Chapter 21 Summer is collapsing - Chapter 21: Miserable green boy, from one end to the other (Part 1)

Summer is collapsing - Chapter 21: Miserable green boy, from one end to the other (Part 1) And Ke Ke also had all her nerves tightened, she quickly asked: "Why did he stab you?" "Because, I scold him, he is like me, without a father, I hate him. I can often see my own shadow from him, he is my nightmare, when I was young, I hope he dies, I and others The children bullied him together, blocked him in a dead end, robbed him of money, and beat him. I was always the hardest one. I hoped that he would shrink into a ball in the dirty water of the alley and die. No one noticed. When we beat him, he was always staring at each of us. His eyes really made me dodge. I don't know why I hate him so much. Then he became very fierce, and the fights were very serious. When I became famous, I avoided him, I thought he must hate me too, I thought that if anyone wants to expose my lies in the future, it must be him, the way he looks at me makes me feel that he wants to tell the truth to everyone.”

"Three years ago, on the playground, he suddenly appeared, we wrestled together, this time I exhausted all my strength, I almost wanted to kill him, I continued to call him a shameful illegitimate child, without a father, I was swearing very dirty, using all the swear words I knew back then, and then we couldn't beat him anymore, and I continued to swear at him, feeling that I was safe, and he pulled out the knife, and when I saw the knife enter my body At that moment, I felt that I was going to die." "Later I didn't die, he disappeared. I often remembered what happened on the playground that day after I met you. That was the closest I was to death. Now I know why I hate him. I can't face it It is the fear of my father leaving me. I am afraid of being discovered, and I am afraid of being exposed every day. In fact, when he is curled up in the dirty water, what I often see is myself. I always worry that one day the same What happened to me, and he turned around and kicked me hard."

"Ke Ke, you were on the edge of the playground that day, you saw everything, I still remember you, I still remember your lake green printed skirt, you saw everything, didn't you?" Ding Chengcheng didn't look at Ke Ke, he was immersed in all the memories alone, and he saw that when he was a little boy again, he kicked another boy who fell on the ground with his feet in the dark alley, At that time, he was so small, so small, he was shrouded in the darkness of the alley, surrounded by bloody smell, this feeling of fear is still so shocking until now, he can only vent all his fear on the man curled up in the pond on the boys.

Ke Ke pushed Ding Chengcheng and slowly climbed onto him. The sun seeped in through the shutters of the attic. It was very quiet. Ke Ke lay softly on Ding Chengcheng's chest. She thought of her father, but now she doesn't know Where is Dad, eating food cooked by what kind of woman.She slowly stroked Ding Chengcheng's lips with her fingers. There was no more bleeding there, and a thin scar had formed. This fear deeply infected her, and she understood that it was this fear, the lack of sense of security. , brought the two of them together, and they felt peaceful, peaceful, and undisturbed together, like sitting on a Ferris wheel, a small hanging basket, closed and precarious.

They kissed again, and after a long time, Ding Chengcheng's lips began to bleed again, salty and wet. Can never be abandoned, can never be abandoned. Suddenly there was a sharp knock on the door downstairs. They listened to the knock quietly and didn't intend to pay attention to it, but the knocker was very persistent and lasted for a long time, so Ding Chengcheng got up and took the almost torn apart After the shirt was pulled, she went down the stairs a little annoyed to open the door. Ke Ke heard the sound of the lock being turned open, but there was no voice for a long time, the air seemed to have been condensed.After a while, Coco walked slowly downstairs.

She saw Ding Chengcheng in a white shirt inside the door, and Shen Han carrying a courier package outside the door, and she covered her mouth.She and Shen Han saw each other at the same time, and said at the same time, "Why are you here?" Shen Han was still running around every day looking for the address on the black notebook, No. 127 Yonganli, which was the fifth last item in the address bar of the notebook , the name column is blank. This address is Ding Chengcheng's home. No one thought that after many years, the two boys would meet in such a way, but the mutual hatred of the past has now disappeared, and no one wants to bring up the memory of that dark dead end. , the two of them stood at a distance of one meter and stared at each other. They were very different from three years ago. If they met on the road, they might not recognize each other. In fact, their first meeting was three years apart. The first time we met was in the hospital. At that time, Shen Han came out of the emergency room with a bandage in his hand. Ding Chengcheng was carried in with blood on his forehead. They passed by each other.

Time and several summers of growth had melted away all hatred. "Your arm, is it alright?" Shen Han seemed to have walked out of himself again since the day he walked out of the playground, and this question has been lingering in his mind for several years.Ding Chengcheng shook his arm and smiled. The boy he once wanted to die was standing in front of him now, but he no longer hated him. It disappeared there, and when he told all the truth, he was no longer afraid of someone standing up to expose him, and the dark, water-logged alley quickly receded in his memory. When they greeted each other, they finally felt like grown men.

"I found it by following the address. Do you know Cheng Jianguo?" Shen Han asked suddenly. Ding Chengcheng's face suddenly changed color. This was the first time he heard a stranger pronounce his father's name in a long time. Cheng Jianguo and his mother never mentioned this name at home. The name was almost forgotten, but now the name, with the smell of jazz soap on his father's face, brought him back to his childhood again, standing on the corner of the road with his father, waiting for his mother to come home from get off work.He paused and said, "That's my dad."

"Father?" Both Shen Han and Ke Ke almost cried out. "Yes, he is my father, but I haven't seen him for more than ten years. Do you know that he abandoned me and my mother and left alone. I was still very young at that time, and I don't know the specifics. And my mother forbids me to mention it again. Do you have any news about him, please tell me, I really want to know about him, especially recently, when I met Ke Ke, I suddenly remembered a lot of things in the past, and I wanted to know more His news, do you know him? Is he still in Shanghai? Where does he work? Where does he live?" Ding Chengcheng suddenly had a series of questions.

They both looked at Ding Chengcheng, one was standing in front of him and the other was behind him, but they couldn't speak any more and were deadlocked in the face of his series of questions. "Ding Chengcheng." Ke Ke gently put his hand into Ding Chengcheng's palm, "If he is the father you mentioned, then he is dead now, Xiaoqiao and I saw him jump into Go to the subway." Shen Han handed the black notebook to Ding Chengcheng, and he said, "This is the diary written by your father, please take a look." Ding Chengcheng was stunned, took the notebook blankly, stood at the door and flipped through the pages one by one, time passed very slowly, everything was deadlocked, they waited for Ding Chengcheng to finish reading the notebook No one dared to say anything, they looked at him and saw that he started to tremble, his sad eyelashes covered his eyes long, his thin shoulders trembled more and more, Ke Ke couldn't help but went up to support his shoulders.

"No!" Ding Chengcheng threw off Keke's hand suddenly, and Keke almost tripped over the threshold, "What suicide, what fucking shit suicide! Who the hell committed suicide!" Ding Chengcheng jumped up frantically, and he Standing opposite them, yelling, "Get out, who the hell committed suicide!" He was almost crying, and many eyes protruded from the alley, watching what happened here, and the old ladies who were taking a nap were startled. Waking up, slowly gathering around, whispering. Ding Chengcheng suddenly bumped Ke Ke and Shen Han away, and with a black notebook in his pocket, pushed aside the spectators and rushed out. Everything has become so unreal, the sky is very bright but there is no sun, it is bright, and there are shadows of plane trees everywhere, all his lies will not be broken again, yes, his father, his father, The sailor in his imagination who was at the Cape of Good Hope would never appear again. Death buried all the lies. Dad died, but no one knew his death. He died so humblely. Did he have one? The funeral, if he had a new family, new kids, did they cry for him. Dad never mentioned his and his mother's names in the black notebook, but only wrote his home address in a blank handwriting in a blank space without a name. He, his life of nearly twenty years, has become There is a faint handwriting in that space, which reads: No. 127, Yong'an Lane. The crowd on the road is retreating rapidly, and they all make way for Ding Chengcheng who is running like crazy. Dad always likes to drink rice wine and eat a bowl of germinated beans cooked with pickles on summer afternoons. Sitting on the wooden table for a long time, now all the memories about my father are suddenly clear, and the crowd passing by, they all quickly move away at the moment they are about to bump into each other, the ice cream seller The car jingled, and the first time my mother encountered a leaky toilet, she was standing alone in a pile of bubbling excrement.Ding Chengcheng felt like he was sinking, just like when he just started puberty, he always dreamed that he was submerged in black water. Now, the playground on the cinder track is gone, and the green skirt in the lake is gone, splashed with blood Drip, the shirt bulging in the wind disappeared, and in the helmet, the long, endless, brightly lit road quickly turned a corner and suddenly came to an end.When Ding Chengcheng was growing up, no man ever said: Stand up and don't cry!The smell of salted egg yolk winter melon in the alley entered his nose again. This afternoon, people in the city saw a thin, miserable green boy running from one end to the other. He simply didn't know how long he would have to run forward before he could break through this summer.