Chapter 4 voice of thought

I, an ordinary child, with a healthy body and a bright smile, love life but love too much.I always think about questions that are not easy to answer and make me lose confidence in life. The difficulty is no less difficult than Hamlet's painful struggle between life and death. In fact, I feel that I have beautified myself. My state is not so much thinking as crazy, and the latter is obviously much more appropriate. Sitting in the car, it is always easy for me to get out of my body, because the people passing by outside the window, whether excited or indifferent, always give me too many hints about this city.For example, the proud white-collar woman on the side of the road and the old woman with a dusty face.Although art needs contrast and the beauty of uneven gaps, such contrast makes me helpless.Just as I accept exaggeration and transition in art, I still feel terrified of Dali's elephants.I always don't understand how such solitary thin feet can bear tons of weight, not to mention that there is a palace of human action on the back.The more you don't understand, the more you fear.Human beings are always afraid of what they don't know.In fact, this is a good phenomenon. If one day human beings are not afraid of anything, then the human race is almost at the end of the game.I am not alarmist.Yu Guangzhong has a collection of essays called "High-speed Lenovo". I think I am a low-speed Lenovo.No one puts their hopes up for the speed of the bus, neither did I, but I wasn't disappointed either.I think this speed is more suitable for the speed of my nerves or the speed of confusion.The tall glass of the bus always makes me feel like I am looking at an exquisite window, and the people and objects outside are like carefully choreographed designs, one thousand ones staged gradually.It always makes me sad to look at them. This city is so weird yet so monotonous. The repetitive life makes those who are in a hurry fall into an imperceptible numbness. No one thinks about the difference between the city and the world. Occasionally there will be Students distinguish between the pronunciations of "city" and "earthly world" in the Chinese examination paper.So I have to continue to repeat what the sages said: survival is suffering, life is purgatory, and we have nowhere to escape.Outside the window, there are all kinds of shops and people who buy labor products with general equivalents. On the side of the street, there are camphor trees as deep as the sea and the sunlight shaking from the branches and leaves. For a moment, I thought of bitterness and sadness. I feel hypocritical and disgusting like a literati.

I also have all kinds of thoughts when watching a movie, so that I have to rewatch the movie once, twice, until N times. The content of the movie is often blurred, but the feeling brought by the movie is clear and distinct, like skin-to-skin .I like to watch horror movies, but I am not afraid of the monsters created by Hollywood high-tech, whether it is an imaginary alien or a real dinosaur, I think as long as the dinosaur dares to drink water in my backyard, I will shoot it with an enlarged shotgun.But I am afraid of Sadako, because she is too human.If Sadako crawled out of the TV, I would decisively and quickly climb in from another TV.Pu Songling said that people will become ghosts after death, and ghosts will become ghosts after death.Ghosts of ghosts are very afraid of ghosts, just as ghosts are very afraid of people.According to this calculation, people are the most terrifying things in the world.I can imagine a lion killing another lion, but I can't imagine a lion using a chili water tiger stool against another lion.It can be seen that wisdom is not entirely a good thing.What Athena gave to human beings is a double-edged sword instead of a shield. Cutting the enemy also cuts itself, and finally everyone dies together.Many people refer to "A. "I." is classified as a science fiction film, a few people classify it as an art film exploring human nature, but I regard it as a horror film.In the movie, the crazy people take the pleasure of killing robots that look like humans, and the methods include dismemberment, burning, and pouring sulfuric acid, while a robot is doing everything it can to win the affection of humans.How should I react to such an absurd inversion?The unbearable weight in life not only exists but also grasps a lot.Fear is inevitable, it's just the degree of fear. "A． At the end of I.", David finally got the affection of human beings for a day, and his price was the almost eternal life of robots. "When you learn to sleep, you learn to die." David finally fell asleep with his mother in his arms, with a warm and sweet expression.But such a warm picture makes me feel sad and have a stomachache.I have always yearned for the happy pig and the painful Socrates, and I have long understood the truth that the more I think, the more painful it will be, but the fragile and ugly human nature always makes me a painful pig inevitably.One pain for three or four years.

But in China, thinkers who write papers look down on novelists who show off their skills, and novelists look down on screenwriters.Everyone clamored: Don't talk about movies.Whether it is a mainstream box office blockbuster or a fringe alternative work, it will be treated with a quarter of the corner of the eye.It seems that gradually the novels are no longer pure and clear. The babes in Shanghai are full of words about whether the bathroom of a certain person is magnificent or not, and whether a certain man is violent enough or not, and they throw the so-called jade photos all over the world, and yell together on the Internet like a shrew, maybe like Wang Ze Said: Maybe they made an appointment, so that everyone became famous together.

No sky, no land, no wine, no outlets.Nothing, maybe this is the nature of the world. "Originally there is nothing, where can there be dust?" Buddha's admonition is often useful.I am a person of many beliefs. I know that all believers will call me indifferent and frivolous, but as long as it is a belief that can make me feel relieved, I am willing to accept it, even if I am a Christ wearing a cross and worshiping Guanyin in a caricature. believers.In the dream in the dream, in the dream of the dreamer, maybe everything is just a bustling set, maybe one day, all the stupidity of people in front of the set will suddenly disappear, and the bustling will disappear overnight, which is not impossible.Dinosaurs that were rampant hundreds of millions of years ago also disappeared silently, leaving only huge and silent skeletons, which is embarrassing.Perhaps it is precisely because of this that so many people choose to live and die without hesitation. Maybe everyone just wants to have as many relationships with as many people as possible before death, and then run hand in hand towards death without hesitation.Is it sad or tragic?The expression on Sakyamuni's face is always compassionate, but there is still an "empty" in the thousands of mountains and rivers, five elements and three realms.

I thought it was funny, I smiled and got a pained look on my face.I felt that I was inevitably disgusted again like a small Chinese literati.Just like they are willing to call comedy "satire" or "tearful farce", they think that a deep smile can only be considered profound if you laugh with tears and pain, but this violates human physiological instinct.Guo Xiaolu said: "Chinese intellectuals naturally worship suffering and despise frivolity. They think that the purpose of comedy must deviate from the starting point of the form of comedy, and that's right." I don't like walking but I walk a lot.It means a lot to me that human beings invented the car instead of walking.I think the huge material civilization built by human beings is indeed constantly weakening people's spiritual will, and they can lean on wherever they are comfortable, and naturally become lazy to death.When I walk, I always have imaginations. The traffic on the street is busy and bizarre, and the endless billboards. Today’s is a little sweet, and tomorrow’s 27th-floor purification, everything gives me material direct hits and spiritual hints.More than once, I met a kind-hearted nun with low brows and followed her, forgetting my original direction, and walked all the way to the only church in the city.I neither prayed nor listened, and I stood in the middle of 34 rows of wooden benches, delirious.Thoughts go up and down.When I looked at the holy face of the nun, I only thought of holiness. I seldom thought about the little baby girl who was abandoned by the back door of the church and now has grown up.I seldom think about it but I still think about it. I feel very vicious.The ancients said that there are three levels of human beings: those who see mountains as mountains and see waters as waters are mediocre people; those who see mountains as not mountains and see waters as waters are disgusting mediocre people pretending to be wise; but those who see mountains as mountains see waters as waters (note There is a fundamental difference from the meaning of the first realm) is the real wise man.I always think about the difference between a mediocre man and a wise man, the two are so similar but so far apart.When I saw the holy face of the nun, I saw the holiness, but I also saw the smoke cloud of history gathered and dispersed behind the holiness.I don't know if I'm wise or stupid, or if I'm just a downright disgusting pretender.

In the past, I always used some unique words and deeds to mark my uniqueness in this world, but I found it unnecessary.In the past, I was always proud of my non-mainstream taste and laughed at all mainstream things, but I ignored that the world is changing too fast.A few years ago, very few people knew Zhu Zheqin, but in a blink of an eye, her concert went crazy all over the country. In Shanghai, I saw posters of "Heaven Sings the World" floating on the streets, with Zhu Zheqin wearing exquisite makeup, Recalling how she sang "Sister's Drum" with her face up to the sky when she first debuted, it really seems like a lifetime away.However, my alternative is not thorough, and I can't be thorough in everything I do.For example, my grades are good but not the top. I can't let myself stay in the pyramid surrounded by books and enjoy the thorny heights. The red dust outside has too many temptations for me. My eyes are still overwhelmed when I am full, but I don't hate the exam because it proves my worth.For example, I used to think about letting my words bloom their value, but when I received the manuscript fee for the first time, I realized the instant nausea when ideals turned into reality, and even I couldn’t figure out what disgusting reality is. of.For example, I listen to heavy metal and death rock, but I have a clean, bright, good student look. I don’t dress up like a cynical little punk. When I wear headphones, people always ask me if I’m listening to Andy Lau , I smiled and said it wasn’t that I was listening to Liming, no one knew that what was running at high speed was a rock CD--"Crash into Kunlun", which is hard to find even in Beijing.I have long heard the "A hundred birds have a hundred and one ways to land" in Aesop's fables, but I didn't understand it until now.No matter high-profile or low-key, mainstream or alternative, no matter how you live, you will live happily for a hundred years.If you pull out a hair, it is also unique. Others' hair is either yellower or darker than it, but there is no one like it.Even "you today are no longer you yesterday", because the biology teacher said that cells continue to divide and renew.So I started to listen to some purely commercial pop music, such as Grammy and TOP 20.I put away my old rock CDs like a waking dream.Everyone can dream, but how many can account for dreams?Don't do it if you can't take it.

As I spoke, I felt very sad.I am always wandering repeatedly in the tragic mood, trying to find a way out. Occasionally, I think of the tears made of broken diamonds in the corners of Faye Wong’s eyes and her dreamy rap: I want to find a way out, is there a way out.This situation is a bit like I am in a dry well with walls on all sides, and when the situation is worse, even the well mouth will be sealed.That is no longer going up to Qiongbi and falling to Huangquan, but going up to Huangquan and going down to Huangquan. There is absolutely no way out.In fact, there is no road at all, and there will be a road if there are more people walking.I'm always waiting for others to come out, but I'm still waiting when my hair turns white.Only reincarnation continues to turn, the sun rises, the moon sinks, the vegetation withers and flourishes.Some things have settled, but too many things have been forgotten, deliberately or unintentionally.My friend said: If I can not forget, just to commemorate, and only feel warm, then I would rather only do one season in my life, and take away a year with a smile.Who said: Time is still there, but we are fleeting.

So when I was tragic, I would hold my head high, look up to the sky and smile with tears, and then continue to shout like Gu Xiang with a smile on my face, going from east to west, from north to south.The world of mortals is rolling twice, and the world is at peace with the world.Xiaobei said that no matter how discordant the melody was, at the end of the song, the dullness became affectionate.But what kind of perseverance, what kind of bravery and what kind of nervousness are needed? The smile on the Buddha's face is not frivolous but mocking: the world is too persistent, and the mirror moon can't see through.But how can we see through it? Is it as light as a feather if you let go of the Eighteen Realms? How can you get rid of the shackles on your body and the water prison under your feet?A jug of wine among Li Bai's flowers can invite the bright moon to linger and messy shadows, but as far as I am concerned, the bright moon cannot be invited, only thin shadows floating empty among the branches and leaves are riddled with holes.

A lie is a lie after all, but I still can't bear to pierce that thin window paper.I would rather lie to myself.But this kind of life makes me feel so sad that my stomach hurts, and my liver and intestines are so painful that I don't regret it.The ignorant are fearless, painless, and sorrowless, and those who know have long been detached. Only a half-knowledge like me deserves to die from the pain. The trivialities and voids of life are densely entwined and woven into a net that covers the sky and covers the sky. I sit peacefully in the center of the net, without the desire or impulse to escape, because I always imagine that I am already outside the net, just like Buddhist scriptures The "feeling is" in "feeling is", thinking about it means that it really is.I sit in the net and time flies, the matter and the years retreat vigorously, while the mind and soul run forward happily, sublimating the spirit like flying into the sky and leaving the body empty.Only thoughts continue to be clean and jointed, just like the happy wheat in the rain. Zhang Chu said: The wheat grows angrily towards the sun.

I and my thoughts are also growing toward the sun, but I don't know if there is anger. But what is certain is that the sun will always rise tomorrow, and it must be a new one.