Chapter 26 Chapter 7 - Red Bean on the Acacia Tree

I would like to be a red bean on the acacia tree Please sway gently under the tree I will carefully, bright red, fall into your hands dear you Even if I settle down for ten years and put it in a drawer The missing heart may be dimmed but i never fade red coat "Ershui, Ershui Station is here. Passengers getting off the bus, please don't forget your luggage." The sound of the radio on the train brought me back to the Juguang train going south. And in my mind, there are still remnants of Tsuen's smile and gestures when he left. I regained my senses, took out the eighth cigarette from the cigarette case, and read.

Well, the words above are correct. After ten years of storage, the acacia beans are still red. When I was in high school, there was an acacia tree at the school gate, and acacia beans would often drop. I picked up a few. It has been more than ten years now, and although the color has darkened a bit, it is still red. It turns out that Acacia Bean, like me, will keep suppressing himself. When the mood of yearning has been suppressed all the time, will it also collapse in the end? And I will take this train to the south, is it also the result of the collapse of missing? I stretched my muscles, walked to the compartment, and opened the door.

It's not that I want to jump off the car, it's just that I want to blow the wind again. We are approaching southern Taiwan. Although the weather is still too cloudy, the air outside the car is no longer damp and cold. This is the air smell I am familiar with. Suddenly I remembered the metaphor that Bosen said, "Love is like picking up stones along the river". Although Berson said that in the world of love, there are no rules at all. But are there really no rules? For me, this thing should have the rule of stopping at red lights and going at green lights, so as not to cause traffic chaos.

Bo Sen also said that when you see a stone you like, you should pick it up immediately and change it later when you want to. But I forgot to ask Bosen, what should I do if there are two stones with different shapes but the same weight? Pick up both stones at the same time? Human beings probably don't understand much more about love than they do about Mars. Maybe love is like a ghost, because people who meet ghosts can't describe the appearance of ghosts properly. Before encountering a ghost, everyone can only imagine, so the image of a ghost in everyone's mind is different.

Only after encountering a ghost can one know what a ghost looks like. But you can only know it, you can't describe it to others. Others may not be able to understand. Looking at the trees passing by outside the car, I sighed. Comparing love to a ghost, no wonder people say I am a strange person. Only Mingjing and Quan never regarded me as a strange person. "You're special, not weird." Mingjing would look directly at me tenderly and speak with a heavier tone. "You're not surprised." Tsuen frowned slightly, then kept shaking his head.Place your hands palms down, flat on the table.

Mingjing and Tsuen, Tsuen and Mingjing. How lucky I am to know Ming Jing and Tsuen at the same time. How unfortunate that he knew Tsuen and Mingjing at the same time. When we don't know what love is, we have to choose to accept or refuse. Just like the situation when Ming Jing appeared. I have to choose to accept Mingjing or reject Mingjing. But when we seem to know what love is, we have been unable to accept and reject it. Just like when Tsuen appeared. I can no longer accept Tsuen, nor can I refuse Tsuen. The right hand holding the iron rod inside the car door tightened a bit.

Another pain in my right shoulder. I had to close the door and sit on the bottom step of the door. Lean forward, lightly touch the door with your forehead, rest your elbows on your knees. He took off his glasses, closed his eyes, and gently rubbed his temples with both hands. Take a few deep breaths and try to relax. Tsuen is right, I can't express emotions with words and sounds in the language right now. Only subconscious actions. Tsuen, although you suddenly appeared in my life because of Sun Ying's introduction. But I still want to ask you again, "Is this really the first time we've met?"

After Tsuen left on the train that day, on the way back to the laboratory, I kept thinking about this question. So in the middle of the night on the campus of Chengda University, I wandered around. After returning to the research room, prepare to grind coffee beans and make coffee. "Let's make two cups," Person said. "Okay." I added two more spoonfuls of coffee beans. After the coffee was made, I sat in a chair and Bosen sat on my desk, and we chatted while drinking coffee. "Why did you go out so long today? I've been waiting for you for dinner." Person asked.

"Oh? Sorry." Suddenly remembered, Tsuen and I didn't have dinner. However, I don't feel hungry right now. "How is it? What kind of manuscript does Sun Ying's friend want you to write?" "Stop writing. She knows I'm busy." "Then why did you talk for so long?" "Yes. Why?" I stirred my coffee, very confused. The phone rang suddenly. I bounced up reflexively, ran to the phone, and picked it up. Sure enough, it was Tsuen calling. "I am home." "Good. Are you tired?" "Not tired." "Then...it's very late, should you go to bed?"

"I don't want to sleep yet. I usually write in the middle of the night." "Oh." Then we were silent for a while, Tsuen's breathing was very soft. "Can I talk to you later?" "Of course you can." "I said a lot of strange things today, will you be angry?" "No. And what you say makes sense, it's not surprising." "Well. Then let me say good night first, you should be busy." "Good night." "Will we meet again?" "Most definitely." "Good night." Tsuen laughed.

After hanging up the phone, I let out a long breath, and my stomach began to feel hungry. So Bo Sen and I left the research room and went to have a late-night snack. I was a little absent-minded when I was eating, and I often answered questions when Bosen asked questions. "Cai Chong, you must be exhausted. Go home and get some sleep." Person patted me on the shoulder. I cycled home, took a shower, lay down on the bed, and soon fell asleep. At this time of day, I am not allowed to think wildly. Because there are less than two months left to submit the first draft of the thesis. All the courses that should be taken have been completed, there is no pressure to attend classes, and only the writing of the thesis is left. I go out at about eleven o'clock every morning, buy a lunch box on the way, and eat in the research room. Dinner was sometimes eaten with Person, and sometimes casually on the way home. After dinner, take a shower, occasionally watch a professional baseball game on TV, and then go to the research room. I didn't go home to sleep until around four o'clock in the morning. For my thesis, I need to write numerical programs. I use the language of the program to control the program. I control the flow of the program, control the thinking of the program, and require it to execute repeatedly according to my orders. Once I suddenly wondered, am I just a program written by God? Are my responses to stimuli exactly what God intended? So I don't have such a thing as "autonomous will". Even if I feel that I have the will to resist, is this "will" also God's setting? Is that so? Because during this time, I just know that the same cycle repeats every day. Get up, go out, go to the laboratory, run the program, eyes can't open, go home, lie down, get up. Even if it took ten minutes longer to eat, I would feel sorry for the nation. I think God must have added a governing equation in my mind: "IF you want to play, THEN you must die very hard look?" Translated into Chinese, it means: "If you want to play, then you must die ugly."