Chapter 124 Niu Niu and "Niu Niu" (4)

In order for Niuniu to have a correct posture for receiving radiotherapy, the doctor found a small box that was originally used by young patients and let her lie in it.The philosopher's father described: "The sick child must have died. The real meaning of this wooden box made for radiotherapy is a small coffin. Niu Niu will also die, and we, like the parents of the sick child, must go through this step. It’s like performing a preparatory ritual for death.” Here, the survival process of radiotherapy is described by him as a death ritual.So what makes me most regretful is that until now, he still firmly believes that Niu Niu must die, and there is no way to remedy it.The story progressed to the chapter of no choice, and the author began to express his regret. This move made me hesitate again, should the work continue?A father who sincerely regrets all his wrongdoings.

"I am alive, but Niu Niu is dead. I cannot shirk the responsibility for Niu Niu's death." (p. 268) "I refuse to accept the fact that I have a disabled daughter." "Since I can't get 'full', Then let her 'none'! What's more: let her 'none' to 'perfect' me! As a result, I am alive, but Niuniu is dead." "If I were to choose now, of course I would not hesitate Let’s operate on Niuniu.” Now that he’s so remorseful, he used my words to criticize him to criticize himself first, so what else can I write?No!I still want to write this article, because I found a basis to write again, I struggled to push away the philosopher father's pen, and picked up my own pen.

Why am I still criticizing?The reason is that he didn't repent enough, the remorse was not in place, and he was looking for a reason to excuse himself from responsibility. On page 270, in the second section of the "Regret" chapter, he first excerpted from the book "Ophthalmic Tumors" to describe the danger of Niu Niu's disease. "The prognosis is poor. Even if both eyes are removed, there is still a 50% probability of developing other cancers before the age of 30. In addition, the possibility of metastasis caused by incomplete elimination of cancer cells and the possibility of second tumors caused by radiotherapy will increase. Big." Scary!Anyone who sees it will be disappointed!Stop it!Just wait to die!Of course, such words can’t frighten me. My tumor is no better than Niuniu’s, and even more dangerous. What my mother heard is scarier than this, but!The word probability appears twice in the passage quoted by the philosopher's father. No matter how scary it is, it is just a probability. How you act is still up to you. It is 100% when you come to you, or lead Niuniu through difficulties and dangers, or I was dumbfounded looking at this article of probabilities coming and going.

It was not enough for him to quote the above books, and he also quoted the advice from a certain medical authority: "Don't have an operation, you will have endless troubles if you survive, and there will be no time to regret it." What kind of medical authority is this?Those well-informed friends of his appeared on time again at this time, and reported the news of the heart of the most collaborators: "A child of A, B, and C also suffered from this disease. They underwent surgery, and without exception, they lived to be twenty years old. Dead at any age."First of all, I want to say that there is no scientific basis for such a statement. How can we predict what will happen in twenty years?Furthermore, life at the age of twenty is also colorful.According to the words of the philosopher father, death at any age cannot be counted or compared.In their twenties, among musicians, Schubert and Mozart had begun to compose the most important works in their lives; among writers, Cao Yu wrote "Thunderstorm", and Zhang Ailing's life's best works were all written at this time.Armed with this information, the philosopher's father said he "was given a choice between the worst of two: either let Niuniu die young, or let her die in her teens after suffering from surgery, blindness, and cancer recurrence. Since it’s all the worst, what’s the point of choosing.” (p. 271) I was almost deceived by his words, thinking, that’s right, according to the author’s words, short-term pain is worse than long-term pain, and a good death is better than death. Lai Huo. (page 272) I followed the only train of thought given to me by the author, and I accepted the answer he gave, which gave Niuniu the best reason for her innocent and tragic death.The philosopher's father also said: "I have made a choice in essence: give up the operation and let Niuniu die at the appointed time. In fact, this is the only correct choice." (272 pages) Is this destined?This is what a father ordered for his daughter!Before waiting for fate to sentence him to death, he took the initiative to sentence his daughter to death.The father went on to say: "Operating on Niu Niu has always been a thought that I have come and gone." He heard about a 19-year-old girl in the Shanghai Cancer Club who was blind but lived happily like a normal person. American school.I think the philosopher's father must have been surprised at the time. He was surprised that he had so many horrible imaginations about the life of the little blind man, such as "She is blind and can't take care of herself at all. Now she is small, with our love and care, and grows up." How can I be bullied.” (p. 278) It turns out that blind people can live like this.Only then did I understand that it seemed that the error was based on hearsay, so I was so pessimistic that I wanted to have surgery just after hearing such a good example.He did not do more scientific research on Niuniu's treatment.In my impression, philosophers think about things specially, and they think better than ordinary people.The great philosopher who wrote so many thoughts and notes seemed not only not smart but stupid when he treated his daughter.