Chapter 38 Section Eleven

33 On the day of the English test for CET-4, Zhou Zhou and I had a hearty breakfast in the cafeteria. Zhou Zhou still couldn’t help being a little nervous. I hugged her shoulders and said, “It’s okay, just treat it as your own. Take the usual exam, but don't write the wrong name, now your name is 'Qiu Fei'." Zhou Zhou nodded. I watched Zhou Zhou walk into the examination room and sat on the chair with the note "Qiu Fei" on it.Zhou Zhou glanced back at the back door, I nodded to her, she smiled at me, showing her white teeth, I went back to the dormitory with confidence.

Zhang Chaofan and others are all going to take the CET-6 exam. Zhou Zhou should have taken the CET-6 exam today, but she took a huge risk to take the CET-4 exam for me. Thinking of this, I feel restless guilt.I went back to the entrance of the examination room and waited for the end of the exam. Zhou Zhou walked out of the examination room with a happy face and said, "I feel pretty good, and I'm sure I'll pass." On the day when the CET-4 results were issued, Yang Yang ran up to me frantically and said, "You are so awesome, you actually got an A in the exam, treat me!" A scholarship of 400 yuan awarded by the school.So, I used the 400 yuan to invite my friends to have a big meal.

34 At the end of the final exam, I failed only one homework and successfully completed the task of relegation. Two students in the department were expelled because of the "probation" again. They left school with smiles on their faces, not knowing that they had found their purpose in life Still confused, with a blank mind. I had a party with some classmates before the holiday. The main purpose was to vent the anxiety and uneasiness accumulated during the exam. When bottles of beer were poured into my stomach, I felt much more comfortable, and the uneasiness in my body was completely washed away by the beer. without a trace.

We all got drunk again that night, and I was so drunk that I vomited many times. There are also boys from the Department of Economics and Management (referred to as Economics and Management) living in the dormitory building with us, but we and them seem to live in two worlds.Whenever someone gets drunk and hangs around in the corridor, this person must be from the mechanical department.The boys in the Department of Economics and Management have no reason to get drunk. Their homework is very easy. They only need to read books and memorize questions to pass the exam.Therefore, we are very angry with them. If there is any dispute, we will use our hands to turn our anger into strength and use it on fists. Boys from the Mechanical Department are well-known in the whole school for being good at fighting. Even the principal said: "The students from the Mechanical Department Boys are not easy, let them fight!"

-35 The winter vacation is here, and I have to prepare for the make-up exam in addition to preparing for the New Year. I feel powerless to spend a large part of my life on exams and make-up exams. After the New Year, I will usher in my 23 years old. I feel that a long life is like peeing, every year is like urinating, and the color of the urine more or less reflects a person's mood during the year.Young people's attitude towards a year is like drinking a few bottles of beer and treating a piss. . I came to the above conclusion in the toilet. I often think about the philosophy of life in the toilet, because there is a lingering toilet complex hidden in my heart.

36 My toilet complex started with a love of literature.At first, every time I defecated, I always held a book of prose in my hand, which helped me to defecate smoothly.Every time I finish reading an essay, not only will my mind suddenly become enlightened, but a certain part of my body will also be unimpeded, and the waste in the body will be continuously excreted.Later, when I was able to write prose too, and prose no longer gave me the joy of pooping, I decided to adopt other styles. I have tried poetry and novels one after another. Poetry made my bowel movement difficult every time. I think this has something to do with its obscurity, but novels healed the pain of stagnant bowel movement caused by poetry, not novels It has the same lubricating and defecation effect as "Kaisailu", just because its length plays the role of water dripping through stone.In the beginning, a short story was enough for me to defecate twice. Later, any novel with less than 20,000 words couldn’t make me feel happy. In order to satisfy my physiological needs with just this once a day, I have switched to about 30,000 words. The middle part, as time goes by, I have practiced solid kung fu on my legs, and now I can finish reading "Huan Zhu Ge Ge" in one breath while defecating.

Once, when I was watching, I met Ma Jie, and he said hello to me: "Pull it!" Envious.When I read more than 100 pages as the plot unfolded, Ma Jie urinated again. Seeing that I was still squatting there intently holding the book, he said, "What did you eat? Why did you come again?" I raised my head and said displeasedly: "I didn't even leave!" Ma Jie pissed in doubt and shook his head.When Ma Jie came in for the third time, I still maintained the standard posture when defecating, with my upper body relaxed, my center of gravity sinking, and my legs separated and squatting on both sides of the urinal. More than 60 pages have not been read.Ma Jie opened his mouth in surprise: "You won't be continuing." I said: "Close your mouth first, don't let the flies fly in, if you pee every half an hour If you visit the toilet frequently, you will see me for the fourth or even fifth time." Ma Jie looked at me in admiration after urinating, then put the thing in his crotch, left the toilet, and said in surprise after going out : "Unbelievable, simply unbelievable!"

I don’t always read a book meticulously every time I have a bowel movement. I occasionally close the book and think for a while, sum up the artistic thoughts of the novel I just read, and recall its aesthetic structure. At this time, my eyes always stay in my eyes. Directly in front, that is, the location of the urinal, it is a place worth paying attention to. Because everyone has different interests and hobbies, their lifestyles, especially the forms of urination, are also different.First of all, depending on how much water is stored in the body, the pressure released by the bladder is different, which determines that some people can stand farther away (under the urinal) while others have to endure the pain of water splashing on the shoes from flushing the urinal , standing on top of the urinal (if he wants to leave urine in the bowl).The second is the action of taking out the thing, which is also suitable for each person. Some people wear sweatpants. He only needs to untie the rope around his waist and pull the pants down, and the thing will be exposed by himself; Some people wear jeans, so it is a little more complicated for him to pull the button of civilization first, then bend down and arch his buttocks back to take it out; there is a kind of person who is the most convenient, he does not need any action The bladder can release water by exerting force, because he is naked, and this situation often happens late at night or early in the morning.The next thing is the purpose of the previous series of preparations - to discharge the waste fluid in the body.There is no difference, everyone will free up one hand to clamp the thing at this time, and adjust it to a certain height, otherwise it will pour on their feet. Most people will choose to use their right hand to complete this work. The purpose is just to get used to it.Only once did I see a student put his hands on his hips while draining the water, looking male and angry, and I realized afterwards that he was a Tianjin native who had drunk too much.

The squatting position when pooing is the best position to observe a person peeing. I can see a jet of water shooting from between the person's legs. , the water column will show two completely different colors of white and yellow, this phenomenon proves his recent physical condition.At this time, I often start reverse thinking, go up against the bunch of smelly liquid, and imagine what the pissing person looks like. This needs to be considered comprehensively, and the person's height, fat, thin, and skin color are all decisions. An important factor in the specification of that thing.While releasing the liquid, some would hum the most kitsch pop songs in the glee of relieving the pressure in their belly; Take a sip from time to time; some people will look around, left and right.Once, a person who was peeing turned his head and saw that I was watching him, so he smiled at me, and I also smiled at him. From then on, whenever we meet on campus, we must nod each other, To show friendliness.

When the work is about to be completed, everyone should shake the thing, otherwise some unfinished liquid will be brought to the trousers, causing unhygienic. I don't understand why people don't urinate all at once, and waste time shaking.When the liquid containing various toxins and minerals is transferred from the body to the urinal, most people can't wait to leave here, and they will take the thing back as they go, so as not to be mistaken for being shameless, and some people He will rub his hands on his pants, and at this time, a small wet trace will be left on the pants, which was accidentally poured on his hands just now.

Sometimes, when I was concentrating on defecation, I would hear a "boom" sound from the next room, followed by the sound of big beads and small beads falling on a jade plate. A nasty smell.Although I feel that it is indecent to do such a thing in public, I will retaliate with all my strength to prove my existence and warn the neighbors not to be too presumptuous. It is better to be restrained, but I Every time I can’t do what I want, I can’t do it perfectly, the next door is still doing bad things with arrogance, watching others make troubles and misbehavior in front of me, but I can’t do anything, this is the great tragedy created by the function of the human body, people are more popular than popularity Dead man! After a person finishes his stool work, he will clean up the mess and wash them away with water. After they are washed away by water, there are also two different sounds, one is the sound of "boom", as if a huge stone is thrown into the water, The owners of this kind of sound are usually strong and burly, and they have good sports performance; the other is a crisp "boom", just like the diving of Chinese athletes. It is conceivable that the water splash is quite small and can create People who make this kind of voice are usually weak and pale, but have exceptionally good academic performance. I have no way of knowing where the poop is washed, anyway, they will be turned into chemical fertilizers and applied to the food we eat.People always lose face when they talk about eating, but they are very excited when discussing the advantages and disadvantages of mutton skewers and lamb tendons when they are shitting.In fact, if you treat this matter with a normal heart, the problem can be easily solved. Everyone can be like a classmate I witnessed with my own eyes, holding toilet paper in the left hand and fried dough sticks in the right, eating and wiping in the toilet. As far as the toilet in the dormitory building where I live is concerned, there are many unreasonable design aspects. First of all, there are only three toilets on each floor, and each toilet has only four squatting pits, that is to say, the maximum total amount of excretion can only be used by 12 students at the same time, and each floor has 51 dormitories. It can accommodate 6 students. For 306 students, these 12 squatting pits are simply too much for the 306 students. Therefore, such a scene often appears between 7:30 and 8:00 every morning: four students are squatting comfortably inside. , more than a dozen students holding toilet paper lined up outside the door of the toilet anxiously waiting for that moment to come.Every time a student gets up from the small private room in the pit, the students at the front of the line will frantically rush out of the private room, ready to enter at any time, and no longer worry about the strange smell at this time.There will also be students who are squatting in the pit and use their mobile phones to call a classmate in the same dormitory before they finish their work: "So-and-so, come here quickly, I'm almost done, don't forget to invite me to dinner at noon! Oh, yes , bring some paper, I was in a hurry when I came out just now, and I forgot.” The reason why so few pits were built, I think it may be due to this reason: the dormitory building was first built in 1960, when my country was in a famine, No one will expel the little things left in the stomach easily, and it will take at least five to seven days, so the design of too many pits is a waste. Who would have thought that the reform and opening up after 20 years would develop the economy of our country so much? Prosperous and prosperous, people's living standards have been significantly improved, especially in terms of food, people have adapted to the habit of defecating at least once a day. From this point of view, the original designers lacked foresight for the future. Secondly, the door of each private room is removed without exception, so that what you do inside is exposed to the broad daylight. Although there is nothing ugly to speak of, it is intended to belong to the category of privacy, so every time when you When I was in it, I always felt a sense of anxiety.It is said that the doors of these single rooms originally existed, and often some students with slightly better literary talent and good at drawing would transform their talent into some graphic and vivid physiological and hygienic illustrations on them when squatting in the pit. A deputy mayor who came to our school to inspect and unfortunately had a bad stomach accidentally had a panoramic view. He immediately ordered that all the gates be removed, so as not to give any opportunity for the unhealthy wind to take advantage of. Thirdly, the position of the wastebasket in the squatting cell is indeed unsightly. It is always placed in front of the squatting person. Although the squatting person will try his best not to look at it during this long process, he will still unintentionally see it. A few glances can greatly affect the happy mood of those who squatted that day.We can move it away and put it behind us, but because it is unhygienic, no one cares about it, so we have to keep out of sight and out of mind. My 22 years passed like this, it is gone forever, and it has become an eternal sorrow in my life.