Chapter 5 5. Unreliable men

No matter what you call sex, Anyway, it cannot be said that it is a noble performance. — Helen Laurenson A small part of my liking for tall men comes from vanity (I'm not tall, and it just so happens that my two favorite French women, Marguerite Duras and Coco Chanel, are also short woman), and in large part from my extreme dislike for a short man I once had. The man was less than five-and-a-half feet tall, plain-looking, with bad glasses, and a pseudo-Christian (he turned out to be more of a heretic, a Manichean or a Sun cult or something). I don't quite know how he fascinated me at that time. Maybe he was so talented and well-educated, he could recite Shakespeare's famous works in English with Oxford accent, and he sat with me behind the portrait of Chairman Mao on the central lawn of Fudan University for a long time. Three days of talking to me about what the world really meant when Christ was born in the stable.

The grass licked my buttocks and thighs through the skirt like a thick tongue coating, itchy and crispy.The breeze was blowing, he seemed to be bewitched by a spell and couldn't stop, and I was also like a spell, and couldn't stop listening to him, it seemed that he could sit like this for 7 days and 7 nights until he was brilliant Nirvana, so I told him Turning a blind eye to his disappointingly short appearance, he rushed directly to his learned and eloquent heart (maybe the men I have been infatuated with all my life are first of all knowledgeable, talented, and rich-minded people, I can't imagine myself and a Can't say 10 idioms. 5 philosophical allusions, 3 musicians' men fall in love), of course, I soon found myself throwing myself into a green and smelly pond.

He is not only a religious maniac, but also a supersexual man, who likes to verify all kinds of adult performance positions provided by pornographic videos on me, and fantasizes about sitting on the sofa in a dark corner and watching me being raped by an uneducated carpenter or plumber.Even when we were on the bus on the highway to visit his parents, he would unzip the zipper and grab my hand and put it there, hidden like an oiled candle After a big newspaper, the excitement is overwhelming, and everything feels sad, disappointing, and even sounds like the horror of Hollywood's most successful small movie "Boogie Night".

When I found out that he was also a master liar (he even went to a newsstand to buy a newspaper as if he was going to meet a friend for tea), a money-making clown (he plagiarized a lot of other people's articles and wrote a big book published in Shenzhen) ), and I felt completely fooled, especially when all this evil was happening to a man who wasn't five and a half feet tall and had an honest face.A drizzle of imagination captivated my eyes, and I withdrew my humiliated feelings and quickly moved away from him. "You can't just leave like this!" He stood at the door of the single dormitory and yelled at my back.

"Because you make me sick." I shot back, a hard ice in my heart.Don't trust men in the world. Mothers always teach their daughters before going out on a date for the first time, but it turns into nagging in the ears of little girls. Only one woman really looks at the other half of men with mature eyes Only when she is in the world can she see clearly where she is and the context of life before her eyes. He called my dormitory, and the Ningbo aunt in the guard room called my name over and over again on the loudspeaker, "Ni Ke, phone, phone, Ni Ke".Later, every weekend I spent at my parents’ house became another part of my nightmare. He kept calling my parents’ house, never giving up until he found me, and even the phone would ring like a prank at 3 o’clock in the middle of the night. Until the phone number is changed.During that period of time, my mother was completely disappointed in me. She didn't want to look at me, she didn't even want to look at me. In her eyes, it was all thanks to herself that I provoked such a scum.I make friends carelessly, and I can't tell the good from the bad. All in all, it is the biggest shame of being a woman to misjudge a boyfriend.

The craziest thing my ex-boyfriend did was follow me at school, on the street, at the subway station, calling my name out of nowhere to the crowd.He wears a pair of crappy sunglasses and his face is bulging. When I turn my head suddenly, he will quickly hide behind a nearby tree or in a shop. He is really suitable as a stuntman in a third-rate action movie. During that period, I was looking forward to a man in a police uniform walking with his arms around me. The policeman was the male character I most admired and longed for at that moment. My heartbeat sounded like "SOS".Not long after I started working at the magazine, I finally used all the connections I had as a reporter, found a friend in the city government office, and then through the district police station, to warn my ex-boyfriend that he was not crazy enough to confront the state apparatus.It passed quickly.

Afterwards, I went to visit a friend David Wu who was a psychologist in the youth center. "No more short men," I said, sitting in what seemed to be a hypnotic chair. "I've had enough of them keeping out of my door. I'm a bad girl through and through, At least with my mom, she was always so easily irritated that I gave her nothing but to make her sad." He told me that the conflict between my femininity and my writer's quality was bound to lead me into constant confusion, and that artists were often prone to frailty, dependence, contradiction, innocence, masochism, narcissism, and Oedipus complex and other tendencies.My ex-boyfriend just happened to cater to many of my divisive temperaments, from dependent to masochistic to narcissistic, and feelings of atonement for my mother would be one of the emotional themes of my life.

"As for a person's height," Dawei cleared his throat, "I think height does have some influence on people's behavior, especially men's adult behavior. Small men tend to have more intense performance than ordinary people, for example, they are more vigorous Read books. Work harder to make money, more eager to beat rivals, plus they prefer to chase beautiful women for some kind of male proof. Sean.Penn is short isn't he? But he is the greatest actor in Hollywood One of the men that Madonna once loved most. Although he always tied the world's number one sexiest star to a chair like a turkey and tortured him. There are many men like this, and they are extremely unforgettable .”

Sitting in this overly softly lit room, he was full of thoughts, because his face was not real because he often acted like the mouthpiece of God to the patients.His body turned around on the leather chair, farting one or two muffled farts from time to time. In the bad indoor air, several pots of Brazilian iron and monstera were growing lush and unbeaten all year round. "Okay," I said, "of course a person's love can't be measured by height, but I want to forget it anyway. There are many forgettings in a person's life. For me, the more unpleasant things I experience, the more I forget them." Be quick."

"So you will become a good writer. Writers bury the past with words." David said kindly.