Chapter 12 Second Dark Echo (4)

Those were the late 1980s.Simple youth.They are children born in the mid-seventies.The ups and downs of life are scattered, as if the shadowy scenery is flashing around.But everything seems to have nothing to do with them.They live within themselves.A pure white little world. Before I knew it, it was past ten o'clock in the evening.He must go home.She procrastinated and refused to leave, saying, Shansheng, I will go to your house to stay for a while.She climbed the wall of the small garden and entered as usual.He locked her in the room and went to the living room to greet his mother.After taking a shower in the bathroom, he returned to the room and found that she had crawled onto his bed and had fallen asleep.She talked a lot that day, and she was in a state of excitement, so she got tired quickly.The two lay together, still childhood sweethearts, back to back as usual, and began to fall asleep.

Her braid was too long and dragged on his pillow.He held down the corner of her braid and smelled her wet hair all night.The smell of sweat in the hair.Fragrant childish taste, like a little cub breath.Her hair is thick.Waking up in the middle of the night, the breath of the hair became light and disappeared in a flash.He was drenched in sweat and his T-shirt was wet.The room was dark and hot, only the sound of electric fan blades shaking. She was sitting quietly by the bed, combing her long hair with a comb and braiding it strand by strand.The silver bracelet on the wrist touched the table and jingled.The small voice made him feel dazed, thinking that he was still in a dream.The sky was faintly blue, but it was still dark, and the roses on the wall were in full bloom.It's the way it used to be before leaving.He tried to open his sleepy eyes, stood up and asked her, are you leaving? She turned her back to him, answered irrelevantly, and whispered, I don't like myself very much.

He had a vague feeling that she often didn't want to go back to her uncle's house, but would rather stay outside.The British mother kept sending money over, and the uncle was a well-known businessman.She was much richer than he, and she often offered to pay the bill generously when she went out, although he insisted on sharing.Her economy is rich, her life is stable, and she has no psychological pressure like him.That was the first time she showed her inner hesitation to him.Maybe it was because she was never raised by her biological parents and lived under the fence for a long time made her feel inferior.And this kind of inferiority complex builds the spiritual level of her secret shame in her teenage stage.

She said, Shan Sheng, my uncle has always been gentle and generous to me, but it cannot replace my expectations for a man.A man who could throw himself on his back, ride on his neck, treat him like a baby, and ask him for food, toys, and affection.I have always wanted this person: No matter what I do, he will still love me and will not leave me.Sometimes I deliberately provoke others, alienate others, and lose my temper.Cry for no reason.I am a child who is not easy to please. I like to put on a bad posture to embarrass others, so as to verify my yearning for feelings. She said, I need affection.good life.Lots and lots of feelings.I have excessive greed and jealousy for feelings.I fantasize about meeting my biological parents one day, being able to get along with my uncles, aunts and cousins, liking and having a close relationship with many people around me...but I know it's hard.I saw the big black hole in my heart, and I always wanted to fill it with force, but because I was sensitive and shy, I didn't want them to watch and touch this hole.I'm not close enough to other people.Repeatedly ask others to prove it, but never get satisfied.I really don't like myself like this.

He listened to her soft words in the dark and didn't know how to respond to her for a moment.She said that when I grow up, maybe I won't feel that this is a kind of powerlessness.Have you ever thought about what kind of life you will have in the future? Except for being admitted to a key university as your mother wished.What about later? What about later? He said, I don't know.Maybe these are enough for me to think about nothing for the time being. She said that all you set yourself is a goal, and you want to make it the only thing you want to pursue because it makes you feel safe.Rationality enables you to match your needs with what you give.We are similar people, like an empty bottle full of burning desires, you fill it with more will than emotion, maybe you believe that will is more powerful than emotion.You are so good, Shansheng.But your whole being is a huge wound.You don't love yourself.

6 They did not make careful plans for the upcoming journey.He brought a Tibet self-help travel book, in which there were 20 pages explaining Medog, but the content was empty and vague, and there was not much information that could actually be followed.She found a book written by travelers in a small bookstore and copied one of the maps.It is the road map of Medog.She drew the hiking route with thick red lines and the Yarlung Zangbo River with thin green lines, and then used her fingers to lightly brush over the place names. Lhasa, Bayi Town, Pai Township, Duoxiongla, Lage, Khanmi, Beibeng, Yarang, Medog, 108K, 80K, Bomi.Back to Lhasa from Bomi.It takes more than 200 kilometers to walk.About thirty-five to forty kilometers on average every day.She said, look, there is a certain distance that will follow this big river like a shadow.The Yarlung Zangbo Gorge is the junction zone between the Eurasian plate and the Indian plate.Every day we will start at 7:00 in the morning, walk until noon, and rest in the woods and by the river.Hit the road in the afternoon until about six o'clock in the evening.Food and lodging are only available upon arrival at the destination.

On the eve of departure, necessary items such as sleeping bags, raincoats, and sweat-wicking underwear were purchased.On both sides of Beijing East Road, there are a large number of cheap travel goods shops.In order to reduce luggage, some equipment must be removed, such as moisture-proof pads, compasses, ropes, knives, and some medicines.The necessary items are: flashlight, batteries, sleeping bag, cigarettes, leggings, chocolate, liquor, as well as band-aids and anti-inflammatory drugs.Her idea of ​​gear is to save as much as you can.Although there will be many unpredictable situations on the road, you can adapt to changes.In the end she bought fifty mechanical pencils at a stationery store, bound them with rubber bands and stuffed them into her bag.This is for the kids in the canyon.she says.The only regret is that the books are too heavy to bring books to those children who have little chance to go out of the mountains.

Army rubber shoes are the most suitable shoes for walking in Medog. They are not afraid of mud and rain, and can be dried with charcoal fire at any time. If a pair is worn out, you can replace it with a new one.Six dollars a pair.Each bought three pairs and stuffed them into travel bags.He said, when I was in Beijing, some friends wore imported sports shoes worth more than 2,000 yuan, and they only used them to climb the Great Wall on weekends. She said that comfortable and wealthy travel lovers need a good mental state of self-suggestion.They ganged up, had a lot of fun, left behind a pile of empty soda cans and plastic bags of garbage, and returned home satisfied.They have no need of nature and find nothing in it.In fact, the most basic equipment for crossing the Grand Canyon is just three pairs of rubber shoes.This is the essence of travel: you will, then stand up and set foot.that is it.