Chapter 30 Thirty, goodbye, Berlin lover

They pass through your sorrow, and leave you at peace, Sit in the middle of the souvenir. —Dan Fogberg This unbelievable summer. Mark tried his best to extend the time for some days before finally leaving Shanghai.Our last date was on the night when he came back from his trip to Tibet. We had a buffet at the revolving restaurant on the top floor of the New Jin Jiang Hotel. We chose this place suspended in the air because Mark wanted to overlook the lights of Shanghai at night for the last time. Streets, buildings, and crowds flow eastward, and before leaving Shanghai, take a breath of Shanghai's unique glamorous, mysterious, and fragile atmosphere.Then take the flight back to Berlin at 9:35 the next morning.

We both had poor appetites and were unspeakably tired. He was tanned like an African mulatto.When he was traveling in Tibet, he had a high fever and almost died.He said he brought me a gift from Tibet, but he didn't bring it with him, so he couldn't give it to me now.Of course, I said, "I'll get it from your apartment." Because we both know that after dinner there's always a final lovemaking thing to do. He smiled softly, "I haven't seen you in two weeks, you've lost so much weight." "How come?" I touched my face, "Is it really thin?"

I turned my face out of the glass wall, and the restaurant turned back from its original position facing the Garden Restaurant.The flat and slightly curved shape of the garden stands in front of you, like a UFO flying from outside. "My boyfriend started taking drugs again, and he seems to have made up his mind that one day I will lose him." I said softly, staring into Mark's blue Danube eyes, "Did I do something wrong, God Will you punish me like this?" "No, you've done nothing wrong," he said affirmatively. "Maybe I shouldn't have met you, and I shouldn't have gone to your house to sleep in your bed." I smiled sarcastically, "And this time I found out to meet you, I still lied. Although he can guess , but I will never be able to confess to him, it is not only difficult to pierce that layer of paper, but also too shameless." I said, silent.

"But we have such a tacit understanding, we are obsessed with each other." "Okay, let's not talk about this, finish this glass of wine." We all drank the red wine in the glass in one gulp. Alcohol is really a good thing. It warms your stomach, drives away the coldness in your blood, and accompany you everywhere looking at you.Flowers, beauties, silver tableware, and delicacies surround every diner, and the band plays the music of "Titanic" before it sank, and the big ship we are floating in the air will not sink. For the city belongs to the night and the joy never sinks.

We sat in the speeding car and cruised around Shanghai at night, every street full of phoenix trees and green leaves, every brightly lit, elegant and charming cafe, restaurant, and every modern building that is too gorgeous to breathe.Kissing all the way, he drove the car fast and dangerously. On the edge of this stimulation, indulgent lingering is like dancing on the edge of a knife, painful and happy. At the intersection of Wuyuan Road and Yongfu Road, we were stopped by a police car. "This is a one-way street, you can't drive in the opposite direction. Do you know?" a voice said rudely.

Then they smelled alcohol, "Ah, they are still drinking and driving." Mark and I pretended not to understand a word of Chinese, and we joked with the police in English like nonsense, until a flashlight came, and then someone yelled : "Ni Ke, it's actually you!" Drunken, I stuck my head out of the car window and stared intently for a long time before I recognized Ma Jianjun, one of Madonna's ex-boyfriends.I blew him a kiss, "Hello", I still said in English.Then I saw Ma Jianjun and another policeman muttering for a while, and I seemed to hear him say: "Forget it, those two people just came from abroad and don't understand the rules here, and that girl is still my friend's friend... "

The other policeman muttered a few more words, but I couldn’t hear them clearly. In the end, Mark took out 100 yuan as a fine, and Ma Jianjun whispered in my ear, “It can only help so much, and 100 yuan is still a half discount.” The car continued on the road, and we laughed for a while, after which I said, "Nothing interesting, let's go back to your place." I forgot how many times I made love to him in one night, until the end, even using lubricant felt unbearable pain.He was merciless like a beast, charged like a warrior, and made me sore like a gangster.But we still continue to abuse and abuse.

I said women like to meet fascists with boots on their faces in bed.Separated from the mind, the body still has its own memory. It uses a sophisticated physiological system to preserve every memory of contact with the opposite sex. Even if time flies and everything is in the past, this kind of sexual memory will still last forever. A strange radiance develops inwardly, in a dream, in deep thought, while walking the street, while reading a book, talking to a stranger, making love to another man, when the memory comes suddenly Jump out, I can count the men I've had in my life... When I said goodbye to him, I said this to Mark, and Mark hugged me tightly, and the wet eyelashes brushed my cheeks. I don't want to see the moisture in the eyes of a man who is about to break up.

I was carrying a big bag full of records, clothes, books, trinkets that Mark had sent me, love crap that was driving me crazy! I calmly waved him goodbye.The taxi door closed, and he ran over impulsively, "You really don't want to take me to the airport?" "No." I shook my head. He pulled his hair, "How do I spend the remaining three hours? I'm afraid I will come to you by car again." "You won't," I smiled at him, but my body trembled like a fallen flower in the wind, "You can call Eva, call anyone else you can think of, and recall the faces of your family, they It will appear in front of you in ten hours, and they will pick you up at the airport."

He restlessly ran his hands through his hair, then stretched out his face and kissed me, "Okay, okay, you cold-blooded woman," "Forget about me," I whispered, closing the window and letting the driver drive fast.It is best not to encounter such moments in your life, because it is really unbearable, especially for a pair of lovers who have no hope at all. He has a wife and children, and he is far away in Berlin, and I can’t go to Berlin now, Berlin is just The mechanical and sentimental impression of a city with a blue-gray background, which I got from the novel from the movie, is too far away and too different.

I didn't turn my head to see Mark standing on the side of the road, and I didn't go back to Tiantian's apartment. The car went straight to my parents' house. The elevator hadn't opened yet, so I climbed from the first floor to the 20th floor with that big bag of weird things.My footsteps are like lead, and it will not be more difficult for humans to land on the moon than I am at this moment. I think I will collapse at any time and faint halfway, but I don't want to rest or procrastinate, I just want to go home immediately. I knocked hard on the door and it opened. My mother was shocked. I dropped my bag and hugged her, "Mom, I'm very hungry." I cried and said to my mother. "What's the matter with you? What's the matter?" She rushed to the bedroom and called her father: "CoCo is back, come and help me." My parents carried me to the bed to sleep together, their eyes full of surprise.They won't know what kind of mess is happening to their daughter, they'll never really understand the turbulent world and indescribable emptiness in their daughter's eyes, they won't know that their daughter's boyfriend is a drug addict, and their daughter's lover dies in a few hours. I have to fly back to Germany; the novel my daughter is writing is so chaotic, straightforward, explicit, full of metaphysical thinking and naked sex. They will never know the fear in their daughter's heart, and the desire that will not be restrained even if they die. For her, life will always be a desire pistol that can go off at any time and kill people. "I'm sorry, I just want porridge, I'm hungry." I murmured to myself, trying to laugh, and then they disappeared, and I plunged into the black hole of sleep.