Chapter 14 12.Tang Xiao and My Lost City Life

Luocheng is the city where I grew up. It has light gray autumn and thick smoke that fills every morning.Every Monday in this autumn, I wear a large black sweater with a wide collar and a super short checkered skirt, and carry an oversized linen schoolbag. I jump on the bus from the city center to the suburbs with my cousin Tang Xiao, and return to our the University. This year, my cousin Tang Xiao and I both studied Chinese at D University in Luocheng.We have a small amount of classes every day——even if we don’t have to, in fact, that’s what I do when I’m in a bad mood. I go to the library to borrow novels or picture books to read, and I buy some new ones from the vendors outside the school. If you want to watch a movie, go to a run-down small bar to catch a drink during the Happy Hour there.

I live in the same student dormitory with Tang Xiao, which is undoubtedly a comfortable thing, because we have stayed together for more than ten years - we study in the same elementary school, junior high school, and high school , until they were admitted to D University together, and chose the Chinese Department without any difficulty.So we know each other's habits best, and living together can be very tacit. This is my peaceful life in the falling city, a life that is at ease and can be completely controlled by myself.I was secretly grateful for the choice I made when I was six years old——resolutely and resolutely left the hellish city of Li.However, in fact, it was completely out of helplessness at the time.

Of course, I have never forgotten the terrible thing I did in Licheng. My behavior looks like a heinous murder.However, after all, I can't see clearly whether Duan Xiaomu is a devil or not. Duan Xiaomu is still alive, I can feel it.Her voice is still in my ears, and angina has long been my old disease.But I still kept silent and would not tell anyone, including my cousin Tang Xiao.My heart is still with Duan Xiaomu's voice, and Duan Xiaomu Shi is fighting against my pain. In my horrible dream, she always walks towards me continuously.Fourteen years had passed, and she hadn't come, and the incident on the swing seemed never to have happened.She will get her revenge in her own way, I think.

How did I grow up to be an arrogant and paranoid, violent and perverse girl? Lost City is a city with no sunshine and overcast clouds. Although it is kind enough to me, I still look like a girl with a good gun. Standing in the middle of the street in full armor like a cowboy, every nerve of mine is tense, I am ready to shoot at any time, if someone bullies me, or, or he (she) finds out about my past, me and the devil There have been entanglements. When I was 14 smoking cigarettes and having temporary boyfriends, I thought I was pretty cool. I still remember that in the summer when I was 14, I crossed the road in front of the middle school where I was studying to meet my little boyfriend.He has a face that looks like a half-bracket from the side, with a high chin, so I always feel that he is looking up to the sky.He gave me a thin cigarette.I lit it up, and then I imitated his appearance and raised my face to the sky.Since then, I have found the joy of flowing like a chimney that has been opened.I guess I was born to like the smell of smoke.I like everything that is burning, smoke, firecrackers, hot pot, or my own eyebrows-I don't know why my masochistic behavior can develop to burn my eyebrows.

That day, "Half Brackets" and I were smoking on the opposite side of the school until our cousin Tang Xiao saw us.She came across the street to me and said: "You don't smoke." "Fuck you, I want you to take care of it!" I scolded her.Before that, my heart had been throbbing for a while, and I was secretly cursing Duan Xiaomu. When Tang Xiao called me, I took out my resentment on her.Tang Xiao's eyes were immediately covered with tears.However, a week later, Tang Xiao kept the same posture as me with his face turned upside down, and sat on the side of the road opposite the school to smoke with me.

I have to admit that I was a bad role model for Tang Xiao growing up.She thinks I'm a cool older sister. One day when I was 7 years old, I suddenly appeared at her house.At that time, my father had not been transferred to Luocheng to work, so my mother and I had to temporarily stay at my uncle's house. That night, I had just taken the train for many hours, and I had just escaped from the city of Li, which was full of nightmares.I was very serious and didn't say a word, listening to my mother tell my uncle about my situation.My mother was heartbroken by me. In her mouth, I was an unreasonable child who insisted on leaving Licheng where I lived well.My mother was still talking about our situation with my uncle, so I broke free from her arms and walked straight into the depths of the house alone.

"Which room do I live in?" As I said that, I carried my small suitcase and walked towards the innermost room. I was placed in Tang Xiao's room.Tang Xiao stood aside and watched me tidy up my things, and then I climbed into the temporary cot and lay down to sleep.I never said a word to her from beginning to end.Later Tang Xiao recalled that time, she said that she was fascinated by such a cold sister.Tang Xiao would never know that I was hiding in the dark world under the quilt alone, missing my kindergarten in Licheng, my little friends, and my dear Ji Yan.Their faces illuminated my cave-like cold bed like the bright moonlight.Tang Xiao also didn't know that the girl who was sleeping next to her often had rumbling sounds in her ears, and her heart was also defective, often beating like a broken drum.

It wasn't long before Dad was transferred to Luocheng.We were finally reunited as a family of three that Sunday.Dad said, Wanwan, don’t you like the amusement park in Luocheng?Mom and I will take you to play, okay?And then we can have the best ice cream, the one with the cone and the chocolate crust.Without raising my eyes, I shook my head: I won't go.I was really a very vengeful kid.I can't forgive my dad. A vocabulary I just learned at that time is betrayal.Yes, it was definitely a betrayal, my dad betrayed me.He fell in love with other children again, and bought three-color ice cream for Duan Xiaomu.Now no matter what he says or does, he can't change the fact that he betrayed me.Little twists and turns in childhood can often help children grow up. From that day on, I feel that I am not a child anymore. I don’t need my father to move to an amusement park or ice cream to make me happy.I'm not a child who can just be coaxed, he can take ice cream to find Duan Xiaomu or simply lead Duan Xiaomu to the amusement park in Luocheng.

Why a child can have the energy to hold a grudge like I do is a puzzling question. They couldn't find the answer to why I would gradually grow into an increasingly indifferent and rebellious child. They were very panicked and afraid that I would leave them, so they could only keep giving me more love, but I can't forget my childhood, There is a devil on my back, and my parents, no one found out, and no one extended a helping hand to the poor child. On the contrary, my father bought ice cream for the devil to eat, and generously distributed his father's love to her. When I was in junior high school, I chose to live in the school without hesitation.Mom and Dad gave me enough money to buy cigarettes and flirtatious little clothes, and I perpetually put on a world-weary look, haunting schools and flashy bars looking like a menacing bird. Little Fox.Tang Xiao likes to be with me, she thinks I am a very independent girl.The so-called opinion is nothing more than some domineering and completely intuitive judgments of mine. For example, this brand of wine tastes better than that brand of wine, and this color of eyeliner is more charming than that color.She also thought I was very brave, but the so-called bravery was just that I took her hand and rushed into a bar full of singing and dancing without hesitation.

Although Tang Xiao and I always fell in love with a certain brand of clothes, fell in love with a certain rock band, tried the latest hairstyle together, or drew each other as goblins with bright eyebrows according to the instructions in fashion magazines, but we seemed Still two completely different girls.She likes to wear round collars, small blouses with flowers embroidered on the cuffs and collars, flounces, or long skirts with fringed tassels. Her hair is a natural chestnut color, and she wears some colorful round buttons as decorations.It can be said that Tang Xiao's own temperament completely matched this attire, she was a little beauty with fair skin and pouty lips.And I always wear some old-fashioned colors, gray, khaki, khaki, and military green.My clothes are all big, and the sleeves are like bat wings, as if once unfolded, they have the tendency to fly.

But the biggest difference between me and Tang Xiao is that I can't leave the boys, I keep changing the boys around me, and Tang Xiao prefers to live a peaceful life alone.She is very used to watching the boys behind me change and change, and she told me in conclusion that the boys you like are all tall and powerful. Indeed, I've wondered for a long time why I need a boy so much, and I want them to be big and look tough.Maybe it's because I always hope that there is a tall person standing next to me, who speaks loudly with a loud voice and walks with big strides, so that I feel very safe and that the devil will not approach me.However, all this is of no avail.None of them can walk into my heart.Then I felt desperately that maybe I couldn't hold any boys in my heart, because there was a huge devil in my heart, which expanded and quickly filled all the spaces in my heart with the speed of flowing gas. Tang Xiao is a sweet-mouthed, thoughtful little girl.She put her face in front of me very charmingly, and said with a smile, "Sister, I don't love anyone, I want to be with you for life."Inheriting the glutinous and sweet characteristics of the Luocheng dialect, Tang Xiao's speech is always sweet and soft, and the same words will be particularly moving when they come from her mouth.I think I love Tang Xiao, even though I have always been a tired and fierce girl, I have never had enough patience and enthusiasm to manage a relationship.But Tang Xiao is indeed the most deserving of love among all the types of women I have ever seen.She's smart, but looks naive and heartless.I think this is very rare, because smart girls are often low-key and gloomy, or appear vicissitudes and premature aging, making people unable to feel the fresh and bright breath of newly grown women.I often say I am like this, yes, Du Wanwan is destined to be a premature aging girl.Her growth was complete early on at the age of six, and she would spend all her remaining time aging.However, Tang Xiao always corrected my argument very seriously. She said that was not the case. I was as fascinating as an ancient castle built on the clouds with endless mysteries. The pomegranate is as fascinating as the pomegranate seeds.Well, back to Tang Xiao's topic, Tang Xiao is noble, but at the same time she is tolerant and kind.She always has a cute appearance that understands other people's thoughts, sometimes she plays a little trick, and sometimes she tells a little lie, those little lies are as delicate as silk brocade, but no one has the heart to pierce them.I think my love for her stems chiefly from a kind of envy.I guess the me when I was 6 years old, the me who held a lot of candy to please the children, the me who danced little figures in the golden sunshine, the me who stood on the tall ladder and painted the walls of the kindergarten I may be as likable and spotless as Tang Xiao is now.But I've lost those long ago, I've been infected with unclean devils.Since I escaped from Li City, I no longer feel that it is important to let others like me, yes, it is not important at all.That year I took the train leaving Licheng, from one end to the other, it was like a helpless transformation, I was no longer soft, no longer full of intimacy.I figured I'd murdered a man (or, in fact, a devil) and nothing else would help.I just want to keep silent all the time, no one can come to provoke me.More than ten years have passed, and I have grown into a violent and destructive girl. I lose my temper at Tang Xiao, the person closest to me, but she always tolerates me and washes away the evil spirits on my body like a piece of fragrant soap. The unpleasant smell of gunpowder.This kind of Tang Xiao really moved me, and I had to think of my beautiful dream when I was very young. At that time, I wanted to be a girl like Tang Xiao now, as if a body was filled with The doll covered with new cotton has a fluffy warmth, from the forehead to the little finger is soft, people can't help but want to hug and kiss. In other words, I think maybe because of this not-so-distant blood relationship, Tang Xiaoben and I are girls with very similar tempers and personalities, but my growth was met by demons, killing, and forced to migrate, which made me destroyed and destroyed , has been completely modified and reshaped, and now I can only watch Tang Xiao grow up intact, in order to imagine what I used to look like.In any case, this is a gratifying thing, to be able to see the growth that one should have, to see the ideal appearance that one should have grown into. When she was in middle school, Tang Xiao had grown into a girl whom boys admired.And most of them are good boys, eager to learn and work hard, talk about their ideals in class meetings, wear loose sports suits, and the most concerned thing is what brand of sports shoes they wear.However, Tang Xiao has no interest in them, but she can completely avoid making them sad. She always rejects them very gracefully, but it can make them like her even more and yearn for her even more. "I don't like to fall in love with boys. I just want to stay with my sister. That's the happiest way for me." Tang Xiao said to me, her attachment to me has overwhelmed her liking for all boys, I don't know why I should be happy Still worried.grow up together.