Chapter 6 Section five

This restaurant does not have a bathroom. If you want to go to the toilet, you can only go to the teaching building or dormitory building if you talk about public morality. It will take at least seven or eight minutes. , but it's daytime, I don't think Qiao Qiao will be able to. The front door of the restaurant is next to the street and the station, and the school is just outside the back door. The restaurant becomes a shortcut to the inside and outside of the school. Many students don’t want to take a long way to go to the school gate, so they will pass through the restaurant. However, if all the teachers and students in the school go here , business is impossible, especially when some students pass by here, they will take away the dishes that have just been fried and have not had time to be served when people are not paying attention, so now they are not allowed to pass here, unless they come in through the front door and eat Exit through the back door.In order to avoid detours, students always have countermeasures, such as coming in through the back door, sitting down at the dining table, and after the waiter brings the menu, they will pick the items that are not on the menu, and speak slowly as if they have hundreds of thousands in their pockets , Let’s have a lobster sashimi, the waiter said sorry, no, only crayfish, after hearing what the waiter said, he shook his head helplessly, and continued to browse the menu, seeing that there were only a few common ways of common fish on the fish page, so he didn’t panic Hastily asked, is there any shark fin rice, and the waiter couldn’t tell if there were two bowls, so the game should be over, the student closed the menu angrily, criticizing: Why is there nothing! Then he stood up and went out the front door in a dignified manner.If the waiter pays attention, you will find that this student who ordered lobster and shark's fin actually stood at the bus stop sign on the side of the road and waited for the bus after he went out, and the air-conditioned bus was not available, and he was only waiting for a monthly pass.

Sitting diagonally opposite, Chen Xiaoli kept smiling at me. I asked her what she was laughing at, and she said nothing, then she continued to look at me with a mysterious smile and said, "How long have you known Qiao Qiao?" "Just now." I said honestly. "What are you talking about?" Chen Xiaoli asked. "It covers everything from astronomy to geography, national policies, and trivial matters of the people," I said. Chen Xiaoli said, "Qiao Qiao liked boys who played guitar in high school, but unfortunately there were no boys in her class. In the first week of college, she saw you perform at the orientation party, and then..." She said with a naughty smile, watching out the window.

I said: "At that time, two people in our band played guitar, why didn't that guitarist attract her?" I played the rhythm guitar in the band, and Zhong Feng was the lead guitar.Unexpectedly, the guitar can still be so effective. I remember that Zhong Feng once told me how he cheated his girlfriend with a guitar. I didn’t believe it at the time, but now it seems that he may not be lying.He said that the guitar can not only capture the hearts of girls, but also capture their breasts.One night, he carried a guitar and went to the school's grove to sing for the girl who was pursuing and became his girlfriend. After singing the first song, he felt her heartbeat. Excited; when the second song was sung, the girl leaned her head on his shoulder; after the third song was sung, he put down the guitar and started hugging and kissing the girl; He reached into the girl's arms, and held the two beanbag-like beauties in his palms, and the other party showed no resistance; after singing the fifth song, just as he was about to break through the girl's last line of defense, a flashlight shot When the light came, the patrolling security guard appeared in front of his eyes and asked them what they were doing. Zhong Feng was caught off guard, unprepared, and didn't know how to deal with it. Thanks to the girl's quick wit, she said: "Nothing, my body is itchy, let him scratch it for me, and then While the security guard was thinking about whether this answer was reasonable, he took Zhong Feng's hand and ran away.Women will always perform better than men at critical moments, so God will give women the burden of having children to complete.

Chen Xiaoli said: "But that person is not handsome playing the guitar, but you play and sing by yourself. I also went to see the performance that day." This is true, Zhong Feng is not tall, and the guitar hanging around his neck makes his stature even smaller. The reason why he chooses to use the guitar to please girls at night is because it is dark and girls can’t see him clearly. defect.Therefore, boys under 1.7 meters are best not to play the guitar. Even if they play well, the lack of height will greatly compromise the beautiful melody. After all, playing the guitar is also a physical art for people to see.Just like girls who are not slender must not wear bikinis. Although the original intention is to show off their figure, the result will make people focus more on the fat on the belly.

Chen Xiaoli added: "Later, I heard that you were the head of literature and art of the Mechanical Engineering Student Union, so Qiao Qiao crossed departments and joined the literature and art department of your department." I have always regarded the rich and powerful as dung, but after Chen Xiaoli said this, I remembered that I did have a short career as a cadre.When I first entered the junior year, because the previous group of student union cadres were promoted to the senior year, they had to leave the student union and pass on their positions to the next class of students because they were faced with things such as choosing a career and writing a graduation thesis.Due to Zhang Chaofan's outstanding academic performance in the past two years, he was elected as the Minister of Study of the Department's Student Union. He humbly declined a few days later and officially took up his post.In order to take the lead as an example, Zhang Chaofan began to study harder. Except for having no head overhanging the beam (because he kept a small head), piercing the bone, and chiseling the wall to borrow light, he tried all the moves that should be used to learn one by one.Zhang Chaofan is like the woman in the famous oil painting "Liberty Leading the People" who showed her breasts and breasts and held a red flag and turned her head to call everyone to charge. She ran at the front of the team holding a big banner of studying hard, and turned her head to me from time to time. And backward elements like Yang Yang shouted: "Comrades, study!" , Zhang Chaofan first recommended me and Yang Yang, saying that the position of Minister of Literature and Art belongs to both of us.

Niu Xiangjun approached Yang Yang and me, and had a heartfelt conversation, asking if we would like to be the minister of literature and art. While the students' literary and artistic work is in full swing, their grades have not plummeted. I hope Teacher Niu chooses someone else. But no matter how he argued, he still believed in us, so he reluctantly agreed.Later, Niu Xiangjun quietly told us that if you become a student cadre, your test results will be taken care of by the teacher. Yang Yang and I showed the spirit of a Communist Party member to the position of Minister of Literature and Art—despite one's own safety and go forward bravely.Just like that, when the list of ministers of the new departmental student union was announced, the names of Yang Yang and I were on the paper.

Not long after the new student union was established, various departments have carried out a variety of activities, which have received enthusiastic responses from freshmen and sophomores. However, the essence of these activities is not to please the people, but to generate income in an organized, planned and purposeful manner.For example: hold a chess game, all participating classes need to pay a registration fee of 20 yuan, except for a small part of the money used to go to the small commodity wholesale market to buy some inferior and cheap prizes, most of the rest is taken by the organizers , This move made me and Yang Yang, who used "you can fight and swear but you must be sincere" as your life principle, were very disappointed with the student union.But often walking by the river, there is no way that your shoes will not get wet.Yang Yang and I decided to take a trip to the river and thoroughly wet our shoes to see how deep the river is.So we wrote a report titled "Cultivating Literary and Artistic Talents for the Department". After approval by Niu Xiangjun, we held a guitar class. The teachers were me and Yang Yang. The fee was 50 yuan. A total of eight classes were arranged. We will It is only enough to teach eight times, and we have to learn it now for the ninth time.The freshmen who just entered the school are pure in heart, simple in thinking, and don't know what the actual situation is. Yang Yang and I fiddled with them a few times, and they were bluffed. There was still about 1,000 yuan left for the cost of teaching materials. After the course ended, Yang Yang and I shared the fruit of our labor equally.Unexpectedly, one day, Niu Xiangjun asked us to turn over the remaining tuition fees, saying that they would be used as public funds for the department, because Yang Yang and I forgot about him when we split the share, and other departments paid the rent in time, but this money has been taken away. We spent it, so we had to say that the tuition was stolen in the dormitory.At that time, several dormitories in our class did throw things frequently. After analysis, it was determined that it was done by our own people. Everyone basically knew who it was, but they didn't catch the handle. They just waited for him to show up, swarmed up and beat him up. .Niu Xiangjun didn't say anything, but in the future, on the grounds of streamlining the cadres of the student union, he merged the sports department and the literature and art department into the culture and sports department, erased the ministerial positions of Yang Yang and me, and ordered the former sports minister, a shot put specialist student with a body like a yak, to be the culture and sports department. minister.

Facts have proved that when you have a certain position and capital that can be squandered, it is difficult not to be corrupt. Even people like me who always use moral principles to guide their actions cannot avoid making mistakes.Knowing this weakness of mine, I vowed never to be an official in the future, lest I be exposed on programs such as "Focus Interview" and "Legal System in Progress" and become a negative teaching material for "anti-corruption and honesty" activities. Chen Xiaoli said: "That day, Qiao Qiao and I saw you recruiting newcomers at the entrance of the cafeteria. I had no interest and just wanted to eat in the cafeteria early, but Qiao Qiaofei dragged me to the registration point. She asked for a registration form. After filling it out, it was still stamped by you. At that time, you took out a red stamp from your trouser pocket, pressed it on the registration form, but it was not stamped, then pressed it hard again, and it was still not stamped, so you put the stamp to your mouth Exhale, press it again, but it still doesn't close, you say: Don't worry, classmate! Then you take a big breath, like testing your lung capacity, and then press on the seal, but you still can't close it, you say again : Wait a little longer! Then I went to the water room with the stamp, and came back with a wet stamp after a while, stamped a wet stamp on the registration form and said: "It's so fucking hard!"

I said: "Why don't I remember this, if the person who stamped it was really me, I wouldn't go to the water room with the stamp at all, just spit." Chen Xiaoli said: "After entering the student union, Qiao Qiao was about to talk to you, and suddenly found out that you already have a girlfriend." I said: "When, why don't I know, I think the only talent I have is that I never miss the girl's affection for me, although this talent has not yet played a role." Chen Xiaoli said: "It's a pity that you are not only not talented in this area, but also very slow. At that time when the Ministry of Literature and Art held an event, your band was preparing the stage in the backstage, and you were practicing on the side. Qiao Qiao was the backstage staff, watching You, I saw a long-haired man chatting and laughing with you, and even came up to hug you. That man was so ugly, Qiao Qiao felt sorry for you. Why did he find such a girlfriend? Later, he found out that he was a man, Qiao Qiao was relieved , I thought I still had a chance. When it was time to perform on stage, the pick you played on the piano fell off, and you couldn’t find it in several places. You didn’t have time to look for it again, so you used someone else’s pick. When you performed on stage , Qiao Qiao found the pick in the background, and wanted to give it to you when you came down, but when she was walking towards you, another girl suddenly came up to her, she helped you pack your things, and then you held hands and left. "

I said: "I have a little impression of this matter. A plectrum costs five yuan, the price of a chicken leg. Every time I lose a plectrum, I feel heartbroken and eat one less chicken leg. So after that performance, I feel very special. Hungry." Chen Xiaoli said: "Later, Qiao Qiao found out that the girl was Zhou Zhou. She was your girlfriend. She was in the same department as us. She was three years older than us. After hearing the news, Qiao Qiao felt restless and didn't eat much for a whole week. I couldn’t fall asleep even when I was sleeping, and lost more than ten catties at once. Many girls asked her to pass on her successful experience in losing weight. Later, Qiao Qiao thought about it. Since you already have a girlfriend, she won’t be loved by others. I blame myself for being born three years late, and for killing my affection for you in the bud. At the same time, I also look forward to the day when Zhou Zhou can break up with you, so that Qiao Qiao will have a chance, but the relationship between you and Zhou Zhou has always been very good. Seeing you together, she turned her head away and almost hit a tree several times while walking."

I asked, "Why do you know all these things?" Chen Xiaoli said: "Qiao Qiao and I have been classmates for almost seven years. We are best friends, so we got admitted to the same school and the same major in the university. We both told each other what happened. Later Qiao Qiao heard She said that you broke up with Zhou Zhou after graduation, and she felt that her chance had finally come. But after you left school, she inquired about you everywhere, but found nothing, thinking that she just passed you by——you have Got a girlfriend yet?" "Not yet." I said. Influenced by Qiao Qiao, I also decided to take the postgraduate entrance examination. It is not difficult to decide the postgraduate entrance examination, the key is what major to take.The postgraduate entrance examination is not like the university entrance examination, as long as there is a study, it is enough.Those who take the postgraduate entrance examination are in their early twenties, and the old ones are not confused. If they spend a few years in order to get a chance to study, they must be brainwashed. Now there is no very clear path in front of me, I can only block the path that is not suitable for me first, and the last path left is the one I should take.This is called the method of elimination, which is commonly used in exams. When the answer options cannot be determined, delete the most unreliable ones first.It was a last resort, which shows how passive I live. Life is a test paper from God, I hope I can get it right this time.The chairman of the Kuomintang, Lien Chan, said that only by walking the right path can there be a way out. I haven't learned much about those courses in the university, but through my ingenuity, I came up with various methods and passed them one by one. In addition to the long-established and well-known methods of copying small strips, picking the head to look at the eyes, and stuffing books under the buttocks, I also use high-tech means to innovate and improve the cheating methods with the advancement of science and technology. It has completely kept pace with the times. Technology is the primary productive force, which can accelerate the development of the national economy and create favorable conditions for cheating in exams.The development history of communication equipment, to some extent, reflects the development history of my cheating in exams. When I first went to college, mobile phones were not yet popular, so I was equipped with a pager, which was set to vibrate during the exam, so that students who had studied well could answer the questions quickly, and after handing in the paper, they went out and told me the answers to the multiple-choice questions through the pager.For this reason, everyone often saves money on food and expenses at the beginning of the semester to save money for buying BP machines.At that time, all the daily expenses came from the parents. If they told them that they needed a pager to facilitate cheating in the exam, parents with a little conscience would not give the money to their children, so they had to find a way out of the limited living expenses and tightened their pants. Belt, with the reduction of the waistline, in exchange for the improvement of the score. The exams of some courses are not only multiple-choice questions, but also have major questions, which require the process of solving the questions, and the Chinese display pager is also embarrassing. Therefore, in this case, the students who handed in the papers first will copy the answers on the paper and take them out of the examination room, and then Call again: "The answer has been placed behind the door of the second pit from left to right in the toilet on the third floor."If everyone does this, many people will raise their hands and say they need to go to the toilet, making the teacher think that the old problem of unsanitary hygiene in the school cafeteria is repeated.The school has been established for so many years, and students have bad stomachs every year. If there is no problem with the food in the cafeteria, it will definitely be listed on the front page of the school newspaper and cause a sensation, and it will be reproduced on the school’s official website. Relying on the food in the cafeteria to relieve the fire, so that you don’t have to eat three pornographic films, but the mobile red flag symbolizing cleanliness is still rolling between the windows of the cafeteria. After going to the designated place and getting the answer, in order to be vivid, it took time to go to the toilet before returning to the classroom.If you don't arrive in time, someone else will take the lead and occupy that pit to shit, it will be difficult.One time after Zhang Chaofan called me, I went to get the answer. Seeing that the door was closed, I yanked it. After all, think of me as a cleaner.Although I am extremely urgent, I can't say that I am getting the answers to the exam. In case the person squatting inside is an activist who is worried that he can't find bad people and bad things to fight against, I will send him to the door to seek death, or he is a backward element. Punishment on the body, I have always wanted to be a good person and a good deed, and now the opportunity has come, or he is a people's teacher, and he ran out in the middle of the class because he couldn't hold back, if I want to say that, it is like hitting the gun.So I had to wait patiently for him to finish, and then quietly took what I wanted, without anyone noticing. But this time the luck was too bad, the person inside happened to have no paper, he probably knew that no one would give him charcoal in a timely manner, so he had to make a decision to find a clean sheet from the wastebasket, but suddenly found There is a piece of paper stuck behind the door.I was heartbroken outside the toilet and heard a sentence inside: "Great, here is the paper." Then there was the sound of unfolding the paper, and he said "it seems to be the answer". Hearing this, I rushed out Passed by, but before I ran to the front, I heard the sound of flushing.The door opened at this moment, and the man came out.Fortunately, he is not used to it, so he threw the paper in the pit and washed it away, otherwise, I might be hungry, no matter what he rubbed, I must firmly pick it out of the wastebasket, and tuck it into my clothes like a treasure If the teacher finds out, he will stuff it into his mouth and eat it recklessly. Fortunately, the paper is not blocked in the pit, otherwise it is hard to say whether I will make a move The decision it fished out was nothing compared to the difficulty of failing an exam.If every subject has to pass such a test to pass, I would rather go through it a few more times. Thanks to the exams of subjects like politics and physical education, I can pass with my own strength.Later, I thought about the whereabouts of that piece of paper. I looked at my watch and the exam was over in half an hour. I didn't bother the school logistics teacher saying that my wallet fell into it and asked them to help salvage it. Instead, I hurried back to the dormitory to find a piece of paper. Chaofan, let him go back to my seat to take the exam for me. Anyway, the invigilator is not familiar with us, and he will not check the student ID card anymore.But Zhang Chaofan went to the playground to play. I sprinted 100 meters to the playground to find him. He thought I had handed in the test and passed the ball to me. I dribbled twice, passed two people, and scored a layup. I just told him about going back to take the exam, and at the cost of two chicken legs, I finally persuaded him to change into my clothes and go back to the classroom.After hearing him come back from the exam, the invigilator said to him: "This shit is long enough, where did it go?" With the development of science and technology, we have mobile phones before graduation, and the answers can be received through SMS, live broadcast, and group sending and group receiving.Zhang Chaofan has played the role of satellite many times, sending out signals, which are received by everyone like thousands of TV sets.If the answer to the big question is passed on, the person who can do it will hand in the paper and call the person inside.At that time, my hair was long, covering my ears and neck, and even the teacher couldn’t tell when I was wearing earphones. After I connected, I didn’t speak.I read it too fast once, and I was anxious and said: "Slow down!" It happened that the teacher was strolling onto the podium at this time and stumbled, which moved me by this sentence, with tears in his eyes, and rushed to me. Smile with infinite gratitude (the teacher is a young woman, not good-looking , usually a little inferior, not many people understand her).I lowered my head and wrote quickly, and I didn't have time to savor the other meanings in this smile. I forgot to respond to the teacher: "You're welcome." The cost of cheating in this way is that at the end of each semester, you have to ask your family for an extra 100 yuan for living expenses to recharge your mobile phone, but the cost is still worth it, because the registration fee for the make-up exam and the cost of taking the make-up class are far more than These, as an undergraduate, can still calculate the account. After several years of training in the university, we all have economic acumen, so many people manage accounts in the company after graduation even though they have not studied economic management. . Not only do you need to recharge your phone, but you also need to prepare a few more batteries. Once I ran out of battery for a lengthy programming question, thanks to the phone of the classmate next to me and a model of mine, I took advantage of him to charge the phone to the classmate on the other side. When I was looking at the test paper, I replaced his battery with my mobile phone, installed the dead battery on his mobile phone, and then put it back to its original place. He didn’t even notice it, and kept staring at the other side. It is estimated that I am copying a big question. In order to prevent cheating, the school put up posters at various dangerous intersections during the exam, advocating "seriously rectify the exam style and discipline, and completely eliminate the cheating in the exam." Whenever I see this slogan, I will have a psychological barrier when I cheat again. , unable to use all his strength, the score dropped accordingly.In order to have a clear conscience for cheating next time, we went all out. On a night when the moon was covered by dark clouds, Yang Yang and I erased the word "cheating" from every slogan in the whole school.The next day, all the students in the school praised it. After entering the 21st century, bugs appeared. It’s a pity that we have graduated. If we get one and put it in the teacher’s office, we can know what questions they have discussed in the meeting. We can walk into the examination room with confidence and full of answers, and save mobile phone fees. Enough for a big drink.I heard that earphones the size of soybeans have appeared recently, which can be placed in the ears, and the teacher can't see it at all. You can't dig out every student's ear before entering the examination room. Even if you find it, the student can explain: It's just a piece of earwax. But the success of the above cheating methods is all related to the carelessness of the invigilator. If the invigilator of the postgraduate entrance examination is also so careless, it is easy to handle, but if it is serious, it will be over. I called Zhang Chaofan again and asked him what it was like to take the postgraduate entrance examination. Zhang Chaofan answered the phone: "I figured it out, how many boxes do you plan to buy?" He thought I wanted to buy his products. "It's okay, I won't buy a box." I said. "Then why call me? It's okay to hang up. I'm busy." Zhang Chaofan's tone is like a boss who is busy every day. "Just to inquire, when you took the postgraduate entrance examination, a few teachers invigilated the examination, were they strict?" I said. "What are you doing, you want to cheat again, why don't you learn well, a dog can't change eating shit." Zhang Chaofan said. "Why are you hurting people with harsh words, I'm a dog and I can't change my food." I corrected. "Why do you put in so much effort? After eating our products, your mind will definitely shine and your wisdom will shine. You don't need to cheat at all, and you can score higher than cheating." Zhang Chaofan still doesn't forget to sell. "I don't want to be so high in the exam. People should suspect that I have taken doping drugs. If the urine test turns out, it would be embarrassing. I don't Johnson has thick skin. I said, "I haven't cheated for a long time, my hands are a little itchy, I want to go back to the old business, and see if I can fight back." " "The postgraduate entrance examination is not as easy as the university exam. Three teachers invigilate the exam, one in the front, one in the back, and one in the middle walking back and forth, unless you have the two hits in "The Matrix"." Zhang Chaofan said. I said, "Why don't you sign up too, and I'll pay the registration fee for you, and send me the answer after you finish the test." Zhang Chaofan said: "It's not as easy as you think. Now the examination room is equipped with communication tool monitors. If you turn on the BP machine on your mobile phone, it doesn't matter whether you cheated or not. If you find out, you will be disqualified from the examination. It's not worth the sentence to spend a few years in prison for the last school." When I heard it, my heart was completely cold.The mobile phone I use is a Nokia 6108, which has a dictionary function. When I bought it, it was to be useful in the English test one day, but it is useless now. It seems that what I can do is to study hard and make progress every day.