Chapter 32 Game 4 Crown of Thorns (6)

7 For two or three years, she wandered and lived for a long time in those poor countries with a strong religious atmosphere in Southeast Asia, mixing in small hotels and street lanes.Mainly the countries and regions around the foothills of the Himalayas, Kashmir, Nepal, Sikkim, Bhutan, Laos... Make a living for geographical magazines by writing columns, writing articles, and interviewing. She went to England to meet her mother.Mother is the first butterfly in her life, she has left her hometown and lived in a foreign country all year round.Been a dancer for a long time.Later married several rich men.After they met, they remained estranged.But she knew where the blind and unrestrained temperament in her blood came from.She doesn't want to spend any more of her money and doesn't want to live with her.

Her life is long-term travel, everywhere for home.Stay in a cheap hotel for a few months, and then move on to the next country, the next city.There is no sense of cognition of the land under your feet, but a more real feeling.As if you could die on the road at any time.Has been living in no fixed place.She still had letters. Shansheng, I was in Kathmandu, sitting by the door of a small restaurant, and saw the snow in the Himalayas.White enough to glow blue.I don't know if it's because of the connection to the sky.That kind of blue light cannot belong to the world at all... I have never regretted what I did.You were ashamed of me when you were young.Like the shame you hide from yourself.You can't forgive me, care and hate some of the things I've done.But how do you define a person's life out of a noble attribute, or laissez-faire, or which is closer to the truth of happiness? Life has its own path, whether it ends in humbleness or glory.This is where the control of power brings us boundaries.

Please forgive me.Forgive us.Maybe we'll all find relief after all. A sentence he read on the sidelines of a meeting of the company's top executives.His life at that time consisted of reports, meetings, business trips, first-class flights and suites in luxury hotels.If you have free time, you would rather lie on the sofa and watch sports channels until you fall asleep.No relationships, no vacations.Success brings with it the possibility of entering into a higher order of life, an inner satisfaction that belongs to the masculine realm.All this used to be his strongest spiritual support: the greatest social value.

I wake up every morning, take a shower, shave my beard, finish my facial maintenance, pick out my shirt, suit and tie, tidy everything up, and drive out with my briefcase.The office is in the most expensive office building in Shanghai.It may be the tallest building in Asia, soaring into the sky.When the elevator was going up, people's ears vibrated slightly.Tinnitus brings dizziness.There he worked more than twelve hours a day, sometimes flying four countries a week.In the southern hemisphere in the morning, it appears in the northern hemisphere the next morning.This is his life for ten years.

He tried to establish rules for fighting naked with the outside world, and used this as a benchmark to measure the gains and losses of life.Kicking off a serious competitor gives the feeling of victory the best reward for satisfying your inner blood need.Or the number signed on a check, after a specific single digit, quickly and skillfully draw more digits of zeros.Need more resource possession, more right to speak, more adrenaline excitement, confirming the enthusiasm of false prosperity. At this moment, he only felt infinitely desolate, and the fingers holding the letter paper felt slightly cold.The essential difference between them is the inner way that has been clearly revealed when the teenagers met.She is always on the move, wallowing and isolating.And his passion for this world has never entered, although he has always seemed to be more earnest and sincere than her.He participates in the construction and transformation of this society and has active ambitions for worldly success and performance.But he is a wanderer in this world.His inner world is not here.

He did what he could, what he could do.A socialized masculinity identity.Like a lone hero in a computer game, reach the mission goal in the instruction.This is his contribution to the world in which he lives.It is persuasion to the heart.I watched indifferently as I ran around, murdering the enthusiasm and sensibility of life. Maybe it's just a copy program of fate.Maybe one day he will suddenly wake up and see that everything he has done is nothing more than the behavior in a virtual video game: get the robbed weapons and hidden weapons, fight alone, thinking that he is the hero who saves the world.I didn't know who I was until the game was over and game over was displayed on the screen.

But this is his time.It was swallowed by gulps without leaving any echo.From a young man to middle age, he watched his body and spirit begin to grow old and tired.The ten years of his strongest and most vigorous life were delivered to the glory and prosperity of the world, and were enshrined on the altar of ambition. She wrote him a letter in a small hotel in a foreign land.Word by line, always clumsy and naive, like a child who has just started to learn to write, without rules, writing as if drawing a picture.Same as the name she wrote on the blackboard.Sometimes it's a pencil.Sometimes it's a ballpoint pen.Use whatever cheap, ubiquitous pen and paper she can find.Or a disassembled empty cigarette case.She smoked a Japanese soft pack of light cigarettes with tiny black English letters on them.She smoked it when her financial situation improved slightly.The cigarette case is designed with white and light brown lines, which is soft and tough to the touch.