Chapter 16 15

4:33 "Creatures of the Deep" was still playing on the TV screen.But that's not the TV of Bai Chuan's house.The screen was much larger, the one in the hotel room at the Alpha City, and Mary and Cricket watched it with half-eyes.They were sitting in armchairs.Marie wears glasses, blazer and satchel on the floor.Cricket watched "Creatures of the Deep Sea" with a bitter expression, and then lost interest, and used the remote control to change channels one after another, but since it was early in the morning, he couldn't find any particularly interesting programs, so he turned off the power in frustration.

Cricket said: "Why, not sleepy? It's better to lie down and sleep for a while. Kaoru is sleeping very deeply in the lounge." "But I'm not so sleepy now," said Mary. "So, a cup of hot tea?" asked the cricket. "If it doesn't bother you." "You can have as much tea as you want, so you don't have to be polite." Cricket made enough Japanese tea for two from tea bags and water from a thermos. "How long do you work until?" "I work with Mai from ten o'clock in the evening to ten o'clock in the morning. After the overnight guests leave, I pack up and finish the work. You can take a nap during this."

"Have you been here long?" "It's been almost a year and a half. It's not a job that can be done in one place for a long time." Mary paused and asked again: "Uh——, is it okay to ask about personal matters?" "It's not a problem. However, some of them may not be easy to answer." "Will it be unpleasant?" "No, no." "You said you gave up your real name, didn't you?" "Well, I said it." "Why did you give up your real name?" Cricket took out the bag of tea and threw it into the ashtray, and put the cup in front of Mary.

"Tell you, because using your real name will cause trouble. There are many reasons for this. To put it bluntly, it is an escape, an escape from a certain aspect." Cricket took a sip of his tea, "So—you may not know—if you really If you want to get away from something, being a love hotel employee is the most convenient job. Well, the average hotel hostess is more expensive-you can get tips from the guests. The problem is, that kind of job always has to show your face Right? You have to talk. In this regard, the employees of the love hotel can do things without showing their faces. They can work quietly in a dark place, and the sleeping place is also prepared, and there is no need to submit a resume to find a guarantee People, those kind of long-winded things. As for the name, when I said that I didn’t want to reveal my real name, the other party said that it’s better to call it Cricket, so I got away with it. After all, there are not enough people. Besides, working in this kind of place, Not a lot of people feel bad about it.”

"So you can't stay in one place for a long time?" "Exactly. If you procrastinate in one place for a long time, one day you will reveal your true colors and have to change places non-stop. From Hokkaido to Okinawa, there is no place without a love hotel, and it is not a problem to find a job. But here is a good place to live. It's very comfortable, and even Ah Xun is a good person, I stayed for a long time before I knew it." "Escaped for a long time?" "Yeah, almost three years." "Have you been doing this kind of work?" "Well, here and there."

"So, is the opponent you want to avoid scary?" "Terrible, absolutely terrible. But I can't say any more, and I've taken care not to say it as much as possible." There was a moment of silence between the two.Mary drank tea and Cricket stared at the empty TV screen. "What was it before?" asked Mary, "that is, before running around like this?" "I used to be an ordinary female employee. After graduating from high school, I joined a well-known trading company in Osaka. I wore a uniform and worked from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm. At your age. It was during the Kobe earthquake. Thinking about it now, it’s like a dream. In addition... there is a small reason, a very small thing. At first I thought it was nothing serious, but when I realized it, I was at the point where I couldn’t move, I couldn’t move forward, I couldn’t retreat. So throw away the job, throw away the parents."

Mary watched the crickets silently. "Er - sorry, what's your name?" asked the Cricket. "Mary." "Mary, the ground we're standing on looks solid, but if there's a slight disturbance, it'll sink 'suddenly'. Once it sinks, you'll be reimbursed, and you won't be able to get up again. If you go down, you can only be alone in the dark below. live in a world that seems like nothing.” Cricket thought about what he said again, and quietly shook his head as if reflecting. "Of course, it's also possible that I'm too weak as a person. It's because of my weakness that I drifted along in a daze. I should have sensed where to stop and stopped, but I didn't—although I'm not qualified to teach you by example..."

"What if you are found out? That is, the person who is chasing you?" "This—what should I do?" Cricket said, "I don't know, I'm too lazy to think so much." Mary was silent.Cricket picked up the TV remote control, fiddled with the buttons left and right, but did not turn on the TV. "When I finish my work and get into bed, I always think this way: I hope I don't wake up after I fall asleep, just let me sleep like this, so that I don't have to think about anything. By the way, I still dream, the same dream, dreaming that someone He kept chasing after himself, and was finally caught by him, and he was taken to a place like a refrigerator, and the lid was closed——at this moment, he woke up suddenly, sweating so much that his clothes were wet. I was chased when I was awake, and I was chased in my sleep. I always hold my heart. I can breathe a sigh of relief, only when I am here drinking tea and chatting with Ah Xun and Mai Tiannanhaibei... By the way, say Speaking of this, Mary, this is the first time. I haven’t talked to Kaoru, and I haven’t talked to Mai.”

"What are you talking about escaping?" "Hmm. Of course I think they're also vaguely aware of it." The two were silent for a moment. "Would you believe me?" said Cricket. "letter." "real?" "Of course it is." "Maybe I'm talking nonsense, God knows what's going on, and it's the first time we meet again." "But you don't look like a liar," said Mary. "I'm glad you say that," said the Cricket. "There's something I want to show you." Cricket rolled up his shirt, revealing his back.There are things like brand marks symmetrically printed on both sides of the spine on the back.Three slashes reminiscent of a bird's claw.It appears to have been seared on with a soldering iron, and the surrounding skin is pulled tightly.Marks of severe pain.Mary frowned involuntarily.

"That's part of what I've suffered," said Cricket. "Being marked, and besides, in places that aren't easy to show. Not lying, this." "outrageous!" "This stuff hasn't been shown to anyone yet, but I want you to believe I'm telling the truth." "believe." "For you, I think it's okay to tell the truth, why don't you know..." Cricket put down his shirt and let out a long breath, as if his mood had come to an end. "Hey, cricket." "Ok?" "I haven't said this to anyone, can I tell you?"

"Okay, okay, it's done." Cricket replied. "I have a sister—two sisters—two years older than me." "Well." "Two months ago, my sister said she was going to sleep for a while, and she announced that in front of the whole family during dinner. But no one minded. Although it was only seven o'clock, because my sister usually sleeps irregularly, there is nothing to make a fuss about. Yes. We said 'good night'. My sister barely moved her chopsticks, went to her room and went to bed and has not woken up since then." "Always?" "Yes," said Mary. Cricket frowned: "Not awake at all?" "Sometimes it seems like waking up," Mary said, "with less food on the table, going to the toilet, showering occasionally, and changing clothes. So, the minimum activities needed to sustain life are to get up and do as needed. What I do is indeed the minimum. But neither I nor my family have ever seen my sister get up. Every time we go, my sister falls asleep on the bed. It’s not a fake sleep, but a real sleep. I can’t hear breathing Noisy, motionless, almost dead. No matter how loud or shaken, she won't wake up." "Then... didn't you ask a doctor to see it?" "The doctor who visits the doctor often comes to see the situation. Because he is a family health doctor, he didn't do a formal examination, but from a medical point of view, there is nothing unusual about my sister. She doesn't have a fever, and her pulse and blood pressure are a little low, but it's not a problem. Nutrition is also good. Generally enough, no need for drips, just fast asleep. Of course, if it looks like lethargy, the problem is not trivial, but she can wake up from time to time to deal with her own affairs, no need for nursing. Went to the psychiatrist, but the doctor said that There is no precedent for this kind of symptom. Since I announced that I will sleep for a while and go to sleep directly, since I need that kind of sleep in my heart, I am afraid that she can only sleep slowly for a while, and said that even if the treatment has to wait for sleep Discuss it face to face after waking up. In this way, she has been asleep." "Didn't you get a full check-up in the hospital?" "The parents tried to think of the best, saying that after my sister got enough sleep, she would suddenly wake up one day as if nothing had happened, and everything would be as usual—putting hope on that possibility. But I can't bear it, or it's not as good as Said that sometimes I feel unbearable, can't bear to live under the same roof with my sister who has been sleeping for two months for no reason." "So you leave the house and wander the streets in the middle of the night?" "I can't sleep well," Mary said. "When I want to sleep, my sister who is sleeping next door comes to my mind. When I get serious, I can't stay at home anymore." "Two months? ... long enough!" Mary nodded silently. Cricket said: "Tell you, of course I don't know the details, but your sister is afraid that there is a big problem in her heart, which can't be solved by herself, so she just got into bed and slept in the dark." , I want to escape from this living world for a while. I don’t understand that kind of feeling, or rather, I empathize with it.” "Do you have siblings?" "Yes, two younger brothers." "Good?" "In the past." Cricket said, "I don't know now, I haven't seen you for a long time." "To be honest, I don't know much about my sister," Mary said, "I don't know what kind of life she lives, what she thinks, what kind of people she associates with, or even whether she has any troubles. It may be indifferent to say that. ——Although we live in the same family, my sister is busy with my sister’s work, and I am busy with mine. There has never been such a thing as a heart-to-heart conversation between sisters. It’s not that the relationship is not good. We haven’t had a single fight since we grew up. It’s just that we They lived their own lives for a long time..." Mary stared at the TV screen where nothing was showing. Cricket said: "What kind of person is your sister? If you don't know the internal situation, then you can talk about the superficial situation. Can you tell me briefly what you know about your sister?" "College student, she went to a church system university that girls from rich families go to. She is 21 years old. She is a sociology major, but it can't be seen that she is interested in sociology. Put it in a university, do the exams smartly. Give me pocket money from time to time, let me write small papers for you. In addition, it is a magazine model, and occasionally on TV shows." "TV? What program?" "It's not a big deal, for example, smiling and showing the products of the quiz show to everyone, that's it. or something." "He must be pretty." "Everyone says that, and it's not like me at all." "If possible, I really want to be so beautiful, even once." As he spoke, Cricket let out a short sigh. After a little hesitation, Mary said as if to tell a secret: "It's strange to say... my sister who is sleeping is indeed beautiful, maybe even more beautiful than usual, she is almost like a crystal, and even my younger sister is surprised." "Like Sleeping Beauty." "yes." "Someone wakes up with a kiss," said Cricket. "By chance." The two were silent for a while.Cricket was still fiddling with the TV remote control aimlessly.An ambulance siren blares in the distance. "Hey, do you believe in reincarnation?" Mary shook her head: "Probably not, I think." "So you think there is no afterlife?" "I haven't thought about that kind of thing deeply, and I feel that there is no reason to think that there is an afterlife." "That is to say, after death, there is only nothing left?" "Basically so," said Mary. "For me, I think there should be something like reincarnation, or it would be terrible if it didn't exist. Because I can't understand what nothing is, can't understand it, and can't imagine it." "Nothing is absolutely nothing, there is no need to understand and imagine." "However, what if there is something that insists on understanding and imagining? You haven't died, have you? I'm afraid you won't be able to understand that thing unless it actually died once." "That's exactly what it is..." "Every time I think of this, I get terrified for a while," said Cricket. "Just thinking about it makes me gasp for breath, and my body curls up into a ball. Then, believing in reincarnation is a little bit easier. No matter the next reincarnation is What a terrible thing, at least you can imagine what it looks like, such as yourself turning into a horse or yourself turning into a snail. Even if it doesn’t work next time, you can still gamble on another chance.” "But I still don't think there's anything natural about being dead," said Mary. "I'm afraid it's because you're mentally strong?" "I?" Cricket nodded: "You seem to be very assertive." Mary shook her head and said, "It's not like that. I can't talk about having any opinions. When I was a child, I didn't have any self-confidence, and I was always trembling, so I was often bullied at school, and I became the target of being bullied from time to time. The feeling at that time still remains. In my heart, I often dream of dreams.” "But it's better to take the time to overcome that thing bit by bit, and get rid of the unpleasant memories at that time?" "Little by little," said Mary, and she nodded. "Little by little. I'm that type. I'm a hard worker." "What is a man working on like a blacksmith in the forest?" "yes." "I think it's amazing to be able to do that." "Effort?" "Be able to work hard." "Even if there are no other advantages?" The cricket smiled silently. Mary thought about the cricket's words, and then said: "Slowly take time to build your own world bit by bit - there is such an experience. One can relax to a certain extent when one enters there. However, one has to deliberately Building that kind of world means I'm a vulnerable person, right? And even that world, in the eyes of the world, is nothing more than a world of insignificance, like a hut made of cardboard boxes, a slightly stronger wind. Blow, I don’t know where it gets blown..." "Is there a lover?" Cricket asked. Mary shook her head slightly. Cricket said: "Is it still a virgin?" Mary blushed, nodded slightly and said, "Yes." "Good thing, nothing to be embarrassed about." "Ok." "Did you meet someone you like?" Cricket asked. "There are people to get along with, but..." "Progress to a certain level, but not to the last step." "Yes," Mary said, "curiosity is naturally there, but it can't produce such a mood... I can't explain it." "That's okay. I'm not in that mood. You don't have to force it. To tell you the truth, I've slept with quite a few men before. In the final analysis, it's because of fear. I'm afraid if I don't hold anyone. When someone asks I didn't say no clearly, that's all. That kind of sleeping method is not beneficial at all, it will only wear away the meaning of living a little bit. Do you understand what I mean?" "like." "Also, when you find a real good person, I think you will be more confident then than you are now. Don't give up halfway, some things in the world can only be done by one person, and some things can only be done by two people. side by side.” Mary nodded. The cricket scratched its earlobe with its little finger. "I'm too late, sorry." "Well, Cricket," said Mary in a solemn voice. "Ok?" "I hope I can escape cleverly." "From time to time, I feel like I'm running a race against my own shadow," said Cricket. "No matter how fast you run and escape, it's impossible to get rid of it completely, because your own shadow can't be shaken off." "Actually, that's not necessarily the case." Mary hesitated for a moment before adding, "Maybe it's not my own shadow, but something else completely different." Cricket thought for a while, then nodded. "Yeah, I can only find a way to persevere." Cricket glanced at his watch, stretched himself long, stood up and said, "Okay, I have to go to work. You rest here for a while, and go home early after dawn, remember?" "Ok." "Your sister's affairs must be going well, I have that feeling, it always seems to be." "Thank you!" said Mary. "Right now you and your sister don't seem to match, but I think there was a time when they did—recall the moment when you really felt close to your sister and really felt like a match! It may not be realistic right now, but if you think about it, it should be I can think of it. In any case, the family spends a long time together, and one or two things like that will always happen." "Okay," Mary said. "Well, I often think about the past, especially after running around all over Japan. In this way, once I try my best to recall, all kinds of memories will come back quite clearly, and things that have been forgotten for a long time will also be forgotten. It's really interesting to remember it vividly because of a coincidence. Human memory is indeed a strange thing. Useless and meaningless past events are filled in its drawers, but important things that are indispensable in reality are forgotten one by one. " Cricket was still standing there holding the TV remote. She continued: "So I think that people probably use memory as fuel to live. As for whether the memory is important in reality, it doesn't seem to matter to sustain life. It's just fuel. Sent with the newspaper Whether it’s advertising flyers, philosophical works, sexy photography coloring pages, or a bundle of ten thousand dollar bills, it’s all pieces of paper thrown into the fire, right? Fire doesn’t have to burn while thinking, ‘Oh, this is Kant "La" This is the evening paper of the Yomiuri Shimbun. "La, you have beautiful breasts." When it comes to the fire, it's all just ordinary paper. It's the same thing as this—important memories, or not-so-important ones. Whether it is useless memory or not, it is all ordinary fuel without distinction." Cricket nodded alone, and continued: "So, if I didn't have that kind of fuel, if I didn't have something like a memory drawer on my body, I think I would have snapped in two with a bang, and I would have been in the Dirty place, poor, poor, dying. It is because I can take out all kinds of memories in small pieces anytime, anywhere—important or indifferent—that I can make do Continue to live, even if it is this kind of nightmare life. Even if you think you can't hold on, you still get through it." Mary sat in her chair and looked up at the cricket's face. "So, you have to use your brain as much as possible to think about all kinds of things, including your sister. That will definitely become valuable fuel, whether it is for you or your sister." Mary watched the crickets silently. Cricket glanced at his watch again: "We have to go." "Thank you, thank you so much!" said Mary. Cricket waved his hand and walked out of the room. Mary was left alone, and she looked around the room again.A room in a small love hotel has no windows, and when the Venetian blinds are opened, there are only hollows in the walls.Only the bed is ridiculously big, and there are many inexplicable switches beside the pillow, just like the cockpit of an airplane.Vending machines have animated electric dildos and oddly shaped colorful briefs.It is certainly a strange scene for Mary, but there is no hostile impression.Staying alone in this weird room, Mary felt that she was protected, and noticed that she had a long-lost peace of mind.She retracted deeply into the chair, closed her eyes, and fell into a deep sleep.The time was short, but the sleep was deep—it was what she had been seeking for so long.