Chapter 15 Chapter 14 Come back and live and love

Who knows where heaven is? Who knows what kind of place heaven is? Who knows how to get on the road to heaven? nobody! But as long as your heart is peaceful and happy, there is also heaven on earth, and it is right in front of your eyes and in your heart. It's certainly not paradise. Those who harbor resentment will never see heaven. The eyes of the old woman in black were full of anger, and she was so angry that her breathing began to be short of breath. Zhang Jiejie's expression was calmer, and she continued slowly: "I am no longer holy and innocent, and I am no longer a saint, but I still have the right to choose who will succeed me, right?"

The old woman in black was silent, and finally nodded reluctantly. Zhang Jiejie said: "Only you have the right to explain the classic rules in this religion, right?" The old woman in black said: "Yes." Zhang Jiejie said: "Then as long as my child is born, he is already a saint of our religion, isn't it?" The old woman in black said: "Yes." Zhang Jiejie said: "So he immediately became the Holy Father, right?" The old woman in black said, "Yes." Zhang Jiejie said: "The holy father is also sacred and inviolable. No matter who hurts him, he will be punished by heaven and never recovered. This is also the rule recorded in the scriptures of our religion, isn't it?"

The old woman in black said: "Yes." Zhang Jiejie let out a long breath and said with a smile, "Look, am I familiar with these classics and rules?" The old woman in black stared at him, and slowly said: "That's why you can find out the weak point, and use our spear to attack our shield." Zhang Jiejie sighed again, and said, "I didn't want to do this at first, but it's a pity that I really can't find any other way." The old woman in black sneered and said, "This method is really ingenious, but the first person who came up with this method was not you."

Zhang Jiejie was also obviously a little surprised, and couldn't help but ask, "Who is it if it's not me?" The old woman in black said, "It's me!" The anger and hatred in her eyes grew stronger, and she continued word by word: "It is because I came up with this method that your father was able to leave." Zhang Jiejie was stunned. The old woman in black said: "At that time, the saint of our religion was my best sister. I asked her to choose you as her successor just because your father was leaving." Zhang Jiejie couldn't help asking again: "Why did he leave?"

The old woman in black clenched her hands and said, "Because he thinks this place is like a prison, and he wants to go out to find a better life." Zhang Jiejie said: "You promised him?" The old woman in black gritted her teeth and said, "He also promised me that as long as he can survive outside, he will find a way to come back to pick me up." Zhang Jiejie said: "But he..." The old woman in black hissed, "But, he didn't come back, never will come back." Her face looked suddenly unspeakably hideous--only hatred can make a face so terrible.

After a long time, she continued in a low voice: "I have been waiting for him and worrying about him. I found out later that he met a woman like a poisonous snake as soon as he went out, and he forgot about me ever since." Chu Liuxiang couldn't help asking: "The woman you mentioned, but Shi Guanyin?" The old woman in black nodded slowly, and said with a sneer, "Although he abandoned me, he himself died at the hands of that woman." Zhang Jiejie said: "You didn't go to avenge him?" The old woman in black said: "I can't go, and I don't want to go."

Zhang Jiejie said, "Why can't you go?" The old woman in black said: "Because he left the family as soon as he left. No matter what happens, it has nothing to do with the family. Even if he dies on the road, we can't collect his body." Her voice was also full of resentment, even Chu Liuxiang felt a little creepy. After a long time, Zhang Jiejie murmured, "Anyway, he finally left." The old woman in black said: "So you want me to let Chu Liuxiang go too?" Zhang Jiejie lowered her head and said, "I beg you." The old woman in black sternly said, "Don't tell me you want to live like this? Do you know how I survived all these years?"

Zhang Jiejie didn't dare to answer. The old woman in black said, "Do you know how old I am now?" She suddenly asked this sentence, and no one else could answer it. I saw a very strange expression suddenly appeared on her face, maybe it was ridicule?Or hurt? She continued word by word slowly: "I am only forty-one years old this year!" Chu Liuxiang's hands were suddenly cold. He looked at her old, wrinkled face, at her withered body, at her white hair... He really couldn't believe that this shriveled old woman was actually a woman who was only forty-one years old!

"How have I lived these years!" You don't have to ask her again. Anyone who saw her could imagine how terrible the pain and neglect she had endured all these years. Anger, jealousy, hatred, loneliness, no matter any of these feelings, it is enough to torture a person to death. Zhang Jiejie lowered her head, tears seemed to be about to flow down. The old woman in black was silent for a long time before slowly saying: "I don't know why you let him go, but I do know that after he leaves, one day you will regret it." Zhang Jiejie suddenly raised her head and said loudly: "I won't, never will." The old woman in black sneered.

Zhang Jiejie looked at her with a firm and clear expression on his face, and said, "Because I let him go, not because he wanted to go, but because I wanted him to go." The old woman in black said, "Why?" Zhang Jiejie said: "Because I know that many people outside need him, and I also know that he will be happier outside than here." The old woman in black said: "But you..." Zhang Jiejie said: "If I keep him here, maybe I will be happier, but if I let him go, maybe a thousand, ten thousand people will feel happy." There was light in her eyes, a kind of holy and great light, and she continued: "One person is happy! It's not as good as a thousand or ten thousand people, don't you think so?"

The old woman in black said: "But you... don't you ever want to think for yourself?" Zhang Jiejie said, "I thought about it too." Her eyes were as deep as the sea, she stared at Chu Liuxiang, and said: "Only when he is happy, I will feel happy, otherwise even if I can keep him by my side, I will feel the same pain." Love is sacrifice, not possession. Only those who can understand this truth can be regarded as real women. Because this is the gentlest and greatest part of women, and only because there are such women in the world can human beings make continuous progress and survive forever! Zhang Jiejie's eyes were more gentle, and then said: "Besides, I already have his child, I will definitely take good care of him wholeheartedly, then I won't feel lonely." The fingertips of the old woman in black trembled again, and said, "You mean, I didn't take good care of you?" Zhang Jiejie lowered her head and said, "You...you can do better, it's a pity..." The old woman in black sternly said, "What a pity?" Zhang Jiejie sighed and said: "It's a pity that the pain and hatred in your heart are too deep. If you really want me to be happy, you should let him go... He is not my father, he is another person, you... ...why do you have to hate him?" The old woman in black clenched her fists tightly, but her body was still trembling. After a long time, she suddenly said loudly, "Okay, I'll let him go!" Zhang Jiejie was overjoyed. But she smiled, and the old woman in black continued: "It's just that he can only take the road your father took before, and there is absolutely no room for you to choose!" Zhang Jiejie said, "Which way?" The old woman in black said: "Ladder!" Ladder! What is a ladder? Is it the way to heaven? Hearing these two words, Zhang Jiejie's face suddenly became pale as paper, and she lost her voice: "Why do you have to go this way?" The old woman in black said: "Because that is also the rule recorded in the classics, and no one can violate it." Zhang Jiejie said: "But he..." The old woman in black interrupted her sharply, and said: "Don't you know that no matter who is in this family, no matter who wants to leave here forever, there is only one way to go. Isn't he already a member of this family? ?” Zhang Jiejie lowered her head and said softly, "I know, he...he is." The old woman in black said: "Very well, you can go now, tomorrow morning, I will personally see him off!" The night was very quiet. Although you can't see the stars or the night here, the night itself seems to have a mysterious and wonderful feeling, so that you can feel that she has come. Chu Liuxiang was lying on his back with his eyes closed—was he afraid of tears? Zhang Jiejie caressed his face, how much tenderness was revealed in his eyes?How affectionate? Is Chu Liuxiang unwilling to see it? Zhang Jiejie finally let out a long sigh and said, "Why don't you look at me? Don't you want to look at me more?" The muscles at the corners of Chu Liuxiang's mouth were beating, and after a long time, he suddenly said: "Yes." Zhang Jiejie said: "Why?" Chu Liuxiang said: "Because you don't want me to see you more at all!" Zhang Jiejie said, "Who said that?" Chu Liuxiang said: "You yourself." Zhang Jiejie smiled, forced a smile: "What did I say?" Chu Liuxiang sneered and said, "By the way, you didn't say anything, but I ask you, why didn't you tell your mother that you want to go with me?" Zhang Jiejie lowered her head and said, "Because I know, it's useless to say it." Chu Liuxiang said loudly, "Why?" Zhang Jiejie smiled shyly: "The next generation of saintess is still in my stomach, how can I leave?" Chu Liuxiang said: "So...so you want me to go alone?" Zhang Jiejie said, "Yes." Chu Liuxiang jumped up suddenly, and said loudly, "You think I'll be happy when I leave alone? Do you think I'm willing to let you and my child live in this ghostly place for the rest of your life?" Zhang Jiejie said: "You are wrong." Chu Liuxiang said: "Where did I go wrong?" Zhang Jiejie said: "A lot." She covered Chu Liuxiang's mouth to prevent him from screaming again, and then said softly: "We won't live in this place for the rest of our lives. After a while, even if we want to stay Come down, this place may no longer exist." Chu Liuxiang said: "Why?" Zhang Jiejie said: "Our ancestors came to this kind of place only because they experienced too much torture and blows, and they have become cynical, eccentric and withdrawn. They know that others can't understand them, and they themselves They can't understand other people, so they would rather be isolated from the world and be alone for the rest of their lives." Chu Liuxiang was listening. Zhang Jiejie said: "But the world is changing day by day, and people's thinking is also changing day by day. The thinking of the previous generation will always be far from the thinking of the next generation." Chu Liuxiang was listening. Zhang Jiejie said: "The people of the previous generation are dead and gone, and the people of the next generation are still here, just because they have a certain fear of the outside world, and they are afraid that they will not be able to adapt to that environment when they go outside. Can't survive." Of course Chu Liuxiang would not agree to this point, and immediately said: "They are wrong, as long as a person is willing to work hard, he must have a way to survive." Zhang Jiejie said: "Of course they are wrong, but their thinking will gradually change. When they figure it out, there will be no classics and rules in the world that can restrain them, and there will never be any It's something that keeps them in this prison." She smiled, and continued: "When that day comes, won't this place no longer exist?" Chu Liuxiang said: "But, when will this day come?" Zhang Jiejie said: "Soon, I can guarantee that you will definitely see this day." Chu Liuxiang said: "You promise?" Zhang Jiejie nodded and said: "Because I will definitely do my best to tell them that the outside world is not as cruel and terrifying as they imagined, and I will definitely let them understand that if a person wants to live happily, he must have courage." There was light in her eyes again, and she continued slowly: "This is not only my duty, but also my responsibility, because they are also my sisters and brothers." Chu Liuxiang said: "That's why...you must stay." Zhang Jiejie said softly: "Everyone must have a purpose and meaning in life. Even if I can walk with you, it may not be happy, because I have not fulfilled my obligations and responsibilities. My life has changed. It's all worthless, all meaningless." Chu Liuxiang said: "As far as I know, there are many women who live for their husbands and children, and live meaningfully." Zhang Jiejie smiled sadly: "I know, I envy them too, but it's a pity that I'm not destined to be like them, and I'm not as lucky as them." Chu Liuxiang said: "Why?" Zhang Jiejie sighed and said, "Don't you understand this truth? Really?" Chu Liuxiang stopped talking. Zhang Jiejie said: "Just because you are like me, you can't forget your obligations and responsibilities, so you have to go, and you have to go, even if you can force yourself to stay, you will gradually become a Trash, even turned into a dead person." She was right.If a person lives in a place where his abilities and talents cannot be fully utilized, he will gradually sink down, and even if he can still live, it is almost the same as death.Of course Chu Liuxiang also understood. Zhang Jiejie caressed him gently, and said softly: "I like you, not a dead person, so I never want you to change, so you have to leave for me." Chu Liuxiang finally sighed and said, "I didn't realize until now that I never really understood you at all." Zhang Jiejie said: "There is no one person in the world who can fully understand another person. It doesn't matter whether they are husband and wife, brothers, or friends. What's more, women are not born to be understood." Chu Liuxiang said: "But now I have confirmed one thing." Zhang Jiejie said, "What's the matter?" Chu Liuxiang stared at her with some reverence in his eyes, and sighed, "I've never seen a woman like you before, and I'm afraid I'll never see her again." Zhang Jiejie said: "But you will definitely miss me forever, won't you?" Chu Liuxiang said: "Of course." Zhang Jiejie said: "That's enough." Her eyes were more gentle, and she said softly: "If the relationship between the two lasts for a long time, how can it be day and night..." Chu Liuxiang couldn't help holding her hand tightly, and said, "I still want you to promise me one thing." Zhang Jiejie said, "Say it." Chu Liuxiang said: "Live well, so that I can still see you in the future." Zhang Jiejie said: "I will definitely." Her voice was firm and clear, but her person seemed to have turned into a pool of spring water.She fell into Chu Liuxiang's arms. The night is quieter.Gasp and subside. Zhang Jiejie raised her hand to gently brush her messy hair, and suddenly said, "I'm leaving." Chu Liuxiang said, "Go? Go now?" Zhang Jiejie nodded. Chu Liuxiang asked, "Where are you going?" Zhang Jiejie hesitated, and finally made up her mind, saying: "No matter who wants to leave this family, there is only one way to go." Chu Liuxiang said: "You mean—the heavenly ladder?" Zhang Jiejie said: "Yes, ladder." Chu Liuxiang said: "What kind of road is this ladder?" Zhang Jiejie's expression was very heavy, and she said slowly: "That may be the most terrifying road in the world. Those who have no courage will never dare to take it. She wants you to take this road just to test you. Not with that kind of courage." Chu Liuxiang said: "What kind of courage?" Zhang Jiejie said: "The courage to make your own judgment and decide your own life, death and destiny." Chu Liuxiang said: "It's really difficult. A person without courage would never dare to make such a judgment." Zhang Jiejie said: "That's right. When a person is passionate and emotional, he will often be desperate, even at the risk of death. That's not difficult, but if you want him to make his own judgment to decide his own life and death, it's a completely different matter. so……" She sighed, and continued: "I know that although some people have made up their minds to leave here, they often change their minds after they get on the ladder, and retreat temporarily, preferring to be looked down upon by others." Chu Liuxiang said: "What is on the ladder?" Zhang Jiejie said: "There are two doors, one leads to the outside, which is the way to survive." Chu Liuxiang said: "Is there another door that is a dead end?" Zhang Jiejie's face turned blue, and said: "It's not a dead end, there is no way at all-there is an invisible abyss outside the door, as long as you step on it, you will be lost forever!" She took a breath, and then continued: "No one knows which door is the way out. You can choose which door to open, but once the door is opened, you have to go out." Chu Liuxiang's face turned pale, and she smiled wryly, "It seems that not only courage, but also some luck are required." Zhang Jiejie forced a smile and said: "I didn't want you to take risks at first, but... this place is also an invisible abyss. If you stay here, you will also sink, but it will sink a little slower." .” Chu Liuxiang said: "I understand." Zhang Jiejie stared at him and said: "You are my husband and the person closest to me. Of course I don't want you to be a coward who retreats, and I don't want anyone to look down on you, but I also don't want to watch you die. so……" Chu Liuxiang said: "So now you have to find out which door is the way out for me?" Zhang Jiejie nodded and said: "The ladder is in the altar, and there is still one or two hours before dawn..." Chu Liuxiang said: "But I would rather you stay here, it would be good to accompany me for an extra hour." Zhang Jiejie smiled sweetly, and said softly: "I also hope to be here with you, but I hope to see you again in the future." She leaned down, kissed Chu Liuxiang's face, and said in a softer voice, "I'll be back soon." This was the last sentence Chu Liuxiang heard her say - this sentence was exactly the same as the one she said when she left Chu Liuxiang last time. "I'll be back soon." Why did she always say that she would come back soon when she wanted to leave Chu Liuxiang? Zhang Jiejie never came back. When Chu Liuxiang saw her again, she was already under the ladder. Her face was pale, and the tears on her face were still wet. There seemed to be a thousand words to say in her eyes, but she didn't even say a word. When Chu Liuxiang wanted to rush over, she had already left—by being forced away by others. She seemed to have completely lost the ability to resist, but she blinked at Chu Liuxiang suddenly before leaving. left eye. Isn't the eye also a tool for human beings to communicate with each other? Chu Liuxiang tried his best to control himself, he never wanted to lose his temper in front of anyone. But his heart was indeed filled with anger, and he couldn't help but said, "Why did you force her to leave?" The old woman in black said coldly: "No one forced her to leave, just like no one forced you to leave." Chu Liuxiang said: "You should at least let us talk a few more words." The old woman in black said: "Since you are leaving, what else can you say?" Chu Liuxiang said: "But you..." The old woman in black cut off his words and said, "But if you really have something to say, you can stay now." Chu Liuxiang said: "Stay forever?" The old woman in black said: "Yes, stay forever." Chu Liuxiang let out a long breath and said, "You know that I can't stay." The old woman in black said, "Why not? If you really treat her well? Why can't you sacrifice yourself?" Chu Liuxiang said: "Because she doesn't want me to do that either!" The old woman in black said: "Do you think she really wants you to go?" Chu Liuxiang said: "You don't think so?" The old woman in black sneered, "Do you really believe what women say?" She sneered, and then said: "I am her mother, and I am also a woman. Of course I know her better than you. She wants you to go just because she has broken her heart-she wants you to go just because She never wants to see you again." Chu Liuxiang nodded slowly, and said, "I already understand what you mean." The old woman in black said, "It's good that you understand." Chu Liuxiang calmed down instead, and said lightly, "Not only do you want her to hate me, but you also want me to hate her, and I hope that what happens to us is the same as yours." The face of the old woman in black changed.Of course she knew that by "you" he meant her and her husband.Don't they just hold a grudge against each other? Chu Liuxiang's voice was calmer and firmer, and said: "But I can assure you that your daughter's experience will never be the same as yours, because I will definitely live a good life for her, and she will also live a good life for me, no matter you No matter what we think, we will not change." The eyes of the old woman in black flickered, and she said, "Do you really believe what you said?" Chu Liuxiang said: "Yes." The old woman in black suddenly smiled and said, "If you really believe it, why tell it? Why tell me?" She smiled like a sharp needle, as if she wanted to pierce Chu Liuxiang's heart. The forty-foot-high ladder, people on the ladder, as if in the sky. The two doors are almost identical, and no one can tell the difference.The difference between life and death! Chu Liuxiang stood in front of the door, sweating unknowingly. He has experienced life-and-death danger many times, and he has been closer to death than anyone else, and sometimes he has almost completely despaired. But he has never been so scared like now.Because this time his life and death are up to him to decide, but he himself is completely unsure.There is absolutely nothing in the world that can be more terrifying than being forced to make uncertain decisions! If you hadn't experienced it yourself, you would never have imagined how terrifying it is! The left eye is the left eye.Did Zhang Jiejie want to tell him that there was a way out of the door on the left? Chu Liuxiang was about to walk towards the door on the left, but her feet seemed to be held back by an invisible iron chain. "Do you think she really wants you to go?" "She wants you to go, just because she has broken her heart and doesn't want to see you anymore!" Chu Liuxiang had to ask herself: "Did I hurt her? Should I go?" He never felt that he did something wrong, this place was originally a prison, and of course people like him couldn't stay here. But he couldn't help asking himself. "If I really treat her well, can I sacrifice for her or stay?" "Am I too selfish? Am I too heartless?" "If I were Zhang Jiejie, would I be very sad if I knew that Chu Liuxiang was leaving me?" If you really break a woman's heart, not only will she never want to see you again, she even wants you to die. Of course Chu Liuxiang understood this truth. "She blinked her left eye on purpose, does she want me to step into the abyss?" Chu Liuxiang could hardly bear to go to the door on the right.But it seemed that Zhang Jiejie's gentle voice sounded in his ears again! "I like you, not a dead person, so for me, you have to go." "As long as you are happy, I will be happy too. You must live well for me." Thinking of her tenderness and affection, he couldn't help but feel that it was a crime for him to doubt her. "I should trust her, she will never lie to me." "But she blinked her left eye suggestively. What exactly is she trying to tell me?" Are you trying to tell me that the door on the left is the way out?Or do you want to tell me that the door on the left cannot be opened? All questions can only be answered after the door is opened. Which door should be opened?This decision was too difficult and painful.Chu Liuxiang only felt that the clothes on her body were drenched in cold sweat. The old woman in black stood beside him, looked coldly at his drenched clothes, and suddenly sneered, "Have you regretted it now?" Chu Liuxiang said: "What do you regret?" The old woman in black said: "I regret that you shouldn't have come. No one forced you to come, and no one forced you to leave." Chu Liuxiang said: "So I will never regret it, no matter what the result is, I will never regret it, because I have already been here!" He came, lived, loved. Was it not enough that he had done what he felt he should do? The eyes of the old woman in black flickered, and she said, "You seem to have finally figured it out?" Chu Liuxiang nodded. The old woman in black said: "Then what are you waiting for?" Chu Liuxiang suddenly smiled, and opened one of the doors - his hand suddenly became very steady again. At this moment, he has returned to the former Chu Liuxiang.He took a big step and stepped out of the door—— Which door did he open? Nobody knows. But it doesn't matter anymore, because he has been here, he has lived, he has loved - and that is enough for anyone.