Chapter 30 Chapter 2 The Sad Guest (4)

"What do you want to say but can't say it? You can't get rid of the life here? You want to say that we have been raised as a part of the social machine, a screw, and you lose all grounds if you leave this living body? You want to say From studying to graduating from university, you have already integrated into Taipei. Putting down roots in Taipei is a path of no return, but it turned out that giving up Taipei is also a path of no return? Are you afraid that once you let go, if you regret it, you will not be able to turn back? You I don't want to compete with other people, but the whole life is a crazy race, and you don't want to be the one behind if you don't run?"

"I don't know...maybe?" "You care too much about what other people think of you." "Really? If so, I wouldn't be as decadent as I am today. You don't know me at all." "Okay, then I'll give you a minute and tell me who you are." Marty was taken aback for a moment, and then she replied fluently: "My name is Marty, I am twenty-nine years old. I am from Taipei, no, from Jiangsu, and I was born in Taipei. I graduated from the Department of Foreign Languages ​​of Fuzhou University, majoring in English. I am married... now Separated. I work as a secretary in a computer company, my blood type is A... Now I live in Mucha..." Her speed slowed down.

"this is you?" "yes." "All I hear is the label of social class or group, which describes you from the perspective of general social identity. That is Marty in the eyes of others. Try not to use vertical time to measure your life. To probe the depths of your life laterally, and throw away the social symbols, and tell me who you are." "I, Marty... am twenty-nine years old. I haven't lived the life I want for a year. I've spent two-thirds of my life reading textbooks. I'm lonely because I grew up without a home. I am introverted, I love fantasy, but I seem to be too lazy, I am full of tenderness, but I don’t know who to love. Now I am going to work again, but it seems to make me more at a loss, I am afraid of being a person with a rigid schedule As an office worker, I want to find a chance to escape from this kind of life. What kind of life do I want? What I want is not too much, is freedom? For example, if the weather is so good and sunny today, I want to go to Guidance Mountain Go for a walk, you don’t need to ask others for leave, and you can walk freely after you get permission. Yes, you don’t need to ask others for leave. I really want to be a person who does my own thing, without telling others about me, and without rushing to pursue that This is a typical life, I am eager to grow wings and fly freely. Does this description pass?”

"Very well. You have no reason not to be free." "Who is free in this world?" "The problem is still the same, you care too much about other people's approval. When you say you are not free, it doesn't mean that you have lost the freedom to do what you want to do, but that what you want to do does not get enough approval from others, which brings you Mental or moral pressure, so you feel oppressed, hindered, deprived. Matty, you have wings on your shoulders, and you care too much about other people’s criticism of your flying posture, so you can’t fly.” "What do you mean by the freedom to indulge without regard to any moral code?" Marty asked.

"Why not?" "Is that freedom? Is it free from all social norms, so that you don't become a slave to 'unbridled passion'?" "Very well, you have read some books. In this world, there are political slaves, there are legal slaves, and there are value or moral slaves. It depends on which one you want to do. There is no real freedom, Unless you do not exist in society, but without society, you would not be what you are now. The freedom of indulgence I am talking about is mainly the liberation from your instilled values ​​and outlook on life. This is your life, and society nourishes you , Enough is enough now, start cutting the umbilical cord that society holds to you, and focus on being yourself to the fullest.”

"Like Jill said, too egotistical? If everyone thinks that way, society will collapse." "It's about values ​​again. You're trapped by the values ​​you've learned. Be free from values, so free that you don't even care if you don't have values." "It takes a lot of courage. At least you need...need..." "Knowledge and wisdom, and money." "I'm not as lucky as you. God is not fair to people." "It's not fair. But what's the point of regret? You must know that what nature hates is equality. Fairness comes from the concept of comparison. Once you compare, you will be bound by the scale."

"So you're free?" Marty asked. "I'm." "You don't care about anything?" "I only care about what I care about." "Then what do you care?" “Sad Cafe.” Sad coffee shop is closed.Suyuan helped Xiaoye wash all the cups and plates, and wiped all the tabletops. Xiaoye called a radio taxi for her and watched her go. Xiaoye swallowed the Kangde 600 capsules presented by the guest half an hour ago, and now she has stopped coughing.She turned off the sea-blue shop signs, and the shop suddenly became very dark. The dim yellow lights, and the glass light balls spinning on the small dance floor, reflected the surroundings very quiet and blurred.Xiaoye turned off the music and began to feel a heavy head.

The little leopard jumped into the cat basket behind the counter and took a nap.Xiaoye washed its cat bowl.The other cat bowl, owned by Saturday, has been idle for many days, and there are a few strands of spider silk in the bowl. Xiaoye squatted down to see the colorful reflections on the spider silk, and she washed this bowl too. Xiaoye opened the small birdcage in the store, and there was a quiet emerald green bird in the birdcage, commonly known as a lovebird.Xiaoye put her index finger into the cage, and the lovebird jumped on her finger tamely.Xiaoye took it around the store, and then spun on the small dance floor with open arms. When it twirled, the little bird tightened its neck and pointed its screw-shaped beak in the direction it was going. The wind blew the red feathers on its cheeks, but it didn't fly.Xiaoye was dizzy, and she returned the lovebirds to their cages and filled them with food.

Xiaoye carried a bucket of water to the outside of the store, where she found Haian's pure white sports car.In addition to the heavy locomotives he usually rides, Hai'an also has two cars, of which this one is always stationed in front of the store.Xiaoye first starts the engine to warm up the car, and then washes the car clean. Xiaoye was exhausted.She decided to settle the accounts tomorrow.Hai An will not come in again today, she just saw Hai An and Ming Zi standing outside the store for a long time.Xiaoye pulled down the iron gate.Next to the door of the sad coffee shop, there is a concrete staircase leading to the upper floor of the building. There are three sublet suites upstairs, and Xiaoye rents one of them.

Xiaoye returned to the bedroom.She takes a shower.She combed her short hair.Harley belts and ties hung in her closet, among the rowdy boys' clothes.Xiaoye changed into a cotton T-shirt and shorts, and was sleepy, but she came to the desk.Beside the table was a small bookshelf filled with difficult books for her age and education.She browsed for a while, and finally decided to read English. Xiaoye opened the latest issue of the air American English magazine, put the recorded textbooks into the Walkman, put on the earphones, took out the dictionary and notebook, and began to read along with the tapes.This lesson teaches practical American English for "returning an item to the store."

Xiaoye fell asleep lying on the desk.