Chapter 9 beloved

1. Button Xiaoduo is my friend who has been with me for six years.From twelve to eighteen years old.We've always done great things together: growing up, falling in love, and making some plans about when we'll get married and have a few kids.Compared with that, collecting buttons is by no means a big deal.But now, after a long time, the extremely rough and painful process of growing up has been completed.The energy used to love someone completely melts away like a fruit candy that has been in a hot mouth for too long.And those plans in the clear sky are like the little bird that escaped secretly in my childhood, flying in the sky of others.Compared to those, the little details of collecting buttons have stuck in my memory like a bright patch of color.

I found out that it wasn't just me who was growing up, my stories about buttons were growing up with me.It has grown from a small thing to a big thing. Xiaoduo and I have always liked buttons.Have the colors of the rainbow.The thin kind. I have a nice looking piggy bank dedicated to my collection of buttons.In the summer of fifteen, we ran all over the city collecting buttons.Colorful buttons with two small holes are worn by us as bracelets, anklets and necklaces.We wear pink corduroy dresses with those little buttons.We look like two dolls. Bag buttons are almost extinct in today's cities.A simple plastic button, but wrap your favorite cloth outside it, it becomes unique, yours.I like those comfortable cloth buttons.They are very warm in the hand.

During that time, Xiaoduo and I were very extravagant. We bought a very large piece of cloth to make a few buckles.Just because I like a small pattern on it, sometimes even just a letter.We use lots and lots of cloth with little flowers, little clouds, fishbone patterns to cover the buttons.We later found out that those finished cloth buttons are so beautiful that they could be used as badges.We wear them with different clothes, pinned to the hem or the collar.What I am proud of is my pair of black corduroy trousers, which I have pinned a long string of magenta fabric buttons with flower patterns on the side.They hang loosely on them and sway with me as I walk.very nice.

The buttons were pinned on the curtains by Xiaoduo and I.That year I insisted on replacing the heavy and luxurious fringed curtains in my room.I bought a thinner fabric in the color of the starry sky, and randomly sewed many colorful buttons on it.They shone like stars on this new sky of mine. There used to be a cloth toy pig that was very popular.It's called Atu Pig.I knew that Xiaoduo had so many cloth toys that she was about to fight, but when I first saw that pig, I decided to buy it for Xiaoduo.Because the pig's nostrils are made of two buttons.The wooden ones have buttons with a circle of log patterns.It has a warm feeling that I want to be close to.

Xiaoduo took the pig, smiled, and immediately kissed the pig's nose. My favorite is the soft clay buttons made by myself.Xiaoduo and I made clay pottery and stayed all afternoon just to make a few buttons that had no clothes to match them.But very satisfied.The buttons I made had sunflowers on them, but each button was a different color.Gradient from a vivid bright yellow to a very dark bronze.A row of buttons is like the life of a sunflower. I've always loved buttons, cotton buttons, wood buttons.I like to say that they are warm in the hand.When I got my freshly baked clay buttons, yes, I literally felt the warmth of my palms.Their heat dissipated in my palm little by little, and then they hardened little by little.They have the immutable look I have given them.My clay buttons weren't sewn onto any clothing after all.I've actually been struggling to find matching clothes for my buttons.But I think they are so noble that they should not be an accessory to a dress.

Xiaoduo gave the pottery buttons she made to her beloved boy.She sewed it on to a khaki shirt for him.Later, Xiaoduo traveled across the ocean, and finally forgot about the man who pinned her artwork to her chest.After growing up, Xiaoduo is very busy, I think she will never spend an afternoon on a few buttons in her life again. My clay buttons are still there. Nothing can dampen my fascination with clay buttons, and I've made them many times, on many different afternoons. I remember the last time I was with Xiaoyou.Xiaoyou is the boy I love.We get along very much like children.There was no difficulty when we parted.It's like little kids graduating from Kindergarten every year are effortlessly separated from their former best friend.It's only now that I know that Xiaoyou has quietly nailed himself to my heart.

He is my warmest button. Our polymer clay works were terrible that time.The two of them were busy, like a couple preparing a grand dinner.I think the way he kneads the clay is like kneading dough.I stood behind him and watched him deal with the clay very carefully.He is always very patient.He's always as warm as my hot Tao buttons.I'm really looking forward to living with him a little bit. We made simple dalmatians patterned pottery buttons.Five per person.Then we went home happily clutching the buttons that were still hot. When he sent me to the door of my house as usual, I suddenly said to him, if I get separated from you, I will go and look for it. Whoever carries five buttons with the pattern of little flower and dog will treat them as treasures.

It's just that I forgot to wait until the heat from those buttons had dissipated and cooled and firmed up, and that all changed.If I really started looking for my lost love at this moment, maybe no one would come forward and admit that he had kept those five rough buttons.No one will stand up and say gently, yes, they are my babies. 2. Kenzo perfume I always refer to Kenzo in my novels.I'll make the women in it obsess over Kenzo.It's like a charming symbol of my past days.But I think maybe it is a rest.Because in fact I have only ever had a small bottle of Kenzo called "Clear Spring Water".Maybe I will never buy it again because it has surpassed the function of a bottle of perfume.Sometimes I think it will be a kind of wine, which makes me a little dizzy.Sometimes it feels like Aladdin's magic lamp, a genie called memory that pops out the moment I open the bottle.

However, I actually have a little yearning for that monster named memory.It has a beauty of subduing magic. Kenzo is used by boys.He met me through a letter.The letter was very affectionate.On blue letterhead, it smells like this.That kind of very light, very light taste actually gushed out to me. Xiaoyou and I were standing under a spring tree talking, that was the day we first met.The tree is a very curved sycamore.Pink-purple flowers fall from it.I never knew the name of that flower.Later, Xiaoyou called them Tonghua.I think it's really nice.Yes, we are standing and talking under a sycamore tree that is constantly shedding its flowers.I smell a fragrance.The scent is very vague, I can't tell whether it comes from the plane tree above my head or from the boy Xiaoyou opposite me.But I know it is a new smell.It is a kind of jerky purity.What is new is this green spring and the story of me and the boy Xiaoyou.

I remember at that time he had a panicked face, panic at the whole world.He was a weak child at that time, and some absurd things he did made him bruised and bruised.Finally one day he saw me and came to me to like me. He walked towards the strange me, in order to like me.At that moment, I saw the unstoppable bravery of this panicked child.Fearlessness and helplessness formed on his face. He often writes some unusually divisive and fragmented texts.He knows that's what I like.He showed it to me. It is a very old book.I smell Kenzo again.I find Kenzo's soothing taste to be a mismatch with his razor-sharp writing.But they have been fused together, becoming one without a trace.When I smell Ken-zo again, I will think of Yuu's words.In his poem he wrote:

Give me a glass of water and I'll be kind. I remember the name of that kind of Kenzo just happened to be "clear spring water".It's what made my little You good. But in fact, there should be no story between me and Xiaoyou.Because we're both so good at storytelling, and we both worship a life that hurts so much, we torture each other to write a story of pain.But at the end of the story, we suddenly realized that our story was so tacky, so both of us were very disappointed. Finally I left.I loved our parting, it was touching.snow.Opposite sitting on an empty ferris wheel.When the Ferris wheel reached the top, we touched each other's lips.I shed tears.He couldn't find a handkerchief to wipe my tears, so he took off his white wool gloves and wiped my tears.I greedily slid the glove over my cheeks, sucking in the biting Kenzo smell.It was a roundabout taste, leading me far, into the deep past, but just to say goodbye. I have owned many perfumes. CD, Lancome, Chanel No.5.They are better than Kenzo.I love them for their simplicity.They are just perfumes.I dare not own Kenzo.I don't know if the past stored in that fragrance will rush out in horror the moment I open the bottle, and quickly gather into a small cloud above my head.From now on I will live in rainy days. But everyone knows that Xiaoyue likes Kenzo.On the day I left the old city, Xiaoxiao came to see me.Kenzo is delivered.Xiaoxiao was with me all the time during those three years.She watched me love and watched me separate. In those days when I was broken and broken, she always ordered me peacefully: Xiaoyue should be well. Kenzo is served in a small glass bottle.The faint blue is reflected on the transparent glass.It is the same series of women's perfume as Yuu's.Same bitter taste. The same smell struck again.I saw the tung flowers falling from the tall trees that spring again.I saw Xiaoyou's beautiful black and stretched words again, one row after another.I saw the clumsy Ferris wheel crunching again. I suddenly felt like all the past was working.So it was very noisy around.In the midst of the commotion, I heard Xiaoxiao say: Use it to commemorate that period of time. 3. Walnuts I have been crazy about walnuts for a long time.During those boring days, I often moved a small stool and sat on the balcony where the sun could be exposed to the sun, smashing fresh walnuts with a small hammer.I smashed and ate.Put on some music.Then the rhythm of my hammers can match the beat of the music.very happy. I was looked after by a nanny when I was little.Auntie Xiaoying with big eyes was very kind to me.She and I sat on two small benches.I sat next to her.While she smashed walnuts for me to eat, she told me fairy tales.all i need to do is It is listening to stories with pricked ears and eating walnuts with open mouth.I think she is so nice, and I will smash walnuts for her in the future.It's a pity that she got married before I could realize this plan.The family was on a very remote hillside.Aunt Xiaoying returned to the mountainous area where she came from.But she said it was fine.She said the family had several walnut trees. For the next ten years, Aunt Xiaoying would come to the city to visit our house once a year.Bring me fresh walnuts.She has a child of her own.Is a very naughty boy.I am disappointed.I think it must be a girl.Sitting quietly on the small bench, listening to Aunt Xiaoying telling stories, and eating walnuts with her mouth open.I think how happy a little girl like that should be. Walnut originally only refers to simple happiness in my dictionary.Later, however, it got complicated. In high school, there was a boy surnamed Hu who I called Hu Tao.In my heart walnuts are as lovely as my beloved walnuts. I asked him, have you ever seen a walnut fruit that has just ripened?You are just like it. He said, what is it like? I said it was turquoise and soft.A little weak, a little bitter.Then it gradually hardened in the surrounding air and wind. The boy Hutao is a good-looking, arrogant and self-willed child.Sit in the last row of our class, don't talk indiscriminately, and don't attend lectures.My seat is far away from him.It's like we never knew each other.However, in fact, we talk on the phone every day and talk a lot. At that time he had a small and weak girlfriend.At that time I had a tall and big boyfriend.At that time he was tired of his girlfriend's petty temper and tears.That's when I got tired of my boyfriend's chatter and weakness.When the boy Nut and I met, we were both exhausted.We whined loudly on the phone and laughed at each other.He asked me why I didn't leave him.I asked, what about you? Yes, I feel like I've been egging him on.Finally the boy Nut starts to avoid his little girlfriend and he finally separates from her. It was a winter's story, and everything went slowly like the cold season.My tall boyfriend and I are living a slow struggle.I feel like the days are so slow that I'm going to sleep. Suddenly I was going to Shanghai to participate in the semi-finals of the composition competition.I finally had a chance to get away.I said goodbye to my tall boyfriend.But I didn't tell him when I came back.I think that farewell is very complete.Just like I'm never coming back. I got off the return plane.At the airport, the Chinese New Year is coming, and I really want to meet the boy Hutao.I called him and said I'm back and I've decided that my boyfriend and I are going to separate. I went to his house as a guest.His home is the way I like it.His room was painted my favorite blue by him.We sat on the wooden floor and watched some crappy DVDs.The music is very loud.But I feel that the dust surrounding me in winter is gradually dissipating.I can see clearly.I feel like the days are finally starting to flow.I think that's it.Sit down with someone who has an affair in a warm room. We are all free now.But freedom is precious, so we don't want to do anything anymore.So we can't get closer to each other.But we sat there in such an ambiguous way.He sat down and warmed my hands.I think we are all in a mess because we are lonely but exhausted and unable to love each other. I said why are you painting this wall.it's too cold. He hugged me. We graduated.Far away, I went to a park.I saw a tree of blue walnuts.I see them in their first stance.soft.No harm was done.I think if I met the boy Nut in the very beginning.He should be a soft boy without scars or scabs.how nice. I sent him a blue walnut.Suddenly sad.I never want to eat walnuts again.Boy did I ruin my love for walnuts.What makes me sad is that I feel sorry for my big-eyed Aunt Xiaoying.She gave me an image of a walnut that is related to happiness.But I ruined it.Walnuts are no longer the green, verdant bliss of my childhood.When does it turn into a hard scab. 4. Lamb band Louise Rhodes has a face as dense as ink painting.With braids soaring to the sky, she doesn't look evil or enchanting at all.Just warmth and elegance.Yes, she is already a wife.Is Andy Barlow's wife.The drummer with the man's eyes and the boy's face and figure.In the few photos I have seen of them, they are all standing side by side, smiling humbly, and the smiles on the two faces are continuous and connected.Like a scene from a face.In the first one, the woman was wearing a khaki linen blouse.The man wears a simple gray-blue vest.Behind him is a dim yellow wall.It looked like they were very young.when they were still children.With pure sadness.The second one is black and white.Both wore jackets made of rainproof silk fabric.Both had high collars stuck around their necks.It was as if they had passed through their youthful innocence.Exchanged each other's stories.Both feel that they should stay in each other's lives.This will be safe and bright.So fall in love.But the gasps and chattering confessions woven into the past are often present in their conversations.Black nightmares will still rise up against the ideals planted by bright love. Lamb has always been one of my favorite Trip-Hop bands.Members are a couple. Lou and Andy.I remember Lei brought me their music.at my house.We were so in love back then.He slipped Lamb's CD in.We chat and listen to their music.I remember suddenly Lei said, did you hear this passage?He said, every time I hear this passage, it hurts.It was a percussion piece.repeat.radical.One section is louder and sharper than the other.I thought at the end of each segment that the repetition had reached its peak, that it was over, because it couldn't have been more poignant and urgent.But they went on and on and on.gasp gasp.I heard that witchy voice was trapped somewhere, constantly colliding, looking for an exit.The brokenness is still going on.Lei and I have stopped being able to talk.I feel like they framed me down a well.drowned me in their shimmering renditions of mourning.That was their debut record.I've always liked the style of Trip-Hop.I like them the most, better than the famous Portishead, Massive Attack.I feel that they are sometimes very tender, and then suddenly become cruel.Like an extremely gorgeous and smooth silk scarf.But I never knew it could also strangle people.Died in a warm and soft smile.I admit that my evaluation is not fair.Because I saw their photos and knew a small part of their stories.I thought they were beautiful standing side by side, with a kind of hopeless glory.The love washed away their depression and helplessness when they were young, and made the sadness of those who followed them glow with a vague warm light.It is like a wound that has been beautified and modified before it can be shown.Only then has its ornamental value.According to the music review, Lou even used the heartbeat of her still-born son as a sample in the second record.She also invited her son to watch her wound.That is the past they should remember.It's about their fragility when they were alone, before they fell in love, before their baby was born. Lei can write professional music reviews.So he is very to the point.So he loves Lamb, but he still loves a lot of other Trip-Hop.One day after I was far away from him, I called him and said with a pleasant surprise, I found Lamb's What Sound.It was a record I couldn't find in my former city.I said I must buy it for him.yes.He said.No need.I only listen to opera now.He carries his condescending nobility.I think he has grown up and successfully got rid of the confusion and hesitation of his youth.He and I also exchanged stories.But each other feels unable to live in each other's lives because there is too much fragmentation already.None of us are great physicians.We are all too obscene children, turning around and running away from each other's bloody wounds.I think Lamb is really great.What kind of business are they doing?They dissect their past sorrows.Dress them up and show them off.But I'm not done yet.I really want to tell Lei that on the new album cover, they are still standing side by side, but their faces are facing in opposite directions with different expressions.I don't know if the love is still going on.I don't know if they are exhausted after pouring out their sorrows.I also want to say, actually that day at my house, when we were listening to that record together, we really should have taken a photo.At that time, we had a long and connected expression.very same.We were standing side by side at that time.