Chapter 29 Section 29

It takes 3 hours to fly from Beijing to Shenzhen. I took an early flight and arrived in Shenzhen at noon.A business card of a teahouse that I accidentally left behind in Beijing and I carefully put away revealed his address in Shenzhen, so it is actually not difficult to find him.Unexpected surprise - I admit, I'm not good at doing things like this.I even sneaked a sneak peek at our "chance encounter" look in front of the bathroom mirror at the airport, which is silly enough. I also have hesitation in my heart, he is so busy, he has just returned from Hong Kong, and it is said that he still needs to negotiate several business deals.Will it be his burden that I went?Or if I am so capricious, will he like it?But I couldn't stop myself from wanting to fly to him.After all, there is only one reason for thousands of reasons, that is, I miss him, I really miss him.

When I saw the dirtiest corner of society from Lawyer Fang, I only hoped to temporarily hide in our little world.Maybe only in this way can I store enough courage to continue working hard. It's just that things didn't go exactly as I imagined. When I opened the door and entered the tea house, and saw Jingjing's side face through the glass door, I was already blushing for myself and almost ran away. Of course I still remember that face. The woman who drove me and poisoned me to death just because she was jealous.She is sitting in the tea house now, don't they break up yet?What disturbed me even more was that right next to Jingjing, I actually saw a little girl.I don't really know the age of the child, 3 years old, 4 years old, or 5 years old?

I decided to take a closer look, so instead of leaving, I chose to go straight to the innermost table in the teahouse and sit down, because this place had the best view and was covered by a large potted plant, so she could hardly see me. In the afternoon, there were not many people in the teahouse, and the waiter didn't know where to go, so no one noticed my presence, let alone greeted me.So good, I can slowly observe. I reconfirmed that she is really Jingjing. Compared with the all-powerful eldest sister back then, she now looks like an ordinary mother.No makeup, even wearing a pair of myopia glasses, her hair naturally falls to her shoulders, without bangs.The sun shines on half of her face, and the faint freckles on the tip of her nose can still be seen clearly.But she sat there with the invincible attitude of a hostess, neither happy nor unhappy.

The child just sat on the table carelessly.There was steaming hot tea next to her, and her mother was reading the newspaper unharmed, not caring at all whether the child would get scalded. After a while, the child turned her head, and I could finally see her—she was wearing a high bun that didn't match her age, and she was wearing a green dress. Come to a slightly larger NDS game console, which is played by a fellow.The bridge of the child's nose is almost exactly the same as his!For some reason, her rolling eyes reminded me of my only childhood friend and only enemy—Blueprint.Blueprint is probably a few years older than her, but as far as I can remember, their influences overlap.I was so shocked in my heart, remembering that girl once said viciously to me:

"Don't think that people don't know that you are an illegitimate daughter." Her expressions and actions are still impressive to this day.In fact, I do think of her occasionally these years, thinking of her Chengdu dialect and the vicious line "Lin Guoguo is a prostitute".If the girl's character has not changed, I don't know what her fate will be like today, but compared with those passers-by who treat me indifferently, being as straightforward as her, I have already forgiven her.Just the moment I saw the child in front of me, I felt an urge to take revenge and wanted to push her down from the table.

I was frightened by my sudden evil thoughts, and the wild self that I had domesticated for many years suddenly raised its head. This is another kind of blood, which comes from my mother. It is destined and I cannot avoid it. "Mom, when will Dad come back and take me to McDonald's?" The child suddenly put down the game console in his hand, jumped into Jingjing's arms, and asked loudly. She put her arms around her and said, "Come on, be patient." I know I should go.It should not be too late, otherwise it would be the scene I was least willing to see—their family of three enjoyed themselves happily and envied others.

I stood up and was just about to run away, but I didn't expect to be called by the waiter: "Miss, I'm sorry I just saw you—" I was startled, and my gaze met her gaze projected from not far away without knowing it.The expression on my face froze, I quickly lowered my head and walked quickly outside the door, still feeling her staring like needles on my back.I think she recognized me, but of course maybe she didn't because we had never met face to face and she didn't know what I looked like.But in any case, like a thief whose secret was exposed, or more like a clown who went wrong in a comic play, I hugged my bag tightly to my chest and left the teahouse quickly.

When I got to the road, I started running, running, I had to think of Ya'an in my childhood, my miserable grandma, my parents who died young, my cruel uncle, and the never-ending rain in Ya'an, I think of her On the day we picked me up, we ran like this. I thought that as long as I spread my legs, all the sorrows would be left behind, and my whole life would be as fresh and fresh as a newly bought tablecloth.But fate is annoying, and it is destined to make me an orphan, wandering, homeless, far away from home, and being deceived by others!I ran to the intersection before stopping. Shenzhen at the end of June had the most venomous sunshine in the world, which made my scalp numb. When I reached out to touch my face, I found it was full of tears.

What am I afraid of?What am I sad about?I have no idea. Jealousy, suspicion, hatred I continued with all my evil thoughts, I combed all the feathers of my body to make a sword, and the only one I stabbed was myself. I have chosen to be a loser in this battle of fate that has dragged on for so long, because it brought back the past that I cut off abruptly, and forced me to admit that I am just an orphan, just an orphan That's all.In the face of this iron-like fact, I did not have the strength to stab the sword at a child. I have no choice but to leave. I didn't tell Anan that I had been to Shenzhen. In fact, no one knew.This journey of heartbreak to death is just a lonely and cruel one-man show that belongs to me. In this life, I probably will never tell anyone else, including him.

As soon as I got off the plane back in Beijing, his phone rang and he asked me urgently, "Where are you?" "Is something wrong?" My voice was so indifferent that it didn't sound real to me. "Turn off the phone for a few hours," he said angrily, "Do you think I'm okay?" "I'm very busy." I said, "Let's talk about it later." After finishing speaking, I hung up the phone decisively. He called again, but I didn't answer. The phone didn't stop for a few minutes before it rang again. I thought it was him who was about to turn off the phone, but it was Anan—and what was waiting for me was even worse news: Xia Hua was critically ill.

When I arrived at the hospital, Xia Hua had already moved to the ICU, and Anan was sitting outside the ward alone. I leaned down, got a glass of water from the water dispenser, and handed it to him. He shook his head, and continued to sit on the bench outside the monitoring room. "what happened?" "The situation was not good in the last re-examination, but she refused to be hospitalized. I just came back early after shopping in the morning, and when I was clearing the table, I heard a 'boom' in the bathroom. I went in and found her collapsed next to the toilet." "What did the doctor say?" I asked. "The doctor said it was a phenomenon of stopping the medicine for too long," he said. "It is estimated that she flushed the medicine down the toilet every morning when she took a shower, and no one knew." "How early?" "I figured it should be after I know the money is returned, or—" he said here, hesitating to speak. Sorry, we can't talk about it, it's all because, none of us actually made a mistake.Fate is the one who made the mistake. There is a lot of reluctance and reluctance sent to you for no reason. No matter you can bear it or not, you have to bear it. How sad! I put my head on Anan's shoulder, and we sat on that bench all night.He didn't know how long this night was for me, because apart from Xia Hua's illness, all I could think about was that person, that child, that woman named Jingjing... It was enough for them to be happy, maybe I could tell He, Xia Hua, has been admitted to the hospital in a serious condition, but I really don't want to say a word to him now, and I don't care about the threatening text message he sent: "You have to pay the due price for everything you did today." What am I afraid of? He is so stupid, I have nothing, what am I afraid of? ! Although he has been cheating on me since I knew him, but this time is different. That scene awakened the pain that was sleeping in my memory.What he touched was a minefield that even I almost forgot.Even if I forgive him, I can't forgive myself.At this time, Anan was sitting next to me, with his head raised and his eyes closed. His pain was as boundless as mine, and neither of us could touch the other, so we had to cuddle up to each other like this. The next morning, Xia Hua woke up.Anan went to the doctor, while I stayed and sat beside her. She had the same red rash on her face again, but it was still in its infancy, two small ones, barely noticeable on the left cheek near the cheekbones. "Let me look in the mirror," she said. "What's there to take a picture of?" I said irritably, "I'm not you. I wear a mirror all day long. What beauty do I want if I die!" It was only after I lost my temper that I realized what I shouldn't have done, but she was not angry at all, and suddenly took out a small mirror from the quilt as a prank, and said to me in a showy manner: "How do you know, I borrowed it from the nurse." Understand." Looking at myself in the mirror, I thought she would get angry, but she just stared at herself in the mirror for a few seconds, then quickly put the small mirror under the pillow and said to me: "Ma Zhuo, I beg you one thing." "Say it." My heart softened.It seemed that overnight, she shaved off all her edges and corners, looking so weak. "I don't want to die in the hospital, it's too ugly." I covered her mouth, but she still said, "You are all idiots, I'm not stupid, I'm not afraid of death, because how long a person lives is determined by God. I just want to die in his arms, and die beautifully." "Nonsense!" I scolded her, and she giggled. Anan pushed the door open and entered with a pale face, I already understood more than half of it. "Let's go home." Anan said, "Home is comfortable." "Go home." Xia Hua hooked Anan's neck, swinging her bare feet, and greeted other patients in the ward: "See you in heaven!" Fortunately, no one cares about her, just think of her as a lunatic. When I got home, Anan asked me to call Poison and told him to come to Beijing as soon as possible.I thought about it for a long time, and finally got the courage to call, but he didn't answer my call. The next day, he turned off the phone, and I sent him a text message, but he didn't reply.He didn't seem to care about Xia Hua's life or death at all. I remembered that he once said before that if I didn't answer his call, he would disappear and I would never be able to find him.Or maybe he probably heard about my going to Shenzhen from Jingjing, and it took too much effort to coax me.Since he didn't mention it, what can I ask?The two of us, just like this, one south and one north, this is the first time that we have such a tacit understanding, and we entered a state of cold war without a single quarrel. And Xia Hua's illness really entered a critical period in the next two days, the illness finally began to show its power, and I also saw the severity of this illness. She couldn't see the light at all, Anan bought a thick blackout cloth and pasted her whole room densely, like a tightly seamed cardboard box.Then there was a persistent fever, and she would spit out what she ate. When the fever was severe, she would talk nonsense. Occasionally, when she was awake, she would only say a word. "It hurts, Anan..." She could hardly utter complete sentences, nor had the strength to speak again.Someday a fly flew in and bit her face. She felt it, but she couldn't shake it off, so she cried. She was no longer the fearless Xia Hua who was fearless, she unconditionally disarmed in the face of pain. When the pain was unbearable, Anan gave her painkiller injections.One injection a day, sometimes two injections are really unbearable.There are only two hours in a day after the injection, Xia Hua is quiet, she sleeps soundly, her breathing becomes even, and sometimes she breaks out in sweat. In those few days, Anan almost smoked all the cigarettes in his life. Because it was too dark in her room, I hadn't looked at her face carefully for a long time.When I was wiping her body that day, as soon as I touched the bones on her body, I almost threw away the towel in my hand. "I lost weight." She felt the trembling of my hands and said in a low voice. I wiped her shoulders and arms with a warm towel, trying to avoid the dark red skin, for fear that it would fester if it touched water. During that time, the weather in Beijing was also very strange. It rained endlessly every day, which was not at all different from the usual weather.When I got home from shopping that day, a piece of skin on the wall suddenly peeled off without warning.This is still a new home, just a few days after the renovation, I was suddenly caught by a burst of sadness, rushed into Xia Hua's room, and heard her talking to Anan, I was relieved. "who is it?" "Ma Zhuo." "Father, go out first, let me talk to Ma Zhuo." Anan left the room as promised and closed the door for us. I held her hand, which was a pair of hands, so thin that only the bones remained, holding it in my hand was like holding a thin plastic cup that would break when squeezed. "Did you quarrel?" Xia Hua asked me, "His phone has not been turned on." I nod. "You promise me to leave him." She finally said each word slowly and weakly but clearly. My tears had already covered my clothes, and she seemed to feel it, and stretched out her other hand, enough, enough, and finally reached my face. "Don't cry." Her fingers touched my face, rubbing it back and forth several times, and finally lost her strength, she gently covered my other hand. "Xia Hua, I'm sad..." In my life, no matter how many times I was hurt or tortured, I never made me so weak.The kind of heart-pounding pain I felt when I dreamed back in the middle of the night tortured me, as if I could no longer clenched my fists and regain my strength.I cried even harder, afraid that Anan would hear me, so I had no choice but to cover my mouth.For so many days, I held on and dared not tell anyone, but I never felt better for a day, and I blamed myself every night: Why did I know him?Why should we be together?I have been entangled with him for more than five years, why did I not grasp the opportunity to leave so many times?But today, he finally brewed his own bitter wine and reaped the fruits of his own. "Don't be sad." She was still speaking very slowly, and said for a long time, "It's not your problem, really not. You are destined not to be in the same world, Ma Zhuo, you are high above you, you have pursuit, and he He is just a mortal, and he will never be able to reach your height in his life. Therefore, leave him, and only if you leave him, can he survive. I am just this little brother. I don’t want him to be as short-lived as I am. Ma Zhuo, I beg you You, please!" My eyes were clouded with tears, and there was nothing to say but to hold her hand for strength. In the darkness, Ling Guoguo seemed to be using her body to come back to life at this moment.I thought of the astonishing face when I saw her for the first time, they were so alike, as if I tried my best to get close to her just to give her a hug today. Probably she, who is in the sky, can't bear to watch me get lost again and again in this maze with no exit, and I am bloody and exhausted. "Promise me." She repeated softly. "Okay." I wiped away my tears and spit out this heavy word. She settled her mind, retracted her hands into the quilt again, and said, "Okay, Ma Zhuo, open the window for me and call your father in, okay?" "But you can't see the light." "I haven't seen the light for a long time, let me meet." I lifted a corner of the blackout cloth, and a bright beam of light hit her quilt, and she moved in the quilt.Anan pushed the door open and came in, holding two wine glasses and an open bottle of red wine. "Ma Zhuo, help me sit up." She said to me. I helped her sit up. Today, she seemed to be in good spirits. She patted her side with her hands, and Anan walked over and sat down. "You promised me." She said, taking a wine glass, her hand was still trembling despite all the effort. Anan poured a small sip for himself and for her, and then they clinked glasses. Xia Hua was almost lying in Anan's arms, their arms were intertwined, Anan held her with one hand, and wrapped her thin arm with the other, waiting for her to take a sip before he took a sip. I wiped my tears, but wiped more and more, biting my lower lip tightly, trying not to let myself cry out. "I've wanted this wine for a long time, Brother Anang." She hooked his neck and said in a coquettish tone, "After drinking the wine, I will be your bride." Anan didn't say anything, he put her down slowly, covered the quilt, lowered the curtains, and began to fumble to fill the needle tube with medicine and give her an injection. At about 3:30 in the morning, Anan pushed open the door and walked out. From his eyes, I had already read everything. He hugged me tightly and cried softly.