Chapter 4 Chapter 1 - I'm like a hibernating bear

I miss you, I've reached the limit of flooding Even when I'm with you, I still think of you Stranded cetaceans want to swim back to sea, I miss you so dear you What do you think? This is the word on the third cigarette. I am stuck here and can't get up or down, which seems to be another type of stranding. There are hours to go on this train, and it's time to think of something to pass the time. What should I think? I don't want to think about the nonsense of how fast I should run after jumping out of the car. So what about the question of whether nuclear four should be built?

This great political question is like a big black bear in the forest, If you accidentally touch it, the best way is to play dead. Playing dead is actually very useful. For example, during the 2000 Taiwan general election, when someone asked me who I voted for, I would show him my death. From the first cigarette, I always concentrate on reading the above text, and then lose my mind. Tsuen once told me that when I meditate, I sometimes look sad. "Can you think of more happy things?" Tsuen's tone was a bit reluctant. "I don't know what makes me happier when I think about it."

"Then..." Tsuen lowered her head and said softly, "Will you be happy when you miss me?" "Yeah." I smiled, "but you are by my side now, I don't need to miss you." Tsuen also laughed.The eyes twinkle and twinkle like stars. Or think of something else.How much Tsuen wants me to be happy. Mingjing also told me to remember that I must be happier. But on this crowded train, it is really hard for me to think of something happy. Since I came to work in Taipei, all I can think about are the engineering problems that I will encounter at work, which is very annoying.

I am exposed to a lot of equations and numbers every day, and I seem to have returned to the days when I was in graduate school. At the beginning, in order to relieve the boredom of studying, I occasionally wrote some white articles on the Internet. Maybe now you can also use the train as the background to conceive a story to pass the time. The hero and heroine in the story meet for the first time on the train as if by fate, and then fall in love, it is the kind of love to death.But later they found out that they were half-brothers and sisters who had been separated for many years. After being in pain, they decided to take the train together again and planted a time bomb on the train, intending to die in love vigorously.Ten seconds before the bomb detonated, the train crashed into a black Mercedes-Benz sedan on a level crossing, and a certain high-ranking official was sitting in the car (you can choose the official with the lowest satisfaction in the poll at that time).

Who knew that they were sitting in the first car, when the train collided with the car, they were ejected from the train, rolled three times in the air and fell into a nearby stream, so they survived.The senior official was more unlucky, he was killed by the collision first, and then by the bombing.They should have been held criminally responsible, but because the senior official and his superiors often quarreled over the construction of the Nuclear Fourth, they were granted an amnesty. The hero's horoscope is poor, and when he fell into the stream, he hit his head and lost his memory. The heroine went to the hospital to take care of him every day, but fell in love with the male doctor in the hospital.After the hero regained his memory, he felt the impermanence of the world, so he began to write novels, and finally became a best-selling author.

Well, this novel should break the record for the highest number of deaths in a romance novel. What a perfect story, I admire in my heart. I couldn't help grinning the corners of my mouth and giggling. "Mom...what the hell is that man doing?" The little boy who grabbed the corner of his mother's clothes finally couldn't help raising his head and asked his mother softly. I turned my head and saw the little boy's right hand pointing at me.I smiled at him. "Uncle is thinking about something. It's rude to ask like that." The little boy's mother nodded at me with an apologetic smile.

It's a young mother who looks about the same age as me, so I have no choice but to admit that I am called uncle. I looked at him. He was an easy-going little boy, and I envied his curiosity. I was not a curious baby since I was a child, so I would not ask teachers or parents: Questions such as "The rice is obviously white, why is the stool yellow?" I always feel that the answer to all the questions is like reaching out to my parents for money to buy candy and getting slapped; And if you ask for money to buy books or ballpoint pens, they will readily agree and ask you if you are simple enough.

Simple enough not to allow you to doubt. This may be because when I was in elementary school, I saw my classmates asking the teacher: "Why does the sun come out from the east?" As a result, the teacher scolded him: "Of course the sun comes out from the east, so why does it come out from your ass?" Since then, I have regarded "the sun rises from the east" as a truth that cannot be challenged. Looking back when I grow up, I guess it should be because the teacher was in a bad mood that day. As for why the teacher is in a bad mood, because he is a male teacher,

I can't drag the relationship between the menstrual period. Maybe it was because he was depressed, because my hometown is a small coastal village in western Taiwan. People from big cities are less able to adapt to the life that is close to exile here. Although people say that living by the sea can make a person open-minded, but Japan is an island country, and most Japanese live by the sea. Do we Chinese believe that Japanese people are open-minded? So when I say I live by the sea, I don't imply that I'm open-minded. I'm just stating a fact that "the sun rises in the east".

I'm a shy kid with a weak personality. Every time the teacher finishes class, he will ask: "Is there any question?" I always look down at the textbook, avoiding the teacher's gaze, like a child who has done something wrong. Children at the seaside like to fish, but I can't bear to take the hook out of the fish's mouth, so I don't fish. Seaside kids are good at swimming, but I almost died when I was playing in the water at the beach, so I don't swim. The skin of the children at the beach is very dark, but I can't get tan no matter how much I sunbathe, so my skin is fair.

In short, I'm a sea kid who isn't a sea kid. I have gone through six years of elementary school and three years of junior high school at the seaside, and I have never broadened my mind. I learned a lot of swear words. "What, long time no see, where did you die?" This is a greeting between old friends. "Your mother, give me such a good thing, do it." This is a gift to thank a friend. Whether it is placed at the beginning or end of a sentence, the word "dry" is usually added. The better the friendship, the more you do. I don't have Qu Yuan's self-cultivation, so I brought dirty characters all over to study in the city. It wasn't until I met Mingjing that I gradually got rid of the habit of swearing. Of course swearing still happens in certain situations, like stepping in shit, getting a report card, or seeing an official on TV saying, "I'm not going to solve the problem by resigning." Mingjing has been gently and patiently correcting my speech, occasionally using a little violence. Without Ming Jing, this novel would be full of dirty words. It is also because of Mingjing that I don't have to be afraid of being different from others. In fact, I am not too different, at least before the second year of junior high school, I think everyone is the same. Until one day my Chinese teacher called me over and told me: "Student Cai, please explain the meaning of this passage." It was a composition I wrote, and there was a paragraph in it: "I made an appointment with my friend to take the eight o'clock train to see a movie, but the time was almost up, and he hadn't come yet. I was anxious like a person who was about to have diarrhea wandering outside the toilet with someone in the toilet. " I explained to the teacher that I was very anxious, as if I had diarrhea and wanted to go to the toilet, but there was someone in the toilet. "Do you think it's too long to use these words to describe anxiety?" the teacher said with a smile. I bowed my head and thought for a while, and changed it to: "I was anxious like a person who was about to have a diarrhea and wandered outside someone's toilet." The teacher seemed to let out a breath, trying to calm himself down.Then ask again: "Do you think it would be better to describe anxiety in another way?" I'm right when I think about it.Suddenly I remembered the sentence in the Book of Songs that the teacher once taught: "Guanguan Jujiu, on the continent of the river. A fair and modest lady, a gentleman is very good." So I changed it to: "I have diarrhea and want to go to the toilet. There is someone in the toilet, so I am anxious." With a "pop", the teacher slapped the table, raised his voice and asked: "You still don't know what went wrong?" "Yes... did you forget to rhyme?" I answered cautiously. The teacher stood up abruptly and scolded loudly: "Stupid! Ants on a hot pan should be used to describe anxiety! Didn't I teach you that?" "The ants on the hot pot are just anxious..." I couldn't help whispering because of fear, "But... But I still feel very dry when I describe it like this." "Still swearing! Go and pay the mandarin promoter a five-yuan fine!" The teacher straightened the crooked desk and pointed out, "Then go to the corridor and stand for punishment!" From that day on, the Chinese teacher always paid special attention to my composition. So on my composition book, there are always dense red calligraphy. Sometimes the red words smeared on the composition book, in pools, like vomiting blood. "Time goes and never returns like a meat bun beating a dog." "People who are beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside are still ugly. Like even outside the toilet Filled with fragrant flowers, the toilet still stinks. " "Ciwu has the grace to feed back, and lambs have the righteousness to kneel and breastfeed. Animals are like this, let alone humans. So we must remember to be filial to our parents, just like remembering to bring toilet paper when going to the toilet. " Sentences like these have been changed. Once the teacher was so angry that he threw the composition book directly from the podium in front of me. I will always remember the arc of the composition book flying in the air, like a plane that is stalling and falling. When the composition book fell to the ground, there was bright red writing on the spread paper: "Student Cai, if you deliberately write sentences that are different from others, you will definitely die." These bright red words, like a curse, sealed my heart. Since then, a part of my mind has been sleeping like hibernation. I don't know which part, I just know that part should be different from others. I really don't understand, "Meat buns beating dogs" is called "there is no return, so is the time, Why can't it be described like this? And to describe the appearance of each person's birth is called "croaking to the ground", but we are human beings and not ducks, how can we be "quacking"? But I dare not ask, so I have to convince myself that these things are the truth of "the sun rises in the east". Over time, I became afraid of thinking differently from others. It's a pity that these things spread in the circle of teachers, so many teachers will take special care of me during class. I often asked me to stand up in class to answer some questions that Ali did not have. I seem to be a six-legged monkey in a zoo, always attracting curious eyes from tourists. I had to learn to silently smirk, or scratch my head to show my innocence. Even the physical education teacher will say: "Come on, classmate Cai. Help us demonstrate what it means to stand up in the air and pull the pole for a layup." Damn it, I'm not Jordan, I have a big butt and a birdie pole! I'm sorry, Mingjing.I'm swearing again, I'm vulgar, I won't do it again next time. Because I was treated as a weird person for no reason, I also lived helplessly. Even though I tried my best to make myself like everyone else, people still thought I was weird. I just want to listen quietly in class, but the teachers' teasing has never stopped. Can this kind of situation be regarded as "life wants to be quiet but teachers are endless, children want to support but parents don't wait"? If I write this description in the composition book again, I am afraid I will watch the plane crash again. Fortunately, my high school was a so-called star high school, and the teachers only cared about the enrollment rate. My grades were consistently above average, neither good nor bad, so I wasn't particularly noticed. In fact, if it is paid special attention at this time, it seems that it is not a bad thing. I remember that on the eve of the entrance exam, a student in my class who was very promising to be admitted to the medical department of National Taiwan University caught a bad cold, so he couldn't help coughing in class. The teacher immediately left the desk and stroked the back of that classmate, his sad eyes were full of sadness. You also said that you are like my child, that your cold is more painful than my own cold and so on. I bet if it was me who was coughing, I would be forced to stand in the hallway for disturbing the peace of class. There was so much homework in high school that I had no time to care about who the president was and who the mayor was. Anyway, high school students don't have the right to vote, and no one will pay me to honor me during the election. Even Akina Nakamori and Seiko Matsuda, who were popular Japanese idol stars at the time, I would confuse. Occasionally, I care about the results of the Chinese team in international competitions. Of course, I will be sad if I lose, but this kind of sadness is nothing compared to the sadness of failing in the exam. Thank goodness I can finally use common adjectives like "little shabby" like everyone else. Instead of using rotten words such as "a bird sees an eagle" and "a rotten bird is better than a chicken leg". In the third year of high school, the tutors in the class would clenched their fists and asked us excitedly before school ended: "Tell me, what is the purpose of your existence?" "Entrance exam!" All the students shouted in unison. "Tell me, what is the goal of your struggle?" "Joint entrance exam!" All the students said in unison. Although many years later, the society taught me that the purpose of existence is to make money, and the goal of struggle is women. But then my heart beats the same as everyone else's, which always makes me feel safe and secure. I am like a hibernating bear, and being admitted to college is like spring, waking me up.