Chapter 26 Scene 3 Crimson Road (8)

Once when she chased to the stairs, she couldn't control her balance, so she fell straight down the stairs and landed on the wooden floor at the bottom of the stairs.The stumped arm was limply drooping without any damage, in stark contrast to her right hand which was supporting vigorously and her right arm which was scratched and bleeding.I looked at her arm and felt scared.Stepped over her body, opened the door, and ran out quickly.Swinging your arms vigorously, you can feel how firm and powerful you are running.Like a bird, it's about to fly. Later, she said, I knew that I had to accept the parts of my life that were destined to be incomplete and unfulfilling.Accept what is taboo and cannot see the light of day.

He said, when I was twelve years old, I ran into a civet cat that was discarded in the alley when I came home from school.It is small, with tabby green eyes.After seeing me, he kept calling softly and followed behind.So I decided to take it home.Hide in the room.Feed it porridge and fish.I squatted by and watched it eat and sleep, let its rustling tongue lick my palm, felt slightly itchy and tender, and even forgot about my homework.Holding it to sleep at night, this warm body wriggled and made a snoring sound.Such an obsessive and ghostly feeling is a gentle joy that I have never felt before.The world that has always been closed to itself has exposed its flaws.

Three days later, I overslept in the afternoon, rushed to school, and forgot to stuff the cardboard box with the kitten under the bed.The door was not closed.Suddenly alert on the road, there is no time to look back.I passed a class restlessly, and rushed home as soon as the bell rang.On the road, running so fast, my heart hurts so much that it will jump out of my throat.When I opened the door, I saw my mother sitting at the desk preparing lessons, raised her head and asked calmly, what are you doing when you come back sweating profusely? I saw that the door of the room was closed, and I knew that the kitten must have been sent away by the mother.Heartbroken.stood there crying.

My mother didn't like me crying, so she stood up abruptly, threw the book in her hand into the corner of the wall, hit the cabinet and made a loud noise, and scolded me loudly, Shansheng, you've let me down.Forget about it.You go back to class for me.I turned and walked out the door.It was a summer afternoon, the sun was scorching hot, and I was crying as I walked back to school, tears streaming down my cheeks, I couldn’t lift my eyes, I just felt so ashamed and so weak... I never raised any small animals after that.Decide that you don't like them anymore.No longer feel any affection for them.

In this world, there are some unreachable places.People who cannot be approached.Something that can't be done.Feelings that cannot be possessed.Defects that cannot be repaired. She was already breathing evenly on the bed because of her exhaustion, and fell asleep in the dark.Sleep soundly as always.It's baby-like sleep.Fast, deep and sweet.Because of the great physical exertion caused by the long journey during the day, she gave up the habit of reading before going to bed.She doesn't want to bother with things she can't control.She has a more calm state of mind than him.He was vaguely worried about tomorrow's journey, but his mind was still clear, and he only felt the soreness and fatigue of his leg muscles.It takes time to get used to.Perhaps endurance will be slowly revealed in the long journey ahead.

The roar of the rumbling waterfall on the high mountain was endless, and the momentum was astonishing, and the bed seemed to be trembling slightly.It was raining heavily in the dark night.The chances of tomorrow being clear are close to zero.Sure enough, the rainy season is not over.And the endless rain will only add more unpredictable dangers to their journey.But everything can only go with the flow. This place already belongs to the boundary that is isolated from the world.nothing left.High-rise buildings, cars, pedestrians, coffee shops, department stores, gourmet clothes, newspapers, radio stations, dramas, news...all the additional products of life disappear without a trace.All that remains is a place to live, food, a fire, and the only traveling companion by my side.They saw no other outsiders in the canyon, except the local porters.There is only a simple goal to support it: to move forward.Keep going forward.

9 When she was drunk, she would only have two reactions, smiling all the time, as if she was very happy, or just crying.That was a real heavy cry.The eyes and cheeks were all red and swollen.It was as if her life's unwillingness to be willing could be vented.He didn't like her reaction then.I never thought she was a beautiful woman.Why can't people control their lives, Nei He.His questioning of her seemed to carry doubts and shame about himself. On the only night she stayed in Beijing, they drank, argued, and kept silent with each other, sometimes fiercely competing for words.She was very drunk.Back at the hotel, he wrung out the hot towel, washed her lids and palms, took off her clothes and shoes, and wrapped her body in a quilt.She woke up a little bit and looked up at him with tears in her eyes.Hot tears trickled down the corners of her eyes and temples into her hair, but there was no sadness on her face, and she still had a smile on her face.

She said, Shansheng, where are you going? I want to go back to the dormitory.Come see you off tomorrow morning. stay.Let's keep talking.Just like before.There is no division between us. He took off his clothes and huddled with her on the single bed in the guest house.The thin mattress supported the weight of two people, making creaking noises.The scattered shadows of snowflakes falling outside the glass window.Snowing.The dry snowflakes made a sound of brushing. This was the first heavy snow in Beijing that winter.They each slept on their sides, back to back.Her long braids pressed against his lids.Familiar hair fragrance.

He said, forgive me, Neihe.I have a bad attitude towards you. She spoke softly, and spent a sleepless night on the train sleeper on the way here.I worry that when I see you, I won't be able to tell you what I want to say.But when I saw it, it seemed that I hadn't seen him for three or five days.I have always dreamed of this day when I can drink with you, talk and laugh, put all the burdens in my heart aside temporarily, and get a moment of rest. Sorry Neihe. We've always had our own positions, it's just more clearly now.You refute and stop me according to your own will, there is no right or wrong.During that year in Qinggang, I wrote poetry every day and washed my hair over and over again.Wash your hair nice and thin.A lot of hair falls out when I brush my hair in the morning.I wanted to save my brain, so I wrote a lot of poetry.During the day, patients will be taken to remove cotton gauze gloves. This kind of labor increases the hospital's efficiency and is also used to calm the restless schizophrenic patients.I often take off my gloves and write those poems in my mind, waiting for the night to record them... Shansheng.We are together, so good to each other.But I live alone in my own darkness.So are you.fall into it.Can't get close.

The silver bracelets on her wrists jingled as she turned.With her back to him, she began to fall asleep peacefully, and soon took deep breaths. He was never part of her world.His world is regular, quantified and flawless.Obey the progressive order of time, blindfold your eyes and move forward.He is not like her.She stumbled, and would rather see what happened and ask clearly.Never knowing the boundaries of estrangement, she plunged into it, with a doomed blind passion, to get close to this heat and light, to supplement the lack of a certain element in her body... Regardless of the broken bones.Her principle of acting has always been self-centered, doing what she likes, paying all the price for it, and having the courage to be willing.What he has more than her is his self-preservation.In and out between things freely, never contaminated with any dust of sorrow and joy.

They are destined to go their separate ways and go to their own lives. At the Beijing Railway Station in the early morning, he said goodbye to her.He was wearing a black down jacket, and he didn't want to have any relationship with the world around him.And this sloppy smoking woman stood behind the car window, wiped away the white mist on the glass window with her fingers, and waved vigorously at him, with a smile on her face as always. He was fascinated by her flimsy yet resolute vagabond air.He was not prepared to follow her, nor did he despise her.He lives in his own inner daze and doesn't want to be reminded.At that moment, I just felt speechless, turned and left the station.