Chapter 6 The first dream garden (5)

After 5 enemas the night before surgery, all feces and urine were excreted.Did not drink water or eat any food.Now her body is as clean as a newborn baby.The only step in the process that felt unbearable was inserting a catheter into the urethra.It was as if a hot steel wire had been inserted into the body.Soon, light yellow urine flowed out from the transparent tube exposed outside the trousers, completely out of the voluntary control of the cranial nerves.When a person's urine is exposed to the public eye, he no longer needs to preserve any false dignity.she says.This is a very real moment.

Looking up, I saw the long white ceiling lamp on the ceiling of the channel, passing by quickly, and the white light made a sound.Where does this road lead to.A body is to be opened, put into instruments, manipulated by hands and knives.It is not as precious and important as one thinks.Give up security and fortify yourself.No more gourmet food, massage grooming, and fragrant and expensive skin care products... Its self-importance is destroyed, and the real sense of the fragility of the flesh is restored.Her heart calmed down bit by bit, like a lonely field after heavy snowfall.All illusions and hallucinations recede and disappear.

Yes.At this moment, I found that everything I was attached to was unimportant. The anesthesiologist stood behind her, bowed his head and softly called her name, Qingzhao.Qing Zhao.Can you hear me?The girl in white took off the mask on one side, her voice soft.The girl has a young face, with small and clean eyebrows and eyes.It had been a long time since anyone had called her so tenderly and clearly.The young anesthetist is nothing more than a stranger. She lay on her back on the narrow operating table, turned her gaze back, and saw dense instruments all around her, and above her face, the shadowless lamp emitted a bright luster.Hands and feet have been securely secured with harnesses.Consciousness is still awake at the moment.Just feel the numbness starting from the top of the head and going down slowly.It seems to be floating down the river without wind and waves.

There is a sharp pain on the wrist where the anesthesia needle was inserted.The needle may not be inserted properly, but the sound has been lost.This is the second time she has been given general anesthesia.She is obsessed with this feeling.Obsessed with anesthesia.It is about to be able to shed its shell and fly away from this body.The familiar tipping point is approaching.Blindfolded and standing on a cliff, take a step, and there is a dark and boundless abyss under your feet.A defined boundary between one world and another.At this moment, her heart is still not completely cleared, and it is not empty.

Is it true that even when most people leave this world, they still have all kinds of hesitation and confusion in their hearts?Before she had time to finish thinking about this question, she had already plunged into this abyss. ... She said, before I came to Lhasa, I thought about how I would die.To die in a well-trafficked public hotel, or to die in an empty room.If people around you find a dead body in the hotel, they will be dealt with and informed.Even if they are just strangers.Strangers only have a sense of fear for half-dead people, because they are afraid of taking responsibility and being unable to take care of half of their lives by themselves, which brings danger to others.What is dead is just a matter of cleaning up the garbage.But to die unnoticed in a small high-rise apartment in the city, there are only pets or maggots to eat carrion.

Everyone should write a suicide note in advance, because people will die at any time.My father, after drinking the porridge in the morning, when he stood up from his seat, a blood vessel in his brain ruptured, blood flooded his head, and he was instantly unable to speak or move.In the clothes he was wearing, there was a notepad, which listed all the work he would do this day and the next day, densely packed things, including his goals, plans, dissatisfaction and self-blame.All these struggles and attempts were all in vain.He had a cerebral blood cleansing operation, and died three days later in a coma.Chances are more readily available in death than in life.I've always wondered how he felt before he died...

But many people blindfolded, thinking they would live long, unscathed, or even immortal, he said.They believe they always have time on their hands.It is okay to be reckless and do things that are wasted and regretted.Always thought to be able to get another chance. She said, when I went to Namtso, I brought a copy of "Dedu of the Bardo" that I bought at a small bookstore in Lhasa.You are leaving this world, but you are not the only one.There is life and there is death, and everyone is like this.Don't be attached to this life, even if you can't hold on, you won't be able to stay in the world for a long time, and you will have nothing to gain except to circulate endlessly in this samsara.Don't get attached.Don't be cowardly... I read this book at a small hotel on the plateau peninsula at an altitude of 4718 meters.In the middle of the night, I heard the screams of dogs barking one after another.The hailstones hit the roof of the tent, making a loud noise.Dry mouth, difficulty breathing, difficulty falling asleep.Opening the door early in the morning, I saw the Nyainqentanglha Mountains beside the lake covered with snow under the sunshine.

If our light in this world is gone, will we go to another place.