Chapter 14 1998 Summer Solstice·Floating Cloud·Phoenix Flower

Those flower events recorded by floating clouds, Those floating clouds decorated with flowers, All in this endlessly long summer has become the dry season of the wasteland. Zebras and antelopes migrate across the dunes in herds, Those silent floating weeds jointed annually on the surface of the water, All the lives that leave are marked with bright red by that final season of phoenix flowers. Ten years later, the vast sea of ​​people will recognize each other. Who said it, the ones who left, the things that left, Will come back one day, walk the path you have walked, sing the songs that have been sung,

love whoever you have loved, I can't bear the hatred anymore. Those legends are wandering in the world, wearing sunset glow like The proudest hero. Those dark gods who lead people through tragedy, Died on the river bed that dried up before the next rainy season. The reeds were burnt to ashes and scattered towards the blue sky. Before I knew it, it was summer again.It has been half a year since I met and left.Most of the time, Qingtian didn't bother to recall her, as if she had never left.On a certain evening, she would still wear jeans and ride a bicycle through the shadows of the camphor towards herself, and appear at the door of the house with the fragrance of tall trees.She is still the same as she was in 1997, that simple and unruly face that is familiar in my memory, with an expression that sometimes laughs and sometimes is indifferent.But when the illusion disappeared, the electronic signs on the street or the daily news broadcast on TV reminded him over and over again of the current date, which was a certain day in June 1998.

scorching sun.rainstorm.Tall and silent camphor. The long summer is here again. Qingtian still works at STAMOS after meeting and leaving.In a lot of free time, such as the tuning gap before the performance, such as walking home alone at night after the bar closed, such as when he was blinded by the increasingly early sunshine in the morning, he would think of the situation on the day he left .All of them are like the ink marks clearly rubbed on the stone tablet, and then the dents are carved out by the carving knife of time. Even if the wind and snow come and go freely, it will definitely take a long time to weather.

In fact, on the day when Yuyu left, Qingtian followed the four of them all the time. Seeing that Yuyu was carrying a heavy luggage but couldn't muster up the courage; when he rushed to help him, only the annoyance and melancholy in his heart spread in the dusk when the sky was gone. inside.Until the train disappeared into the distance, he still leaned on the pillar painted green on the platform and silently stared at the direction in which the train disappeared.Small vendors around shouted loudly to and fro, and a mess of counterfeit and inferior snacks and beverages piled up on the trolleys squeezed through the gaps in the crowd. In the hustle and bustle, Qingtian was a note of stillness, the coda of the end, Unable to prolong it, it was abruptly broken into a section, which became a hasty ending.

Qingtian touched the ring on his hand, feeling a little sour in his heart.He didn't tell Yuyu that he also had one, and he and Yuyu were just a pair, and they knocked it out by himself.At the same time as the last time I sent it to meet, I also quietly made one of the same style.But these are not important. Later, when Lixia and the others passed by him, Qingtian didn't call them, but just hid behind the pillar, looking at Lixia's crying face, his throat was a little tight.He kept staring at the figures of the three of them walking out of the platform and disappearing into the depths of the passageway, and then turning his head to see the setting sun sinking towards the horizon in an instant.

It wasn't just the setting sun that fell at that moment. He thought, is it just like those novels and TV dramas that hold their feet, the story ends like this? Met, sometimes when I look up to the sky and see those birds flying south, I will think of you.It's not as strong as it used to be, it's a faint miss, with an understatement of sadness.It's like buying a bottle of mineral water and drinking it in a supermarket with bright lights and no customers at one o'clock in the morning.It should be regarded as a kind of miss born of loneliness.Sometimes I think, you are really like your mother, strong and stubborn living in your own world.From the day you left me, I knew that maybe after leaving this time, we would never be able to see each other again.So these great desperations dilute the pain of separation, because without hope, there is no more disappointment.So those longings are like the monsoon that weakens year by year. I think that one year after all, the monsoon will not come to visit me, a lonely fool in the north.

These days, I have been thinking like this, comforting myself. Otherwise life will be very long.So long that people have no strength to live. ——1998·Qingtian The third year of high school has entered the final stage.Everyone can't wait to read books and do questions thirty-six hours a day.Functions, chemical formulas, indirect speech, past perfect tense, subjunctive mood, dynastic chronology, importance of agriculture.All the test sites are in a mess in my mind.Slightly stewed by a small fire, bubbling and bubbling. Many girls have cried in private.But there is no way to cry, and I have to do math problems on the draft paper while wiping my tears.

The grade list that often appears is the pain in every student's heart.Which class is in who is the dark horse who suddenly appeared in the top ten, and which class's so-and-so suddenly fell out of the top 30 because of his abnormal performance, which became the focus of everyone's attention. There have always been comparisons and calculations, like thorny seeds sticking to the body, making people feel uncomfortable itching and stinging through the clothes. The whole classroom is filled with the smell of essential oils and coffee, mixed together with the dull chirping of cicadas outside the window, making the summer afternoon even more drowsy.The overhead fan is too old, and the school has repeatedly said that it needs to be replaced with a new one, but there is still no movement.Want sleep.Very sleepy.Very, very sleepy.Even just thinking of the thought of "I want to sleep" will make my heart slightly sour.I often wake up from the desk, with sleep marks on my face, and the students around me are still calculating the problem.

The reference books filled the desks, and there were a lot of reference books and test papers piled up on the desk, and they piled up more and more, leaving an extremely small space for writing. Every day, countless test papers that smell like ink are sent out, printed by the school itself, with inferior paper and unclear handwriting, but they are the medicine for the college entrance examination in the teacher's mouth. The corridors have also become quiet. Few students will fight in the corridors, and the time is spent on reading or doing problems.In the first and second grades of high school, I couldn't feel the pressure suddenly turned into a mass object, pressing heavily on my shoulders.The sun slanted across the basketball court, with the uniqueness of summer as if washed by sea water, and beams of light shot out from the thick clouds that had just rained.On the concrete floor reflecting the white light, there are very few people playing.

When Li Xia walks from the cafeteria to the classroom with his lunch box, he usually stares at the empty badminton court in a daze.In the first and second years of high school, Fu Xiaosi and Lu Zhiang often played badminton here, and the sweat glistened on their young bodies.Rui, on the other hand, seldom sees Lu Zhiang, except that he is waiting for Xiao Si in the corridor outside the classroom when school is over, most of the time, everyone is rushing around the school holding books and bowing their heads. .The badminton court looked like a deserted space. The white lines on the ground had been washed away by the rain and the hanging nets were already old.It seems that the students in the first and second grades of high school don't like playing badminton very much.

Lixia often feels inexplicably sad, and feels so stressed that she wants to cry.Seeing those young girls in the first and second grades cheering for the boys they have a crush on on the sidelines of the court, waiting outside the barbed wire with unopened mineral water in their hands, Li Xia's heart will be filled with sadness like water. Looking at those young faces, seeing them swaying their youthful vitality in every corner of the school, squandering to their heart's content, and living hard.She thought, is it possible that her own young age has passed? There is evening self-study every night.There was chaos.Lixia often writes those long historical quizzes until his right hand becomes weak.He raised his head and saw a white, fuzzy light from the fluorescent lamp overhead.In the night outside the window, only the hazy black shadows and strong fragrance of the tall camphor trees remain. Fu Xiaosi still took the first place in the whole year in liberal arts, and Lu Zhiang still took the first place in science in the whole year. As for Lixia, it takes a lot of hard work to get into the top ten of the grade. The end of the evening self-study get out of class was postponed to 10:30.On the way back to the apartment alone from the classroom every day, Li Xia would think of meeting him.Those days scattered on this road, the small friendship of the two girls holding hands.Each other's smiles and the smell of hair.Use the same bottle of shampoo.Love the same dish from the school cafeteria.Buy the same headband and wear a nice dress of the same color.Using the same mantra, love to tell jokes that only two people can understand each other, and then laugh happily amidst the blank expressions of the crowd around them. Meet, I miss you so much.Those days without you, all lost their color. I'm like a lonely puppet who has lost another puppet who is always with me, and I can't perform or move since then.Abandoned in the corner full of dust, desperate in loneliness, sad in despair, and then continue to miss you. ——1998 Lixia Life in Shanghai is like a dream.For Fu Xiaosi, it was a happy memory.But it's just a dream.When I wake up from the dream, I still have to go on with my life. Just after returning from Shanghai, in the eyes of the school or classmates, Fu Xiaosi already has the aura of "Jinchuan Art Award".Fu Xiaosi didn't think there was any change, but every time Lu Zhiang and Lixia walked beside Fu Xiaosi, they felt embarrassed by the comments and stares of passers-by. They all paid attention, and the current gaze and discussion were more or less colored by other colors. Look, Fu Xiaosi. Don't look at it so much, he will graduate soon, so there is no need to look at it in the future. That's right.I didn't expect that I looked better in person than in the photo. Yes, it's so cute...I never thought that a painter could be so good-looking. What kind of shit logic are you. ... Over time, Lu Zhiang developed a habit, whenever Fu Xiaosi was noticed, he would silently stretch out his thumb, pat him on the shoulder, and then pretend to be very serious and say, you are popular.As a result, Fu Xiaosi pushed him to the ground and beat him every time. When the college entrance examination was approaching, Fu Xiaosi published his first painting collection "Happiness in the Deep Rye Field". Because he was only a little famous, the painting collection did not sell well, but only 10,000 copies were printed.But in the collection of paintings published by young people, it is already considered acceptable.Moreover, there are not many people in the country who have published picture books in high school.So Fu Xiaosi was very happy. He was full of pride when he brought the published art collection to his mother. He lay on the sofa coquettishly, with his head resting on his mother's lap, waving his hands like a playful child and saying, Mom See if I'm good or bad, or not! After the album was published, Fu Xiaosi often received letters from readers all over the country. These letters, with various postmarks, crossed the vast land of China, and threw them in front of him from the unknown air. Those encouragements, those thoughts confid to myself, those secrets shared with myself, those naive but sincere paintings sent to me, and those inquiries to Xiao Si, all slowly and healthily move toward the future in the abundant rain this summer. Sky joint. Fu Xiaosi would bite the pen and write a reply letter earnestly in the gaps between his studies.He will be very happy to tell his readers the stories in the paintings, about his campus full of camphor Asakawa No. 1 Middle School, and will blushing tell those girls who confess to him to study hard and get admitted to the ideal university.Every time Lu Zhiang peeked at it, he would look up to the sky and laugh, making Fu Xiaosi ashamed. But Li Xia's feeling will be much more subtle. Seeing more and more people in the school start to like Xiao Si's paintings, Li Xia has a lot of inexplicable feelings in his heart. It seems that Fu Xiao Si is no longer the same as before. It seems that the priest has disappeared after the age, leaving no trace.And Fu Xiaosi in front of him gradually became radiant.I can't even tell if I'm happy or sad. The days passed by so slowly.Summer reaches its peak.The abundant rain makes the annual rings of camphor broad.The tall tree trunks open up more sky, and the green halo creates a bigger world. Fu Xiaosi rode his bicycle across the clean gravel road lined with camphor trees on both sides. The summer breeze blew his white shirt against his young body, and his hair was flying slightly.The camphor above his head intertwined with each other and swayed slightly in the wind. They whispered the boy's story. At first they just talked casually, just like they stood on this campus and talked about other boys and girls in the past, but they didn't know that this boy really became a legend on the campus, enough for them to love A long time in his life tells the story of what he once was. Like the gems left in the valley, they emit a slight light, illuminating the dark valley. And time flies.They graduated. Li Xia only woke up in the approaching evening, because yesterday he played outside all night and drank a lot of wine, he had a severe headache.Gone is what was yesterday: bubbling beer.The singing of KTV at midnight.It was a slightly chilly early morning in the street garden.All of these have become a certain slice of time, faded in color in an instant, and become specimens, which are placed in safe glass bottles and filled with potions, in order to store a longer time. Yesterday's English test became my last test in high school. Such a long time, so long that I almost thought it would never end, unexpectedly came to an end yesterday. Looking at the reference books, test papers, dictionaries, textbooks, and English audio tapes piled up in the bedroom, Li Xia felt sad for a while. Although he had cursed countless times in the past for such a hard and long high school years, but now, when everything is really about to pass, Li Xia suddenly felt that he was so nostalgic. On the way back to school in the morning, Li Xia and Lu Zhiang talked about the university.Fu Xiaosi deliberately walked far ahead, not wanting to listen to the conversation between the two of them.Lu Zhiang looked at Xiao Si's back with a slightly sad expression. Zhiang, why did you suddenly... go to Japan? It's not a sudden... I've had this idea for a long time, I just haven't told them about it. ah? Probably from the day my mother... died, this idea gradually formed.Do you know why I didn't choose liberal arts with Xiao Si?Trapped because my mom always wanted me to be a good CPA.I used to always disobey my mother's words, be naughty, playful, and get into trouble at school.However, from the day my mother left me, I regretted day by day why I disobeyed her so much when she was still alive.Thinking about it now, the regret still lingers. so…… Well, so I decided to go to the best university to study the best economics major.My father knew the principal of Shanghai University of Finance and Economics. He told my father that there is an exchange class for Chinese and Japanese students in the school. Those who pass the exam can go directly to Waseda, Japan to study economics.So, I decided to go to Japan. Have you mentioned it to Xiao Si? No...it was only mentioned today. Then will you tell him why you went to Japan? Yes, for sure.I don't want my best friend to hate me until I leave China for another country.Moreover, Xiao Si and I made an appointment at the beginning to study together all the time.That's why I worked so hard to maintain my good grades throughout junior high and high school, because I was afraid that one day I would be too short of Xiao Si and fail to get into his school, because you also know how good Xiao Si is.So now that I think about it, the person who betrayed the agreement and the oath... should be me... The air is full of sadness.Distributed heavily among the branches and leaves of camphor.The words "it should be me" cannot be seen in the morning sun. But everyone can hear those traces bursting deep in their hearts.Like the ground after a major earthquake, there are thousands of ravines. Lu Zhiang looked at Fu Xiaosi who was walking ahead alone, feeling very sad.His lonely back looks even thinner in the wind, Lu Zhiang suddenly thought in a trance, after he left, will Xiao Si live like this all the time?Eating alone, traveling alone, going to school alone, copying notes alone, riding a bicycle across the huge campus alone, running alone, walking up the tall steps of the library alone, crying alone, laughing alone, People fell asleep.Because since he was a child, he has only had himself as a friend, and his life is so simple that it is almost a blank sheet of paper, but what kind of shock will his departure be in Xiao Si's world?Is it as painless as a breeze?Or is it like a tsunami, an earthquake, an unprecedented glacier descending? Have no idea.Sweat dripped from the corners of his eyes.No one saw it. And Fu Xiaosi, who was walking in front, frowned tightly, and no one saw the tears falling at his feet. Only the camphor above the head knows all the secrets.But they were all silent.It was only after many years that the lost summer, and the last legend of the summer, began to be sung. Because Waseda had to enroll early, Lu Zhiang was leaving just after July. Hirano Airport is still the same as before, with just the right people, just the right amount of noise, and the sky above, all the same.The sky is bluer than in winter, and the tall camphor trees are already flourishing.The entire Hirano Airport is shrouded in a green ocean, and the crowd is like fish swimming in the deep sea, passing through quietly and submerged.And what has changed? It is separation.The friends who grew up together, after this moment, will live in two different countries, the sky above their heads is no longer the same color, and the pointer on the wrist is also separated by time difference.When you miss, you can say "I miss you very much" in your heart.That's all there is to it. Xiaosi didn't say much along the way, Lu Zhiang wanted to talk to him several times, but he opened his mouth, seeing Fu Xiaosi's expressionless side face and foggy eyes, he swallowed the words back abruptly, only I can check the passport, check the procedures required for admission, and talk to the father who is driving and the aunt who is sitting in the co-pilot seat. But these have become very trivial.And Fu Xiaosi's silence, like a real thing, gradually swelled in the small space of the car, until Lu Zhiang felt short of breath, as if he had held his breath on the bottom of the sea for too long, and wanted to return to the surface to take a big breath.Change the boarding pass and fly to Hong Kong.Transfer to Japan. Fu Xiaosi looked at Lu Zhiang's busy and orderly appearance, and felt a sense of sadness in his heart.Xiao Ang has really grown up, and he is no longer the big boy who didn't understand anything by his side.In front of him is Lu Zhiang's back, which is familiar, but looks a little strange at this moment.In the hard core of time, the clear outline and taller figure than myself have faded.The middle-length hair is blacker than everything else.Sunlight pours down the surface of the hair along the oblique angle and flows like fireflies.During the free time while waiting, I have the habit of gently tapping the ground with my left foot.I like to stick my hands in my trouser pockets.When bumping into a passerby, he will give a slight nod of his head to express his apology.These habits are like stars scattered in the universe, appearing frequently in his long life like a galaxy.But these will soon no longer be seen. Lu Zhiang dragged large and small luggage into the security check, Fu Xiaosi's heart echoed the scene half a year ago.At that time, Lixia, herself, and Xiao Ang went to Shanghai together.Time flies so fast, the whole world seems to be still at the moment when I was watching the rare falling snow in Shanghai with Lu Zhiang on the window sill, but in a blink of an eye, it was like a dream was suddenly blown apart by the wind, and the pieces of the balloon were torn into smaller pieces by the wind The fragments scattered to the sky, Lu Zhiang, this little puppet who has been tied with him like a rope since he was a child, is going to Japan.Fu Xiaosi has to admit that the palm of fate can really turn the clouds upside down, and we lose to an unchangeable life.Lost completely.Bloody.Bloody. Sis, I have to go. Well, take care. ——Cold tone.The daylight permeating through the glass roof of the airport looks even colder. I will send you emails every day when I arrive in Japan, please remember to reply me. okay. ——It's not that I don't want to talk, but that I talk too much, and I'm afraid I'll cry. I heard that the buildings in Japan are very dense, and I can't see where the horizon is.There is a saying that seems to say that people who cannot see the horizon will feel hesitant and lonely.I was really scared to hear that. Less literary.nausea.Are you going to participate in the poetry reading? ——Actually, the original sentence was written by a Japanese novelist, or I showed it to you, you have forgotten it.That sentence means that if a person stands on the land where the horizon cannot be seen, then he will feel crowded but has no friends, so he will feel extraordinarily lonely. Not...I mean it.Without Xiao Si, I will definitely feel lonely. Is it? ——Do you know that you will be lonely? Xiao Si...do you hate me? meeting. The word "will" suddenly appeared, and at that moment Lu Zhiang saw Fu Xiaosi's extremely sure face.He thought dejectedly that Xiao Si would still be angry after all.No matter how naughty he was in the past, no matter how much he skipped classes, got into fights, or flirted with girls, he never got angry. At most, he rolled his eyes at me or said kindly to me, "Go to hell."But now such indifference, separated by the touch of a glass, made Lu Zhiang feel worse than arguing with Xiao Si. "The person who betrayed the oath and agreement...it should be me..." It should be me.Bar. Before entering the security check, Lu Zhiang turned his head to look at Fu Xiaosi, but Xiaosi only said "goodbye".At that moment, Lu Zhiang felt that the world had returned to darkness, with cold coming quickly, frost, glaciers, and the collapse of the unknown world. "Goodbye." Lu Zhiang showed a beautiful smile, like the world's most genial sunshine flashing in an instant, illuminating the dark world.At that moment, Fu Xiaosi felt endless sadness in his heart, but his expression remained indifferent. When the plane took off, Fu Xiaosi kept looking at the silver-white fuselage in the sky.He knew that his best friend from childhood was sitting on it, and this metal machine monster was about to take him to a distant country, separated by mountains and across rivers. The huge roar of the plane seemed to be smashed directly from the sky and resounded on his scalp, tears blurred his eyes. What I didn't say was: I don't hate you, but I can't bear it.will you come backDo you still remember that there is a playmate from childhood to adulthood who came to visit me? Lu Zhiang's seat was on the side of the wing, so his tinnitus has been ringing since takeoff.Looking out of the window, there are undulating white clouds and a vast blue sky.Close your eyes and see the endless lake.Those lakes blooming in the eyes rise to a height of 9,000 meters. Xiao Si, when I looked down from the plane window, I was thinking, am I really saying goodbye to the city under my feet like this?Say goodbye to those roads that I can find with my eyes closed, say goodbye to my bicycle that I fell into a mess, say goodbye to Zeus who grew up with us, and say goodbye to you.At that moment, I felt in a trance that there was an earthquake under my feet, and the whole city collapsed rapidly.I'm so scared.I'm so afraid of standing in a place where I can't see the horizon and watching the sunset alone. Is life, as you said on your sixteenth birthday, a movie that you can't understand but you are so moved that you cry so badly? In the huge roar, I suddenly and inexplicably remembered the birthday song you sang to me when I was an adult at the age of eighteen.When I cut the cake, you just finished singing the last line "Happy Birthday to you." At that time, you still had a blank expression, your eyes were empty and unfocused, but you had a face that looked especially good under the candlelight. You said that you are finally an adult, and you will become stronger and stronger from now on. I remember all these. ——1998·Lu Zhiang abada.cn(txt share) Next page back to directory Back to home page