Chapter 7 Nilu (2)

I am the same as Ono.But I have always been quiet and forbearing.Or I am ignorant.I just fretted and complained to myself.But Ono splashed the water droplets of his desire on me.My desire blossomed.I am eager to go.Get rid of Yunduo, the dump-like shelter.I want to fly up with Ono.We shall be cleansed in a warmer and brighter place. I'm a little sad.Because the reason Ono said was not that he liked me.He didn't say that.there has never been.In the afternoon when we crossed the road and walked to the plane tree together hand in hand without hesitation, he didn't say anything.But I vaguely thought he seemed to have said it.I feel as if he keeps saying this in my ear.

I like you.These words stopped in my ears like a fluttering butterfly.chatter. I comforted myself and said, the love in "Dark War" is what I advertised, isn't it?In the end, the girl didn't hear her killer lover say like or love.She just walked behind him for a while.Follow carefully and don't get lost. So I said, ok ok ok.Ono, I'll go with you. When Ono and I decided to get off the bus again, we were in City D.Because it has just rained in city D, the outlines of the sky and buildings are very clear.I haven't taken off my contact lenses for too long, and the whole world seems to be covered in a big fog.A dry world in damp eye sockets, and no weather.So I was very happy when I saw D city.

It is a southern city with long, thin streets and small shops with weird shapes.We began to regain our childlike passion.We go to the house.Ono bought a promotional brochure for Swatch watches in an art store.in Has the look of every Swatch watch of the decade.Candy colors.under different names.Generation after generation. The album is like a colorful history book.That's the best history book I've ever read.As I grew up, Swatches became less expensive.Not even dignified enough.But it has always been my favorite watch brand. Went to the video store and bought some CDs.In fact, we already carry a lot of CDs.If you can't survive, you can still survive for a while by selling CDs.But we are still satisfied and happy to buy those CDs.We have most of them.Just didn't bring them.For example, I like Mazzy tar's, Mono's, and Ono's Patti smith's.The same woman who is out of time.But immortal.After paying, I stood at the door of the store and suddenly felt very bleak.We spoke little and were surrounded by loneliness.Many times, we snuggle together, but we listen to our own music.We all use music to direct ourselves to other outlets.

There is a shop that sells shiny silver jewelry and small colorful clips.I haven't worn any small clips for a long, long time.I turned into a rough rag doll.But at this moment, I suddenly missed my bright pink era.The era when I wore a pink corduroy A-line skirt and big leather shoes, a snow blue headscarf and a braid tied with wool.I remembered how my mother was so keen to brush and braid my hair back then.I was already in high school by then.Every morning I sit at the table and eat breakfast, and my mother stands behind me and brushes my hair.She took the trouble to wrap more than a dozen colored braids for me with wool.She also likes to buy me Ladies House lace socks.I guess my mother must not have played with dolls very much when she was young.She made up for her childhood regrets through me.But I must admit how much my mother loves her doll.

I tried on a few clips.Smiled at Ono.Then take it off. I see a bracelet.Minced diamonds in silver metallic violet.Complexity and false nobility.very outdated.But it reminds me of the bracelet I lost on the road.The bracelet that I lost when Ono and I were running fast.On a bright night, my grandmother took my hand and put the bracelet on me.At that time, I was very excited. I shook my arm and giggled.I didn't pick it off, and at my grandmother's funeral, I clung to it and wept weakly. But I dropped it.I didn't even stop to pick it up in order to follow Ono, and the beads just went their separate ways.I never dreamed of my grandma again after that, not at all, not even a single wrinkle from her.

I put on this bracelet.Shake it and giggle.Suddenly, he saw Ono standing outside the shop.I hurriedly put down the bracelet, ran out, and walked with him. Ono and I are very hungry.Ono took me into a Japanese sushi restaurant.Delightful orange-red sashimi.Pure white rice and grass-colored seasoning.Ono knew that this was my favorite.He and I stood in front of the takeaway counter, Ono asked me, which one do you want to eat. I look at the price.I think they are actually pretty cheap.Kind and loving parents have always made me a rich kid.I used to buy them without looking down at their prices.But now, I know that after buying those CDs and that heavy Swatch family tree, we won't have a lot of money.

I bit my lip and didn't speak. Ono repeated it and shook me: Which one do you like? I still don't speak. I raised my eyes and saw Ono's patient expression. I said: I can decide what to eat, can't I? Ono said: Yes. I said: Well, I will eat a piece of bread.Then, I want that bracelet from just now. Ono looked at me.He probably thought it was a little funny.He may also be angry.Suddenly he took my hand, left the sushi restaurant, turned around and ran to the shop selling silver jewelry. I'm in a great mood.Because Ono took my hand and walked quickly on the narrow streets of a city where the sky and buildings are very clear.I think that's how we should be.Before I escaped, I imagined escape without any suffering.It's just that we are holding hands, like a pair of wings of a newly transformed butterfly, we will always lift into the air with the same arc.

Ono, you know what, I always wear skirts.I just like skirts.Because I know you'll take my hand and we'll run in the wind.That was the moment I was looking forward to.How pretty my skirt looks when it floats up.Every crease unfolds.The gentle wind sorts out my past, and every detail of you and me is spread out in front of me.I feel like every detail is an animal.Because they are moving, breathing, and growing with us. Ono and I went back to the small shop, and Ono bought the expensive bracelet that exudes tackiness.He put it on for me.Seeing a satisfied smile with a full meal on my face.

I still had sushi for dinner.That's what Ono insisted on.It's my favorite apricot sashimi.And crimson caviar.Ono sat next to me drinking sake.I put the dishes far away on purpose and stretched my arms to reach them.So my baby bracelet will ring.buzzing.I thought I was back in my old city full of springs. Lived in a small hotel.A woman's ambiguous moans wandered through the narrow stairs.I saw skinny geckos walking on the walls of the room.There seems to be a pair of lovers next door, and the gecko is eavesdropping.It must have felt so boring because Ono and I didn't talk at all.We slept side by side in the same bed.But we didn't do anything, we didn't even say a word.

Ono got up to take a shower.He changed into a sleeveless cotton tight white T-shirt and a pair of denim pants. I look at him carefully.I think his head is bigger than I imagined, his body is thinner than I imagined, and his proportions are a little out of balance.Like a stunted bitter kid.So I kind of wanted to laugh.But really love him.You won't be disappointed because it's different from your imagination.Everything is just right.Everything is just right. I'm going to take a shower.I found that my feet were already worn out.Lots of blood, crusted and sticky.black and brown.I'm amazed because they hurt so badly and I never noticed.Because while running I am in my bliss.All I could see was the loving hand in front of me.I have no more shoes, no potions.I told my feet silently about these situations, and told them that I really don't want to bother Ono anymore, so please let them get better.

I slept with my feet wrapped in a blanket, completely wrapped up so that myself and Ono couldn't see them.Ono and I only had one blanket.Ono said the next morning, you occupied the entire blanket.I said yes, sorry. My wound festered.It sits on my foot like a brown centipede.I think it stained me. I feel shameful, and I don't want Ono to see my shameful festering.I was careful walking behind him the next morning.I don't let him see my pained expression. It was noon when he found out, and I don't remember how far we had traveled.Ono wants to go to the beach to see.But he didn't know which direction the sea was in the city.He bought a map, and then he just walked ahead, looking, getting lost, asking for directions, chasing the bus non-stop.I find it extremely difficult to keep up with him.I even started to lose the determination and courage to hold on to my grace. On the bus, he saw me shaking on my left.Then he read on.See my feet.They are purple in color and wet.My eyes were on Ono.His sadness and his disgust.There is disgust.He's starting to hate me for my ugly feet.How sad I was at that moment.I want to part ways with my feet.They hurt me. Ono and I got off at the next stop.He took my hand as he got out of the car.His palms were slightly sweaty.I thought it was a deceptive ointment.Deep down to the marrow of my bones.I started jumping for joy.I feel like I can throw off my feet and jump up like a bird with fluff. But I don't.He let go of my hand.On the side of the road.He opened his huge backpack and started groping for it.I know he's looking for some tape or something.He had a hard time finding it.Too big bag.He couldn't find it anywhere.Sweated a lot.I said, Ono, forget it.Just stop and rest. He ignored me.He put the backpack on the ground and took out the things bit by bit.We stand on a crowded street in a strange city.Facing the eyes of many people, he took out the things in his backpack.Like a body search in a police station.I stand beside him.The festering feet, the face that refuses to give up the smile, the embarrassed eyes, how pitiful we are.I saw more and more people gathered around.They may just pass by, just passing by.But in my opinion, they are all coming towards us, getting closer and closer, looking at us.As if to eat us. I said Ono, please, forget it.Forget it. Half of his stuff is already out there.They are piled up in front of us like colorful tombs.Ono squatted on the ground, put his hands into the backpack, and took it out one by one.His teeth were clenched, and I heard them snap.I know he is blaming me.He hates me.He felt that my ugly feet had brought him a disgrace. Ono finally found it.He stood up with the tape.He gave me the tape.Pass it to me from afar.Then he turned around and packed his backpack.Yes, I made it clear that he hated me. Ono and I walked down the street at a distance.Me and my heels are behind.We were thrown off by the look in his eyes. I didn't have the strength to force that hand back.It is unattainable. Ono should have no money.It's been a long time since he bought things randomly. We never thought about leaving City D.But there is no plan to stay.We froze like this, he spoke little to me, and the gecko on the wall walked away disappointed. rain.I am sitting in a dark room.Saw the rain coming in to shelter from the rain.They entered the room, but had nowhere to go but stuck awkwardly to the wall. Ono said that running away was such a bleak thing.He finally said it.I sat in the dark room and he stood at the door.He said he hadn't done anything yet.Except for a few photos. He said contemptuously, except for a few pictures.I think of those photos.The empty picture of me standing there after my youth jumped and died.Indeed worthy of contempt. Then Ono went out.Bring a camera or something but not me.I saw his hand close the door.I knew that if I was a little shameless, I would go up and grab that hand.I'd be better off crying again.I want to say Ono don't go, don't go. But I didn't do that. In fact, I was shameless enough from the day I followed Ono.At the thought of being separated from Ono, tears fell so easily.However, I know Ono, there will be no turning point.When he wants to be alone, I am the transparent wind.What a weak wind, the wind that couldn't even blow a single hair of him. I had a dream in a room where even the geckos were disappointed.I don't think I've ever fallen asleep at all, and I'm in a series of dreams like I got on the subway or train. I eat red bean ice.scorching afternoon.Mom said if you go out and lock the door, you.There is a phone call for Dad.I said dad is not here, who are you?Xiaoduo came to me and stood at the door and said you should go and see DKNY's new perfume, and then she left.She's got a new boyfriend who looks exactly like she wants, and she says she needs to behave better.She also said that the boy with a particularly high nose had never seen lotus flowers and spring water.She said she took him to ask if I would go.I said no, no, the lotus blooms every year. It’s nothing new. It's raining.I listen to Mono while packing clothes on the balcony. Mono is my favorite band, boys and girls, a two-person band, clean and not messy.I stand on the balcony listening to Mono.Feel comfortable.I looked through the photos, the old graduation photos, there was a girl whose name I forgot, so I sent a text message to Xiaoduo: What is the name of the third girl on the right in the second row of the graduation photo. When I woke up groggy, I realized that it was the state of life that I had always been somewhat boring but relished.I felt like my heart was being pulled.Towed north where I left.My body is separated from my soul like a shirt that cannot be ironed. Lotus spring water, pink and white color and rushing water drops.The bright summer and the arrogant girl in the fluffy skirt with the hair clipped. She's so happy she likes to rock her fancy hair and says I'm bored, I'm bored, get me out of here.My summer melted away like a box of ice cream that I didn't get to enjoy.I am now like an out-of-season circus star looking at the picture of myself holding an ice cream torch, watching that flawless ice cream shed colorful tears on the top of my head. I took a breath and the tears came out.They are like deserters in the chaos of war, rushing out along my dazed eyes.They are ignorant, they just want to find a hole to escape.They say your inside is so bad it's rotten you know we can't take it we're going out. I talk to my tears, I say I'm sorry I know I'm dying I know please don't leave me I'm dying.My body and my soul are separated because my soul is dry.Don't leave. I sit on the edge of the bed and talk to my tears. Falling flowers and flowing water Falling flowers and flowing water. I failed Ono, really, I regret it very much at this moment.I started terribly homesick for this moment.Ono, I miss my mother because she is kinder than you.Kindness, Ono, kindness.How did you get lost on our way. In the dream, my mother kept saying, don’t run around and go home and I’ll buy you shaved ice earlier. She was too kind for me to bother to say thank you. Ono still hasn't come back. I kept hearing the attic stairs rattling.I hear someone coughing.There were small children fighting.They are really strong.No tears were shed, even though the head was bleeding. I want to go out and look for Ono.I think he may never come back. I have never been to city D.I also don't have a map or money.Not even north and south. But I still took the door and ran out. There was also the sound of me running on the stairs.I cough.rush down. I broke into the street.I remembered the description in a novel: running with loose hair.Feet bleed. Where am I going.Ono where are you.Ono, I'm here where are you. I'm to the left, sticking to one direction.I insist on running.My feet started bleeding again.I'm going to rot on the streets of this southern city.Rotten as it goes.God help me find Ono before it rots. I remember the damn girl in the movie.She loved an enemy as a lover.She had to love him.She betrayed the world.The world has come against her. She was locked in an ice cellar.She said that it is also good here, there is my lover here. That's right.That Nazi soldier.A dead lover whose body is still rotting in the cold.She walks around him. She ran and ran on the street.like me now.Disheveled like I am now.I'm going to the front, far away.I stepped on a colorful road with neon lights.But now it has disappeared like a rainbow. Around a street, I walked back and forth.I think Ono will pass by here when he comes back.Say hello to me when you pass by.I also say hello to him.I'll just go back after him.Just like the last time I came. I can't remember how long later, I saw Ono in the big glass outside a very gorgeous hair salon on the corner of the street.I firmly believe that this is a kind of attraction, so that I can find Ono by groping blindly.Ono sat on a high swivel chair.Covered with a dark green cloth.Ono smiled warmly at a mirror that was as bright as a flame.His hair has been shortened and stood on end like it was when I first met him.He chatted cordially with the barber with a gentleman's smile, and from time to time, a small lock of hair fell off his face. I should have thought that Ono should come to cut his hair.He cares a lot about his image.He won't allow himself a little mess. Ono hasn't seen me yet.I rest my head and hands against the glass, winter's glass covered with white moss.How greedily I looked at my dear Ono.I watched him look better by the inch. My foot is about to break.Head very dizzy.When I looked through the glass again, I couldn't see clearly inside. The glass flickered like a movie screen.I seem to see many familiar people coming out through the glass. My mother is here.She said why don't you bring your keys when you go out.She said that the red beans had completely melted.Really! I opened my mouth.I wanted to say I'm sorry, but I couldn't make a sound. My mother is gone. Xiaoduo is here.She said I smell good, this is the new DKNY.She looked at me carefully and said, why are you so decadent and sloppy now. She disappeared too, and I didn't have time to ask if the boy with the high nose still went with her to enjoy the lotus and see the spring water. Dad is here too.He said, child, your birthday is coming soon, what should I give you? He thought to himself and disappeared. The last person I saw to show up was my friend who owned the bar.Still well dressed, he came over. I have a spasm.I don't want to see him so much, he's hating me, he's blaming me.He will definitely laugh at me when he comes over. He laughed and said: So this is what happened to you.This is life after you leave. Yes, at that moment, how decisive I was when I turned my back to him and left.I left him behind and in the early summer gloom.He couldn't understand why I left like this with a proud and arrogant boy.He dropped the cup, furious.He is saying, don't regret it and you will be happy forever. I'm leaving.I'm saying, well, I won't regret it, Ono and I will be happy forever. Now I see him coming.The mocking waves are like a roaring tsunami. I instinctively backed away.I can't let him come near.I slapped the acting glass with my hands, it's over, it's over. I may be crazy, but I cannot tolerate ridicule; I may be rotten, but I will never be ashamed in front of people.Run and let me go safely.I turned and ran away. Finally, I saw the appearance of Ono.He pushed the door out from behind the glass.With his brand new hair style.I want to say you are finally here.Come run with me.We cannot be ridiculed. Our glorious summer will never pass.Let's go, Ono, let's run and continue to go far away. I got no reply from Ono.I saw that he had no intention of running away.He came across slowly in my field of vision.Flowing across like a quiet river. I'm lying in a small hospital.I'm on an infusion.I had a fever and talked a lot of nonsense. I saw Ono next to me.Hands where I can grab them. Ono said that he saw me slapping the glass at the door of the hair salon, and then ran wildly. When he saw him, he murmured something to him, and then fell to the ground. He said, fortunately I saw you in time.He said so.As if he was a hero. He saw the girl curled up in a ball on the hospital bed.He must be disappointed.The girl was no longer the proud girl he had always liked.She is like a caged animal.There was a stubbornness in his meekness that he couldn't subdue.She wants to rebel against him.She wanted to break free from his hand.turn around. Ono asked me to sit up and he hugged me.Ono's face was very white, hanging like a bright moon.The moon borrowed light from the sun.Where does Ono's light come from?Ono, at this moment I feel that all the brightness is an illusion.Just like this white bed sheet, I don't know how many people's blood has been stained.At this moment, it still takes care of me purely and lovingly. Our brightly lit roads are also an illusion.Ono, if you throw a small stone on it, you can break the light that grows straight on the lamp pole.You did exactly that.While we are walking on our bright road, you are destroying the light. My tears escaped from my body.Cowardly things, let's go, let's go, all of you. Sitting stiffly for a long time, Ono suddenly moved his body and took out a piece of pizza for me.My heart immediately warmed and softened.I said, you must have not eaten for a long time, we must eat together. He never let me.Let's eat together.They all forgot to speak.There are mushrooms and green peppers.The black pepper made him sneeze.We are both very hungry and this pie is not big enough.But we all stopped when we couldn't reach the central location.We felt that the rest should belong to each other.We're both incredibly stubborn guys.None of us can convince anyone, so this embarrassing pie has to be left cold among us. Ono quietly told me what he did during the day. He said he sold his watch. He also said that he had seen an art exhibition.Terrible, he said. I nodded briefly, not knowing what expression to show.He shouldn't be like this.He doesn't have enough purpose most of the time. I guess when he went to see that art exhibition, he must have known that it would not be good, it was not what he liked, but he still went.Maybe it's just to criticize it after watching it, and complain to myself. Ono continued to say that the art exhibition was terrible, and he saw that good-looking female artist standing at the door like a welcome guest.So the men came to worship the woman tied up like a flower. So you went in, right? Ono.I say. My feet started to hurt.Ono said that your wound had several stitches. Neither of us said anything more. After a while, I took off my watch.To Ono.For the first time I decided to satirize him.I said Ono, let’s go and see the art exhibition.See if it's just as bad. Ono looked at me.He was terrified.He noticed that my eyes were like two coals burning because the weather was getting colder.I was no longer quiet, and began to dance wildly and restlessly.He looks at me.His vision was obstructed.Between us is a watch that my mom and dad gave me together and a cold pie. Anything can get in our way.Throw anything down and our love is over. I continued: Xiaoye, it’s okay, you can sell it or whatever.It's not a precious birthday present anyway.My parents like this, and they always give me presents for nothing. It took a lot of effort for me to say this sentence.I couldn't say the last word.These words pounded back and forth in my heart.My heart is empty.Because my conscience is gone. The expression on Ono's face suddenly brightened.Like the night sky after a total solar eclipse.The stars are cunning.He said, you are homesick. Yeah yeah yeah.The woman who buys me shaved ice The man who buys me presents The home where I can run wild and the city where I can pick off the stars.In my north, autumn is here, and the leaves are crackling and falling.The trees in front of my house, the leaves are falling off, and they rot away without a chance to see me.How long is a reincarnation? Maybe I will be a tree when we meet again.Ono, let me tell you, you know I always said from the day I fell in love with you, let me be a tree and stand beside Ono.Do you think these words are very interesting, I think it is very interesting now.I forgot, Ono, you have feet.Ono is afraid that being a tree would be a very restless tree.Ono, you are gone but I am always here.Ono, you have plucked all the petals of my enthusiasm.You see my rough, rough branches.I wrote the first story of my growing up on it. They only allowed me to write one sentence, so I wrote: I want to follow Xiao Ye. This sentence takes up too much space.As a result, it took the place of my conscience.You know, my heart just follows you back and forth with these empty words.It does not want to go home because it has no conscience. Ono sat up a little more.He removed the watch and the cake, and there was nothing between us anymore. He said, why is this so. I said, in the final analysis, it is because you don't love me very much. He said, is that so? I said yes. I saw the moon dim again.Ono, are you sad? Ono moved closer.There were icicles and large shadows on his face.I remember the day I followed him out of my friend's bar and it wasn't like that face.This face is a very active ideal.It basked in the sun like everything that summer.But brighter than anything in that summer.It wasn't like that when Ono and I started running together.We are very serious.Serious is an expression associated with white or bright yellow.We were the surprise that was knocked out that summer.We are aggressive.We burn. Ono said let us all try again.He thought for a moment, and for a few seconds, he hugged me.I am that sad doll by the side of the road.He picked me up with a sense of responsibility.I was grateful for a spring and ran away with him in summer.Autumn is here, but my dear, we can't give up. Ono's body no longer smells of perfume.Or worse, not even a copper plate.His face was still mostly dark.Enthusiasm is no longer as turbulent as it used to be.But at this time we finally got very close.My hand is with his.I can be sure that if I speak at this time, he will listen carefully.If I ask a question at this time, he will answer it well.There are not many such times.Too many times he unloads his body to me and leads me along without answering any of my questions. My hand gripped his hand tightly.The infusion tube was almost torn off by me.But I still hold on to it.So tight that my nails dug in on purpose.Is there blood?Ono, are they hot, are they rushing?Ono I like that we all bleed and the graves are red. Ono, the reason I'm grabbing you so hard now is because I've been seeing the scales on your body.I don't like your image of a cold fish.I don't like those blocky sharps.I'm going to wipe them off. Ono and I hugged each other like this.We hugged each other like two children in disaster areas.It's like we just met.We are new and new in love.In the shards and ruins of our last love shot down by ourselves.That was a catastrophe we cannot speak of again. Ono said: Forgive me. In the dark and quiet ward, he uttered these three neat words.He said these three words to stop the bleeding for me.Because he found me covered in injuries before.It hurt so much that it started bumping around.I was covered in blood, and gasping for breath.At this moment, he realized that this girl was a patient whom he had to treat properly.He had left her aside for too long, left hand, right hand, he forgot, ignored, whatever.He let it go so easily and went on to his own great work. The girl on his left or on his right talks to herself, plays with herself, fights with herself.She loves him, but he has no time for her.She began to hold a grudge against him, and in the end she even wanted to bite him.But his hand, that hand was so far away from her.She couldn't hold the hand, so she burst into tears. Dilapidated wards, pretending to be pure and white sheets.We start over here.Watch, Pizza, y'all testify, we're starting over.Ono said he wanted me to forgive him. Forgive me, forgive me.The last story we didn't manage to write.Let it go.You see this newborn love is as gorgeous as a novel.Straight as a tree.Splashes all over my skirt like this fall. He is a boy who has let go of his ideals, without the heavy dreams that have been oppressing his nerves.Did the split Vincent quietly walk away at this moment.Can you all leave the oil paint film, please leave from Ono's mind for a while.I just want to be alone with this boy.He has no ideals and no oppression.He without you in that body. I'm going to go on.Ono and I hugged tightly.There is a heat wave, and summer strikes again.We were all touched. Ono said, go to sleep, we will hit the road tomorrow. I just fell asleep in his arms.This time was fine, his arms and chest were so soft that I wasn't awakened by his hard ideals. My grandmother appeared in my dream.I don't think there is anything more auspicious than this.My grandmother is an old man who has always cared for me.I have been under her protection, but then I lost the gift she gave and ran away with the boy.She must be mad at me, so she never shows up in my dreams again.She is back today.She smiled.I don't quite know why she laughs.But I know she forgives me. There is a clear light in front of me, grandma, have you seen it?