Chapter 9 Section IX

Duan Fei did not expect that he would meet Meng Xu so soon. Speaking of it, this city is very small and very big - there are only so many people in the university circle, and they all know each other; As far as the city is concerned, as long as you avoid the campus where each other often hangs out, the chances of meeting each other are not high. But, perhaps, she should have thought earlier that a place like Xinhua Bookstore has always been the only shopping place Meng Xu is willing to visit. Before the winter vacation, Guoguo, who was almost two years old, was too energetic to stay at home.After much deliberation, Duan Fei decided to take her out for a walk. In the morning, he spent 20 yuan to feed the "milk-feeding fish" twice in the pedestrian street. Seeing that he had to pay others for feeding the fish, Duan Fei was very upset. Speechless.With great difficulty, I dragged my daughter, who was still full of enthusiasm, all the way from Yuchi to the Xinhua Bookstore, picked out a few books such as "Recipes for 0-3 Years Infants and Toddlers" and "Montessori Early Education Book", and then led her daughter to the Xinhua Bookstore. Queuing in front of the checkout counter, Guoguo yearned for the balloon held by someone outside the window. She kept tugging on Duan Fei's clothes, pointed at the balloon and called, "Mom, mom, mom..."

Because it was the weekend, there were a lot of people waiting in line for the checkout, so Duan Fei bent down and made a "hush" mouth shape, and whispered to his daughter: "Guoguo, don't make noise, after the checkout is over, mom will buy you that balloon too, okay?" ?” Guoguo happily grinned and nodded vigorously, lowering her voice and nodding: "Yeah." Duan Fei patted his daughter's head and stood up, but the moment he raised his head, Duan Fei froze suddenly when he looked up from the front of the stage next to him——Meng Xu? Across a narrow aisle, Duan Fei and Meng Xu looked at each other in two lines.The eyes of each other are too vague, and no one knows what the other is looking at—maybe, it's Meng Xu's more refined temperament; maybe it's Duan Fei's slightly fatter face.However, after five hundred days and nights, and all the hatred and resentment in the past, the eyes of each other are unexpectedly calm.

I don't know how long it took, but it seemed that the people behind me got impatient and urged Duan Fei, "Go forward, it's almost time for you." Only then did Duan Fei suddenly realize that he held Guoguo's hand and walked forward in a somewhat stiff and numb manner, so his gaze naturally changed in trajectory—Meng Xu kept staring at Guoguo, and Guoguo stared at the glass curtain wall of the bookstore The balloons in the hands of foreign children are watching, but Duan Fei has no idea what he is looking at... It wasn't until they both settled the bill and stood at the door that Meng Xu came over, looked at Guoguo, moved his mouth, seemed to want to say something, but held back.After a long time, he squatted down and reached out to touch Guoguo's face, but Guoguo shrank back embarrassedly and dodged behind her mother.

Duan Fei felt in a dilemma. She didn't know, how should she introduce Meng Xu? Say "this is your dad"?But Guoguo grew up with her grandparents, and she is too young to go to kindergarten, so she is not very attached to the concept of "father". To her, even "mother" is not as important as her grandparents. .She just hid behind Duan Fei, rolled her big eyes, and looked at Meng Xu curiously, and it was rare for her to stop chirping with questions, but Duan Fei became more and more lost her mind. At the time of the divorce, although she was still breastfeeding, but because Duan Fei was disheartened, the divorce was decided.It was only later that I realized that if she had insisted on refusing to leave at that time, Meng Xu might not have been able to retreat so cleanly—but Duan Fei had begged and retreated, since the other party didn't appreciate it, could he really want her? Crying, making trouble, and hanging himself, until the adulterer and adulteress are brought to the moral judgment stand, and then together with herself, they are watched by thousands of people and discussed by thousands of people?

She is not that kind of person. It's not that she's cowardly, it's just that she can't afford to lose this person. Thinking back to the more than a year after the divorce, thanks to the support of his parents and the enlightenment of his friends, Duan Fei felt that he was quite open-minded.The only thing I was worried about was that I would no longer have a say in the matter of choosing a man from now on.After all, even "potential stocks" are unreliable, what other stocks can go all the way? She just didn't know how to explain it to Guoguo - one day, she would face her daughter's questions head-on, and she would always tell Guoguo where her father was and why he couldn't be with Guoguo.

If you are divorced, don't look for anyone, but in the face of the bond of "children", if you say that there is no relationship at all, is it possible? At the same time, Meng Xu didn't know how he should introduce himself to Guoguo? Saying "I am Dad", how do you explain that Dad never lived with Guo Guo or even showed up?The monthly living expenses paid to Duan Fei's card are not much, only a few hundred yuan a month, but it represents Meng Xu's entire official existence.He thought he could forget it, but even if he forgot the time when he was a husband and wife, he never thought that when he saw Guoguo again, the family love that was thicker than water could still make him feel soft emotions from the bottom of his heart.

Until Guoguo looked up at her mother, shook her hand and continued to call: "Mom, mom, mom..." Duan Fei finally sighed, broke the stalemate between the two, and said a very vulgar opening sentence: "How are you doing recently?" "It's okay," Meng Xu stood up and asked, "How are you?" "I'm not bad either." After answering this sentence, Duan Fei was speechless again. She habitually thinks of the first lesson of dialogue in her junior high school English textbook: How are you? Fine, thank you. Two people in their thirties, former husband and wife, can only repeat this kind of elementary dialogue when they meet again.

Guoguo is still urging: "Mom, that, the ball..." Duan Fei lowered his head and looked at the small face with obvious features of Meng Xu, the exact same forehead and chin. He couldn't tell what it was like, so he could only answer subconsciously: "Okay, let's go, let's go buy balloons .” Then he raised his head and forced a smile, and said to Meng Xu, "Goodbye." Meng Xu was silent for a few seconds before answering, "Goodbye." Until she left the gate of Xinhua Bookstore, Duan Fei could still feel the faint eyes watching her from behind, but she couldn't turn her head.

She thought, she had already lost enough face for the rest of her life, so she could keep the last bit of face for herself. However, she couldn't help thinking of this question that had been entangled in her dreams thousands of times: If Meng Xu had given birth to a son, would Meng Xu, a year and a half ago, have chosen to divorce without hesitation? No matter what the answer is, it obviously makes Duan Fei feel more sad than the current result. Duan Fei's feeling was correct, Meng Xu indeed watched the two of them disappear into the crowd. Meng Xu couldn't describe this feeling—it wasn't really regretful, but there should be a sense of loss, binding him vaguely.In fact, he had to admit that in the dead of night, when he came home and saw the cold pot and cold stove, he would always inevitably think of the warmth of his home, but unfortunately, every time he thought of this, he would inevitably think of the original those unhappy.

He, or she, may not be able to overcome all the hurdles in the past in this life. He had to admit that the time after the divorce was much quieter than he could have imagined—maybe it was the current teaching method of college teachers that made it difficult for teachers to see each other except for meetings.In addition, places like the Academy of Art have always been a place where liberal thoughts and behaviors frequently occur, so he is used to letting himself see the head and tail, as long as there are no activities that must be participated in, or courses that must be taken are scheduled, He basically only lives in his study, reading books and doing scientific research.In a year and a half, he was promoted and became the deputy director of the scientific research department; he published this textbook and won the second prize of the provincial social science award; he wrote some papers, several of which were published in Chinese core journals; he participated in the provincial key The topic, not only achieved results, but also helped three graduate students to determine the direction of thesis; the lecture was also good, few people slept in the class, and the girls were still keen to gather around Mr. Meng to ask him to answer questions...

Everything about last summer, like a farce that ended quickly, was quickly annihilated under the disdainful and forbearing eyes of a few insiders.Even though you can think about it with your toes, you know that there must be many good people pointing, whispering, and guessing behind the back, but since divorce is nothing new, people forget it after a while. Today's Meng Xu is the same as the Meng Xu in all the previous days. Apart from being single, he doesn't feel any changes around him. It's just that, occasionally, any man with a reasonable mind can't help but think of that child with half of his blood flowing, right? When he is free, he can't help but imagine: what does that little girl who should look like him look like now?how tall is sheGot teeth?Can you speak? These questions made him very interesting—especially in the apartment building of the art college, when there were always old people going up and down with their grandchildren, he would curiously imagine this every time he saw it. However, today, he saw his daughter in this way. As expected, he really has the same forehead and chin... In fact, he thinks that if some baby fat is removed, Guoguo's face shape will be very similar to his own.However, such a small replica of himself looked at him like a stranger.That gaze was not even as eager as when she looked at a balloon outside the window. She didn't know he was her daddy. This cognition made Meng Xu somewhat uncontrollable lost. But what can he say: didn't he bring all these results on his own? In the past year, he has been very busy - he was busy tutoring Wu Xiaobing for the exam, busy encouraging her to keep working hard after she failed the first time, busy helping her connect with better schools before her second exam... ...she got her wish and passed the exam, so they broke up. Facing this ending, he had mixed feelings in his mind at the time: Saying he didn't care, that's impossible. After all, he used to have a skin-to-skin relationship, and he even cared about her as his sister, daughter, and woman, and helped her make suggestions... I don't know if it was because This kind of example of "the good wind sends me to Qingyun by force" is too much and numb. In short, when Wu Xiaobing really left, he didn't feel as painful as he imagined. He didn't dare to think about it—could it be that from the very beginning, in their mutual hearts, this relationship was really discounted? Or, to put it more bleakly - what he wants is comfort, what she wants is steps, and what they want from the very beginning is not eternal dependence? Thinking of this, he felt an inexplicable chill all over his body. Therefore, it is precisely because of these antecedents and consequences before him, even if there is legal permission, can he still go to Guoguo's life? Can he pass his level, or Duan Fei's level? Meng Xu knew: this chance encounter brought up a proposition that he had always wanted to think about, but never dared to seriously think about.