Chapter 44 Forty-four, the little one, turned into a mass of fragmented flesh and blood, smiled brightly and brightly at me

Many years later, I no longer remember what day it was. Just remember that the sun is very warm. Warm sunlight shines through the cold glass into the white operating room, and the air exudes a knife-cold breath. On the operating table, I seemed to see that six-year-old Liang Sheng came to Weijiaping in a sunny afternoon many years ago. Since then, I, who was four years old, and him, who was six years old, have been related for a lifetime. Then, under the anesthesia, I passed out heavily. At the moment when I passed out, I seemed to feel a bulging little hand gently pulling my trousers, a small child crawled to my feet kneeling, almost lowered into the dust, it used the most A faint voice spoke to me, it called my mother.oh yes mom.

Its eyes are as clear and blue as the sky, and have not yet been stained with the dust of this world. They stare at me closely, staring directly at me, piercing my heart and lungs like two sharp knives. It said, mom, mom, why don't you want me? It said, Mom, I'm so young, I will be scared!Don't just lose me like this, okay? It said, Mom, please!Stay with me for six more months, one hundred and eighty days, and let me come to you in a healthy way, and I will give you the greatest happiness and the most beautiful smile in the world. It said, Mom, I promise to be the best-behaved baby when I grow up, not to cause damage, not to cry.I'm grown up and will make cute mistakes, to amuse you.

It said, Mom, the world is so cold, I can't leave you, I'm going to die, I'm going to be flushed down the toilet, I'm going to be thrown into the stinking ditch, there's going to be countless dirty things to bite me, Mom, I'm really scared.Afraid of the dark, afraid of the cold. It said, Mom, it turns out that you really don't love me anymore... You love Uncle Liangsheng so much, so you want him instead of me... Finally, it gradually disappeared on the ground... It said: Mom, I hate you! When I woke up faintly from the hospital bed, I only felt that there was darkness in front of me.

The only voice that rang in my ears was that little child, it said to me: Mom, I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! These three words, together with its glass-like clear eyes, formed a tight spell, tightly enveloping my breath. With my shattered body and bone-piercing pain, I fled this bloody and killing place hastily. I dare not look at any corner of this room. I'm afraid to see that little one, transformed into a mass of fragmented flesh and blood, smiling brightly and brightly at me.Then, it stabbed my eyes, fell into my heart, and became a heartbreak that I will never forget for the rest of my life.

When I came home from the hospital, the night was already fading, and the dim lights, just like my thoughts, flickered but did not dare to be too bright.I always feel that there is the giggle of a child in my ears, but when I listen carefully, it is the cry of a child in pain. There is anger!There is a grievance!There is resentment!More puzzled and helpless. The grievance and helplessness of a small mass of flesh and blood. Suddenly, I was so dizzy that I almost passed out on the street.The giggles of those ethereal children and the cries of dolls seem to have taken root in my ears, no matter how I escape or run, they will never go away!They are like a life-seeking rope, tightly strangling my throat.

I seem to have seen that cold operating room. That pile of bright and ferocious flesh and blood, they looked at me mockingly, at me who was irresponsible! They can no longer return to my body, and can no longer turn into a warm child, croaking to the ground, growing up unsteadily, shaking their little hands, and running towards me with their feet loose. Oh no, they will change back.It forgave me, and it smiled at me, that smile was as blurred and warm as the headlights flowing on the highway.It was waving at me... I ran straight to the busy road. In front of my eyes, there was a piece of sky.

Screech of brakes. Then came the curses of many drivers. Only then did I realize that I was in a trance.In a trance, he walked towards the slightly warm lights. Jiang Sheng, why are you here?Lu Wenjun got out of the car, looked at me who was devastated and haggard, and asked anxiously. Oh?Whose voice is this? How can I not tell?All I could think of was the words of the doctor in the hospital. ... He said to me very seriously, Miss Jiang, you have to think about it.As an RH-negative blood, if you lose this child, you may never be a mother again. …If RH negative blood sheds the child, hemolytic infertility will occur in the future.So, I want you to keep this baby.This is the unique child God gave to people of your blood type.

... I hope you can think carefully, carefully and carefully.Also, I don't want to ruin your life here if you don't have the right reasons. ...Have you asked your husband?Have you asked his opinion?If you come to be the master without authorization, I think it will cause great harm to the people around you... How did I convince the doctor in the end? ...I said, my dearest brother, he is suffering from myeloid blood cancer, he is RH-negative blood type B, which is a rare panda blood, one in 100,000 people adopts this blood type, and I Is his only relative, the most likely to have the bone marrow that he can match... I love this child... But, I can't watch my brother disappear from my side...

In this way, everything became beyond redemption. Lu Wenjun was frightened by my empty eyes, he frowned, hugged me into the car, and the car started gently, he said, Jiang Sheng, I'm away on a business trip these days and I'm not by your side, what happened? I looked at her, and then at myself, only to realize that I was already in the car. I smiled foolishly at him, facing my psychiatrist and the man I trust the most, what else can I not confide in?Already burdened with too much depression, I almost collapsed in pain. I looked at him closely and murmured, my child is gone, I will kill it.

The car braked heavily, and the person leaned forward heavily. Lu Wenjun turned around and said, what are you talking about!Ginger!pardon! My tears flowed wildly, and I screamed like a wounded animal.I say yes!yes!I killed the child in my belly!But, you tell me, what should I do?Otherwise, I can't save my brother.At this point, I was crying, and I said, you know, I can't lose him!Can't lose his! Lu Wenjun turned his head with difficulty, asked me, and said, Jiang Sheng, you mean...you...are pregnant... I said, yes, I'm shameless, I'm pregnant. Lu Wenjun's face became extremely pale, the neon lights outside the car window were flickering quietly, flickering, and the liquid in his eyes was flickering like tears.

He put his hand gently on my shoulder, trying to calm my agitation. However, it was obvious that his emotions suddenly became agitated, and he said, Damn me!Damn me!How could I tell you this news!How could I tell you about Liang Sheng's condition!Damn me! I looked at Lu Wenjun's inexplicable reaction stupidly, and thought, what the hell are you doing?It's not that you got pregnant, you killed the child.What do you follow to crash?It's inexplicable. That day, Lu Wenjun's car was parked on the side of the road for a long time.His spring-like eyes became dazed and absent-minded. I don't know how I got out of his car, or how I wandered home.I always feel that there is a child in front of me, giggling at me; and crying heart-piercingly after a while. I seemed to see Cheng Tianyou, with his head down, concentrating on nailing a crib. Then, he hummed softly his crudely made song—Little Jiang Sheng fell asleep in the bamboo basket.Little Jiang Sheng fell asleep in the bamboo basket, don't cry, don't make trouble, don't wake up big Jiang Sheng... God bless. Little Jiang Sheng will never cry again. Never again. Never wake up Da Jiangsheng again