Chapter 7 7. If you don't go, I won't go

I can't plausibly explain to you how justifiable it is that I became the person I became, but my initial heartbreak and depravity were not without reason. On this evening in September 2002, after I had given my first night to Danny Haig, he walked away. The strange thing is that when I face him, there are so many grievances and tears for no reason.As soon as he left, I no longer had tears, and my eyes were dry instead. I got up from the bed and changed the sheets and quilt cover.Apart from sleeping, I didn't know how to pass the day, so I took a sleeping pill from Xiaoduo.Sleeping until evening, I woke up and took another pill.When I woke up again, I was woken up by Xiaoduo pinching the person.She pinched the underside of my nose sorely.I struggled to sit up, and found that my face and neck were covered with dirty filth, as were Xiao Duo's hands.I wiped my face: "What are you doing?"

She looked at me and said, "Are you committing suicide? Don't use my sleeping pills. I just got out of the police station, don't you know?" It turned out that I vomited while sleeping, and my body and bed were very dirty. When Xiaoduo helped me clean, he found the sheets and quilt covers that I had changed before.She was taken aback for a moment, and murmured, "No wonder I feel manly." I said, "I'm sorry, I fell down while you were away." She put her arm around my shoulder and said, "I'm sorry for what? But why are you so upset? It wasn't right just now, was it?"

I shook my head. Xiaoduo gave me a cigarette, but I didn't want it. She said, "You're a big girl, what's the difference?" I thought about it, took a sip, and it was bitter, astringent and punchy.I frowned and wanted to give it back to her, but Xiaoduo pushed it back and said to me: "I tell you, it wasn't good at the beginning, and I didn't like it. Later, I couldn't leave it without it." I said, "What are you talking about?" She smiled, looked into my eyes and said, "What are you talking about?" From late September to early December, I didn't see Danny Hagrid again.

I'm still doing inventory at Carrefour, and Higer Water has launched a series of negative ion water in blue translucent packaging, which has anti-oxidation, anti-fatigue, and anti-aging effects, but it is getting more and more expensive, selling for four euros.The four-euro "Higer" and the one-and-a-half euro "Yiyun" are both for drinking. If you were you, which one would you choose?However, the sales volume of Haige water is still the leader of similar drinking water. There was a big event at the end of October. My mother sent the 10,000 euros I asked her for from China.I called to thank her, and after a few words, she asked me, "Do you want to talk to Uncle Feng? Uncle Feng gave you the money."

Can I not talk to my stepfather if I don't want to? I am very grateful to my mother's husband, and after listening to his admonishment, I must study hard and improve myself to a higher level.In the end, he said to me: "A person must learn to take care of himself when he is away from home, and he must be more mature in dealing with problems. Don't let your mother worry." I nodded at the other end of the phone and said, "Well, I will. If there is anything else, I will deal with it myself, without bothering you and my mother." He laughed, and I laughed too.Putting down the phone, my shoulders slumped.

I still need the money badly, more than ever, because I have to pay Danny Hagrid back.With the money plus the deposit in the bank, minus a small amount of living expenses and rent, there was just one year of tuition left. I wrote a check and sent it to Danny Haig's company in Chambery. A few days later, I got a call from his secretary. It was a middle-aged lady with a pleasant voice. She said that she had received this check addressed to Mr. Hager, but there was no reason for it, so she contacted me to know how to explain it to Mr. Hager. I said that I am Qi, a Chinese student studying at the Lyon Higher Business School. Mr. Hager generously helped me pay the tuition fees, but I don’t have enough money now, and the check is only part of what I paid back to him.

When I was talking, I could hear her taking notes, the rustling of the pen rubbing against the white paper. She said: "Understood, I will definitely convey it to Mr. Hagrid." I was about to put down the phone, then picked it up and asked her, "Well, I don't know, could you...well, could you tell me where Mr. Hagrid is now?" The lady pondered for a moment and said, "I can tell you that Mr. Hagrid is not in France now, but he is in New York to handle business." "Thank you and goodbye." "goodbye." The weather is getting colder, I bought a new windbreaker, and I still ride to school every day, and I have changed my helmet to a pink one.Sometimes I study until late at night and smoke two cigarettes, then rub my red eyes and continue to burn the lights.Hard work pays off, and I rank first in the class in every exam and every paper.I have accumulated all the report cards, big and small, and then I have a new problem: I like to hold them in my hand and read page by page, like a miser who rares his bankbook.

Xiaoduo finished washing her hair, with a big towel wrapped around her head, she looked at me, and said in a fuss: "Oh my God, this woman is crazy about studying business, are you crazy?" She changed to someone who liked her curly hair. The new boyfriend, the southern boy named Xiao Pei with great powers, has never been seen since the last incident. I am a boring person who occasionally has interesting hobbies.I like watching cartoons very much, and Hayao Miyazaki's works are my favorite.At the beginning of December, Hayao Miyazaki's "Spirited Away" was screened again in the cinema. I bought popcorn and went to see it myself. When the lights went out, I was happy.

Hayao Miyazaki is an artist who loves water, and he has used this element in countless of his films.Chihiro went to find a kind witch, and took a wooden train. The track of the train was in the sea. The water was very shallow and clear. The train moved forward slowly, breaking through layers of small white waves—that was the scene I dreamed of when I was a child. . In another hall of the cinema, there are exhibitions of Japanese cartoons and comic books. The carpet is thick and thick, and fragrant little pillows are prepared for the children who stay there.After I finished reading "Spirited Away", I just held the book and spent the day there, first standing, then sitting, and then I took a small place by the window where there was sunshine, and put a pillow on it Below the neck, I joined in the fun with the children with peace of mind, and then fell asleep.

I was woken up again, and I opened my eyes. It was a blue rabbit, not as tall as my waist, holding a card in his hand, and said to me in a childlike voice: "Christmas is coming, what wish do you write? Once you get there, it will happen.” I looked at the card: "Really?" Blue Rabbit nodded: "Really." "Then what did you wish for?" "I want my dad to bring back Julian's newborn puppy for me to raise." "Did it come true?" "It will come true." "..." "Let's write, let's write." He stretched out a chubby hand from the cuff of the rabbit uniform, handed me the pen, and warmly invited.

I took his paper and pen, thought about it carefully, and wrote: I want to see someone.He can't read enough, so I, a foreigner, explained it to him.Blue Rabbit said, "What's his name?" I wrote it later: Danny Haig. The blue rabbit was very happy: "Your wish will definitely come true. Madame, please give me one euro." I couldn't help but laugh: "I told you the secret, you should give it to me." He took off the rabbit headgear, his face was not five or six years old, but very serious: "This is a donation for the Nepalese French who are out of school." Yeah, it's Christmas, and everywhere people are looking for and giving gifts, for people they know and for strangers. Our school also organized a charity sale for the orphanage before the Christmas break.Teachers and students donated books and gadgets, big and small, and then divided into several teams to practice stalls on the streets of Lyon.I was assigned to the Lotus Square area. The goods on the booth included Nikon cameras from the 1980s, a set of French editions from 1984, a woolen scarf that was probably new, and so on. It was minus five degrees this afternoon, and I wore a lot of clothes. The scarf wrapped most of my face, and only my eyes were exposed.The two French boys in the same group were very excited and enthusiastic at first, but our things were uninterested. After a while, they also calmed down and began to discuss where to have dinner later. "Huihui, what restaurant should we go to? What's your opinion? I'll treat you later." One of them named Damian said. I smiled: "Then I have to think about it, let's sell these things first." Damian said: "It won't be sold, we'll just wait until we're done." He threw me a cigarette, I caught it casually, and held it to my lips.Another boy was close and was about to come over to help me light a cigarette when someone said from the opposite side of the booth: "This pair of clay puppets, can I have a look?" The male classmate's lighter was lit, but my cigarette was not lit, because I turned my head and saw the wish fulfilled by the blue rabbit—Danny Hagrid standing there. He was wearing a camel half-length trench coat over a white sweater with a high collar.His face was rosy, and there was a smile on his lips, but his blue eyes were not looking at me at this time, he was looking at a pair of dolls in a box. I showed him the box and said, "This is the clay doll that the professor brought back from Egypt. A set of two costs thirty euros." Danny Hagrid took the clay doll in his hand, looked at it carefully, then handed it to me, and said to me: "But look here, there is a crack on the neck of this clay doll, can it be cheaper? ?” I looked at him and he actually bargained.I said, "Twenty-five euros if you like. It can't be cheaper, it's a charity for the orphanage." He nods to pay.I wrapped the clay doll for him, and I still had the cigarettes in my hand. He looked at me and said, "Who did you learn to smoke from?" I looked at him and said blankly, "This is my own business." Such obvious discontent and revenge almost made Danny Hagrid laugh again, and he asked me, "When do you get off work?" I shook my head: "It will take a long time." "I'll wait here, I have something to tell you." He did what he said, and sat down on a bench across from our square with a clay puppet.I looked at him for a while, then turned around, and I felt my heart become as hard as wood in winter, brittle and hard.Who knew that Danny Hagrid brought business, after he bought the pair of clay dolls, the Nikon camera was bought by an old woman, and she also wanted two bonsai at the same time; several old Russian books were bought A couple bought it, and the woman yelled because she found it; the woolen scarf was old, but it was authentic Chanel. We listed it at fifty euros, and a lady in a postal uniform hesitated for a long time and bought it down. All the business seemed to come in at once, and the three of us were in a hurry to explain, collect money, and change money.After a little free time, I turned around again and looked at Danny Hagrid sitting over there. I saw him quietly reading a newspaper with a cup of hot coffee in his hand.The hot coffee and his exhaled breath blurred his silhouette, which looked a little unreal, like a character in a long-lost fairy tale. The male students were discussing who should put the remaining two bonsai in someone's car and take them back to school another day.My bicycle was parked next to me, and when I packed up and said goodbye to them, Damian, who was going to treat, laughed: "Is that the person who asked you out, and you let our pigeons go?" Instead of arguing with them, I pushed the car across the square, walked up to Danny Hagrid, and said, "What are you going to say to me when you wait until this time?" He was still sitting there, didn't answer right away, looked up at me, and said, "I'm hungry, let's find a place to eat." I didn't refuse, no matter what, I always wanted to spend more time with him.Following him not far, we entered a restaurant called Jin Mau.When ordering, I needed his advice because there were many words I didn't know, such as lamb shoulder, truffle, diced eggplant and raspberry wine dessert (God knows how that could be a word).My attire was out of place in this fancy restaurant, with its heavy linen tablecloths and white flowers everywhere.People are always stiff and uncomfortable in environments that don't belong to him.I kept holding my chin, looking out of the window at the street lamps wishing Merry Christmas, and at a certain bronze statue of Louis reflected in the green fountain water. The aperitifs came, a cocktail for Danny Haig and apricot juice for me. He took a sip of his drink and said to me, "I always wonder if I'm really doing something wrong. I want to help, but I'm making a little kid's life harder... I got a check from you, those How did you get the money?" "I have some savings," I said. "In addition, my mother asked me for this year's tuition fees from her current husband. I will scrape together and return it to you." "Your stepfather was generous," he said. "He is rich, a rich man in China." "So," he leaned forward, leaning his elbows on the table, looking at me, "so you'd rather ask your stepfather for the money than give it back to me, would you?" "Yes." That's right, that's the truth. "Then I'm honored." Danny Hagrid said, but there was no smile on his face. The first course was served, the young waiter folded the napkins for us, Danny Haig ordered Sydney foie gras, and I ordered seafood salad.The Atlantic prawns are thick and tender, boiled pink, and smeared with a small green lemon juice, delicious and delicious. "How have you been lately?" he asked. "It's business as usual, and it's all good," I said. Danny Haig put a foie gras stuffed with Sydney in his mouth, and wiped his lips with a napkin: "Before, you asked me a question, you asked me how many women I did those things for. I was It's rude to think of you to ask this question. But I've walked a long way and thought about it. Today I tell you the answer: Many people. Many people have received gifts and gifts from me, as small as flowers and fruit , as big as gems, houses or cruise ships, but no one thought of paying it back, except you, Wei Wei." "..." "Actually, I didn't really care much, because if the gift is given casually and as you like, I don't care so much whether the recipient likes it or not, or what she gives back. But you are different, Wei Wei," he shouted like that again My name, "I always have to think about what you're giving me back." What do I give him back?I thank my stepfather for his humble dignity, and my first night. "But, but I don't appreciate it at all," said Danny Hagrid, "not at all. I say I'm honored, but I'm really troubled, and I feel indebted to you for what you've done. You're so proud, slight." He leaned on the back of the chair, looked at me, and said word by word: "Are you tired?" I had told myself long ago that I would never shed tears again when I saw Danny Hagrid again, but his words made my bitterness and grievance well up in my heart and eyes.I also want to be a pleasing, sweet girl; I want to accept his generous gifts with ease and grace; I want to compliment his gentle and charming blue eyes; How pleasant it was to meet me at the other end of the square in the afternoon, and to have dinner with me now...but I just can't put it into words.These worries and thoughts burst out suddenly, and they were like tides rising and falling. I barely suppressed myself, looked into his eyes, and said slowly, slowly: "Then I'm so sorry, sir. I don't Knew it would happen. That's how I make people uncomfortable. You tell me, how do you make it decent and pleasant? How do other people do it? How do sir's other girlfriends do it? Sophie how does she do it of?" Tears still welled up in my eyes.I wiped my eyes, reached out and grabbed my backpack, and ran away before Danny Hagrid could react. Everything in front of me was flooded with tears, light, sound, human figures, thick walls, food Smell... I rushed out of the door of that luxurious restaurant, the cold and humid December air suddenly hit my face, I shivered and shrugged my shoulders.Where is my home?Why don't I even have a home? I found my bicycle at the door, jumped on it before the handlebars were stabilized, rode a few times, and wanted to cross the road.Suddenly, car horns blared all around, and two cars braked suddenly a few centimeters away from me.I wanted to pedal again to escape from the land of right and wrong, but who knew that the car would slip sideways in the next second, and I was thrown up like a broken leaf, and then lay on my back on the icy road. After a gloomy day in the city of Lyon, it finally started to snow at this time. A bad-hearted fairy passed by and saw the right time to embarrass me. I closed my eyes and let the big and small snowflakes sprinkle on my face and body.Let them down, bury me is the best, I will never wake up again, never get up again, never go to school, take exams, work part-time, never fall in love with someone again, never cry again .Let's go down. However, some people just won't let your wishes come true.A hand was warm and dry, and it gently brushed the snow off my face.I opened my eyes, surrounded by foreigners watching me as a crazy girl, the closest one was a familiar face, with blond hair and blue eyes, with a half-smile. Danny Hagrid helped me up slowly, wrapped him in the crook of one arm, and continued to brush off the snowflakes on my hair and shoulders with the other hand, seeming to blame and seem to be teasing: "You are too tempered , I haven't finished speaking, you left." I shook my head, choked up for a while, and held his hand with the last of my courage: "I, because, I, because I'm afraid you'll leave first..." In the world full of snowflakes, Danny Hagrid looked at me for a long time, his eyes were a little strange, a little puzzled, and more surprised.Then he took me into his warm embrace and slowly said: "Wei Wei, I won't go. If you don't go, I won't go."