Chapter 31 Chapter Eight - All Minds, Struggling to Breathe

Please tell me, how can I fly without breaking my wings straight in your direction I've lost my balance, I'm stuck here All the mind, struggling to breathe Tears seem to contain resistance When the gap comes, it will burst dear you how i miss you "I'm sorry, please step aside." After the train stopped, a man with a crew cut walked to the door and nodded. I stood up, opened the door, got out of the car first, and waited on the platform. About ten people got out of the car, and the last one got off was a young mother holding a little boy. "Say goodbye to uncle," said the young mother.

"Uncle, goodbye." The little boy said goodbye with a smile. It was the little boy who thought I was weird. Before getting into the car, I turned and glanced at the platform. It turns out that I have already arrived in my hometown, Chiayi. Although it takes another hour to take the bus from Chiayi City to my house. When I got in the car, I glanced at the compartment, and the car was a little empty. Only 50 minutes away from Tainan by car, I simply waited by the car door. He opened the door and looked at the sky. As expected of southern Taiwan, although the temperature is slightly cold, it is sunny after all.

He took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes, and put them on. Take out the ninth cigarette and read. "Don't worry. You stay where you are and I'll get to you." Facing the words on the cigarette, I talked to myself. The train was driving on the endless Chianan Plain, and there were farmlands as far as the eye could see. This was exactly the stage I played as a kid. Mingjing once said that she hopes to live in a large green grassland in the future. If she was born here, she should be very happy. It's a pity that this kind of scenery is only familiar and friendly to me, and I don't particularly like it.

Do I feel the same way about Mingjing? As for Tsuen, I always have an indescribable feeling. It was a very familiar, yet very strange feeling. What is familiar is her in the previous life, and what is unfamiliar is her in this life. It seems to work the other way around. If strong emotions must be accompanied by a long time, Then I can't think of any other explanations other than using what I have known in my previous life to explain. This statement is fatal and goes against the scientific training I have received for several years. I am ashamed of what I have learned. I studied for a total of 18 years, and spent the last few years wrestling with the laws of physics.

Although I didn't read the book very well, it's impossible for me to believe in things like memories from previous lives. Memory is neither matter nor energy, how can it be transmitted between time and space? Unless the memory can be digitized. But in my previous life, I probably didn't have a computer. The memory of the previous life is long gone.And the memory of this life is still clear. Especially about Mingjing, or Tsuen. I remember that when I just finished my student career, I was really troubled for a while in the face of the upcoming employment pressure. Neither Bosen nor I need to serve in the army. I am short-sighted and Bosen has hyperthyroidism.

Brother Ziyao has already served in the army, so there is no question of military service. After graduation, he was the first of the three of us to find a job in a construction plant. Sister Xiuzhi also graduated successfully, and then worked as an intern teacher of Chinese liberal arts in a public high school in Tainan City. Mingjing was about to study in her third year of graduate school, and it was her turn to face the pressure of rushing to finish her thesis. Sun Ying went to work in Changhua, and gradually lost contact. She became the first host plant to leave me. Bo Sen's home is in Taipei, and he originally wanted to work in the Science Park in Hsinchu.

But when he saw two poems written by a senior working in the park on the departmental edition of the BBS, he gave up the idea of ​​returning to work in the north. Title of the first poem: "The man in the park had no appointment and nowhere to go on Valentine's Day, so he had to go to the grave" "I worked hard day and night, and I was asked to sacrifice to the grave on Qixi Festival. As soon as you enter the garden, the gate is as deep as the sea, and you will not be stained with makeup from then on. " Title of the second poem: "A classmate at the wedding banquet asked me when I was going to get married, and I cried and cried."

"Twenty-four graduates, six years in the park. Do you want to get married?Double tears fall in front of you. " Later, Bosen found a job in an engineering consulting company in Kaohsiung. He bought a second-hand car and used it to commute to get off work every day. The drive time is one hour and ten minutes, which is not too short. I hit a wall for a month and finally decided to go back to school and work as a research assistant. In the evening, I will also work as a tutor or work as a teacher in a cram school to earn more money. Although we have our own jobs, I, Bo Sen, brother Ziyao and sister Xiuzhi still live in the same place.

Before the thesis oral exam, Tsuen called me. Knowing that I was preparing for my dissertation oral exam, she asked the date of the oral exam and said: "Come on, I'll pray for you. That's all I can do." It's a bit strange to use the word pray, after all, I'm not on the battlefield or in the hospital. But Tsuen is like this. Although the words used are strange, they are very direct. After the graduation ceremony, Tsuen called me again. At the beginning, I hesitated for a long time, and I was very puzzled. When I asked her what happened, she said: "You... have you graduated successfully?"

"Successful graduation?" I laughed, "Thanks to you, I graduated successfully." "That's great." Tsuen seemed relieved, "I thought... thought..." "Do you think I can't graduate?" "It's not that I think, it's that I'm worried." "Now that I've graduated, are you happy?" "Yes." Tsuen also laughed, "I'm very happy." After deciding to stay in school as a research assistant, I moved the books and sundries from the research room to the assistant's room. The location of making coffee has also been moved from the research room to the assistant room.

Although this job also has so-called commuting time, but when rushing to report, I still have to work overtime. Because I just left my research career, I still have the habit of staying up late in the assistant room. Sometimes Bosen would come to accompany me, and we would drink coffee together and talk about work and future plans. Once the topic went too far, and Sun Ying was mentioned. "Do you know that Sun Ying treats you very well?" I asked Bo Sen. "Of course I know, I'm not as dull as you." "Then why do you..." "I choose a girl I like, not a girl who likes me." Berson interrupted me, took one look at me, and went on, "Cai Chong, when you like a girl, you should tell her. When you don't like a girl, you should let her know as soon as possible. Of course, what I call liking refers to the kind of liking between men and women." "Oh." I replied vaguely. "It's time to change your personality." Bo Sen took a sip of coffee and looked out the window. "why?" "You dare not actively pursue the girl you like, and you can't bear to reject the girl who likes you..." Bo Sen turned around, "Shouldn't this kind of personality be changed?" "Should it really be changed?" "You must change, otherwise it will be miserable." "can you?" "Of course. Because love is an absolutely selfish thing, but you are not a selfish person." "Selfish?" "Love is not allowed to be shared, so it is selfish. It is different from friendship and family affection." "Be true to your own feelings. Facing the girl you like, you must be brave in pursuing it, and you should not hesitate. To the girl who likes you, you can only say sorry, not accommodate. " "Person, why are you telling me this today?" "We have been good friends for six years. I can't keep watching you hesitate and drag your feet." "Would I do that?" "That's how you treat Lin Mingjing. It's just that I don't know if you like her or not." "I……" I can't answer. Scoop out the cream ball, pour into the coffee mug, and stir the coffee clockwise with a spoon. Eyes watch the swirl in the cup until the color of the coffee changes from strong to pale. When I stirred it clockwise twice and was about to pick up the cup, Boysen asked suspiciously: "Chopworm, what are you doing? Why do you keep looking at the swirl in the coffee cup?" "I'm... huh?" I couldn't help exclaiming in a low voice. Because I unconsciously performed what Tsuen called "Missing". "But who am I thinking about?" I said to myself. I seem to suddenly think of Tsuen again. I haven't seen Tsuen for two months, how is she doing? Tsuen doesn't have a phone in my assistant's room, so even if she calls during this time, I don't know. That night, I opened all the drawers and searched every corner carefully. Finally found Tsuen's business card. But what if you find it? I always thought that calling a girl required reasons and excuses. In other words, it takes courage. I hesitated for two days, and went to the previous research room to wait for the phone call for two nights. For four consecutive days, Tsuen appeared more and more frequently in my mind, and the time became longer and longer. On the fifth day, at noon on the first Sunday in August, I called Tsuen. To this day, I still remember how fast my heart beat at that time. I don't know why, but I just feel jittery and anxious. Especially after hearing Tsuen's voice. "How are you?" "I……" "What's wrong?" "No. I thought you were mad at me." "No, why should I be angry?" "Because I can't find you on the phone." "You take out your pen and I'll give you a new phone number." "Ok." "Your voice is so messy." "Nonsense." Tsuen finally laughed, "You're the one who is messed up." "can you?" "That's not your usual voice." "Ok?" "Your voice now seems to be a fusion of the normal voice and the bell's voice." "Molten together?" "Hmm. I can't really describe that sound, but it means you're nervous." "I can't hide anything from you." I laughed. "Sorry, I have something to do later, so I'll say goodbye first." "Oh? Sorry." "it does not matter." "Then... goodbye." "bye." After hanging up the phone, I felt an inexplicable sense of loss. It seems that you only know that you have lost one important thing, but you have forgotten what that thing is? Maybe it's because the phone call with Tsuen ended a bit hastily this time. I was in a daze in the assistant room for a while, and found that I couldn't calm down to work at all, so I just went to watch a movie, anyway, it was Sunday. After watching the movie, when I came home, no one else was there. I had no choice but to pack a lunch box and have dinner in the assistant's room. Around seven o'clock, I received a call from Tsuen in the assistant room for the first time. "You... hello." Tsuen's voice was very soft. "What's wrong? Your voice sounds weird." "There are so many people here, I'm not used to it." "where are you?" "I'm on the platform of Tainan Railway Station." "What? Are you in Tainan?" "Well. After talking to you on the phone at noon, I will come to Tainan." "Are you going back to Kaohsiung by train now?" "Hmm." Tsuen's voice still sounded a little uneasy. "Your voice is also melted into the sound of the bell." "Stop making fun of me." "Sorry." I smiled. "The train won't be here in fifteen minutes. Until then, could you please speak with me?" "Can't." "Yes... I'm sorry." Tsuen hung up the phone. I was taken aback, I was joking. I walked back and forth three times by the phone, and began to silently count in my heart, counting from 1 to 100. After guessing that Tsuen would not call again, I gritted my teeth, picked up the motorcycle key, and rushed downstairs. Go straight to the train station. The school is next door to the station, and it takes less than three minutes to get there by bike. I parked the locomotive at the gate of the station, bought a platform ticket, and ran into the platform. Sure enough, there were a lot of people on the platform, but most of them were more or less active. Only Tsuen was still, so I spotted her quickly. Tsuen leaned against the pillars on the platform, still holding the black handbag in both hands. She lowered her head, her hair was loose on her chest, and her eyes seemed to be fixed on her shoes. The right shoe protrudes half a bit forward than the left shoe, judging from the angle of her gaze, Tsuen should be looking at the right shoe. "Your shoes are beautiful." I approached Tsuen and said softly. Tsuen raised his head, his eyes widened slightly, but he didn't speak. "Stand back a little bit, you're very close to the yellow line on the platform." Tsuen stood up straight, turned his back away from the pillar, and took a step back. "Sorry. Just on the phone, I was joking." Tsuen bit her lower lip and lowered her head. I raised my hands high, my arms slightly bent, and my fingers touched, forming a circle. Put the five fingers of your left hand together and straighten them upward at a 45-degree angle. The right hand follows the gesture of "Z" and writes in the air. Then cross your hands and make an "X". "You're making random comparisons again. I'm sorry that's not how you compare." Tsuen finally spoke. "I haven't finished the comparison yet. I only compared to the universe super thunderbolt invincibility, sorry I haven't compared yet." "Then you can compare." "Hmm... I forgot how I was sorry last time." I rubbed my head and smiled awkwardly.Tsuen looked at me and smiled. "Universal super thunderbolt invincible sorry." "Ok." "Can you forgive me?" "Ok." "I won't make jokes anymore." "You just can't do it." "Would I do that?" "You promised me last time that you wouldn't disappear suddenly. You can't do it." "I didn't disappear. I just changed my phone number." "Yeah." Tsuen paused for a few seconds, then nodded. "What is the universe super thunderbolt invincible?" Tsuen raised his head and asked curiously. "It means that it is too extreme." "Ok?" "In mathematics, this is a concept similar to "approaching to"." "I do not understand." "For example, there is a number that is very, very close to zero, close to infinity, but not zero. We can then say that it "approaches" zero. " "Well, I get it. If the super Thunderbolt invincible in the universe likes it, it's close to love." "It's my turn to not understand." "Because we don't understand love, and it is impossible to say love, we have to use the super thunderbolt invincible like in the universe to approach love."