Chapter 45 Forty-four, the love of the world is thin, and the love of humanity is evil

Chen Jianxia sat on the steps, resting her chin in a daze. She folded her arms with both hands and stroked the sleeves of the down jacket. She couldn't help but rejoice that she did something wise when she walked out of the classroom. The coat is on, the money is in the pocket; the residential area is sheltered from the wind, and the weather is always unusually warm before the first snow, even God is sympathetic to her.So she could go on waiting, hungry, from sunless mornings to leaden noon. Chen Jianxia raised his head, and the star and moon logo of the mosque seemed to be immersed in layers of dark clouds, becoming somewhat blurred.

Li Ran didn't answer the phone, nor did he reply to the text message.She didn't want to see calls from her parents anymore, so she simply turned off the phone. The former Chen Jianxia sneered at such things as running away from home - anyway, sooner or later he would come back in despair, so why did he leave in a huff?Be it Yu Sisi or Yu Dan, their malice and attacks are not unexpected, like a stone wrapped in sugar wrap, she already knows what's inside, and she won't be surprised when she peels it off, so what is there to be angry about? The former Chen Jianxia should have bowed her head knowing the current affairs and made a clean break with Li Ran; ten years is not too late for a gentleman to take revenge, and she should endure it for half a year, then get into a good university and make a long-term plan.

Chen Jianxia used to like to think about "later", used to plan ahead, timid as a mouse, and foresight. How did she become the current Chen Jianxia?Doing all the stupid things, breaking the boat, not caring about the mess, not being famous, not caring about the future. Everything showed its original appearance, tearing the fig leaf of the skin, the soul finally found a way to return to the body, and took over a cowardly body that had been in a daze for seventeen years. Lingtai Qingming.Chen Jianxia stood up, moved her stiff body, and felt a slight pain in the expansion of her chest when breathing.She smiled at the dilapidated mosque.

Allah doesn't care about her.Li Ran didn't care either. But that doesn't matter anymore. Chen Jianxia walked out of the residential buildings slowly, passed every clothes-drying pole, passed under every high-hanging trouser crotch, and hailed a taxi at the intersection. Chen Jianxia spent 10 yuan to buy a stationery and returned to her dormitory.The teacher in the reception room saw that she seemed to have seen a ghost, and grabbed her with one hand and dialed the other with the other, for fear that she would run away again. The moment the phone was connected, she heard her mother's ugly howling coming from the receiver.

"I'm going back to the dormitory first." Chen Jianxia didn't even raise his eyelids, and he could still receive the complicated gaze of the dormitory teacher. "Don't move, just wait here for your parents to come. I can't afford anything to happen. Just stand here and wait. Do you hear me? Don't move." Seeing that Xia Li ignored him, Chen pulled out his hand and turned around to go upstairs.The dormitory teacher chased after her while calling her name, ran a few steps, then turned back to lock the door of the mail room, flustered, and was left far behind by Chen Jianxia.

She didn't lock the door.Soon my mother pushed the door open and walked in, her slightly fat body was wrapped more and more like a ball by the thick down jacket. where have you been?Who made you run around?Is there any danger? ... Chen Jianxia didn't guess a word.Her mother rushed over like a fighting cock, grabbed her hand, and the first sentence she asked was: "Xiao Xia, you and that kid, have you 'crossed the line'?" "what?" "You still have the face to ask?" Zheng Yuqing threw an object viciously, hitting Jian Xia on the forehead, and landed on the edge of the bed.Chen Jianxia picked it up expressionlessly.

It is a wooden comb with the words Shangri-La engraved on it. That morning, after taking a shower, she took apart the disposable toiletries on the sink, and tied up her ponytail with a comb—the disposable wooden combs in five-star hotels are more delicate than those sold in night markets. She carefully put them in In the schoolbag, wearing it every day is a reminder and a commemoration. Fortunately, it didn't fall on the ground, otherwise it would break.Chen Jianxia gripped the wooden comb tightly, raised her head to look directly at her mother, and smiled a little demonstratively. "What crossed the line? Sleeping?"

Before she finished speaking, she only heard the first "slap" in her ears, and then one after another. She didn't know how many slaps her mother slapped left and right, she didn't count.Finally stopped, my face didn't feel pain, but it was very hot, scaldingly hot. Mom was panting heavily, and she was exhausted by a few slaps.Chen Jianxia's face was numb and a little swollen. He looked over his mother's shoulder and looked at the dormitory teacher who was peeping at the door with his mouth curled up. "Get out." She said vaguely, but the dormitory teacher understood and disappeared quickly.

Chen Jianxia put his hand into the pocket of the down jacket: "Have you vented enough? I'll give you this chance." Zheng Yuqing was stunned for a moment, Chen Jianxia had already taken out the stationery she bought for ten yuan from her pocket - a paper knife, pushed out the blade crisply, and compared it to her neck. Mother was startled, took a step back, leaned limply against the cabinet, and muttered to herself, it's over, it's over, it's crazy. "I don't want to die. But if you keep acting like this, I don't plan to live anymore. Don't force me."

Zheng Yuqing's face turned pale with fright, and he could only repeat it over and over again, "It's against the sky, I've raised you for nothing, you're crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy... Suddenly someone burst into the door, snatched the paper knife from behind, and threw it on the ground with a clatter. Chen Jianxia was stunned. "Okay, Xiaoxia, go home, go home, stop making trouble, calm down, let's talk when we go home." It's dad. From the moment Chen Jianxia walked into Yu Dan's office until now, he hasn't shed a single tear.However, when her father's voice sounded, she suddenly felt the coolness on her cheeks, like the late snow in November.

The moment the knife was taken away, her heart was beating like thunder, all she thought was, you are finally here. It turned out to be Dad. It turned out that she was still waiting for Li Ran. Chen sees Xia Muran sitting by the bed, watching her mother packing things, handing her PHS phone to her father, leaving only a wooden comb in her hand, and holding it too tightly, the teeth of the comb leave a dense and deep row of indentations on her palm , matching the ruthless broken palm lines. If the streets also have souls, then the main street in front of the department store in the county should welcome Chen Jianxia with a smile. Every building, every facade, KFC, Chow Tai Fook, and Sony are whispering to the bus Chen Jianxia is riding on. Look, she's back.That yellow-haired girl who looks down on us. Didn't that old street in the provincial capital take you in? Chen Jianxia was in a daze, amused by his villainous heart. Maybe he was frightened by his mother's alarmist talk, but his younger brother Xiaowei walked around Jianxia at home.In fact, there was no need to do this, Chen Jianxia occupied the small room, and hardly came out during the day and night, and did not get a drop of water in.Xiaowei sleeps obediently in the living room, and stays up late to study for the senior high school entrance examination in front of the milky white combination desk in the living room, forgetting the long-cherished wish of three years ago. In the middle of the night, Chen Jianxia opened the door and went to the bathroom. Xiaowei, who was lying on the desk in the living room playing Wenquxing, got up in fright, as if he had seen a ghost. "sister?" "Still asleep?" Maybe it was Chen Jianxia's decadence that made Zheng Yuqing wake up a lot. She made up her mind to let Xiaowei get admitted to a school in the provincial capital, and forced him to sleep until one o'clock every day. She would not be a loving mother.Some anger couldn't be vented from Chen Jianxia's side, but spread to Xiaowei's side. During dinner, Chen Jianxia was lying on the bed, hearing the sound of his mother beating and beating outside the door, tearing up Xiaowei's exam papers, and calling him stupid like a pig. This is unprecedented.Chen Jianxia couldn't help sympathizing with his younger brother. "Instead of staying up until one o'clock to play game consoles, why not go to bed now and get enough energy to attend class tomorrow." Chen Jianxia ate too little and spoke weakly, adding a bit of tenderness. Xiaowei feels aggrieved and puts down Wenquxing. "Is Mom crazy?" He was angry. "She is angry with me." Jian Xia explained. "Sister, are you really in a relationship?" Finally caught the opportunity, Xiaowei could see that he was really overwhelmed, "Is that guy your classmate? Is he handsome? How is he treating you?" Seeing Xia was stunned, he couldn't laugh or cry.When her mother frantically asked her if she had "crossed the line", her younger brother asked her if he treated you well. "Xiaowei, do you have someone you like?" She didn't even think that one day she would ask him this question. She closed her eyes and seemed to be able to see that this abominable brother was just a little white fat guy. Chen Zhiwei blushed and did not deny it. "A classmate? What does it look like? I won't tell my mother." Xiaowei shyly took out an English notebook from his schoolbag, and on the last page was a portrait of the two of them, a small one with cartoon hearts and flowers all over the edges, and their faces were covered so that they could not be seen clearly. . "You don't want to study in No. 8 Middle School, and you want to come back because of her?" The younger brother didn't deny it, and didn't dare to admit it, he just muttered softly: "You must not tell Mom. She is mentally ill." Seeing that Xia wanted to laugh, it was the first time in a few days that he wanted to laugh. How sad it is to be a parent, the one who doesn't take it seriously is against her, and the one who takes it seriously doesn't appreciate it. "I heard that you were going to commit suicide at school, which scared Mom so much that she almost had a heart attack. Sister, you don't want to come back even if you die?" Seeing Xia was startled, he didn't know how to answer. "I can see it even if you don't tell me. I'm different. I like to stay at home. The students and teachers in the provincial capital look down on people, and I don't live up to it. I don't want to lick my face to make others laugh," the younger brother lay on the table. , looked at her suspiciously, "Sister, isn't the family going well?" How to answer this question?Jian Xia didn't want to perfunctory his younger brother, but he couldn't say it out. Because you have been ignored for a long time, because your parents are partial to you, because you feel that you should not be born when you are very young, because relatives and friends seem to tease her unintentionally, "Parents love your younger brother and don't love you", because the New Year's money is less than you during the Chinese New Year. , because the natural ambition in his body is burning, because he happens to have the ability to get good grades in the exam, and because he happens to have the opportunity to escape... And the culprit is sitting innocently across the table, waiting for her answer. "Isn't it nice outside?" Jian Xia asked back, "Don't you think the provincial capital is fun?" "I don't think so," Xiaowei shook his head, "I can't get into a school in the provincial capital. If I can get into the county's No. 1 middle school, it's a high incense. Mom is too whimsical. It's enough for our family to give you a golden phoenix. Why? Force me. You have been admitted to Zhenhua, and they still discuss letting you go back to the county No. 1 middle school, are you crazy?" Jian Xia frowned slightly, unable to make any more expressions. "My dad also said that he would spend money on gifts. He was afraid that the county's No. 1 middle school would not accept you. How could the county's No. 1 middle school not accept you? You have such good grades. When the time comes to enter a key university, they will not be happy? Last year, two students enrolled The University of Science and Technology in the provincial capital, and the No. 1 High School in the county can't wait to drag the red banner across the road." Jian Xia was a little surprised when he heard his younger brother's complaints.In her heart, her younger brother has always been a little chicken under the protection of her mother. He doesn't understand four or six, but only knows how to destroy. He is jealous of her studying well. When she was preparing for the exam, she rushed out of the room and swept all the pens on the table to the ground... Three Nian was not at home, and in a blink of an eye, my younger brother was also a half-year-old boy in the third grade of junior high school. He was slender and had his own world and perspective. "Sister," Xiaowei asked suddenly, "Are you planning to pass the exam and never come back?" This question was just out of intuition, and he didn't chase Chen Jianxia for a result. At this time, there were some rustling noises in the parents' room, and the younger brother hurriedly opened a lesson and a practice, pretending to be at the desk and writing quickly, seeing Xia also got up silently, and turned the doorknob of the bathroom. Chen Jianxia stood under the pale energy-saving lamp in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror who was neither human nor ghost.Three days passed, she only drank a few sips of soup, her cheeks became thinner rapidly, her chin was pointed, her eyes were black and her hair was docile because of the oil. She remembered that one night, she waited for a long time, and it was past one o'clock in the middle of the night, when she received a text message from Li Ran, her eyes lit up with joy, she ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror, looked at every part of her face, and told herself , I really want to be beautiful. I want to be beautiful, I want to be better, I want to go further, I want to have my own, decent and rich life. Chen Jianxia looked at the haggard female ghost in the mirror, and suddenly shed tears. The person who made her understand the richness and beauty of life also disappeared, as if she had never existed, and she fell out of the mirage and landed on the icy water. Seeing Xia coming out of the bathroom after going to the toilet, he happened to see his mother with disheveled hair, brewing a nutritional elixir for Xiaowei's brain power. He must have been fooled by some TV shopping again.Mom looked up at Chen Jianxia who came out of the bathroom, the expression on her face was brilliant. Wanting to scold but not daring to scold, I felt a little distressed, and felt that she deserved it, that I had embarrassed my family, that I might as well die, but she still knew how to go to the bathroom? Finally, she still didn't hold back, and saw Xia's mother muttering softly: "You are doing your best, you are almost done, just accept it when you are good, you don't want the college entrance examination, your brother still needs the high school entrance examination." "I'm going back to school." Mom stared: "Are you still going back? Are you really wild? Going back to find that kid again? No way! I discussed it with your head teacher. I will go back after you have completely changed. I will study in the county for the time being!" Chen Jianxia wanted to laugh. More than two years.Before she left home, she was still a little girl who could only get angry with her parents. She firmly believed in the truths told by her parents, ignored the loopholes in logic and the crude contempt of the world view, and was taught with an open mind and watched the sky from the bottom of a well. But now she is not. "How can it be called a complete change? How can I be sure that I have completely changed it? I said that I will not contact him now and I don't like him anymore. Do you believe it? How can I believe it?" Mom blinked, but before she could answer, Chen Jianxia spoke again. "Why can't I be with him? Because puppy love delays my study? Now that I'm so nervous about reviewing, you trapped me at home, isn't it more delaying my study than puppy love?" "If you study well, you can do everything?" Mom's voice was sharp, Jian Xia heard Dad getting up. "Otherwise?" "No matter how good your grades are, you have to study well! How old are you? How shameless are you? Are you short of men? You—" "Okay!" Seeing Xia's father standing at the door of the master bedroom and roaring, my mother was startled and stopped talking. "No brains? What nonsense in front of the children! Do you think your daughter is one of those old women in your unit?" Dad glanced at Jian Xia, a little helpless, and sighed, "Go back to the house." "Are you going to send me to County No. 1 Middle School?" Jian Xia asked calmly. "You know?" Dad rubbed his eyes without hiding anything, "It's good for you to change the environment. It's not that you are not allowed to go back to Zhenhua, you—" "Okay." Chen Jianxia nodded. This time, even the flushed mother was stunned. "I'll go," Chen Jianxia said in a soft voice, "unless you agree to one thing. If I'm in County No. 1 Middle School and haven't contacted anyone within a month, and I get the first place in the school in the monthly exam, you must let me go back to Zhenhua. Promise ?" "You still have the face to mention—" "Shut up!" Dad glared at Mom again. This time, however, she was unsuccessful.Although she doesn't have much knowledge, Ms. Zheng Yuqing has never been a submissive little daughter-in-law who follows her husband. "Don't pretend like you know how to educate children! You act like I don't know what's going on with Chen Jianxia? How did you become such a good child before? Your old Chen's family learned everything from you! Learn from others! You and Xiao Zheng's pettiness..." Seeing Xia's mother suddenly stop talking, she glanced at her son guiltyly, realizing that she had slipped her mouth. There was a few seconds of awkward silence in the living room late at night.Seeing Xiaowei's surprised and puzzled expression, Xia suddenly felt a little relieved—he was no luckier than himself, and he was also born into this family. "Father, do you agree?" Chen Jianxia resisted the huge nausea, bit the tip of her tongue, and forced herself to bow her head to show a respectful expression, "I know I was wrong."