拉肚子。” 郁郁似乎已经习惯了他的藉口。 “她们是我的朋友。”郁郁给他介绍，然后跟我们说：“他叫——” “叫单眼皮好了，反正不需要记住。”蒂姝一边说一边伸手去捏他的肩和手臂。 他缩了缩，问蒂姝：“你干什么？” 蒂姝转头跟我们说：“我每天摸那么多男人？只要摸一摸，便知道他的斤两。” “你会秤骨的吗？那么，他有多重？”郁郁问。 蒂姝没好气的说：“不是秤重，而是秤他这个人。”她又捏一捏他的手臂，说：“他的骨头轻，是虚胖，这种男人很短命的。” 单眼皮气得七孔生烟，问郁郁： “你是在哪里认识这些的人？” “她们是我的好朋友。”郁郁说。 “你为什么老是盯着他的裤头？”蒂姝凑过来问我。 “我只想把他的毛衣拉出来。”我悄声说。 “我跟她分手了。”单眼皮告诉郁郁。 “是吗？”郁郁淡然地说。 “可不可以请她们坐到另一边。”单眼皮问郁郁。 郁郁没有回答。 “我们去别的地方。”他拉着郁郁的手。 “我不去。”郁郁挣扎着。 “我有话跟你说。” “我不想听。” 我拉开郁郁的手，说：“这是她最后一次见你。” 蒂姝说：“她对你已经没有感觉了，明白吗？” 郁郁说：“算了吧，好吗？我们再走在一起，已经不是那回事了。” 单眼皮生气地说：“你是不是信了邪教？这两个女人是不是邪教派来的？一个随便摸人，一个老是盯着我的裤头。” “你才是邪教！”蒂姝说：“所有坏男人都是邪教，信你的便要下地狱。” “你闭嘴！”他叱喝蒂姝。 “你敢骂我？”蒂姝随手拿起身边的皮包打他的头，蒂姝可不是好惹的。 “你为什么打人？”他护着头。 “你这种人，只会在自己的葬礼上才不会迟到！”蒂姝说。 他站起来，悻然地跟郁郁说：“郁郁，你是不是有问题？” 郁郁望着他，说：“我已经不是以前的我。” 单眼皮怒气冲冲地走了。 蒂姝对郁郁说：“假如他再来骚扰你，你告诉我！我有很多朋友，只要我说一句话，他一个小时之内便会被人挂在香港任何一根电线杆上面暴晒。” “那么，请你叫你的朋友记着把他的毛衣从牛仔裤里拉出来，太恶心了！”我说。 “那时我为什么会爱上他呢？”郁郁叹一口气说：“刚才我仔细看清楚他，发觉他完全配不晚上。” “人的品味是会进步的。”我说。 “对啊！我见到我的旧情人，也不明白以前为什么会喜欢他。这些记录如果可以抹去便好了，像奥运会的跳高比赛，只算最高分的一次。”蒂姝说。 “他刚才好像给你打得很痛呢！”我说。 “气力不够的话，怎可以做我这一行呢！”蒂姝说。 “假如我到按摩院上班，一天已经支持不住了。”我说。 “要我坐在书店一整天，那才可怕呢！，我这么大个人，看过的书不够十本。”蒂姝说。 每一次，我和郁郁、蒂姝聚头，也会兴高采烈地讨论彼此之间的差异，然后庆幸自己并不是过着对方的生活。我们因为人生的差异而成为朋友，同时学会去欣赏别人自己拥有的。 “我们来唱歌吧！”郁郁说。 隔壁传来一把歌声，一个女人在唱《花开的方向》。 “我很喜欢这首歌，每次听到都会哭。”郁郁说。 “听说写这首歌的作词人两年前潜水时发生意外，真可惜，这么年轻，又有才华。”蒂姝说。 关于我的过去，我并没有全然坦白。有些创痛，是无法向新相识的朋友提起的。 跟郁郁和蒂姝分手之后，我想起我有一本想看的书留在书店里。也许，我可以回去拿书，看看杜卫平下班了没有。 来到“渡渡厨房”，我推开门，看到葛米儿坐在里面，正在跟杜卫平聊天，她果然天天也来。 “你为什么会来的？”葛米儿问我。 “我回去书店拿点东西。”我说。 “你吃了饭没有？”杜卫平问我。 “刚才在卡拉OK里吃过了。”我说。 “你去了卡拉OK吗？”杜卫平问。 “嗯，是陪朋友。” “原来我们两个都喜欢汤汉斯和美琪赖恩主演的《缘份的天空》，那部电影很感人啊！”葛米儿兴奋地告诉我。 电影里，将要结婚的女主角爱上了带着儿子的鳏夫。男主角多年来也活在丧妻的伤痛之中，一次，他在电台节目里倾诉对亡妻的怀念，女主角无意中听到了，那一刻，她爱上了他，甚至退了婚约，千里迢迢去寻找他。 “是的，很感人。”我说。 葛米儿伸出一条腿给我看，她的裤脚是湿湿的。 “你看！”她说，“今天出来的时候，贝多芬又咬着我，不肯让我走。给它巧克力，它也没兴趣。”然后，她转过头问杜卫平：“我有跟你说过我的狗吗？它名叫贝多芬。” “它是失聪的吗？”杜卫平问。 葛米儿咯咯地笑了，幽默地说： “不，但它会作曲。” 我忽然提不起劲加入他们。 “我回去了。”我说。 “你不跟我们一起吗？”葛米儿问。 “不了。”我瞧瞧杜卫平，说：“我天天也见到他，我走了。” 杜卫平腼腆地笑笑。 “那么，再见了。”葛米儿跟我使了个眼色，好像感谢我让她跟杜卫平单独共处。 我却有点失落的感觉。 我孤伶伶地朝书店走去，远远见到一个男人在书店外面踱来踱去，我走近点看，发现那个人原来是大虫。 “你为什么会在这里？”我问。 他大概没想到我会回来，神情好像比我还要诧异。 “我在附近经过。”他结结巴巴地说，然后问我：“你为什么会回来？” “我忘记带东西。你要上来吗？” "No." "okay then!" 我走上书店，到阳台拿我的书，看见大虫仍然站在下面，满怀心事。 “你真的不上来吗？”我问。 他仰着头，好想跟我说些什么，终于说：“我走了！” 然后，他一溜烟的跑了。我正想进去，他又一溜烟的跑回来。 “程韵，你明天有空吗？”他抬起头，气喘咻咻的问。 “嗯，有的。”我说。 “那我明天找你。” "Is there a problem?" “嗯，还是明天再说吧。” 我把阳台的门拉上，在店里打点了一下才离开。当我蹲下来锁门的时候，有人在我肩膀上拍了一下，我以为大虫还没有走，回过头去，原来是杜卫平。 “葛米儿呢？” “她走了。”他说。 “你刚刚有没有见到大虫？”我问杜卫平。 “他在这里吗？” “嗯，这么晚了，他竟然一个人在这里踱步。” “近来我有好几次下班时也见到他。”杜卫平说。 “是吗？那么，他并不是第一次在书店关门之后回来的了。他刚才说明天找我，说得结结巴巴的，好像有什么心事。” “他会不会是喜欢你？” “不会吧？”我吓了一跳。 “你又不是有三只眼睛两个嘴巴，他为什么不可以喜欢你？” “不至于吧？” “你是说他不至于喜欢你？不要自卑，你没那么糟糕。”他边走边说。 “我是说我不至于那么糟糕吧，只能被他喜欢。” 杜卫平咯咯地笑了：“你看不起大虫。” “我没有看不起他。” “但你认为他喜欢你是不自量力。” “难道不是有一点点吗？” “这样不是更感人吗？因为喜欢，所以不自量力，冒着被拒绝和嘲笑的危险。” “假如他明天向我示爱，我要怎么决绝，又不伤害他的自尊心呢？” “没有一种拒绝是不会伤害对方的自尊心的。”他说。 “哼！为什么你有葛米儿喜欢，而我只有大虫。” 他莞尔：“原来你妒忌我！” “谁要妒忌你？你没勇气拒绝，但我有。你不知道吗？能够拒绝，才是一种身份。”我说。 “如果只能不断拒绝，从来没有一个是值得接受的，那倒是可怜。”他笑笑说。 “我宁愿高傲地发霉，也不要委屈地恋爱！”我说。 “我不知道怎样开口。”大虫结结巴巴地说。 我和他在书店旁边的咖啡室见面。 “到底有什么事？”我问。 “真的很难启齿。” “太难的话，不要说了。” “但是——”他说，“如果一直藏在心里，我怕将来会后悔。” 停了很久之后，他终于说： “你知道喜欢一个人的滋味吗？” “我知道。”我尴尬地说。 他不断搓揉手里的餐巾，说： “我是说暗恋。” “我从来没有暗恋别人。”我说。 “当然了，你条件这么好。” “跟条件无关的，可能我比较爱自己吧。我舍不得让自己那么一厢情愿地喜欢一个人。” “是的。暗恋是一种煎熬，开始的时候很甜蜜，后来却会变得愈来愈难缠。可是，一旦开始了，想回头已经不容易。”他低着头说。 我不知道该说些什么。 大虫继续说：“就像一只小鸟不自量力爱上了一条狗，于是，小鸟每天也伤感地飞到狗儿头上，不知道哪天会不小心给它用爪踏得粉身碎骨，可是，能够每天悄悄看着它捉蚤子，也是一种幸福。” “大虫，你看书太多了。” “暗恋是很卑微的。”大虫说。 “形式或许卑微，精神却是高尚的。”我安慰他。 “程韵，我——”他的脸涨得通红。 “不要说了。”我制止他。 “我不说你怎么知道呢？你会嘲笑我吗？” “不会。”我只好撒谎。 “我——”他吸了一口气，说：“喜欢了杜卫平。” 我吃惊地望着他：“你不是喜欢女人的吗？” "Who said this?" “你是为了旧情人的承诺而去学小提琴的。” “我没说他是女人。” 我恍然大悟。 “但是，杜卫平是喜欢女人的。”我说。 “是吗？有些女人会跟同性恋的男性朋友一起住的，就像姊妹，他跟你一起住，我以为……”他难堪地说。 “我们不是姊妹。据我所知，他暂时还是喜欢女人的。” 大虫的样子失望透了。 “你要我替你告诉他吗？” “有用吗？”他问。 “我想，这不会改变他的倾向。” “那算了吧！说了出来，我觉得舒服多了。” “不要喜欢他。”我说，“小鸟跟狗是不同类的。” 大虫难过地点点头。 回到家里，杜卫平不怀好意的望着我。 “你拒绝了大虫没有？” 我摇了摇头，问：“有没有见过我的拖鞋？” 杜卫平在沙发后面找到我的拖鞋，踢过来给我。 “你没有拒绝他？”他问。 “他喜欢的不是我。” 他倒在沙发上大笑：“原来你表错情！” “是的，他喜欢的另有其人。” "who is it?" “你真想知道吗？” “有谁比你更有吸引力？” “是的！”我笑得捧着肚子趴在沙发上。 “我？你别开玩笑。” “我不是开玩笑，他以为我们是姊妹！”我笑得眼泪都流了出来，“他在书店附近徘徊，是为了看你，不是看我！” “不是吧？”他吓了一跳。 “你又不是有三只眼睛两个嘴巴，他为什么不可以喜欢你？” “我看来像喜欢男人吗？” “我怎么知道，也许你两样都喜欢。” “现在怎么办？” “你自己拒绝他。” “我从来没拒绝过男人。” “就跟拒绝女人差不多。” “怎样可以不伤害他的自尊心？” “没有一种拒绝是不会伤害对方自尊心的。”我说。 他懊恼地坐着。 我朝他笑了笑，说：“我已经告诉他，你是喜欢女人的。” 他大大地松了一口气。 我们各自占着沙发的一边，四目交投的一刻，又笑了起来。 “大虫是怎么说的？”他好奇地问。 “他说他是你的小鸟……” 杜卫平的脸涨红了：“他这样说？他满脑子是什么！” “满脑子什么的是你！他说的是一个凄美的故事，小鸟不自量力爱上了一条狗。” “他说我是一条狗？”他瞪大了眼睛。 “大概是这个意思吧！对了，我们什么时候戴上迪之送给我们的颈巾照一张相片寄给她呢？差点儿都忘记了。” “哪一天都可以。”他说。 “再冷一点吧。现在这种天气还用不着戴颈巾，最好是下雪。” “香港不会下雪。” “普罗旺斯会。”我说。 “这个时候，普罗旺斯人会吃烤羊腿……” “还有红酒洋葱烧狐狸肉……” “积雪的山坡上，只是偶然印着松鼠和兔子的脚印……” “什么时候可以去普罗旺斯呢？”我向往着。 “夏天吧。”杜卫平说。 “那就夏天。”我说。 “他竟然说我是狗？”他喃喃说。 我憋住笑：“做狗也很幸福的，贝多芬就是。” 书店差不多打烊的时候，葛米儿跑来了，手上拿着大包小包的。 “你为什么会来？” “我刚刚在附近买完东西。” “你买了什么？” 她把包包里的东西铺在柜台上给我看，是一堆金色和银色的毛球跟一套编织针。 “你会编毛衣的吗？”我惊讶。 “不会啊！我的助手答应教我。” “你要编毛衣给谁？” “我要编四只袜子给贝多芬。” “狗也穿袜子的吗？” “保暖嘛！天气开始冷了。而且，穿了袜子出去散步，不会弄脏四只爪，所以袜子好！贝多芬是金毛的，配银色袜子最抢眼了，我还打算用金色毛线在袜子上织上我的名字。” 我笑笑打趣说：“那可是名牌呢！” “它穿上这四只袜子出去散步，肯定会顾盼自豪，像一颗闪耀的明星！”她兴奋地说。 “是啊！还可以表演猫步呢！” “就是啊！这个点子是不是很精采？” “你一向也让人眼前一亮。”我说。 我们在阳台上喝茶。 “你最近没去'渡渡厨房'吗？”我问。 她耸耸肩：“我放弃挂号了。” "why?" “杜卫平是很好，可是他不喜欢我。他喜欢的是你。” “我没挂号。”我笑笑说。 “你不用挂号的，你在他心中占着最特别的位置。每次见到你，他也笑得格外灿烂。我们聊天的时候，他总是情不自禁的提起你，说什么'程韵喜欢吃这个……'，'程韵小时候的样子很可爱……'。那天晚上，我们本来聊得很开心的，你突然跑来，他所有的注意力立刻放在你身上。他望着你的眼神，很难让人相信是没有感情的。你一声不响的离开餐厅，他便开始心不在焉了，还撇下我去书店找你。”她撅起嘴巴说：“太不公平了！我喜欢的男人都喜欢你。” 我不知道说些什么好。 “你也喜欢他的吧？我看得出来。”葛米儿说。 我笑笑。 “你也是时候忘记林方文了。”葛米儿忽然说。 我笑了一下，然后已经不知道怎样回答。 “他已经离开了。你该有自己的生活。” “我有自己的生活。”我说。 “没有爱情的生活，不算圆满。你为什么要把自己关起来呢？” “也许我害怕爱上另一个人之后会把他忘记吧。我却又害怕没法忘记他，那便永远没法爱上另一个人。”我说。 “他出事的时候，你们已经分手了。你没有义务守住你们之间的盟约。” “我总觉得我是有责任的，我甚至怀疑，他是故意的，他是故意脱下身上的空气瓶，扯掉呼吸器和面罩，他不想再回来。”我哽咽着说。