Chapter 17 Peacock Forest (17)

I don't know when it started, but the sweet feeling when I was with her gradually diminished. Perhaps the sweet feeling has not disappeared, but the sentimental force of parting is too strong, As a result, in the memory of meeting her in Taipei every time, sentimentality occupies most of it. Take the pasta restaurant as an example, I don’t remember the name or location of the restaurant; I don’t remember what kind of noodles they called and the taste of noodles; I only vaguely remember the topic and atmosphere of the conversation; But I clearly remember the back view of her walking alone outside the rain-stained car window.

Like a watercolor paint with too much water added, her back faintly blurred around her body. Since it is not easy to meet each other, we have to make frequent phone calls; But in the age without mobile phones, the chance of finding someone by calling is less than half. And this probability is getting lower and lower, because our daily routines are gradually different. I still live a close-to-night graduate student life, and she has to get up early every day. If we are separated far enough, as far as Taiwan and the United States, We don't have to make international calls every day.

At this time, the occasional letter or phone call received will be a kind of surprise. But the distance between us is only Taipei and Tainan, not only would I want to make a phone call every day, I also feel that it is strange not to call every day, and it is not like a couple with deep feelings. It's a pity that we rarely have a common topic on the phone, we can only talk about each other separately. I don't understand the pressure she's under, I just try to feel it; she does the same with me. When one of us feels happy, the other may not feel happy; But as soon as either party gets depressed, the other gets completely infected and can infect it back again.

In other words, the contagion of happiness between us becomes weaker, Sadness is much more contagious than it used to be. I often want to say something more on the phone, but the phone bill is unreasonably expensive, which makes me feel quite stressed. There are not many new things in daily life, so if you are tired, if you miss me, etc., It becomes the auxiliary words of comma, semicolon, full stop, question mark, exclamation point and sentence end in the telephone. After a long time, I even vaguely feel that calling is a routine. I miss you, I miss you so much, I miss you so much, I miss you all the time...

These are already the words I must say every time I talk to her on the phone. Although I do miss her a lot, every time I say it, it makes me feel like I miss her like something worthless. Wei Ting probably thought so too, so when she listened too much, she felt numb. "Can you say something nice again?" Wei Ting always said on the phone. At first I would try really hard to say something romantic, and I knew that was what she wanted to hear. Perhaps because of the separation between the two places, she needs more romantic nutrients to maintain her love life. However, speaking romantic words is a point of no return, we can only continue to move forward and continue to innovate.

Gradually, I feel the pressure. Because I'm not the type to think up or say romantic things easily. Wei Ting is very important to me, when I tell her: You are the eternal sun in my life, Part of it was trying to make her happy, but that's what I really wanted in my heart. But I can't immediately water her with romantic nutrients when she desperately needs them; Not to mention being unable to take out all kinds of romance from my heart to her anytime, anywhere. I need to think, brew, and also need to look at the mood at the time. And a lot of romantic words, for example, I would like to pick off the stars in the sky for you,

This kind of talk is not romance to me, it's a lie. I can't feel comfortable saying this kind of thing without any reason. The reason why I reluctantly said it was just to let her know how important she is to me. "You seem to be perfunctory to me." When Wei Ting started saying things like this, I was in a state of discouragement and depression. Wei Ting lives firmly in my heart, I never doubt that. I just can't put into words or words what it feels like to be filled with her inside. It is difficult to be specific, let alone romantic?