Chapter 36 Chapter 9: Qin Yu's Heart (4)

Chapter 9: Qin Yu's Heart (4) On Monday, June 9, light rain turned cloudy It rained a little, and the sky, which was so clear and blue that it was about to settle some time ago, was washed away by this rain and became fresh and clear again. I looked at the fresh and clear light ice blue sky, and felt that the air was full of cool water vapor.Suddenly, I was looking forward to dyeing my nails the same moist and cool ice blue as the sky. I couldn't help raising my hands and looking at it, thinking: If it really wants to be like that, will it look good? Wang Haiyan, who just came back from the office, came closer.I looked at my hands by myself, tossing and turning them endlessly, and found neither clouds nor rain, but I was a little uncertain and asked, "Say, put on nail polish, okay?" ?” She smiled and said, “You? Did you say Koudan?” I imagined my icy blue nails intoxicatedly, and replied: “No. I was thinking, after the exam, I will put on that kind of icy nails. Blue nail polish."

Ah, if that were the case, my ten fingernails would be like ten little skylights in a room--through those skylights, I could see the beautiful sky high and far away, blue and bright!How wide is the cloudless sky—can I really see it through my fingernails? Yes, it is like that! I clenched my hands as if I were holding my whole, boundless life in my palms—warm, itchy, and very comfortable. Sunny Tuesday, June 10 June 7th and June 8th are weekends. I am reviewing my homework at home. If there is nothing to write, I will stop writing.Recently I've been a little unhinged with happiness, I don't know if it's good or bad.But maybe from now on I won't be able to keep a diary so frequently, and write so much—it's the last month, and everything else has to be put on hold.

At noon, I met Qin Yu again in the reading room.This is the third time I have met him.At that time, I was walking towards the reading room with a large stack of books - looking down from upstairs, suddenly, I thought I saw the person selling forget-me-nots!For some reason, I was so impulsive that I wanted to run downstairs to stop him and ask him if he still had forget-me-nots.So, I first stopped Qin Yu who was walking in front. After handing him the book, I ran downstairs—it was empty.In just a short while, that person had disappeared without a trace.I stood in the sun for a while, wondering if I had read it wrong.Then it got a little hot, so I went back upstairs to the reading room.

I'm not discouraged by this - on the contrary, I feel very happy.Whether I actually saw the person or not, I always thought I did.Satisfied, I walked upstairs slowly, rubbing my palms against the banisters of the stairs - there was a sharp rubbing sound in the empty corridor.I almost have the triumphant sense of a child's successful prank. Today, that little boy, Qin Yu, was a little out of sorts and talked too much.As for me—at last, I can feel his presence very close again, I am so happy, I am so happy that I don't want to say a word.He asked me what was the rush just now.I looked up--seeing nothing.Maybe just look at the clear air in the reading room?The windows here are tall and large, and they are extremely bright.This noon, the weather is very good again - such a good weather, why did the flower seller appear in the school?Or, why did I see that person appear in school?I remember him so well—what about him?remember me?

I suddenly and inexplicably thought of the woman sitting in the western restaurant.How well I remember her—and her?She watched the people coming and going on the street every day, with a cup of coffee that was getting warmer and colder in her hand, her pale face was getting paler and paler against the backdrop of a camel-colored delicate coat... Maybe she is an insomniac?Maybe she is suffering from not being able to forget?Maybe she can't get rid of the nostalgia for coffee?She tried to use hot coffee to warm her cold palms, but the palms made the coffee cold, and the coffee made her grow old... Did she ever want to have a vibrant purple forget-me-not?Does she want forget-me-nots?

Maybe, she is longing to be forgotten by others, to be forgotten by herself? I can't understand her.She has faded out of the world, but she is frozen in the world behind a brown window, iron railings and dwarf holly, behind many exquisite and small things-the distance between her and ordinary people is only these things.However, insurmountable. I am willing to be a person who can happily sit in a western restaurant and munch on steak, with my tongue covered with hot creamy borscht. world, I just give up.I don't want to compromise to be such a miserable woman. So, I consider myself a lucky person.I don't have to sit alone in a western restaurant, but here, in the midday sun, opposite this sad little boy - I really don't want to say anything to him, just sit quietly like this, and listen to this noon Gentle breathing, feeling his presence... This is the greatest comfort in life.

I couldn't help laughing at this shining luck: Really, really, how happy I am! no more.Let’s talk about the little boy Qin Yu.He seemed to want to ask me something today, but he still caught up with me when I walked out.We stood face to face in the early summer sunshine, looking at each other quietly.He asked me if I would come again, he asked me if he should change, he asked me if I had to go. I stared fascinatedly at his childlike and lovely expression...that tender expression that was lonely, wronged, and self-pitying, but not too much, almost like a girl...something was growing in my heart Growing up... I vaguely feel that it is a lush and lush tree.The treetops were covered with silver bells, and the damp breeze of early summer blew by, and the bells sang together, each note trimmed with silver—I never saw such a green tree , I have never heard such a beautiful song, a strong and fresh vitality is flowing in my blood vessels.I hear clearly: all singing—all my life singing!

I stared at him—I was afraid, I missed him a little too.If it wasn't for his childishness, if it wasn't for my timidity, if it wasn't for the fact that the sunny noon was too short, if it wasn't for the fact that the reading room was too small—I'm afraid, I would really be willing to stay, even if only to accompany him Sit quietly, say nothing, do nothing until you get bored and fall into a deep sleep.He needs my company - and I, I don't want to admit it but must admit it: I need to try - try to reach out, try to grasp, try to love. But when he asked me if I had to go, I said, "No. I'm going--you should go too, shouldn't you?" Then I turned and walked on.

As I walked forward and was alone, an uncontrollable pain suddenly rose to my throat—a strong, ominous premonition fell to my heart from a very high place and melted away: this If you leave, you will never see him again, and you will never see him anyway. At the end of the corridor, a row of tall windows poured sunlight into the ground.I stepped into that patch of sunshine.Life and sunshine slipped from my shoulders, and my throat was cold and astringent.I said to myself: No, I want to take one more look at him, one more look, this little boy Qin Yu—— I stopped and turned around.I'm soaked in the sun, warm, golden threads dancing before my eyes... I feel good, beautiful... Now I see him, I see him staring at me.None of us could see each other's expressions clearly, we only felt each other's eyes, and we only tried to look at each other more—the world was completely silent, and everyone retreated so far away that we couldn't see each other.He walked into my noon.I also walked into his.Our time was so little, our time together was even less, and from now on, I might say goodbye to him forever for a reason, though I don't know what it is yet—yet, in that short time The moment when he was fixed on him, the moment when he felt his torch-like eyes, the moment when everything became shiny... I really think that this is enough.

Now, I sit under the lamp.There was silence all around.Dad worked night shifts, Mom went to my little sister's house to learn a new knitting pattern—and I was left thinking about my own personal affairs.I used to be so close to him, so close that I could touch him-but, at this moment, I can no longer see him.It was I who told him, I told him myself, that I was leaving.Losing - I didn't understand in the past that losing would be so simple and quick, and all that was just the initial pain. Qin Yu, I'm leaving.Although I can't tell, whether I have to go or not.Sometimes, life does not allow you to think about all the details before you take a step. There is always someone urging you: Hurry up, hurry up, move forward!I don't know why I was in such a hurry, why I couldn't stop and think about it for a while, but I think the joy of life may lie in watching flowers on horseback.You can only be wrong, you can't pick up things if you drop them, but how do you know that there is nothing more exciting waiting for you ahead?If you don't move forward, how can you know?Qin Yu, I'm leaving—you can go too, forget about your childhood, and move forward; life is a station wagon, don't make too much noise, let the driver drive you away Throw it out of the window - once you get out of the car, you won't be able to get back up. Now that you've got up, why don't you just walk forward?Look at the stop sign, Qin Yu, look at the red arrow, it simply points to endless eternal life.Really, life does not allow you to think through all the details before taking a step.

Seems like there's still a lot to say, but I can't say it—maybe it's because I'm tired, I think?After reviewing the homework for so long, and writing in the diary for so long-I was really exhausted waiting for the day when the college entrance examination came.The night is drunk, like a mellow and fragrant old wine.I was sleepy, but at the same time, my heart was surprisingly clear, like the surface of water without waves—underwater, fish, shrimp, insects and algae were clearly discernible.There must be something left to write, and it cannot be written now anyway.Forget it, put down the pen, go take a shower, maybe you will feel better.When I want to write, I can write again—oh, and I have to review my homework.Do I still need to sleep tonight?Sometimes I really feel that I am sorry for myself when I sleep, although I am sleepy. Alas - yawn and stretch - it's better now.All right, stand up, start to go, and go to my messy brain.