Chapter 1 Qin Yu (1) The girl looked very settled at the table—I just glanced at her out of the corner of my eye as I walked by, but I came to that conclusion right away.After reaching this conclusion, I still moved forward, but my mood gradually became bad. Anyway, I've been in a bad mood these days, especially now.Of course, everyone will say that it is impossible for everyone to be in a good mood when encountering such unlucky things as mine.But that's just talk—saying you're in a bad mood and being in a really bad mood are two different things.I don't like people, I don't like trees, no matter what kind of posters look against me-I don't want to be like this; I think I understand a truth, that is, when people are in a bad mood I don't want to be in a bad mood either.

I am really annoying.Now I'm so annoyed that I don't even want to go.I'm walking through the library reading room.Behind the reading room is the radio room, where Wang Haiyan is waiting for me—at school, if she has something to tell me, she always asks me to meet in the radio room.She is the person in charge of the school radio station, and the radio room has almost become her private reception room.I've been a regular there lately.She probably thought that when I was so unlucky, she should show more sympathy and concern.I know that she has been running around for my affairs, trying to save me from my tragic end with her small position in the administration building, but unfortunately she is just the president of the student union.Although all her efforts failed, she still tried her best to make me realize that she was the most protective and caring person in this school.I actually understand that too, but I've started to annoy her lately; I know it's not right, but I annoy everything around me, including her.She asked me to meet up frequently, and I could recite all her words before I saw her—it was nothing more than telling me not to be discouraged, to try to get the disciplinary records removed before I graduated from high school, and to tell me how much she cared Me, she always supports me and tells me to go to her if I have something to do.I'm sick of it.I'm walking now when I go through the reading room, I'm basically doing something.I'm still bothered about meeting Wang Haiyan and those people sitting in the reading room.

In order not to attract attention, I walked close to the wall.There was a poster on the wall that was peeling off, and someone simply tore it off, leaving only a few mottled pieces of paper that couldn't be peeled off, looking stupid with age—oh, the poster with my glorious name on it Post it on the school gate.Under the sun, it looks brand new. I don't know when it will peel off like this poster.I don't know when I, the annoying person, will be completely forgotten like the old posters. I suddenly thought, or not to go.Going is annoying, not going is annoying, what am I going to do?If I go to see Wang Haiyan again, my good impression of her will disappear.I still don't want to go.As soon as this decision came up, I stopped immediately, then turned and walked back.

Yes, I turned back.Then I saw the girl just sitting there concentrating on reading her book, her long hair gently protecting her face.I think I'm probably abnormal. I would walk straight to her and sit across from her table, with an expression that I've known her for a long time.Alas, I am not normal.She wasn't particularly beautiful, and there was nothing about her that attracted me—maybe it was the way she sat at the desk the whole time, I don't know.Everyone in the school knows me—ever since the news of my punishment was reported to the whole school, I can't get rid of this nightmare.She was the only one who sat quietly and didn't take me to heart at all.Her legs were close together, her arms were stretched out, and her closed hands were inserted between her legs. Her body was slightly leaning forward, but her head was hanging low. Her long hair was gently stroking her cheeks. The face, her shoulders—maybe it's the pose of her that strikes me.

When I sat across from her, she raised her head and gave me a slight look—the expression on her face, which showed that she didn't know me, really touched me very much.She didn't smile, and she didn't stop smiling, giving me the impression that she was a person emerging from the book under her eyes--to be exact, an elf, because people belong to this world after all, And she seemed to come from another space, another time, without any connection with this school, this city, or this real world.I'm so touched.I was struck by how disconnected she was from the world.She was a colorful balloon that didn't exist a minute ago, bobbing before my eyes.

Suddenly I started to speak - what did I say?I say: "I am the one who was punished." She took her eyes off the book and looked at me a second time.She looked at me suspiciously and asked, "Are you talking to me?" "I'm the one who got punished," I repeated. She still had that irrelevant look, looking at me, with her mouth half-opened: "why?" "Cheating." Maybe she was a little scared, afraid of encountering a psychopath.Yes, she must be a little scared, there is a deep retreat in her eyes, as if she is standing ten steps away looking at me, but in fact she is right in front of my eyes.Regardless of whether she was afraid or not, I didn't stop, I had lost my self-control, and talked about the ins and outs of my punishment: how Fan Bin eagerly called for my answer, how I meticulously copied down the problem-solving process, how Throwing the ball of paper at him, how the invigilator discovered our "communication", how he stuffed the ball of paper into the pocket of his pants on his buttocks, how the head teacher scolded us, how Teacher Li gave us a zero and how he wanted to deceive others, How an anonymous tortoise bastard betrayed us to the principal, how the principal sent that adolescent cadre from the political and educational department to interrogate us, how the decision to give us a warning was announced on the loudspeaker, and how that tattered notice was pasted on the school gate... ...I keep telling myself, don't bring up the matter of punishment, don't bring up the matter of the goddamn punishment, because I'm afraid that there will be endless situations like this.I chattered on and on like a woman, and the strange thing was that when I said this, it was in such an indifferent tone, as if I was looking at the fire from the other side-but the fact was that it was me who passed the note, and it was me who was passed by someone like It was me who was caught like a scammer, and it was me who was unlucky.I narrate with almost no emotion, with neither tone nor movement, hardly any punctuation to indicate a pause.This is so embarrassing, I thought painfully in my heart, but I kept talking about it.My level of writing can almost use it to write novels.

Did the expression on her face change?I didn't have time to pay attention.I'm full of resentment, resentment against the world, and my resentment is so great that I don't bother to notice that it's her sitting across from me—it's like this, I seem to be over her body, ignoring her Behind the existence and watching her, I narrated my unfortunate experience.So, what's behind her? the end of the world. Behind her is the end of my world, and she—it astonishes me that I should have such a poetic vision—is the protector of the end of my world. The protector at the end of my world never made a sound or moved during the whole process of my narration.She sat across from me, as if she had nothing to do with me, this school, or the world.Until the end of my narration, she still didn't move, looking at me silently.Her eyes are big and transparent, and her long, thin hair gently caresses her cheeks.

Let me think again of those eyes of hers, those big and transparent eyes, looking at me silently - I say, they are big and transparent, because they are transparent, pure transparency .There's a cliché that declares that the eyes are the "windows to the soul." Her eyes were not, her eyes were the "windows to the world."I can't see her heart, but I see the world in those transparent eyes!There she was, almost as if no one was there, because you felt you could see through her eyes behind her; the only difference was that her eyes brought a light to the world, a pure , transparent refracted light, a colorless but visible light.

Let me think again about her big transparent eyes! She looked at me, looking at me transparently.Then she said: "Everybody's gone." When she said it, it didn't seem like she was smiling or not smiling, and she didn't look around, she just looked at me very confidently and transparently, and said, "Everyone is gone." I turned my head and looked around—the reading room was empty. I hated her all of a sudden, she made me tell everything, and then said, all gone; she was so meaningless, as if my resentment was some silly trick.I hate her, I long like mad to see her transparent eyes again, I hate her.I took out my pen, snatched the book from her almost savagely, wrote my name on the margin of the page, and threw the book back to her.She looked at me first, with a deep retreat in her eyes, then looked at the book, and read softly:

"Qin Yu? Qin Yu..." She kept looking at my name, then closed the book, turned around and left, leaving me sitting there in anger.I really like the way she walks, it makes people forget that she walks on her feet.I still hated her, but now the hatred took on a new meaning: she closed the book and walked away, as if my name were some silly trick!Only she does not belong to this world, only she has nothing, only she has nothing to do with me. At this time, something unexpected happened—unexpected and beautiful.When she walked to the door of the reading room, she stopped suddenly, lowered her head slightly, then turned around suddenly, and smiled, her movements were so light and elegant, I thought she had no weight at all, but just a golden weight floating in the air. balloon!I never knew that a simple turn could be so graceful, I just couldn't figure out when and how she turned!The midday sun was shining on the door, and her turn seemed to move the air around her, gathering the sunlight around her, and drawing circles of glittering threads.Her voice was warm, turning like a thread.she says:

"My name is Gigi." When I returned to the classroom, Teacher Li was already standing in front of the podium.She turned her head, glanced at me lightly, and said, "Hurry up, we're going to class." I lowered my head—this action of mine has become a habit now. After the midterm exam, I always see her when I see her. Put your head down like that—go to your seat.To be honest, I hate this seat more and more; this seat is the seat on the right in the last row, if I walk through the front door of the classroom, then I have to experience the attention of every classmate like a beast——Classroom President It's so small, but the tables and chairs are always so crowded, and I have arms and legs and I'm so tall, bumping everywhere, either his books or her pencil case.I finally fully realized how scientific the act of surrender with hands on head is. In my opinion, all the teachers and students in the school should walk around with their heads in their hands - think about it, how interesting it is, the school will become It was like a concentration camp, elbow to elbow in close proximity, unable to bump into anything but each other's heads. I appreciate the hands-on-the-head move, but I won't do it unless everyone else does it.If I made that gesture as I walked over and through the desks and chairs alone, wouldn't that mean I surrendered to them?Why should I surrender to them?This is absurd.If I surrender to them, what do my reprimands and interrogations mean?They are not journalists who come to interview me, and I am not a model worker.I am a traitor.If I am a traitor, an instigator, and a blind man, then I have to be proud of it, otherwise I really become a traitor, an instigator, and a blind man.And I'm just playing a traitor right now—those actors, whether they're playing a traitor or a mafia boss, are deeply proud of their characters because they're the creators of them.I don't think anyone can understand these truths to whom I tell them--to be honest, even I am often confused. Oh, what am I talking about?What am I?In fact, I am just a student, and I am not a very good student. I still have such a girly name. I also lost Wang Haiyan's appointment. I even told a girl I didn't know about my bad luck. , until now I am still not sure whether her name is true or not. I also saw Teacher Li lowering his head like a duckling. While I was writing, I brought Liang Shouqian's book to the ground again—I'm such a clumsy and effeminate bastard, I must have been laughed to death long ago. In fact, I am most sorry for Teacher Li.Teacher Li likes me the most and treats me like her own son, but I cheated on the chemistry subject she taught and was caught.Later, she showed mercy and helped us cover up the crime. She only gave us a zero and didn't report it, but I don't know which bastard made the report. There are always 10 million people who have suffered misfortune, which made her face embarrassing It is also very disgraceful.I think about it, and I hate that snitchy bastard who can't tell anything but bad jokes, but I don't know who he is—well, come on, I don't even know if that bastard is a man or a woman Don't know yet.But I'm really sorry for Teacher Li.I'm just not upright enough, what's the point of keeping my head down all the time?I don't know if Teacher Li will touch my bad head like before and say: You add chemistry in the third year of high school, you have great potential in this area.I think Mrs. Li probably can't live without acetylene or something, so she treats me like her own son—by the way, she doesn't have a son.If she had, he had been lying quietly in the cemetery for countless years; all these years he, like all the dead, could say nothing. In fact, I used to be afraid that Teacher Li would treat me well. Once she treated me well, she would no longer be like a teacher. She would be like an old lady. What is that called?But she doesn't treat me so well now, and I'm afraid, I see her tone of voice all day long, she has almost become a full-time grandmother. I feel sorry for her, in general.