Chapter 22 Chapter 22

sunny. Feng Siniang walked in the sun, the old tears have dried up. She swore never to cry again. Now all her conjectures and theories have been refuted, but she vowed to find "that person". At least she knew that "the man" was a man with a puppy. A dog crossed the side street and walked lazily along the shadows under the eaves. Feng Siniang also followed behind inexplicably. Of course she knew that this dog was definitely not the dog of "that person", but she really didn't know which way to go to find "that person" and find Xiao Shishilang.

Strangely, the stronger the sunlight, the easier it is for people who walk in the sun to feel tired. Feng Siniang's drunkenness has subsided, after such a day, now is the time when she is the most tired. She wanted to sleep, but was afraid that she would not be able to sleep, so she lay on the bed with her eyes open. She had tasted the feeling of wanting to sleep but not being able to fall asleep many times. Loneliness, loneliness, insomnia, depression... These are the most unbearable pains in the world, but for a homeless person, these pains must be endured. ——How long will I endure it?

——When will you settle down? Feng Siniang didn't even dare to think about it. A considerate husband, obedient children, a warm home, a stable and comfortable life... These are all indispensable in a woman's life, and she has longed for them before. But now she has not thought about it for a long time, because these things are too far away from her, too far away... The streets are getting wider, but there are fewer people. She has walked out of the downtown area and walked to the outskirts of the city. On a deserted street, there is a small inn with a chai gate and low walls. There are a few chrysanthemums and a pot of begonias in the yard, just like a small family.

The place wouldn't really look like an inn if it weren't for the peeling paint sign at the door. It's not like an inn's inn, but it's still an inn, and for a homeless prodigal, it can be regarded as a kind of helpless comfort. So Feng Siniang went in and asked for a quiet hut, she really needed to sleep. There happened to be a tree in the shade outside the window, blocking the sunlight. Feng Siniang was lying on the bed, looking at the shadows of the leaves on the window, her heart was empty, as if she had many things to think about, but she couldn't remember even one.

The wind is very light, gently blowing the windows. The place is really quiet. Her eyelids gradually became heavy, and finally she felt sleepy, almost falling asleep. However, when she was about to fall asleep, she suddenly heard someone crying on the other side of the wall. The cry was very sad and low, but Feng Siniang could hear it very clearly. The walls are too thin here, and it's too quiet. Feng Siniang turned over and wanted to continue sleeping, but the crying became more and more clear. It's the woman crying. What is on her mind?Why do you want to hide here secretly and cry alone?

Feng Siniang didn't want to meddle in other people's business, she had enough troubles of her own. Perhaps it is because she has too many troubles, so when she finds other people's sorrow, she seems to feel the same pain herself. She finally couldn't help jumping up, put on her shoes, and walked out quietly. The courtyard is full of thick shadows, and the door next door is closed. She hesitated for a long while, and the crying hadn't stopped before she walked over and knocked on the door lightly. After another half hour, someone at the door asked softly, "Who is it?"

The voice sounded very familiar. Feng Siniang's heartbeat suddenly accelerated again, she pushed open the door forcefully, and immediately couldn't help shouting: "It's you!" This woman who secretly hid in the house and wept was Shen Bijun. There is wine on the table. Shen Bijun seemed to be drunk too. Some people love to laugh when they are drunk and keep laughing, some people love to cry when they are drunk and keep crying. Seeing Feng Siniang, instead of stopping, Shen Bijun cried even more sadly. Feng Siniang just stood there, watching her cry. She is also a woman, she knows that when a woman wants to cry, no one can persuade her.

If you insist on persuading her, she will cry even harder. "Crying" is sometimes like drinking. One can cry and one can drink. But when you are drinking, if there is another person standing by and looking at you coldly, you will not be able to drink anymore. Crying is the same. Shen Bijun jumped up suddenly, stared at Feng Siniang with eyes red from crying, and said, "What are you doing here?" "I was just about to ask you, what are you doing here?" Feng Siniang sat down leisurely: "Why did you come here?" "Why can't I come?" Shen Bijun was not only very sad, but also seemed very angry.

Normally, she wouldn't say such contradictory words. Feng Siniang smiled: "Of course you can come, but didn't you also go back?" "Where did you go back?" "White Horse Villa." "White Horse Villa is not my home." Shen Bijun's tears seemed to be shed again. "I went to Baima Villa last night, were you there at that time?" "exist." "Then why did you come out alone again?" "I'm happy!" Shen Bijun bit her lips again, "I'll come out when I'm happy." "It's a pity that you don't seem happy at all." Feng Siniang refused to relax at all, "Why did you run out?"

Shen Bijun stopped answering. There was wine on the table, she suddenly grabbed the jug and poured it into her mouth. She wanted to get drunk, and when she was drunk, she could forget some things she didn't want to think of, and she could also refuse to answer some things she didn't want to answer. It's a pity that the jug is almost empty, and there are only a few drops of wine left, like tears, falling drop by drop. Wine is bitter, sour and bitter, like tears, but the wine always drips dry. What about tears? With a "bang", the jug fell and shattered. Her person is more broken than the wine jug, because not only her heart is broken, but her dream is also broken.

All that was left of her life was a broken shell. Feng Siniang looked at her. ——Why did fate treat her so cruelly? ——Now that she has become such a person, why torture her? Feng Siniang suddenly sighed softly, and said: "No matter why you are, you shouldn't run out again." Shen Bijun stared blankly at the fragments on the ground, his beautiful eyes also became empty and said: "I shouldn't?" Feng Siniang said: "Yes." Shen Bijun suddenly sneered again, and said, "But last night, you still forced me to leave." Feng Siniang sighed: "Last night, maybe I was wrong." Shen Bijun said: "There are also times when you are wrong?" Feng Siniang nodded and said: "I was wrong, just because I never thought about it for you." She only thought of one person. Everything she did was to want him to be happy, to want him to be happy. For him, she would sacrifice everything. But what about others? Why must others sacrifice for him? Do other people have the same right to live? Feng Siniang said sadly: "You have suffered too much and sacrificed enough for him." It wasn't until now that she discovered that she had no right to force others to suffer for "him" and build his happiness on other people's misfortune. "Now you should live for yourself for a few days, and live a happy and peaceful life. You are different from me. If you continue to wander like this, your life will really be ruined." This is her sincere words. For this beautiful woman whose life is as thin as paper, she indeed has a kind of sincere sympathy and pity. But she forgot that pity is sometimes even sharper and easier to hurt people's hearts than sarcasm. Shen Bijun's tears, which he had barely controlled, suddenly fell down his cheeks. She clenched her hands tightly, and after a long time, she asked slowly, "What do you want from me?" Feng Siniang said: "I want you to go back." Shen Bijun said: "Go back? Where are you going back? You clearly know that I have no home." Feng Siniang said: "A home is built by people, as long as you have people, you can rebuild a home." Shen Bijun said: "People?... I still have people?" Feng Siniang said: "You have always had it." Lord Shen Bi said: "Liancheng Bi?" Feng Siniang nodded, and said with a wry smile: "I have been wrong about him, he is not the person I guessed, as long as you are willing to go back to him, he will treat you well, you can still have a good one." s home." Shen Bijun was listening, seemingly fascinated, like a child listening to a beautiful fairy tale. Feng Siniang said: "Now I know that the secret organization is called 'Tianzong', and the suzerain is a very short man with a puppy, not Lianchengbi." She sighed, and said: "So I shouldn't have asked you to leave him, anyway, at least he didn't deceive you, it's much better for you to return to him than wandering outside like this." Shen Bijun was still listening, still fascinated. There is absolutely no woman in the world who likes to wander outside like this. Has she been moved? Feng Siniang said: "As long as you want, I can accompany you back at any time, and I can even apologize to him." This is also her sincere words. As long as Shen Bijun can really get happiness, she is willing to do whatever she is asked to do. Shen Bijun laughed, and suddenly laughed like crazy. Feng Siniang was stunned. She never thought that Shen Bijun would have such a reaction, let alone that Shen Bijun would laugh like this. She really didn't know what to do. At this moment, Shen Bijun's smile suddenly turned into bitter crying again - no longer crying quietly, nor crying softly, but crying loudly. Except for Xiao Shishilang, she had never cried like this in front of others. She cried like a frightened child. This kind of crying is even more abnormal than the kind of crying just now. If you keep crying like this, a person might really go crazy crying. Feng Siniang couldn't help but rushed over and grabbed her shoulders. Shen Bijun was still crying. Feng Siniang gritted her teeth, finally reached out and slapped her on the face. Shen Bijun suddenly "stopped". Not only did the crying stop, but the breathing, blood vessels, and thoughts also stopped. Her whole body had come to a standstill, numb and stiff, as if she had suddenly turned into a puppet. Feng Siniang's tears had already flowed down, and she said sadly: "What are you doing this for? Is it because I said something wrong?" Shen Bijun didn't move, a pair of empty eyes seemed to be looking at her, but also seemed to be staring into the distance. Feng Siniang said: "What did I say wrong, I..." Shen Bijun suddenly said: "You are not wrong, he is indeed not the suzerain of Tianzong, but I would rather he is." Feng Siniang was stunned again: "Why?" Shen Bijun said: "Because the suzerain of Tianzong is at least an individual." Feng Siniang said: "Is he not human?" Shen Bijun's face was distorted by pain again, and he said: "I always thought of him as a human being, no matter whether he is good or bad, he is always a remarkable person, who knows that he is just a slave." Feng Siniang said: "Slave? Whose slave?" Shen Bijun said: "The servant of the grandson of heaven." Feng Siniang said: "Heavenly grandson?" Shen Bijun sneered and said, "Xiaoyaohou is the son of heaven, and his heir is of course the grandson of heaven." Feng Siniang said: "Although Lian Chengbi is not the grandson of heaven, he is the servant of the grandson of heaven?" She was even more surprised and surprised, and couldn't help asking: "How do you know these things?" Shen Bijun said: "Because... because I am still his wife, I was still sleeping in his room last night." These words are like a whip. When she said it, it was like she was whipping herself with a whip. This feeling is not only pain, but also sadness, disappointment... There is also an indescribable humiliation. Feng Siniang understands this feeling. She didn't ask any more, but Shen Bijun continued: "He thought I fell asleep, he thought I had finished the bowl of medicine he gave me." "You know it's a drug?" "I don't know, but I haven't even had a sip." "why?" "I don't know what it is for, I just don't want to take medicine, I don't want to take any medicine." Feng Siniang sighed in her heart. She knew what it was for - a person who had despaired of life and only wanted to torture himself desperately would never take medicine. There are many things in the world, which seem to be coincidences. In fact, if you think about it carefully, you will find that "antecedents" must have been planted in it. Whatever the "cause" you plant, you will definitely receive the "fruit". If you understand this truth, you should be very careful when sowing seeds in the future. Shen Bijun said: "He didn't expect that I had secretly poured out that bowl of medicine." Feng Siniang sighed: "He must have never thought of it, because you have never lied to him before." ——This is also the "cause". Shen Bijun said: "When he came in, I was actually awake." Feng Siniang said: "But you pretended to be asleep." Shen Bijun said: "Because I don't want to talk to him." ——This is the "cause" again. Feng Siniang said: "He didn't alarm you?" Shen Bijun shook his head and said: "He just stood on the bed and looked at me for a long time. Although I dare not open my eyes to look at him, I can feel that his appearance is very strange." Feng Siniang said: "Strange?" Shen Bijun said: "When he looked at me, I seemed to be getting chills all over my body." Feng Siniang said: "And then?" Shen Bijun said: "Although I seem to be asleep, I am actually thinking about many things..." At that time, she wasn't thinking about Xiao Shishilang. For the past two years, Xiao Shishilang has almost occupied her entire life and thoughts. But what she was thinking at that time was Lian Chengbi. Because Lian Chengbi was right in front of her bed, and because there was no past worth remembering between her and Lian Chengbi. After all, he was her first man. She remembered that on the day of their wedding, she had been lying on the bed pretending to be asleep, and he was standing at the head of the bed like this, looking at her, never disturbing her, and quietly covered her with the quilt. The tension and shyness in her heart at that time, until now, whenever she thinks about it, her heart still beats. During the time they lived together, he never disturbed her. He has always been a gentle and caring husband. Thinking of this, she could hardly bear to open her eyes and spend this long night with him. However, at this moment, she suddenly heard a light snap of her fingers outside the window. Lian Chengbi walked over immediately, opened the window, and said in a low voice, "You are late, come in quickly." The person outside the window said with a smile: "After a long absence, you are newly married. Are you afraid that I will go in and disturb you?" Hearing this person's voice, Shen Bijun suddenly became cold all over. This is Hua Ruyu's voice. She could hear it. But she never even dreamed that Hua Ruyu would come to Lian Chengbi. How could they have a relationship? Shen Bijun barely controlled himself, concentrated and listened to what they were saying. Lian Chengbi said: "I knew you would come, so I already tried to make her sleep." Hua Ruyu said: "She won't wake up?" Lian Chengbi said: "No way, the medicine I gave her can make her sleep for at least six hours." Hua Ruyu had passed through the window, giggling, and said: "It took you so much effort to get her back, but now you let her sleep, don't you let Chunxiao down?" Lian Chengbi said lightly: "I didn't ask her to come back, she came back by herself." Hua Ruyu smiled and said: "No wonder others say you are a great character, you not only want her people back, but also her heart." Lian Chengbi also smiled and said, "If I only want her people back, I don't need to bother so much." Hearing these words, not only did Shen Bijun's whole body turn cold, but his heart also sank. She suddenly felt that she was like a ball of mud, and she would be shaped into what others wanted her to be. Hua Ruyu said: "You did a good job in this matter, so Tiansun wants to talk to you about the next matter in person." Lian Chengbi said: "When?" Hua Ruyu said: "When the moon is full." Lian Chengbi said: "Where?" Hua Ruyu said: "West Lake, Shuiyue Tower." Lian Chengbi said: "I will definitely go on time." Hua Ruyu said: "You'd better leave early tomorrow morning, go with me, and wait at the Flower Sweeping Thatched Cottage first." Lian Chengbi said: "OK." Hua Ruyu smiled and said, "Are you willing to leave her here alone?" Lian Chengbi said: "Since she has come back this time, she will never leave." Hua Ruyu said: "Are you sure?" Lian Chengbi said lightly: "Because I know she has no other place to go." Hua Ruyu giggled and said, "You really have two tricks..." This is the secret Shen Bijun heard last night. Even now, her eyes are full of pain and sadness. Feng Siniang understood her mood. Whoever finds out that he has been cheated and betrayed will not feel good. What's more, the one who betrayed her and deceived her was also the person she was determined to be with for the rest of her life. Shen Bijun said with tears: "This time I really didn't want to leave him anymore, I... I really have nowhere to go, but after hearing those words, even if I was asked to stay for one more day, I would still go crazy .” Feng Siniang said: "So when he left, you also ran out?" Shen Bijun nodded. Not only did she have nowhere to go, she didn't even have a relative or a friend. She could only quietly hide in this desolate little inn, weeping quietly. The bitter wine entered the heart of sorrow, and it also turned into tears. Feng Siniang didn't move, nor did she speak. She really didn't know what to say, let alone how to comfort her. There is a kind of pain in the world that no one can comfort and persuade, and only this kind of pain is the real pain. The shadow of the sun gradually slanted and faded. The faint sunlight, illuminated from the thick underworld, turns into a desolate light blue. Shen Bijun's tears also seemed to be light blue, and they were slowly flowing down her pale and haggard face. Feng Siniang looked at her, suddenly smiled and said: "I think of something now." Shen Bijun couldn't help asking: "What's the matter?" Feng Siniang said: "It seems that the two of us haven't had a drink together yet?" Shen Bijun nodded and said, "Never." Feng Siniang said: "Let's get drunk here today, shall we?" Without waiting for Shen Bijun's consent, she jumped up, rushed out, and ordered loudly: "Bring the wine quickly, twenty catties of the best wine. " The best wine is also bitter wine. For Shen Bijun, life itself is already a cup of bitter wine. Feng Siniang had already drank two cups, but the bitter wine in her cup was still full, as if it was about to overflow. "You don't drink?" "I don't want to get drunk." Feng Siniang frowned and said: "It's rare to get drunk a few times in life, why don't you want to get drunk?" Shen Bijun said: "Because I already understand what you mean." Feng Siniang said: "What do I mean?" Shen Bijun said: "You want to get me drunk, and then go to the West Lake alone." Feng Siniang smiled, wryly. Jun Shen Bi said: "I know you must go to Lian Chengbi and Tiansun, you will never miss this opportunity." Feng Siniang smiled wryly: "You didn't seem to be a suspicious person at first, how did you change now?" Shen Bijun said sadly: "Because I can't change anymore." Feng Siniang said: "Don't you want to go to them too?" Shen Bijun said: "Can't I go?" Feng Siniang said: "You can't." Shen Bijun said: "Why?" Feng Siniang said: "Because if we are found by them, we will never come back alive." Shen Bijun said: "So you won't let me go?" Feng Siniang said: "Because you can't die." Shen Bijun said: "But you can go, can you die?" Feng Siniang was silent, and suddenly asked: "Do you know what kind of person I am?" Shen Bijun said: "You are not only smart and beautiful, but also very free and easy. You live a happier life than many people, at least much happier than me." Feng Siniang smiled again, but there was an indescribable desolation and sadness in the smile. After a long time, she slowly said: "I am an orphan. I have no home and relatives since I was a child. When the other children were still acting like a baby in their mother's arms, I was already wandering outside. The warmth of my home made me feel like a child even for a day. Haven't enjoyed it." "When I was a teenager, I learned to ride the fastest horse, drink the hottest wine, play the fastest knife, wear the best clothes, and make the most powerful friends." "Because I know that if a woman like me wants to be in the arena, she has to learn how to protect herself. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll be eaten by others, and there won't even be a single bone left." "Others think that I am living a happy life, because I have already learned to shed tears in my stomach." "I'm thirty-five this year, but it's the same as twenty years ago. I don't have a home, no relatives, and every Chinese New Year, I only hide secretly by myself." "Because I don't want others to see me cry." She raised her head, stared at Shen Bijun and said, "You are also a woman, you should know what a woman wants." Shen Bijun lowered his head. A warm home, obedient children, a considerate husband, a peaceful life... These are the dreams and hopes of all women in the world, and most women can get them. Because these are not luxuries. "But I don't have any of them." Feng Siniang took Shen Bijun's hand and continued, "Think about it, why does a woman like me have to live?" Shen Bijun also smiled, and the smile was equally desolate: "What about me, why do I have to live?" Feng Siniang said softly: "You have at least one more reason." Shen Bijun said: "Xiao Shishilang?" Feng Siniang nodded, forced a smile and said, "You still have at least one person who truly loves you." This reason alone is indeed enough to keep a woman alive. "So you can't die, and you can't go." Feng Siniang stood up: "When I meet him, I will definitely ask him to come here to find you." "You think I'll wait here?" "You must wait." "If you were me, would you wait?" "If I also have someone who truly loves me, no matter how long I have to wait, I will wait." Shen Bijun looked into her tearful eyes, and suddenly said: "Then it's not me who should be waiting for him here, but you!" This sentence is also like a whip. Feng Siniang's body is already stiff, this whip is hitting the weakest part of her heart. Shen Bijun said slowly: "Now I am no longer the ignorant woman I was before, so I have seen many things that you thought I would not see." Feng Siniang said: "You..." Shen Bijun interrupted her and said: "So if I have a reason to live, you have it too. If you can take risks, I can too." She said very firmly and sadly: "Our background is It is different, but now, our fate is exactly the same, why do you have to deny it?" She looked at Feng Siniang with understanding and sympathy in her eyes. Feng Siniang was also looking at her. The two people just stared at each other... two completely different women, but they were bound together by an invisible rope... What is fate? Isn't fate an invisible chain? What is emotion? Isn't emotion just an invisible chain?