Chapter 66 Written after "The Peacock Forest"

In the spring of 1986, I moved into a room with windows on two sides for my last three semesters of high school. The room is on the fifth floor, with two windows facing south and the other facing west. From the south-facing window, I can see the students of the girl's school next door, which is my biggest leisure activity. Occasionally, the girls would inadvertently look up and see me leaning against the window, and they would whisper. It was probably saying that the boring boy was peeping at us again, maybe he was a pervert or something like that. I didn't feel ashamed at all at the time, but instead I would laugh smugly and give V to them.

It's nice to be young. Outside the window facing west is the direction of the sea and also the direction of my hometown. Although you can't see the sea at all, if you have the sea in your heart, you will naturally have the sea in your eyes. (Editor's Note: This famous quote comes from the first edition of Red Publishing House in November 2002. If you want to buy this book, please contact the northeast corner of the publishing house's library, there is a pile of books covered with spider webs. ) For me, who was under seventeen at the time, I still had a strong attachment to my hometown.

So when I miss home, I stand by the west window and stare at it. Later, when the house disappeared, I closed the window and never opened it again. But that's another story. As a writer, I am most afraid of being asked questions about the source of inspiration. I can't say that the source of inspiration is the bright smile on the bright face of a young girl; Or the beautiful words such as the mottled vicissitudes of the crooked old woman who hangs her head and white hair can't hide it. It can only be said that my inspiration comes from the feeling of life, which is a bad answer.

Because after moving into that room, I got used to getting along with myself, and there was no shadow of others in my life. I began to feel the people and things I experienced every day with my heart. In the past nineteen years, as long as I have the idea of ​​starting from scratch in my life, In my mind, I would try to go back to that room and look for the "head". In a sense, that was the beginning of my life. I probably belong to the kind of person who can't grow up, or can't grow up at all. Because the prototype of my life was molded in that room nineteen years ago.

It can probably be retouched later, but the look won't change much. In the course of my writing, I had the idea of ​​"starting from scratch" twice. The first time was half a year after I finished writing "First Intimate Contact". Since I wrote First Close Encounters, I keep reading what other people think of me. But what other people call me or my work is completely foreign to me. I started feeling flustered and overwhelmed. Because I was afraid of getting lost, I chose to stand where I was. Until I went back to that room and found myself who hadn't changed.

It also seemed to smell the familiar smell of Luoshen black tea, which was the only smell in my life at that time. The taste of life now, or life itself, simply cannot be the same as before. Only oneself remains unchanged. So I use very simple words to write down. The second time -- and this time -- the thought of starting over, It was a month before I started writing. The reason is simple: I'm tired. No matter how playful a child is, he wants to go home when he is tired, so I want to go back to that room. In fact, it should be called "Peacock". The original manuscript in my computer has always been called that.

At the beginning of writing, it was tentatively named: Psychological Test, so that I could continue to write. But after writing five hundred words and struggling for five days, I still gave up. I can't deceive myself with the goodwill of temporarily naming, even if it is necessary to complete the work. I am certainly not implying that I am a man of integrity, although it is true. Finally, I thought: Peacock, it feels right, I can pick up the pen again. I only wrote 10,000 words, and learned from the newspaper on the plane that there is a movie called Peacock. After getting off the plane, I went to the restaurant for dinner. There was a piece of advertising paper on the table: Chilean Peacock Winery launched a new wine!

Walk into an aquarium the next day, point out one of the dozens of ornamental fish and ask the owner: "what fish is this?" "Guppy," replied the boss. I realized that peacocks should easily collide with other forms of creations. After searching the Internet, Sure enough, I found that the novel of the same name had already been published. This is the writer's second biggest hate. (The first big hatred is that after a long time of exhaustion and exhaustion, finally an excellent inspiration came to the door automatically, So I was too excited to go to Korea to play, but got into a car accident and lost my memory.

There are many car accidents in South Korea. Have you ever seen that Korean dramas are full of episodes where people lose their memory due to car accidents? ) Feeling an inexplicable sense of depression, I stopped writing for a month. In order to respect others and to avoid confusion, I tried to change the name. It's a pity that the image of the peacock has long been deeply rooted in my mind. I can't and don't want to change it. I would rather give it up altogether. But the novel begins, and it is my belief that I will finish it even if I die. I certainly don't mean to imply that I'm a stickler, though that's still true.

Bite the bullet and complete the 100,000-character peacock, and the dog tail continued the mink plus forest on the eve of publication. I have never been good at naming novels, and I often even get into trouble because of naming. "First Intimate Contact" is like an erotic novel, which is classified as sex education and health care. The police station in Taipei once seized a bunch of pornographic books, including this one. Introduce coffee brewing method, classified as coffee equipment supplies, The name of the cafe fabricated in the novel has the same name as a certain cafe, and the location is similar.

Like the plant encyclopedia, also because of the controversy between mistletoe and oak, Someone advised me to understand Chinese characters first, and then write novels. It sounds like the memoirs of a hotel lady. Since it is a novel written by me, it should be regarded as a romance novel of course. I even suspect that if one day I write a novel about aliens coming to Earth, As long as there are aliens falling in love with earth creatures, then it will also be considered a romance novel. Even so, in what will be defined as a romance novel, In a way it is anti-love. Love is important to everyone, but not necessarily the most important. The psychological test that keeps being mentioned in this novel, Just stating that everyone has their own values ​​or choices. Five years ahead of the times called prophets, highly respected and respected; But fifty years ahead of the times is regarded as a monstrous evildoer, and everyone can punish him. Values ​​are a function of the times. In scientific terms, they are called unsteady. Sometimes the right and wrong of this thing will have different evaluations in different eras or places. Usually the preface is to write some testimonials or various things about the inner text, I seem to digress a bit. A friend said that the preface I wrote is very similar to a novel. "What about the novel I wrote?" I asked expectantly. "Very tedious." He replied with a look of disdain. I am confident that this novel will not be long-winded, because it is an online novel in my imagination. "Internet novels" is a very strange category, and its biggest features are: People who don't write novels on the Internet can often tell you clearly and decisively what it is, And people who write novels on the Internet will never understand, so they can only vaguely tell you what it is. Everyone's focus is on the "Internet", but they forget that it is still a "fiction". Therefore, whether or not it is published on the Internet has become the only criterion for judging Internet novels. Internet novels give people the impression that they are frivolous and short, although they are judged based on whether they are published on the Internet, But there is a clear line on the actual ruler, and online novels are always to the left of it. That line is called literary value or literary depth. Therefore, there is no clear definition of online novels, only a clear and established impression. Does it look like the established impression of a peacock? If you are a peacock, you don't have to try your best to reverse the established impression that others think you must be vain; You just need to turn on the screen and live out your beauty. I really like the passage that the professor said at the end of this novel: "Others can't judge you, neither can psychometric tests, only you can." We always try our best to become a certain kind of person, but rarely think about how to complete ourselves. I'm glad I don't and don't want to be someone else, because from that room nineteen years ago, I have found myself. The rest is just how to complete yourself.