Chapter 24 Scene 3 Crimson Road (6)

Department stores are full of luxury goods, and young white-collar workers in subway cars are talking about their houses, children, wages, and family affairs... immersed in the virtual wishes of the middle class, dull and self-aware, without self-knowledge.People around me have the same lifestyle, buy clothes of European brands every year, pursue luxury goods, food must not contain pesticides, chemical fertilizers or any genetic transformation ingredients, and fill their spiritual life with entertainment stars, TV soap operas, commercial blockbusters, and comic books...Material excellence, Mentally pale and barren.Work hard, use your salary to get a loan, buy a big house to live in, and buy a good car to drive.Believe in the values ​​of form and vanity, the vicious circle of exhaustion is endless.They don't seem to have a heart.Don't think about anything else.There is always isolation between people, and feelings are full of fortifications.Cities lack people and things that are out of the ordinary.Sometimes people can not breathe.

She drank a small bottle of white wine.The cheapest Red Star Erguotou in the restaurant.Small beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, and his eyelids were slightly red.Kick off your sneakers and put your feet on the stool.Holding your knees, the whole person squats on it.This is the posture she often used when they chatted when they were teenagers.Maybe it was because I felt relaxed, and the feeling of my childhood sweetheart slowly came back.She fumbled for a cigarette again, pulled out one and lit it.She talked furiously.Smoking is fierce. She said, I'm in love again.Still a married man, fifteen years older than me, who is my boss.This has always been their favorite game. Middle-aged men with good looks, successful careers, elegance and fun generally marry early and have children early.Occasionally, I meet butterflies in the field, and I am willing to enjoy them for a lingering stay. After being tired, I return home... I always fall again where I fell.

Because you fantasize about finding an emotional role to replace the father who never showed up.But that's impossible.inland river.There are some broken relationships, only the original incomplete outline can be maintained.What kind of posture is poached, and what kind of posture is always required.No recovery and no attempt to fill. This man will give you nothing.When he leaves, you will only be left sad and collapsed.You must stop.If all this ends up being abandonment and hurt, then refuse to begin.People should have self-control over their desires and flaws.It’s not about eating when you’re hungry, or lying down when you’re tired, all of which require willpower to overcome.

You shouldn't use your need for affection as a way to fill a void in your heart.That void is your black hole, absorbing all incoming light.You have no chance of succeeding, Nei He.Your body has chemical elements similar to moths to a flame, needing light and heat.Just act on instinct.You can only pay the price again. She said, everyone is ashamed of me, they all feel that I deserve it, and they have to blame themselves.After you left, I was left unattended in the hospital. Uncles and aunts came to deliver clothes, but they only went to the nurse's office and did not see me.Did I commit a crime? Did I make them feel humiliated? So many people judged me as if they were the rightful moral court.I know you resent me for doing certain things, but to me they are the rivers I must cross to get to the other side.How can people not cross the river because they are afraid of getting wet.

Men are not the stones you step on across the river.You also hurt others.When I went home during Chinese New Year last year, my classmate told me that he had been fired.He is divorced, two children with his wife.He committed suicide by turning on gas at home, but was found by neighbors and sent to the hospital for rescue.You finally brought him to a dead end.You are not as innocent as you think you are.You always have a reason to convince yourself.Because in fact, all you need to convince is yourself.You don't care if other people are sad or embarrassed. After saying these words, he found that his hands were shaking.He came to the teacher's dormitory alone that year, wanting to beat up that man with all his strength, no matter what the outcome would be, life or death.This long-awaited thing must be done.The way she was trampled on the rain-stained ground with blood on her face was his own shame.This is his hatred, which needs to be cleaned and ended by himself.But the doors and windows of the man's house were closed, and there was no human habitation.Time to give final judgment.And in her heart, this trauma cannot be relieved.Her longing and disappointment in feelings that are close to paranoia are still burning like a flame, burning herself, and trying to ignite others all the time.

He stops her.But she doesn't want to stop, she talks a lot.She continued drinking and continued talking.Already completely drunk, he knocked over the empty wine bottles and glasses on the table with his hands, crashing into one piece.The whole person almost fell on the table. He made me stay in a mental hospital for more than a year. I felt ashamed and had to leave my hometown.To deal with my method, abandon it like a bag.It's just his desire and loneliness, looking for me in the name of love.I hate him.Hate it all.Insomnia in the middle of the night, thinking of the past, vividly, still trembling with hatred.I try to love.But love is feeble and always the first victim we give up.In the end, what it gave me was a crown of thorns, making me understand that my feelings for people are not my kingdom but my shame...

Shut up.inland river.You shut up for me.In the astonished sight of the crowd around him, he stood up violently and interrupted her loudly and violently again. He said that because of his own despair, he used you as a tool against nothingness.So are you.You are incapable of understanding each other.Needing each other doesn't solve our own problems, we end up throwing things away.Unable to bear the ending, always living in this shadow.You are all the same people.You are not in love with each other, you are only in love with yourself. 7 The destination of this day, Lager, is a few sheds built next to the mud mountain road after walking out of the forest under the mountain.The room was a simple wooden shed made of rough wooden slats, with two bare and narrow bed boards, and a dirty and damp quilt was thrown on top of it.The roof was wrapped in plastic sheeting.A couple from Sichuan run this humble hotel for the porters who passed by.It was more than three o'clock in the afternoon.They had been walking for six hours in torrential rain.

Changed into clean clothes.Light the firewood in the woodshed and start a fire.All wet rubber shoes, coats, shirts, and rucksacks should be dried.Otherwise, when you go on the road tomorrow, your luggage will double in weight.Her wet black hair was loose and hung down on her chest. She was wearing a big white cotton shirt, and she leaned over to poke the fire.Unknowingly exposing bare skin.No corset.The well-shaped breasts presented a frank and innocent nature, as if they were not part of her own body that was ignored and filtered by herself.But just her silence.