Chapter 7 Chapter Six

I kept my territory intact last week, with the side effect of being silent for days. "You can't go on like this. When will your gf go home?" Zhang Bao asked. ""gf"?" "Girlfriend, isn't she called CSR?" "How can she be my girlfriend?" "She doesn't count, so how do you define a girlfriend?" Ah, girlfriend, what a beautiful word, like Tangyuan or mee sua, there is no clear beginning and end.Like TSMC or Utada, full of imagination.Like Xindian, you know she exists but you don't want to go so far.Like making money, too much or too little can drive you to the brink of madness.

"It sounds like you have a painful experience?" Zhang Bao asked. "It happened for the first time in high school, the dream girl in the cram school. The teacher was teaching calculus on the blackboard, and you wondered if her writing hands would be cold. After class, you stood on the first floor waiting, and when she came out, she said please Don't block the door. You follow behind persistently, all the way to the Xiaonanmen on Ningbo West Street. Finally, you finally mustered up the courage to ask your classmate if you can borrow your notes. The notes were returned to her the next day, and there was a note in it. Zhang Valentine's card: "Our school movie appreciation party is going to be performed, do you want to come and relive the Civil War? "She said the fifth telegraph pole on Nanhai Road. Don't make me wait at 5:40. You walked into the school gate with her, and the dean of students walked up to you. He said that your hair is so long that you can part it. If you ignore it, you will be fine." A major penalty. How did he know that you stayed here for today, and wanted to be a little boy in front of her. When you entered the arena, you held her hand, which was as tight as flour mixed with water. She threw you away with an angry expression on her face Serious as Mrs. Gandhi. You said that I thought you were my girlfriend, and she said how could you be so naive?" "So you used to be passionate and anxious like an orangutan." So you became indifferent and protective. Thoroughly.A girl asks you for your zodiac sign and name, and you squint at her like she's about to steal something.One night, a colleague dropped her contact lens in the elevator, and you knelt on the ground to help her look around.In the end, it was found that it was caught in the collar. When you returned it to her, you said you had beautiful eyes.The next day, you all went to the staff restaurant at the same time, and you sat together naturally because you were all alone.You carry her knife, fork and paper towels, and she clears the plate for you when you're done.Then you watched a few movies, you lined up to buy Hello Kitty for her, sent her home, she asked if you want to go up, you said yes, I want to watch your new DVD. She watched it for a few minutes and fell asleep on your bed In your arms, you are afraid that she will catch a cold and get up to turn off the air conditioner.Accidentally saw the phone under the air conditioner, and your number was programmed into the speed dial key.A few days later, when you went to Warner Village, you met her colleague and she introduced you as her boyfriend.After you came back, you said how long we have known each other, I don't want gf, just freedom.

"It turns out that you were once scared by women, and you dare not treat others easily." "So I don't know if CSR is my girlfriend, and I don't even know what a girlfriend is!" "Let me help you," Zhang said. Bao said, "I'll ask you 20 questions, and for every "yes" you get, you get one point. In the end, it depends on how many points you get: 1. You and her will hold hands when walking on the road, and touch your tongue when kissing . 2. When you meet a dog, she hides behind you; when you meet an old lover, she holds your hand tightly.

3. She thinks you look like Takeshi Kaneshiro, and you think she looks like Brigitte Lin. 4. Instead of saying "Hello" on the phone, say "It's me, what are you doing?" 5. Buy pearl milk tea while shopping, and you can pass it with a straw. 6. Send her flowers if you have nothing to do, and you swipe your card when she orders food for dinner. 7. Call 10 times a day, and the content of the conversation is more complex each time. 8. Colleagues say that your intelligence has deteriorated, and it feels disgusting to hear you talking on the phone with her. 9. Your mother doesn't like her, and her father chases and beats you.

10. The part that touched her gradually went down, and gradually she stopped struggling. 11. You will wear pairs of socks on a date with her, and you will scrub the bathtub before she comes to your house. 12. You have her toothbrush at home and a box of cotton swabs on the toilet. 13. You know her security period, and she knows the password of your ATM card. 14. After urinating, the toilet lid will be put down, and you finally start to wipe the medicine for Hong Kong feet seriously. 15. She used your old underwear as a rag to wipe, and you tore a dozen of her underwear. 16. Some parts of your body will naturally grow larger despite her airtight clothing.

17. She faked her orgasm for you, and you would watch Ingrid Bergman's "Casablanca" for her. 18. On Saturday afternoon, she cuts your hair for you, and in the middle of the night you scratch her itchy back. 19. She makes seafood pasta for you on Sunday afternoon, and you feed her HaagenDazs after eating. 20. You will have a big fight over trivial matters, and you will contemplate murder in anger. "'Oh my God,' I yelled, 'I scored 18 points! ""It's miserable," Zhang Bao announced, "with a score of 10 or more, she has reached the standard of gf. 18 points, she can be your British lover! "I was shocked and started looking for an escape door.

"Turned away" Last week I found out that I had a gf, but Zhang Bao hasn't taken off a woman's clothes for a long time. "I don't know why," Zhang Bao complained, "I suddenly lost interest in women. There are so many beauties on the street, none of them has the ability to turn me away." ""Turn on"?" "Turnon. I used to like long legs, big breasts, and thick lips, but for some reason, these things suddenly no longer excite me." "Maybe you're mature." "Impossible. I think it's because I've arrived" Miyama is Mountains and water are the realm of water. There is a "law of diminishing marginal returns" in economics. When I touch the first pair of beautiful legs, the happiness that my subsequent legs will bring me will begin to discount." "This is your Sad. You are obsessed with physical love, and you only care about whether it comes every time. Your heart is never there, and the other person is just like a tire. No wonder you feel cold, because women are just to you-" "Who Say I’m cold? I just need some new switches!” “Like Viagra?” “Like working girls!” He took me to Starbucks on Minsheng East Road, watching the working girls on the street through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

Zhang Bao said: "The suit must be turned open, and the first button of the shirt cannot be buttoned up, so that the shoulder strap can be seen faintly, and it is better that the right side is slightly crooked." I felt like I was calling 0204, so I found an excuse to escape open. "I have a stomachache, let me go to the toilet." Zhang Bao grabbed my belt, "High heels are turned away, and skirts are best to be tight and narrow. Toes are turned away, provided that the skin color must be fair. The slender fingers are Turn away, she has learned the piano and can move her fingers quickly when necessary. The ring is turned away, because you know there will be no future with her. The hair on the nape is turned away, because it can be seen that her hormones are very secretive Quick. The mouth is turned away, because that is the most vulnerable erogenous zone." "You talk like every organ can be sold." "Sometimes turning away is an action, not an organ. I like it Watching them run for 30 minutes, filling the bottle of mineral water. After taking a shower, they came out with short wet hair flipped back. On the street in the heavy rain, they walked through the stagnant water barefoot with their shoes in hand. Sitting alone at the bar , drinking coffee while coughing.

I like to see them squatting down to pick up pens in tight skirts.When I get off work, I add a pair of white socks to the white stockings, and then put on Nike. I open the refrigerator and struggle to eat chocolate.Change into men's pajamas, which are not buttoned neatly because they are going the other way.I like to see them drink red wine and leave lip marks on the rim of the glass, and eat steak with blood dripping from the corner of their mouths.I originally wanted to go to Eslite, but ended up going to a distant enterprise, and only when I swiped my card did I feel that life is meaningful.Every day I want others to believe in God, but I steal small things when I go shopping.

I love how they turn their heads and boo you in the cinema, like there's surgery going on on stage.Walking out of the building and wearing sunglasses on cloudy days, as if she were a movie star.I like knowing that her dad is the majority shareholder of TSMC and she is the only child in the family. I like that they moved the rearview mirror of the car over to touch up their makeup, and their serious expressions seemed to be about to enter a new house.Ask you every day if she has gained weight, and take the scale to measure it immediately after three meals.Ask you every day if you still love her, no matter how you answer she will think you are lying.

I like to see that their change must be put in a small purse, and their mobile phones must be covered with a case.Spend an hour in the shower every day, and rush to take medicine every time you sneeze.Wearing a man's big watch is especially powerful when hitting you.After applying lipstick, I will bite my lips, and after wearing a bra, I will unconsciously push it up with my hands. I like to see them drinking Coke must add a lot of ice cubes, poached eggs only eat egg whites.Be sure to rewind before returning the video tape, and be the first to donate money for disaster relief after the earthquake.The door must be locked when taking a shower, and the mouth must not be opened when kissing.When entering the office building, she hangs a necklace name tag, and holds her head up and chest out, as if someone else suddenly became shorter than her. I love watching them drag you to a ghost movie and she hides in the bathroom during the highlights.Take off your high heels under the conference table, and you can still refute your arguments on the conference table. I love watching them cry when they watch "The Lion King" and Johnny and Johnny send Christmas cards.I struggled when I put on contact lenses, and cried when I took them off. ""Are you saying that these little actions of women can make you excited? "" And it can last for several hours. ""Oh my God, I always thought you were the most superficial man in the world, but I didn't expect you to have a little bit of brain in your head. ""I'm actually very spiritual.I like it when girls wear glasses and can talk about Russian novels or French movies.You know that they can't mess with you, so you want them to be corrupt even more.When she's talking about deconstruction and postmodernity, you're wondering how to unbutton her.When she criticizes American cultural aggression, you wonder what Hollywood movie provocative plot can be used.I love the serious look on their faces when they finally take off their clothes, as if they are about to commit an unforgivable crime.They will perform this rite of passage in slow motion, and write a note from the basement when they get home. "At this time, a woman was squatting beside Zhang Bao to pick up a pen. She was wearing a famous tag and Nike, and she was holding a copy of Tolstoy. Zhang Bao fell from the chair and howled like a wolf. "The word L" Last week, Zhang Bao introduced various switches, which I can see from CSR. "I found it!" I announced to Zhang Bao, "CSR is the woman I have been looking for for many years, and I will say the word L to her tomorrow!" "LOVE?" I nodded firmly. "No way!" He grabbed my suit and slapped me twice, "Did she ever tell you the word L?" "No. But she said she liked my innocence and praised me for saving tap water """Like"? What is liking? I like my dog! Liking is a trap, luring you to give her your heart first. You have to retreat first, and you must not fall into her tricks!" "Why?"" This is the politics of men and women in love, and the letter L is a rotten orange hidden underneath. If the buyer finds out too early, you are at a disadvantage in the bargain. You are in the middle of a beautiful first meeting, and the other party feels like orange juice to you. You Fortunately, there is finally a beautiful woman who can be on time, and she is relieved that there is finally a man who doesn't just want to do things. You get up in the morning to shave for her, and she writes a poem for you before going to bed at night. You both have a crush on each other, but you are not sure that the other loves you It’s not love. In the company, you wait for her to call all day long, and you keep buying things for her every day. You want to express all your feelings, and you are anxious like fighting a fire. You want to confess to her thoroughly, Expect her to treat you the same. You don't give her the space to adjust to your presence. You don't give her time to plan your future. Your love is like a Reader's Digest, the first paragraph needs to make it clear. You are always half a beat faster , forcing an immediate showdown. You know it will scare her, but you still die hard. So you hinted to her that the number of flowers to send changed from 1 dozen to 50. Then you gave her a hint and asked her how many children she wanted to have in the future.She doesn't respond and you feel like an idiot.So you make an appointment with her in a romantic French restaurant, and give her a finishing touch of more than 30,000 yuan.When the waiter brings her roast chicken, you suddenly say I love you.She slowly opened the white napkin, and you added an English translation.Slowly peeling off the skin of the chicken, she began to comment on the recent weather.You look down into her eyes and she suddenly stands up and asks where the toilet is.You said loudly that I would go with you, but she said you should eat your fish first.When she came back, she acted nonchalantly and complained that there was no toilet paper in the toilet.At the checkout, she wanted to pay half of it, saying that she was always embarrassed to make you pay.After leaving, she said that there was something urgent at home, so she called a car and went back to Dazhi.You call her before bed and only the answering machine speaks to you.You call the company the next day, and the secretary asks your name and says that there is a client in her office.You left a message asking her to call back, and then waited a year foolishly. ""Why did she change suddenly? ""Why did she change suddenly? "Zhang Bao pointed at my collar," because you exposed your weakness. ""Loving her is a weakness? ""Loving her is not a weakness, but speaking out of it is boundless suffering.The joy of love lies in not knowing the bottom line of the other party, and always suspecting that there is a third party caught in the middle.Sometimes she asks you to take nude pictures, sometimes you ask her out and she says she doesn't have time.You wonder if she is just being polite to you, or calling you because she can't sleep.If Takeshi Kaneshiro and you asked her to choose today, would she say sorry to you within 28 seconds?If you tell her that you will love her for ten thousand years, will she say such a thing, then I will think about it for another day? "Zhang Bao grabbed my hand, as if teaching a child not to suck his fingers." If she makes you unpredictable, you have to make her feel that the situation is uncertain. "" How tiring is it to talk about such an ambiguous love? "" Such ambiguous love will always be fresh.If the two parties have met each other frankly, there is no room for imagination when getting along.Talks like buying and selling insurance, keeps going to the bathroom while watching movies.Once you feel safe around her, you stop pushing yourself to perform. "" Wouldn't it be nice to be yourself? ""Being yourself is the poison of love!Our real self is like Yangchun noodles, no one wants to eat it for days in a row.So we have to keep performing to make them feel that there is enough salt in the noodles. ""Since men and women can't meet each other honestly, why do you open rooms with women as soon as you know them? ""Of course you can sleep with them, just don't say you're the best woman I know.You can sweet talk at night, but get out quickly the next morning.You can invite them to dinner the next night, and you must never talk about what happened last night.Go home after dinner and don't call her within a week.She will be so angry that she will come to the company to settle accounts with you at noon, and you will ask your colleagues to buy lunch for you.Two weeks later, I hid in the parking lot of her house and begged her to forgive me with flowers.If you keep changing your position like this, she will become more and more dependent on you. ""If I were them, I would give you a slap in the face. "" They all hugged me! "Zhang Bao said proudly," Listen to me, don't say the word L! "To challenge him, I picked up the phone. He grabbed me hard, as if trying to stop me from committing suicide. "Hello?" "CSR, I..." "Preventive Breakup" Last week I said the word L to CSR and she let me go several times immediately. "Who told you not to listen to my advice!" Zhang Bao gloated. "What should I do?" "You have a last resort." "What?" "Preventive breakup." ""Preventive breakup"?" "Have you ever heard of Compaq Computer?" What does it matter?" "Compaq is originally a high-priced product. In order to prevent low-priced computers from invading its market, Compaq launched its own low-priced computers first to eat the low-priced market, so that competitors will not be able to sing. This kind of The pre-emptive strategy is called "preventive attack"." "You speak very well, but what does it matter to me?" "You can also launch a preventive attack and get rid of the CSR before she breaks up with you!" "Isn't this just helping her out?" "At least in the record, your score is relatively high. Others will know that you broke up, and it was you who chose it, not her." This set of MBA is indeed profound, and I applauded , but immediately felt bad. "Wait, if she didn't want to break up with me, wouldn't I be self-defeating? After all, we didn't argue, and neither of us took sleeping pills." Hemorrhoids. Had a big fight, slapped him before leaving. Slashed his wrists, blood flowed over the bathtub. Disheveled hair, poked the bed you slept in. Negotiations all night, returning necklaces and rings. Insomnia all night, burning the photos you took together " I retorted: "She didn't do these things!" "Then she belongs to the second type. The relationship gradually faded, and finally there was an empty bowl. The last dinner, everyone started to use their own straws. A good table. , finished eating in half an hour. Halfway through the walk, you forgot to put on clothes for her. Make an appointment with her next time, and she said to see it tomorrow. Call her tomorrow, and she said she is talking to a client. Call next week She, she said she was going to get her teeth cleaned today. Called her next month and she changed her phone number. Waiting downstairs at her house, she didn't come home that night. Two months later, she called and asked if you have annual leave .Your pride caused trouble, and the button erased her message. Two months later, you met her friend and wanted to find out how she was doing, but you were afraid that she would tell you that you still cared about her. A year later, you happened to meet in IKEA. Smiled and nodded, as if the other party was a traffic policeman. You said why you permed your hair, and she said how you changed the frame. Walk to the counter together, and you let her check out first. You bought a filter, and she bought it A double bed. She took out her credit card, and a photo of a man was shining in her wallet. You suddenly said that you forgot something, and ran away from the scene.” I shook my head and shouted: “Long-term pain is better than short-term pain, Let me call and get rid of her now." "You have been together for more than 100 days, long past the expiration date of phone breakup." "Expiration date?" "Although love is rough, there are still basic etiquette. If you already Entered her room, defecated at her house, stayed longer than two o’clock, knew the administrator downstairs, then you have to meet when you break up.” “What are you doing when you meet?” “Return the tampon she left in your house , change the insurance beneficiary form and ask her to sign, take back the copyright of your passion video, force her to send clothes with your DNA on them to the laundry. Ask her to order some of the things she gave you, and remind her that the credit card is owed I spent seven or eight thousand. Finally, I gently said that this matter is difficult and I hope that people will live together for a long time." "I have no face to see her, and I have no legitimate reason to break up." "It's not a problem, let me teach you some useful things Reasons for breaking up: 1. You are too beautiful, and I feel inferior in front of you. 2. You are too tall, others will laugh when they see us standing together. 3. You have a lot of money, others will say that I deliberately climb up. 4. You are so kind to me, I can't repay no matter how hard I try. 5. I suffer from a hidden disease, and I can't bear to infect you. 6. My sperm count is low, and I may not be able to give birth to a baby in the future. 7. We happen to have the same surname, and the child may have three eyes. 8. I have a bad temper and you will become my punching bag. 9. I have no emotion, and I will fall asleep after watching porn. 10. You are the perfect woman, but I love Jonathan. ""You are a genius! "I admire," Where is the breakup? ""It's best to be in the new park. If she faints, she can be sent to National Taiwan University Hospital.Don't stay in a five-star hotel, because she can easily convince you to open a room again.Don't be in front of the office building where your colleagues will see you.Don't go inside the restaurant as the knives and forks are kept next to them. "Zhang Bao's wisdom filled me with hope. I was tired of being the one who was abandoned. This time the pain was for others to taste. I called CSR and was about to speak when she first said: "I want to break up with you!" ""what? "I yelled. She said: "You are so kind to me, no matter how hard I try, I can't repay you."