Chapter 14 Part Two Looking for the street called happiness to run away

Part 2 Looking for a Street Named Happiness to Exodus (1) run away I'm going from south to north I have to go from white to black i want people to see me but don't know who I am ——Cui Jian "Fake Monk" When I was fifteen, I ran away once.On the eastbound train, I didn't buy a ticket.The conductor didn't embarrass a high school student, so I sat until the end.I went to the sea, but did not see the imaginary sea.In fact, the sea is dirty.I was also very hungry and would be terribly frightened at night.It was a failed heroic act.I went back to my mother again. I always thought that I hated my mother very much. I thought she was my imaginary enemy. She neither understood me nor loved me very much.Like the female revolutionary youths in the 1930s, I hated bourgeois families, but in fact my family was working class.I always hope that when I come back many years later, I will be tall, beautiful, kind, generous, magnanimous, possess all kinds of magical powers, and forgive the stinky boy who pulled my hair tolerantly.

When I was fifteen, the boy I had a crush on wrote me a letter, telling me that he had designed a perpetual motion machine, so I knew that I could not rely on the design of a perpetual motion machine in exchange for his favor.So I always look forward to a real elopement without hesitation, just like I couldn't win my mother's attention by running away, I know that even if I tried all my tricks, I couldn't attract the person I love to love me.Likewise, designing a perpetual motion machine is just as stupid. The summer at the age of fifteen seemed to be eternal, because of a tape of Meng Tingwei.That was the only tape I had that year.I listened long and hard on my radio, which was supposed to be for listening to the radio and reviewing English, but it ended up just cultivating a delicate melancholy.Later, I analyzed why I liked listening to these frothy Meng Tingwei so much. It was because she was a resentful woman, and I was a person with a resentful wife complex. I always wanted to betray or run away from the person I loved.I want to be cruel, to be misunderstood by others, and to love me even more after being misunderstood. This is the insidiousness of a little woman.I understand now that I can't just sit there and have someone come up to me and tell me he knows me and loves me.I also know that when I am old, no one will tell me that he still loves me, and it is impossible for him not to love me.

I always thought my boyfriend was like this: handsome, kind, and simple-minded, he likes to drink lotus root powder and rock sugar mung beans that are abundant in the local area.He is a bit lazy, a bit rambunctious, unambitious, doesn't pay attention to the lipstick on his girlfriend's mouth, and often ignores my new hairstyle.He may not love me very much, but he doesn't have the courage to change.What's more, there is no more decent girl in the unit.In the evening, we would go to the only movie theater in the city to watch a movie, shuffling along the road, letting the evening breeze gently brush our freshly washed hair.I'm going to knit him a decent sweater before Valentine's Day.After dating for several years, we had no choice but to suspect marriage.But his post-menopausal mother might not like me, and she might throw us out with a broom.Therefore, before marrying, the first thing I have to learn is to run, to run away quickly.

I decided to get married after meeting my boyfriend for three months.He took me to meet his parents. His mother asked: Where did you graduate? I said: T big. What major do you study? architecture. Are there any sisters in the family? Just me and my mother. I was wearing a white shirt and a dark blue suspender skirt, and I sat on the sofa with my legs crossed, with my hands neatly placed on my knees. They have no doubts about A Liang's choice. Ah Liang, that's him, my tall boyfriend and future husband-in-law. Perhaps it is because I have a premonition of the impending disappearance of youth and the coming of aging, this spring I am suddenly full of endless and longing wishes for love.I stopped writing poems, I stopped singing, and I just read a lot of cheap sentimental stories, rummaging over the chapters on love.They are temperate or frivolous, and all passions are prone to the same.I spent some time reading Marquez's, and I remember obscenity and love's self-esteem deeply.I like the perishable, but I don't believe in the struggle against time.So I think the ending of that book is just an imaginary consolation rather than the real outcome of love.I stopped reading and turned to a large number of love novels by unknown authors. Those ordinary people's sincere narrations have more pains for me.I like to watch them talk about their words in the middle of the night, narrating their inner desires in a very hypocritical manner, which is secret and bitter.Afterwards, I despised them deeply, because they were not writing at all, but just venting.So I regained my pride and strength, and resumed my silent life.When a young man confided his sorrow to me, I wanted to reach out and stroke his hair, but finally said to him contemptuously: You think too highly of yourself.

I hate sadness because everyone in this city abuses it so much that it never has the potential to be real.It's just that on some nights, when all the girls in the room are asleep, I suddenly find myself eager to describe the unpredictable desire, describe every inch of skin and every breath.I know all the pain is not for nothing, it comes from the details.I'm prone to bumps and bumps.I love the light and colors of movies, but I am absolutely afraid to watch movies alone.I was just content with cheap love stories, TV soap operas and little girl gossip and buying discounted dresses.My life is trivial and vulgar. No one would think that this restraint and forbearance come only from a weak but strong love.

A Liang is very busy, so he seldom talks to me.He sat in front of the computer day and night, surfed the Internet, searched for information, or wrote programs in a language I didn’t understand, and played games when he was tired—about war and magic.He is kind-hearted, helpful and diligent, and has won unanimous praise from his superiors and colleagues.He has no bad habits, does not smoke or drink, does not eat mung bean ice water, and does not go to the cinema to watch movies.He is impeccable. One night, A Liang sat in front of the computer.After I showered, I walked up to him, slowly took his hand and put it under my nightdress.Then, I slowly lifted my cotton nightdress, exposing my belly, waist and breasts.After taking off the clothes on my body, I stood with my hands down.I saw A Liang's gaze pass over my body and land on the cold computer screen.

We remain silent. Then I put on my nightgown and lay down on the ground next to Ah Liang. It took me a long time to fall asleep that night, amidst the roaring computer and the noise of the air conditioner.I started having chaotic dreams.I dreamed of a man with a blurry face, but he was not Ah Liang. I awoke at twilight.I saw A Liang staring at me very close to me. He said, Ah Hui, you will never fall in love with me. Part 2 Finding a Street Named Happiness and Exodus (2) I am that nameless woman named Ah Hui, not tall, with mediocre aptitude and mediocre appearance, and I have never been a woman whose eyes fall on men.From kindergarten, elementary school, middle school to university, I followed the rules and was cautious and restrained.I have experienced measles in children, been vaccinated against smallpox, participated in elementary school performances as a drummer, had acne, read Sanmao and Xi Murong, and had a crush on a male sports committee member.I had a rough first love, a bad breakup and a sad diary, and finally I grew up to be an ordinary girl according to a designed template.I'm going to find a job and a boyfriend, and I'm going to live with him and get married peacefully.I am going to spend my life plainly, letting spring come spring again.

You know, it's unfair, if ordinary people can't fall in love with ordinary people, if Ah Liang and I can't stay together for life. One day in August, I called A Liang's cell phone, and it told me: Sorry, the phone you dialed has been turned off. So I called his unit, and his colleague told me that A Liang had resigned half a month ago. I called their house and no one answered no matter what time of day.I went to ring the doorbell of their house, and the neighbor told me that the family had moved out. I wanted to ask A Liang's friends about his whereabouts, but found that I didn't have any of their phone numbers.

A Liang's cell phone never turned on again. A Liang, male, 25 years old, 1.78 meters tall.After living peacefully with me for a year and four months, he suddenly disappeared without warning. A year later, I met Nan Sheng, a long-distance running champion. After reading this, a woman who wrote a novel let out a long sigh of relief.She said, oh, you finally have another character in your novel, I expect him to have a different voice, you know, I am in favor of multiple voices in novels.When I heard this persuasion about creation, I gave her a sad smile: no matter how sincere she was, Bakhtin's polyphony theory was of no help to me.The premature appearance of the long-distance running champion Nansheng only means that he will disappear sooner. He will not have his own voice, and all the voices are made by me alone. They can only play the piano to the cow.This reminds me of the music class in the first grade of elementary school.We sang "Singing the Second Little Cowherd" together in the classroom: The cow——is still eating grass on the hillside——I always have to raise my voice a bit higher than other children, or half a beat faster.I am completely in tune in my own key and tempo, I am not out of tune and will always be only half a beat ahead of everyone else.This song was my favorite song when I was a child. Although there are only four lines, it has to be repeated seven times. It tells a very tragic story in a very poignant and euphemistic minor key.This is the most poignant death I can experience in my youngest singing, so I often sing with wet eyes.But the teacher asked everyone to stop when I was the most forgetful, and said, although you are right, you still have to sing with everyone.Later, I stopped singing, and opened and closed my mouth like others, like a fish, spitting silent bubbles expressionlessly.The teacher was very satisfied, so the chorus went on smoothly.I also didn't qualify to join any of the choirs afterwards.

Well, let's talk about long-distance running champion Nan Sheng.He is from the north, but his mother dreamed of a big bear appearing in the southern sky the night she gave birth to him, so she named him Nansheng.I'm skeptical of this vague folklore, why aren't you called Xiong Sheng, or Nan Xiong?I don't mean to tease him at all here, because he is a long-distance running champion after all.After all, a long-distance running champion is different from ordinary people. Nan Sheng is indeed very handsome.His skin is dark, his teeth are white, his eyes are bright, and his lips are plump, like a mountain man who grew up in the tropics.Unscrupulous.

On the night of the meteor shower, I used to wander around the night with those girls.Whenever I see a shooting star across the sky, I will cry out.I held my fist tightly in front of my chest and said loudly, God, please give me a handsome guy.My voice was so loud that the boys next to me covered their noses and went away. And Nan Sheng appeared.He is very good looking.When I met him at the corner of the stairs, I couldn't help but look at him more, and then I left sadly unwillingly. I later understood that Nansheng's appearance was my destiny.God destined him to take me into the forbidden area of ​​desire, and he let me understand how humble it is and how vibrant it is.When he first met me, I was wearing glasses, a scruffy sweater and baggy bloomers, and my hair was unkempt.A few days later he told me please allow me to love you, I love you so much and I want to marry you. I was not impressed by the long-distance running champion. Although I am simple-minded, I am not a romantic person by nature. I will secretly laugh from the bottom of my heart at all such unreasonable words.The night Nan Sheng confessed his love to me, I looked up to the sky and laughed like Li Bai, and yelled out of nowhere: Pig head——a person just passed by, and he looked at us suspiciously.Nan Sheng asked jealously: Do you know him? Then we rushed into a suburban canteen.It was already late at night, we pushed open the door vigorously, and I shouted out of breath: I robbed, I robbed——take all the Yili pure milk for me.The shopkeeper said with a naive smile: You will not rob, you are good people.I laughed and said, how do you know we are good people?We are bad people.Then amidst the clamor of "robbed, robbed", Nan Sheng picked me up and rushed out of the canteen. Nan Sheng is not a good person.He is selfish and not kind.He only thinks for himself and lies.The reason why I like Nansheng is because of his simple animal nature.His cunning and austerity are also animal, which can be understood at a glance without embellishment.From this point of view, Nan Sheng is a pure person. In the cold winter nights, I considered whether to write details, because I was worried that this would be reduced to a third-level feature film.Needless to say I am a no-nonsense person.I remember Byron's description of his love affair with the beautiful Helen in Don Juan.After rambling a lot, he summed it up in one sentence, thanking the Holy Mother roughly, but such things can only be understood and cannot be expressed in words.I do believe that many things are indescribable. However, Nan Sheng has such a depiction ability.He said, you are so white, just like the woman in the Japanese pornographic video. Part 2 Looking for a Street Named Happiness to Exodus (3) What moved me was how flattering Nan Sheng was to women!I've often seen Nansheng's brown smooth skin and toned muscles, insisting that he looks better unclothed than clothed.I thought long and hard about having to use these vulgar adjectives—smooth, firm, etc.He made me understand that my long-awaited desire has come into my arms in an extremely real and simple way. He made me understand how illusory the love that has been waiting for many years is. He made me understand that love and lust can really be completely separated. And lust without love is still alive and powerful.He completely dispelled my waiting and expectation for utopian love.Nan Sheng can completely replace love. His skin is exactly the same as another person's, and I believe that he is even better at making love. Nan Sheng's health lies in the fact that he doesn't really love me, he just loves "a certain" woman.When he was in a daze, he vaguely confided about the deeds of seducing little girls many years ago: he was always quick to get started.For example, if he saw a girl throwing stones by the lake, he would take the initiative to go up and talk to her. Two hours later, someone saw the handsome long-distance running champion Nan Sheng bring the girl into his dormitory.Nan Sheng has tried and tested such things repeatedly.I think that Nansheng must have been full of charm back then. I think that if I saw the handsome Nansheng flying across the runway like an arrow, it would definitely cause uncontrollable ripples in my heart.And Nan Sheng would definitely not pay attention to an ordinary woman with glasses and a dusty body. Her face is blurred and she is incomprehensible. When I knew that Nan Sheng would not really fall in love with a woman, I began to feel relieved.I was just one of many women he took back.I know that it is impossible for me to hurt him, and it is impossible for him to hurt me. Nan Sheng always asked me repeatedly during sex, am I fine? I said yes, you are fine. No one is better than me, right? I say yes, no one is better than you. Will you marry me? I said no. Why, Nan Sheng asked. Because I'm already married. A Liang stayed with me the night before he disappeared.When I tried to use his computer to browse adult websites, he reached out behind me and turned it off. When he was eating supper in the outhouse, I picked up a piyankang for beriberi, squeezed them out, and rubbed them all on all the power switches. In the darkness, A Liang said, next time, don't use Piyankang to wipe the power supply. I said, I will pay you a new one. It's not about Pi Yankang, A Liang said, it's because the power supply is short-circuited. I said, why is Mopi Yankang short-circuited?Will wiping something else cause a short circuit? A Liang said, A Hui, why don't you love me? I said, I just wiped Pi Yankang on the power supply, it's not that I don't love you. In the dark, A Liang and I hug each other and sleep.We have never felt so sorry for each other, full of sadness and pity.At that time, I felt that A Liang was very close to me, as if he was my long-lost brother. The phone rang, and A Liang hugged me tightly and didn't answer the phone.It rang a few times and then became silent. Is the long-distance champion running very fast, I asked. Nan Sheng said, yes. Then run and show me. Nan Sheng pondered for a while and said, I am worried that if you run too fast, you will lose me. I said, you run and show me. Nan Sheng said, no. I restrained myself and said, then you are a liar as a champion. I am the champion, I am the best, Nan Sheng said loudly.His eyes were shining in the night, and he was slightly sullen. Then run and show me. Nan Sheng glanced at me, his eyes suddenly filled with sadness.This reminds me of the eyes of some kind of herbivore when I was very young, bewildered and sad. Then Nan Sheng suddenly ran forward, and he really shot out with a whoosh like an arrow.He ran so fast, pride and joy surged in my chest: Nansheng, the long-distance running champion, was different after all.After all, he is a long-distance running champion, incomparable. Gradually he disappeared from my eyes.I stood where I was, waiting for him to run back.I thought he would finish the lap quickly and appear behind me.However, I suddenly hoped that he would keep running like this forever, just like that, without even saying goodbye, he ran out of my sight forever. And that was exactly what it was: he kept running, and kept running, out of sight. Nan Sheng never came back. In fact, he kept running. If the earth was really round, he would come back.Regrettably, he ran so fast that he was picked up by the violent wind and rushed towards the sky.After breaking through the atmosphere, the long-distance running champion Nan Sheng has been wrapped in thick cosmic dust. If you look carefully, you will find a dark red meteor in the night sky, which is fading at an imperceptible speed. It means that he ran farther and farther.There are very few people in this world who know this secret. They are the few astronomers, fanatical star lovers, and me—a girl named Ah Hui. Are you Lin Ruhui? Yes.I looked at the two police officers in uniform and was slightly surprised. They checked my ID and proof of residency. A year ago you reported to the Public Security Bureau that your boyfriend A Liang was missing? Yes. Part 2 Looking for a Street Named Happiness to Exodus (4) We're here to send you his death notice. I said, this is absolutely impossible, Ah Liang cannot die. Anyway, all files of Ah Liang have been destroyed, policeman A said, and you, as his close girlfriend during his lifetime, cannot continue to live in this city. Why? Policeman B said that it doesn't matter whether Ah Liang is dead or not, the key is that this person who is Ah Liang must disappear. Policeman A said, A Liang said that you are his favorite person, and he hoped that he would have nothing to do with you before he disappeared. But I am his fiancée. All official documents and certificates have been destroyed. Police officer B smiled and said, you are no longer his fiancée. He wants you to regain your freedom and forget about him, Police A said, and at the same time, in order to eliminate all things related to him, you must leave the city. Please tell me, where is A Liang? According to all the files, Ah Liang is dead.You must leave the city tonight.Remember, no matter where you go, you must keep your mouth shut about A Liang. I started to spend my meager savings and set off to every city to find my Ah Liang.I settled down in a hurry like a stranger, and stopped to watch.When I ran out of money, I would find a job, and when I had saved enough money, I would go on my way again.Every year when the peach blossoms are in full bloom, I will appear in a new city.The first night in a strange hotel, I always have to get sick.My skin started to tighten and no matter how much water I splashed on my body it couldn't stop it from drying out and keratinizing.The dead skin slowly peeled off, and I lay in bed without eating or drinking, and couldn't sleep at night.I discovered that I was going through a snake-like alternation called molting.Then get up, no different from ordinary people, start eating, drinking water, looking for a job and a temporary house.Gradually, my skin became whiter, my face became more lustrous, my lips became more plump, my breasts became more towering, my hips became fuller, and my waist became softer.One day I finally found a woman I didn't know in the mirror, her eyes were flowing, plump and beautiful. She is that ordinary woman named Ah Hui. In every city, men came up to flirt with me, and men worked up the courage to woo me.Youth finally showed me its amazing beauty when it was about to disappear.And I clearly know that the exchange of layers of shedding is only a short-lived beauty, like a poignant reflection of a dying person. The woman who wrote the novel, her youth has passed away, her eyes are lost.She was writing while standing in a house on the east side of the city, trying to complete a long novel that would shock the world.I read her books carefully and found that she wrote about death in obscure language but not about sex.I asked her why and she said she just cared about love.I say that I have known the kingdom of lust, but never what love is.I don't like novels where people die or there's no lovemaking.So I said good-bye to her politely and never saw her again. I saw a beautiful dwarf.I've seen many gnomes before this, but none of them were beautiful.She has her hair done in a beauty salon.She wore her hair very short, wore a child's skirt, and waved her hands very gracefully, and her voice was also a nice alto.Her unruly eyes and the cold glance she gave me when I surreptitiously observed her reminded me of the ice maiden in Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale - she poured tears into the eyes of everyone who saw her. Invisible ice edges.I left her and went back to the street, the sun was shining brightly, and suddenly I felt a corner of my body start to freeze. I met an interesting folk singer.His albums are full of sound experiments and common people's wisdom. He is introverted and easily shy, but he wins the laughter of his friends with his weird voice.I saw that in order to ensure the smooth release of the album and earn a reasonable amount of money, they got together in a room to modify the lyrics, changing "sexual desire" to "shenggu", changing "red light district" to "gongding district", Change "tall boobs" to "tall valleys," and a condom to a flashlight, a big-headed bird, or a stunning woman with a headband.I quit quietly when he was talking about how to fulfill the love of a pair of sparrows, because 50% of the water in my body has turned into ice. I saw a strong and handsome man.He is 1 meter 78, Pisces.He is poor and beautiful.On a clear night in summer, in a simple bungalow in the outskirts of the city, when I dedicated all my love to him without hesitation, I found that he was the man with the blurred face in my dream.Although his body was scorching hot, it still couldn't stop 70% of the water in my body from freezing into ice.I left without knowing his name, although I had decided to remain faithful to him for the rest of my life. I've been to Paris, Amsterdam, Morocco, Ottawa, and the coast of California. I've been to the deserts of Arabia, Laos, the South Seas, Mexico, and the Amazon rainforest.I have been looking for a man named A Liang, because this man was the only one who fell in love with me when I was young.I'm going to find him and tell him I found him.I've been to countless places, I've asked everyone about him, I'm going to tell him about the only time I've ever experienced a stranger's love and more and more ice in my body, I'm going to tell him I'm ready, Go forward with love, defying time and death. I thought of running away when I was fifteen.I got on a train heading east and arrived at the seaside.I found the sea to be dirty.When I saw the sea for the second time, what I saw was the whole frozen sea——finally I found A Liang on a piece of land-like ice floe in the Arctic Ocean.He has been sealed in an icicle, his face is kind and lifelike.I caress him through the inmeltable ice, the hard ice is as cold as touching hot iron.I found that I no longer knew A Liang, nor was he anyone I knew.He looks handsome and amiable, and he's a cross between Prince Charming and ordinary people.But I don't know him, I only know that this person who is going to marry me has been sealed in ice forever.I don't know when he turned into an iceman, and I can't find the answer on the spot, unless I take a chisel and a collection container to collect the air sealed in the ice, unless I can accurately measure it with laboratory precision instruments The content of C14, but I did not bring any luggage.I was wearing a goose-yellow skirt as thin as onion wings, and my hands were empty and trembling.All the water in my body has turned to ice.