Chapter 55 Appendix: Notes on "The Narcissus Has Rided the Carp"

This long story has been written since spring.From spring to fall, I haven't been able to find a satisfactory name for it.Every few days, I'll give it a new name.Immediately afterwards, I felt that the new name was not satisfactory, so I changed it again.until September— September 18: I read the Taiwanese magazine "Yin Ke" and saw a sentence quoted by Hu Lancheng: "The narcissus has gone on a carp, and the lotus has turned red overnight." I felt a pang of sadness in my heart. September 27th: Thinking of those two poems again, I found a lot of related content to read with great interest.These two lines of poems first came from Li Shangyin's poem "Farewell to Banqiao": Narcissus wants to go to the carp, and the hibiscus tears a lot overnight.

September 30: Decided to use as title.Suddenly there is a feeling of enlightenment, as if this name is also looking for me.We finally meet.It's so close to me it's like a mole or a palm line. October 1st: I searched the information today and found that the place where the carp jumped over and turned into a dragon in ancient legends is actually called "Yuecheng".It was as if it was waiting for me here somewhere. October 3: I always remember the Greek myth I heard before: the beautiful boy Narcissus didn’t like any woman, but he was infatuated with his own shadow in the water, and finally couldn’t bear the suffering, so he jumped into the lake, and he was with the shadow ever since .Later, a lonely daffodil bloomed by the lake.Therefore, Narcissus represents the narcissistic person, and its madness is a disease.But such a story, I don't think Narcissus is stupid, I just think it is beautiful.I think, when the young man looked at his shadow, he should be very focused, as if there is nothing in this world except him and his shadow.

October 4: The name of the novel I decided on was only mentioned to three or two people.I tried to explain to them what "narcissus" and "carp" meant to me.But these are in vain, they build a disembodied city in my mind.Wonderlands, thriving circuses, ink rainbows and sapphire granite... October 7: I always like flowers with smooth stems and uniform colors without too many side branches, such as calla lilies, such as daffodils.When I was a child, I lived in northern China, when the climate was colder than it is now.Before the Chinese New Year, there will always be narcissus brought in from the south at home, and there is heating in the house, so the narcissus will bloom soon.When I first came here, the narcissus was just a few ugly tubers with weird shapes, which looked like big potatoes, so ordinary.When I was in the fourth grade, I learned that the roots of daffodils are extremely poisonous. Some people actually mistaken them for potatoes and ate them, which killed them.M, a girl in the same class, told me these, and she also said that if her dad beats her mom again, she will definitely cook this in dad's dinner.She changed schools later, I don't know if she did this, but if I stared at the roots of the narcissus for a long time, I would be startled—M's vicious words seemed to ring out again.

October 11: When I was writing this novel today, I suddenly thought of my female companion E. E had committed suicide, she suddenly told me one winter day. E had a very refined girlhood, when she was an unstoppable girl punk.Later she decided to settle with her ridiculous past and free herself.E, who loves daffodils, cuts the artery with the knife her dad used to trim daffodil roots.After being rescued, she no longer had the slightest female punk traits, and she no longer liked daffodils, and even—I remember that she was dizzy, so I doubted that what she said was true.Being a female punk may have been her dream from beginning to end.But I seem to have picked up her abandoned hobby and started liking and playing with daffodils.Later in my novel I wrote about a girl who took pleasure in chopping daffodil roots.Her name is Xiaoran.

October 12: According to the old Chinese flower calendar, November corresponds to Narcissus.Narcissus is Luoshen. October 15th: I once again thought of our future described by the boy I liked when I was a teenager.He said, we went to live a damp life in a place with aquatic plants and goldfish.The realm of narcissus and carp seems to be more gorgeous than the promised fairyland. October 19: In my novel, I wrote about releasing carp in Lijiang in summer.This scene is very soft and peaceful.I've written this paragraph so many times, it's like going back so many times. October 23: The novel is drawing to a close.The narcissistic and selfish side of Narcissus is actually only a very faint shadow in this novel.And I always hope that Jing can stand alone, independent of anyone, and indulge in this solitary world like a narcissus looking at its shadow with nostalgia.Maybe this is too harsh for Jing.But I want her to be a role model for many girls, and for me.Well, it has to be.

October 24th: The single-petalled narcissus is called "Calendula Yintai", and the double-petaled one is called "Yu Linglong". October 29: Saw a recently published book about the poetess Plath online.The love-hate relationship between Plath and her equally famous husband, the poet Ted Hughes, is even more stunning than their poetry.I knew a thing or two about their love tragedy before: Plath and Hughes love each other like that, but they are people who cannot live together after all.Desperate because of Hughes' empathy, Plath took his own life.Hughes lived the rest of his life in the world's spurning and deep guilt.But in the past few days, when I was searching for other materials, I read Hughes' poetry collection "Birthday" written after Plath's death again, and saw some words of Plath.She is such an aggressive woman who never gives happiness and hope.She was hysterical, she was crazy and depressed, and she was involved in a storm that would never be restored... I was surprised to find that Plath's story coincided with Cong Wei in my hallucination.Before that, I was still hesitating whether Cong Wei's belonging should be arranged in this way at the end-whether it was too tragic... However, Plath's tragedy is like the fruit buried here early.They are all too fierce women, there is no other way, but a kind of mournful and beautiful destruction.

October 30: A passage from Hughes' poem mourning his late wife Plath: You sit among the narcissus bushes, With an air of innocence, Like your inscription next to the photo: "Innocent". soft sunshine on face Like a blooming narcissus.like those daffodils Any one, it's totally Your only April among the daffodils. your newborn baby in your arms like a teddy bear for a few weeks into his innocence.In your divine picture: mother and baby.beside you It is the daughter who looks up to you and smiles, There are only two people.like a daffodil, You bowed your face to her and said something,

Your voice disappears into the camera. November 1: My friend Ma Liang made a special trip to a place in Jiangnan not far from Shanghai.He took pictures of the narcissus for me. November 29: The novel has been revised repeatedly, because I always feel that there is still more to say.The kingdom of narcissus and carp can never be forgotten. December 4: Today I dreamed about carp again.Mom said it was a good omen. A bird that refuses to stop, this tree stops, that tree perches for a while, regardless of any tree's retention.