Chapter 30 28．girl in church

I'm home.I am back to my true home. Now I look at the past and look into the past of the past ten years.At the age of six, at the age of six, I killed, betrayed, and exiled myself to the sky. I foolishly thought that I was avoiding the devil in this way.The devil, the unfounded devil.Because of this, I lost my close relationship with my parents, my homeland, and my childhood with a clear sky.In fact, I should be happier than anyone else, because God gave me a little sister, a real little sister, who is closely connected with me in every frown and frown.We were supposed to live together well and grow up on the land of Licheng like two flexible plants.I uprooted myself, and I also uprooted Xiao Mu, and we just drifted away, shriveled in the air.

A cool summer night.Duan Xiaomu and I snuggled up on a narrow bed.Our hearts can be attached to hearts.Our eyes all shone in the dark, echoing each other.This is God's arrangement, and we all feel it very clearly at this moment.We can't help but say that we must be arranged to be together, because there is no other moment that can be better than lying together like this.We have found the long missing half and we all feel complete now.Yes, we found our fulfillment in the luminous room. It was a time I will miss for the rest of my life. We live together inseparably.The greatest happiness in life is to be able to live with a person who has enough tacit understanding.I used to think that Tang Xiao was the girl with whom I had the best understanding, probably because of blood relationship.Now I know that Xiao Mu and I have an amazing tacit understanding.Even the twin sisters would be very jealous of this tacit understanding.

We seem to be two completely different girls, living in different cities and different families.But we are surprisingly consistent in many small details: Both love bright red cherries and emerald green mustard. They all like to sleep with a piece of sugar that will slowly melt in their mouths (although they know it will cause tooth decay). They both like to doodle on their legs with their right hands when they are quiet—she said she was thinking about what to embroider on the skirt, and I said I was thinking how about drawing it into my painting. Both love waking up at three in the morning and have to open the windows for comfort.

They all like to caress their collarbone with their hands inadvertently (a small narcissistic gesture, when we stood in front of the mirror to do our makeup together one morning, we were surprised to find that each other had such a gesture, but I had never noticed it for many years). ... We walk in the church every morning, and I like to climb up the high walls around the church to pick the roses sticking out of the branches.Or the pears, the pears that grow along the path behind the church.I climbed up the tree and picked the big ones—in fact, the pears were not yet ripe in midsummer, and they were so green that one palm could cover them.I took them off, put them in my skirt, and jumped to Duan Xiaomu with a smile.Every time I climb the tree, she will look at me with a smile below, and I also like to look at her from the tree.

She has one leg that cannot touch the ground and has been replaced by two crutches of yellow lacquered wood.She was wearing a dark purple one-piece dress with small white crabapple flowers on it, which was very finely embroidered. Those who didn't know Xiao Mu's craftsmanship would definitely think that the embroidery came from a famous embroidery workshop.Because the right leg is always bent, a hemispherical knee is exposed in the long skirt.If she walks a little faster, she will jump up and down, with her upper body leaning forward, always giving people a feeling that she is about to fall down.She was obviously used to and proficient in this walking posture. She didn't care about her legs and feet at all. It can be said that she walked very confidently.But I think that anyone who sees her walk like this will feel pain in the heart.

She has always been a girl who makes people feel distressed, and people can't help but love her. Together we sang hymns at church services every week.This is really a very small church, and most of the believers who come here are old people.So there is no fixed band in the church at all.Every time Xiao Mu found some hymn scores, printed them and distributed them to everyone who came to worship.Everyone sang together.Now, every Sunday morning when the church is worshipping, Xiao Mu and I stand in front of the singing lead. The two of us cooperate very well. Somehow, I can even touch the highest notes without feeling the slightest attack of angina.This is something that makes me and Xiao Mu feel strange.The funny plumber who has been taking care of Xiao Mu said, because we are two people who are in the same heart, two children who are cared for by God.When we stand together, we become powerful.All sounds, all pain will be driven out, defeated.I really like this statement, because it makes me believe that Xiao Mu's heart disease will get better.

The elders in the church liked us very much, and so did the pastor.He gave us two identical crosses and put them on for us with his own hands. "Well, there is a movie called "The Double Life of Veronica" that you must watch. Or, as it is said, you are twins." He was amazed at the tacit understanding when we sang and worked together . We have two bicycles, I ride one, the plumber takes Xiao Mu to ride one, and we wander around the streets and alleys of Licheng together.Licheng has a long moat, and dense willow trees grow on both sides. When we rode through, our long hair flew up, and it had the same beautiful posture as catkins.Both Xiao Mu and I are growing our hair, and we agreed not to cut it off, and grow it longer than anyone else.Xiao Mu is always envious of my long hair, which is always lubricated like a handful of water in her mouth. She likes to comb my hair every morning. She uses a wooden comb with moderate hardness, fingers and comb Gently running through my hair, making a small, beautiful sound.she says:

"Wanwan, you don't know how beautiful you are." We passed the street in front of the kindergarten that day.The intersection, and then the cold drink shop.It is no longer the same one as before. The storefront has been expanded, and the bright yellow signboard has been replaced. There are also many large parasols and white tables and chairs at the door.But it's still a cold drink shop.I can still easily recall what happened here in the past. I still can't like it here.Even today, Xiao Mu and I are already very close.But when I got here, I still remembered that rainy night.My father led Xiao Mu in, bought her a three-color ice cream and watched her finish eating with the most caring eyes.To this day, I am relieved and I think I can understand that night.However, what makes me sad is that I have sacrificed the relationship between my father and me for fourteen years.

If I could have let go of what I was holding on to earlier, if I could have let go earlier, I would not have managed my relationship with my father like this.My father, in his impression, was still wearing a brown sweater, sitting quietly on the sofa, holding me in his arms, and reading a story book to me.The relationship between me and him was still stuck at that moment, and I blocked its progress arrogantly and arbitrarily.Now that I'm back here, this wasted love is brought up again and wiped away.I was sad to see it, it was so weak. Now, it is impossible for me to go back to my childhood, and my father is also old.

At the moment when the bicycle passed the entrance of the cold drink shop, Xiao Mu suddenly called the plumber who was driving her to stop.We stopped at the door of the cold drink shop.Xiao Mu smiled and said to me: "Wanwan, I want to treat you to three-color ice cream. I owe you an ice cream." I looked at her, and she said slowly: "You have a philanthropic father, he once caressed the wounded heart of an orphan here," she kept looking into my heart, "Wan Wan, you should be proud of having such a father." I stood in front of that cold drink shop, thinking that my dad was old, we would never go back, there was no way to make it up.Just like when I was six years old, I burst into tears at the door of the cold drink shop.

It was a life that flowed gently like a spring.We live like ancient people.Every day she embroiders and I paint.We sat and chatted next to the swing under the dusk sky.Just looking at the whole city of Li in the crimson clouds, as quiet as a bride who is about to get married. But at that time, I still think of Ji Yan.Is he okay?Which corner of Luocheng is he doing at this moment.Is he with her.Are they also chatting under the dusk sky? My words.I have never been able to be a pleasant girl.When I finally resolved the old grudge with Xiao Mu for many years, when I finally lived with her in peace and loved each other, I had to face the ruined love between us.It's still in front of me, broken, broken, but I still can't get past it.I still can't get around or over it.I have to face it every day, every day. Ji Yan, do you know?After being separated from you for so long, I still like to first think of what Ji Yan is doing at this time in every free time.I still like to think about things that are long gone and long over.You came to me, wearing flowered clothes, standing in the windy aisle; you locked me in the church, but you didn't leave, but sat outside and watched over me; Inserted into the arm, you were heartbroken; you came to visit me in the hospital with a string of beads that I don't know where to find, you lied to me that this is the string we made when I was a child, but fool, you forgot that the neck will get thicker Yes, people are growing up; we are in the "Life" bar, they all say they like my paintings, your face is full of happiness, you are very proud of me; we stand together on the hillside of "Red Leaf Valley" Praying in the church above, we stood where the shadow and the sun overlapped - I thought at the time that everything in the world was as unpredictable as this alternation of shadow and sun, but I hope our love is like this from before you and me. The breeze that blows, like the air we live in, is always around us.You kiss me, you kiss me.I think of these over and over again. "I don't know exactly what happened between you and Ji Yan, but I believe it must be a misunderstanding. I've always known that he loves you, and I'm very sure." When I put it in one place, she knew that I was missing the memorial. "Misunderstanding?" I replied confusedly. But I began to have long and dangerous dreams.I dreamed that Ji Yan and I just lost sight of each other and never saw each other again.When I think of this kind of dream, I feel like I have fallen into a bottomless pit, falling continuously, and nothing can hold me up. After all, we never met again. One hot summer afternoon, I had this dream: I saw him on TV many years later, and he had grown a beard, and he was wearing a long black dress, which was spotless from neckline to cuffs.He emerged as a successful drummer and was photographed.He talked about his successful experience and answered everyone's questions with ease. During this time, he kept mentioning and thanking his beautiful little wife, the female lead singer of his former band, Tang Xiao.My beautiful cousin also appeared on the screen, with her most friendly smile.She was so happy when she talked about her husband... I cried in my dream too, crying to the flickering TV screen.Will this successful person on TV know that at this moment, his childhood friend is sitting in front of the TV and weeping for him?She can never have another love, she has always loved him, clumsy, unknown love. Clumsy, unknown love. I woke up, almost dehydrated from the heat and excessive tears on a summer afternoon.I hurriedly got up, put on a loose skirt, and ran out the door.Xiao Mu called me from behind, but I ignored him.I kept running until I reached the train station.But do I really want to leave here?Am I willing to give up Xiaomu?Shall I go find Ji Yan?I went to find him, but then, just to prove my dream was wrong, we can meet again? I didn't leave.I think I'll just sit down here, on this platform.When the wave of longing passes, I can turn around and go back to Xiao Mu, treating it like a bad walk. ...and fell asleep on his lap.Woke up by a gust of wind as the train pulled into the station.Go to sleep again, stumble into a dream, and see him doing something that has nothing to do with me in a place where I can never meet again.In the interval between dream and dream, in a sudden waking consciousness, I said to myself, I should go home before dusk, and don't let Xiao Mu worry. Dusk has really come.I stood up as I told myself beforehand, turned around and left the platform.The train roared by and it was actually something I was in awe of.I remember when I was six years old, I took the train to Luocheng from this platform—maybe it was this position. It was the first time I took a train, and it was an extraordinary move.I got into this big box—it was magical, and when I came out, I was already in a completely strange place.All the things and people that were dear to me were gone. I was picked out of this box, picked up high, and carried away. Now the magic box brought me here, and you are at the other end, Ji Yan. I turned around, patted my skirt, and wanted to go back.He said later: "I am coming." I stopped—I mean, a complete pause, like an old-fashioned clock that suddenly freezes and stops completely. He came over, stretched out his arms, and hugged me from behind: "I'm sorry I came so late. I didn't know you would come here." The voice was hoarse and suddenly grew a lot. "Well." I said. "It's not too late. When you sit here, you still have a little hope in your heart." He continued, pretending to be relaxed.But I felt that he was crying, and I didn't dare to turn around to look at him. I still turned my back to him and sucked my nose hard to prevent the sound of crying from rushing out. "At first I thought I was just angry, and I thought I had a chance to explain, but I didn't know that I would go so cruelly and never return." The dear drummer sighed, and he always spoke at a gentle speed, as if he was talking to himself . Now I don't want to speak, I just want to listen to my Jiyan.How long has it been since I heard his voice?It's the sound I'm addicted to. "I thought I could give up, I thought I could live without her. As a result, life has become a mess, and there is no way to continue." He was still talking, getting more and more sad. "So when I found out that she was here, I came here non-stop. I wanted to ask her if she could give him another chance. If she doesn't agree, he really doesn't know what to do. " I didn't answer.But I know that when he said the first sentence behind my back, I have already forgiven him.As he said, I actually came here with hope in my heart - I was always such a girl, in many cases, I can't know my intentions, I can only follow my subconscious, follow my actions, and then wait for things to become clear , I didn't know my intention. He suddenly grabbed my hand with his hand, his hand was cold, like cool bamboo shoots, covering my fingers.I think my fingers are cold too, we have lost our warmth since we left each other.Then he put something cooler on my hand: "It's one size bigger. Even if your fingers still grow, it can fit on. Don't try to run away." I looked down and saw a silver ring shining with stars on my middle finger, even if the surrounding The utter darkness will be illuminated by its light at this moment. Ji Yan and I went back to the church together.Xiao Mu was waiting for us at the gate of the church.She was leaning against the iron gate with her crutches on her back. She seemed to be such a frail and small life, yet so incredibly tenacious and nimble.Under the night, her eyes, which are connected to mine, are shining like stars. Ji Yan said that it was Xiao Mu who called him.Although I asked Xiaomu to keep my whereabouts secret, at the last moment, when she felt that I was about to collapse because of missing the memorial words, she still decided to call him. people.She can totally understand how I feel. She was leaning against the gate, watching Ji Yan holding my hand and slowly walking over from a distance, a slightly sly smile appeared on the corner of her mouth.She is an elf. Ji Yan still insisted on explaining the misunderstanding to me - he went to look for me that morning, only Tang Xiao was there, Tang Xiao knew we were leaving, and begged him to say goodbye with one last kiss. They all heard me running out.When Ji Yan was about to chase him out, Tang Xiao grabbed his clothes and asked him what he wanted before he would leave me. "Unless you die." Ji Yan said, and when he rushed out to look for me again, I had already disappeared in the campus. Unless you die, unless you die.I hugged Ji Yan, this time we prayed to God to hold each other tightly.